He could show up at her house and stand there until she had to talk to him. That might work. She couldn’t really pick up and move just to avoid him, but he didn’t want her even more annoyed and on edge when she finally talked to him. It would be a lot harder to get her to see his side if she was. So maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, either.
Maggie? Could he somehow convince Abbie’s best friend and roommate to be on his side? That seemed like the most likely option. Only, the problem was he’d have to wait quite a while. He had to assume Maggie would lose her rage way before Abbie, but if she was half the friend Parker thought she was, she would be ready and willing to kill him at a moment’s notice for much of the foreseeable future. So this was his backup plan, and he was perfectly willing to use it when the time came, but he wanted to do something more immediate. Something that she would see and take note of before she went back to work.
Texts, calls, emails, none of that had worked, but then it hit him. He knew just what might. He would write his story and post it on the Internet, maybe as a comment to one of her posts. He would tell what happened completely and would spare no details that would make him sound less guilty. He would humble himself and beg for her forgiveness, and she couldn’t ignore it because her readers loved that stuff. They would have questions and want to know more and she would want to give it to them because, despite how much she had hidden that part of her life recently, Parker knew she liked the attention too much to give it up freely. So while Maggie was the backup plan, the real plan was to win her back much in the same way that she had won him: through over sharing personal information in a public forum.
He sat down, pulled out his phone, and went to the blog that had changed his life so much. His plan was to pick a post that had a lot of likes or comments, something that was obviously being read. And he would leave a comment that told her exactly what had happened. When the blog loaded, though, he became distracted. There was a new post, and it was clearly about the three of them. Finally! Parker had wanted to make her blog for a while, and not as Wesley, but as himself.
After the first few sentences, he was disappointed: she still wasn’t naming names. But he could still tell what she meant, and it made him smile. And as he read, his smile grew. Abbie was going to forgive him after all.
One Abbie, Two Assholes
Abbie Baker | May 2, 2015
This post is going to be different than the posts I have written lately. I am, once again, going to lay my heart before you, my loyal readers. But I am going to do my best not to name names.
This week, I found out something horrible about two very important people in my life: they were both assholes. I thought that we had a good relationship, and all they were doing is using me. I thought we understood each other, but all they cared about was hurting me.
Here is the deal: someone that I worked with, I’ll let you take it from there, and the person you have all heard me call Wesley were in cahoots. They’re friends, you guys. And they decided that they would have a little fun at my expense to get me back for what I wrote on here not that long ago. Can you believe it? I couldn’t.
After I kicked them out of my house, I sat around steaming. I even came up with a plan to get back at them by writing a scathing post for all of you to read and pass on and make them both social pariahs. But as I typed, the anger just seemed to be released. I don’t know why. I don’t know what it was that caused it. All I know is that, as horrible as they were, I just was not mad anymore. I realized I could forgive him. I mean them, but especially him.
I picked up my phone and scrolled through our texts. I read back over the words we had said to each other, and I just could not believe it was all fake. Since “the event,” he has been sending me messages non-stop saying that his feelings for me weren’t fake, that he was sorry, and please wouldn’t I just talk to him. I think I believe him. I don’t care what it started out as, I think the joke was on him because I think he really fell for me along the way.
Is it stupid of me to want to give him a second chance? Is it just a slippery slope leading to my emotional ruin? In all fairness, I have to admit that it is likely to be a huge mistake. But when you are as, hopefully charmingly, error-prone as me, you believe that forgiveness is not only important, it’s vital. I have done a lot of things, not only to others, but to him as well, that I need to ask, even beg, for forgiveness for. And I hope that when I do ask for it, the people that I have wronged will be gracious enough to forgive me. But if I want that, then I have to be gracious enough to forgive others. And that especially includes the man I might just be able to love one day.
There you have it, the cat is out of the bag, the zipper over my mouth has been removed: I, Abbie Still Not Saying My Middle Name Baker, think I could possibly, one day, maybe fall in love with an asshole, and I am okay with that. Does that mean I am crazy?
So here’s the deal, I wanted to give him a night to prepare. I want him to digest this news. I want him to think long and hard about this and what it means. I know he’s reading this, and so I am going to address this next part just to him:
I can’t have you hurt me again. I just won’t be able to take it. But I do believe you when you said you were sorry and that you want to start over. I think if you can forgive me, then I can forgive you, and we can both start over. However, if we do, then I need you to be fully in the relationship, I cannot have it being a lie. So right now we are on even ground: I hurt you. You hurt me. If you really want me, then you can have me, the choice is yours.
Tomorrow, I am going to the track where I run. If you are ready to be adults and start over, meet me where we met. I’ll be waiting there so that we can talk this out. I don’t want you to think that this is going to be easy. You still have to win back my trust. There is going to be a lot of talking. We are really going to work on this, and get to know each other as the people we really are – not as phonies. And if you really are who I think you are, then let’s go out on a first date for the second time. Because giving people a second chance is sometimes the best thing you can possibly do.
If work and talk and emotions are not what you want from me, then please don’t bother showing up. I won’t get mad, I won’t make things difficult for you, I won’t write a scathing review of you on here: I’ll just be happy that you are finally being real with me. So, until tomorrow maybe. I hope I’ll see you then.
Okay, readers, leave all your comments and tell me if you think I’m doing something dumb. I know you want to.
Until next time,
Abbie
23
They were both there. Good. It was the only way this would work. She stayed behind them so she could hear them talk.
“What are you doing here?” Toby asked Parker.
“I’m meeting Abbie. Why are you here?”
“I’m meeting Abbie. She wrote that post for me.”
“What? It was definitely for me. You told me she picked me over you before she found out the truth. She was over you before she even found out what we had done. Besides, she said to meet her where we met. You met her at the office, not on the trail.”
“Yeah. But this is where we met to run the few times we ran together. That’s how you knew to find her here in the first place, remember? And she said she hopes I’ll forgive her. What did she do to you? I’m the one that she hurt