by Lesley Crewe
Flea swallowed three pills without the benefit of water and nearly choked. “This better work…”
“…or I’m dead meat. I know. Ya said that before.”
Another smack on the head for Blue.
The Weinberg gang were in the city and they were lost. Not one of them had ever been to New York. Added to that was their general anxiety about when the kidnapper would call again.
“We should call the detective and tell him we’re here,” Mordecai said. “Maybe there’s been some progress on the case, and he can tell us where the heck we are.”
That’s when the phone rang and everyone shouted. Mordecai had a hard time keeping the van on the road. “Stop panicking, you’re going to get us all killed.”
Ida answered the cell. “Hello?”
“Ya got the moolah?”
“Yeah, I’ve got the money. Where’s my daughter?”
“Furs things furs.”
“What? What are you saying? I can’t understand you. Hello?”
There was nothing but giggling.
“There’s nothing funny about this. My daughter is missing and I want you to tell me where she is.” Ida put her hand over the phone. “This guy’s laughing.”
Izzy grabbed the phone and started to say something, but his cough kicked in and he couldn’t get the words out. Mordecai yanked it from his old man and put it to his ear.
“Where do we meet you?”
“Wha?”
“Where do we meet you? Where do we drop off the money?”
“Money? What money?”
“Are you trying to be a wise guy? This is a serious situation.”
“Whoa. Whoa there cowboy. Hold your horseseseses. I’m gettin’ to that.”
“Your voice keeps fading away,” Mordecai shouted. “Talk to me.” He heard a struggle and arguing. “Hello? Hello?”
Another voice came on the phone. “Meet us at Washington Square Park, under the arch. Come alone. If you call the police, she’s dead.”
“But where is she? Will she be there?”
“Who are you? Where’s the woman?”
“She’s here.” Mordecai passed the phone to his mother. “He wants you.”
“Yes? What is it?” Ida said into the phone.
“I only want you there.”
“Fine. No problem.”
“Meet us in half an hour.”
“Will Bette be there?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Okay. Don’t hurt her.” The phone went dead. “How far away is Washington Square Park?” Ida asked.
They consulted their maps. Everyone but Izzy agreed that Ida was the go-between and that the rest of the family would stay in the shadows and pounce if something went wrong.
“I don’t think your mother should be out in the open like that. What if they kill her?”
“Then they’ll finally accomplish what you’ve been trying to do for years.”
Mordecai protested. “Ma, don’t say such horrible things. You know you don’t mean it. He’s worried about you.”
“So he says.”
“I am. I am worried,” Izzy yelled at her. “First my daughter goes missing and then they kill my wife?”
Ida thawed a little. “Gee, I didn’t think you cared.”
“Of course I care, you stupid woman. Who’ll feed me and clean the house?”
Ida threw the cellphone at him. It smashed against the windshield and broke into pieces.
Linda and Bette drove like maniacs but had no idea where they were going. Linda tried to break every traffic rule in the book, but it went unnoticed.
“How come there’s never a policeman around when you need one? If I did this on any other day, I’d have a SWAT team after me.”
Bette kept her eyes peeled. As peeled as eyes can be without their glasses. “I don’t see a phone booth or anything. We have to get to a phone.”
They rushed down several more streets. Bette squinted as best she could. “Wait, I think there’s a phone booth up ahead.”
“That’s a bus stand.”
“Oh.”
“Wait. What’s that?” Linda pointed straight ahead.
Bette leaned into the windshield and peered intently through the glass. “I don’t see anything.”
“There. There. At the stop sign. There’s a guy on a bike using a cellphone. Roll down the window and grab it from him.”
“Are you serious? Can’t we ask him to use it?”
Linda shouted at her. “We don’t have time. Lean out the window and grab it from him. Hurry up, Bette. It’s our only chance.”
So Bette rolled down the window and hung out over the side. Linda slowed down and steered as close to the man as she dared. He never looked at them, just continued to natter away. Bette reached out and tore the phone from his hand.
The guy was momentarily stunned. “Hey…hey…gimme that.”
“Go!”
Linda stepped on the gas, which caused Bette to lose her balance and drop the phone. “Bloody hell.”
The man chased them on his bike, cursing. He picked the phone off the pavement and waved his fist at them until they disappeared.
Bette sank back in her seat. “Sorry.”
“Never mind.” Linda pulled over to the side of the road and shut off the car. “We must be far enough away from those maniacs. Let’s ask someone in those houses over there if we can use their phone to call the police.”
“I don’t think people open their doors to strangers anymore.”
“Well, we have to try. Gemma and Augusta are counting on us.”
They got out of the car and walked up to the first duplex that had a car in front of it. They rang the doorbell. A bevy of barking began, along with a man’s voice. “Shut up, the lot of ya.”
Linda and Bette looked at each other.
“Maybe we should go somewhere else?” Bette said.
They didn’t have time. The door opened and a slovenly looking man with the world’s biggest beer belly stood there, his undershirt barely concealing his body. They stepped back.
“What do ya want?”
Only they weren’t sure what he said, because there were five rabid-looking miniature dachshunds slipping and sliding up the hallway towards them.
“Never mind.” Linda grabbed Bette by the sleeve and pulled her away from the door. The two of them ran from the porch to the side–walk as the wiener dogs poured over and down the steps, yapping and snarling.
The women sprinted down the street, but the dogs gained on them until their owner let out a sharp whistle—then they stopped on a dime and strutted back to the front door, their mission accomplished.
When Linda could breathe again, she hollered, “Keep your dogs on a leash.”
“That’ll teach ya to stay away from my property.” The man slammed the door shut as soon as his canine terrorists were back inside.
Bette stood there panting, and when she looked at Linda her shoulders started to shake.
“Don’t cry, Bette.”
Bette wasn’t crying. She was laughing. She was laughing so hard she wasn’t making a sound. Linda hit her arm. “Stop that. You’re hysterical.”
“Oh my God, I wonder what normal people do on their vacations.” Linda didn’t answer her. She was running after a police car that had appeared, waving her arms, yelling, “STOP! STOP!”
The Weinbergs scrambled out of the van, and not very gracefully. Ida insisted on being taken out immediately, and as luck would have it her wheelchair had a wonky tire, no doubt thanks to her mishap at the gas station. “Hurry up, you numbskulls.”
“Ma, do you want to scare the kidnappers away?” Mordecai said. “Lower your voice.”
“Stop ordering me around. Where’s the money? Someone give me the money.”
“We’re trying to. Hold your horses.”
Izzy passed Mordecai the knapsack filled with twenty-dollar bills. They hid a sweater at the bottom of the bag to bulk it up a bit and covered everything up with the
cash. It looked like a lot more than seven thousand dollars, and hopefully the ruse would work long enough to grab Bette and run. Mordecai put it in Ida’s lap.
They stood as a group to listen to last-minute instructions. They were oblivious to the curious looks being thrown their way.
“Remember, I’m going in alone,” Ida said. “They only want me.”
“Maybe we’re wrong,” Uncle Sid said. “They might grab the money and run away from you.”
“I know that, you birdbrain. I wasn’t born yesterday. If that happens, everyone tackle them. We have enough for a football team.”
“Look at us.” Uncle Sid pointed to his sons and nephews. “We’re skinny Jews from the city. We have an accountant, a mortician, a dentist, a doctor, a banker, a baker…”
“…a candlestick maker…shut up already. Even wimps like your boys can trip someone if they have to.”
“My boys?”
“Never mind.” The ashes from Izzy’s cigarette fell on Ida’s head. “Sid, you and yours go into the park. Pretend like you’re walking.”
Ida swivelled around to look at her husband. “Pretend like they’re walking? How do they do that? If they’re walking, they’re walking.”
Mordecai wrung his hands. “Will you two knock it off? This is serious. Everyone disperse. I’ll be closest to Ma. Pop, you stay back. If you start to cough you might spook them.”
“Wait a minute…”
Ida started to roll away. “Do as you’re told, Izzy.”
Twelve members of Bette’s family went every which way. Ida led the charge and Mordecai and his brother David had a hard time keeping up with her. She whizzed past the arched gate and made several loops around the entrance, peering at anyone who came near her. Izzy and Sid found themselves behind a bush, as Bette’s cousins and other brothers paraded around trying to look inconspicuous.
They were a disaster waiting to happen, and it didn’t take long.
Not far away, Tony pulled into a parking spot. Flea was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, thanks to the painkillers, and Blue was just plain bored.
“Can I leave once we have the money?” Blue asked. “I don’t want a share.”
Flea went to hit him on the back of the head but missed. “You wasn’t getting any, no how.”
“I better go get the money,” Tony said. “You can’t limp into a park with a bloody leg. Wait here and I’ll come back.”
Flea put his gun to the back of Tony’s head. “I don’t think so, partner. You might take off, and then where would I be?”
“Put that away. Do you want the cops crawling all over us before we get the dough?”
Flea grinned. “You worry too much.” He shoved the gun down the back of his pants. “Let’s go.”
Tony turned around in his seat and glared at Flea. “You honestly wanna walk down the street with a dripping kerchief around your leg?”
Flea kept grinning. “This is New York, my friend. No one will notice, especially since freak boy is coming with us.”
Blue folded his arms. “I resent that.”
“Do I care?” Flea opened the back door. “Come and help me, freak boy.”
Blue got out of the front seat and stood there with a mutinous look on his face. Flea grabbed his jacket and hopped a few steps before he attempted to put weight on his foot.
“Ow. Jesus Christ, come here, Tony.”
Tony went over and Flea grabbed his arm too. Between the two of them they sort of dragged him down the street. They looked almost normal, if you didn’t count the fact that they were walking unnaturally close to each other and leaving a trail of blood behind them.
“How do we know who they are?” Tony asked.
“We look for a woman with lots of money. Maybe she’s wearing a mink coat. Whatcha think?”
“I think I shoulda given you only one of those pills.” Blue flinched in case Flea hit him, but he didn’t. He looked at his feet instead, as if to make sure they were still there.
They hauled Flea into the park and then stood there and looked around. There were quite a few people about for so early in the morning, but they weren’t going anywhere, just aimlessly wandering.
“I don’t like this,” Tony said under his breath.
Blue pointed. “I think I see someone behind that bush.”
“They’re havin’ a piss,” Flea assured him. “Don’t get paranoid.”
“I don’t see no woman, unless you count that maniac in the chair.” Tony tossed his head to the right and they all saw an old crone barrelling down on them at about twenty miles an hour. They stared at her with incredulity as she headed straight for them.
Stuart paced in a cubicle in the outpatient department of Mount Sinai Medical Centre while Ryan had her ankle wrapped by a young intern.
She oohhed and ahhed just enough to keep him wrapping longer than necessary.
“You have such strong hands.”
“Give it a rest,” Stuart said.
Ryan threw him a look. “Mind your own business. At least this nice gentleman is being kind to me, unlike some I could mention.”
Stuart stuck his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be in the hall.”
He went out the door and walked to the end of the corridor. When his cellphone rang, he quickly went to an out-of-the-way corner to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Keaton, it’s Detective Ames here.”
Stuart resisted shouting at him. “Did you find Linda?”
“Yes.”
His hand went to his heart. “Oh, thank God. Where is she?”
“I believe they’re on route back to the station house. I’m in the Bronx interviewing the young girl who was held hostage with your wife’s other two friends. They’re still missing, unfortunately. The information was passed to me about your wife. I haven’t seen her yet.”
“May I see her?”
“I imagine she’ll be tied up with our unit for a while answering questions, but if you come to the station house, I’m sure they’ll let you see her for a few minutes.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all your help.”
“I wasn’t much help. Your wife and her friend managed to escape on their own. Very resourceful ladies, I must say.”
“That’s Linda. She’s quite a gal.”
“I must go. I’m still in the middle of this. I’ll be in touch if I have any news about the others.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Stuart turned off his phone and sagged into a corner. He was glad he’d resisted the temptation to give Wes a call. Hopefully his son would never have to know about this horrible episode.
Tears welled up. He quickly wiped them with the back of his hand, put his cellphone in his pocket, and hurried down the hallway. He burst into the cubicle. Ryan had her hands on the intern’s arm. They jumped apart at the sight of him.
“Linda’s been found.”
“Oh, goody, there is a God.”
“You could at least be relieved.”
“I am relieved. Relieved this nightmare is over. I have to go back to the hotel and put my foot up, don’t I, doctor?”
The intern backed away from her. “It would be wise. Ice it every so often and take some painkillers. You’ll be fine.”
“Thank you so much.”
The intern nodded and quickly fled.
“Okay, let’s go. We have to get to the police station.”
Ryan glared at him. “You heard him. I need to be off my feet.”
“You can be off your feet after I talk to Linda.”
“You have got to be the most selfish man I know. I can’t believe the way you treat me. Absolutely no regard for my feelings or my welfare whatsoever.”
“I do worry about you, Ryan, and we’ll definitely go back to the hotel after I take a minute to reassure myself that Linda’s all right.” He hurried over and put his arm around her waist. “Let me help you.”
“Let me go, you big jerk.” She pummelled his
shoulder with her fists.
“Fine. I’ll see you later.” He let her go and marched out the door.
“Get back here!”
He poked his head back in. “Are you coming with me or going back to the hotel on your own?”
“Looks like I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s right.”
“Fine, I’ll come with you. But I’m not happy, Stuart. I’m not happy at all.”
He pushed her in a wheelchair until they got outside, and then he handed her a cane he’d bought from the hospital. He hailed a cab and she hobbled over to it.
On their way to the police station, Stuart suddenly looked at his watch. “My speech is in two hours.”
“I’m exhausted. I need my beauty sleep.”
He didn’t bother talking after that.
Bette and Linda sat at a table in a small room drinking coffee. A box of doughnuts was open between them, but they were too worn out to eat more than one.
Bette sighed. “I’m so tired, I’m not tired.”
“I know what you mean.” Linda looked around. “How long do you think they’ll leave us here?”
Bette shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving this station until I know Gemma and Augusta are safe.”
“They have to be. They just have to be.”
There was a knock at the door and Stuart poked his head in. Linda jumped up from the table and flew into his arms. She didn’t notice Ryan limping behind him with a scowl on her face.
“I’m sorry, you were right,” she snivelled into his shirt. “I should’ve called the police.”
“It doesn’t matter now. You’re safe.”
They held each other for a few moments and then Linda suddenly realized what she was doing. She practically pushed him away. “Sorry. I’m not thinking.” She went and sat down again. “I see you brought your lapdog with you.”
“You’re so clever,” Ryan smiled at her. “So clever that someone kidnapped you in a matter of minutes. I believe your friends are missing as well. They must be as clever as you are.”
“You and your big mouth can leave,” Linda said.
Bette slapped her cheeks. “Speaking of big mouths, I haven’t called home yet. Ida must be frantic. Stuart, do you have your cellphone?” Stuart passed it to her and she placed the call.
Miriam and Esther were still on the couch, fighting to keep their eyes open, but as soon as the phone rang, they sprang to attention.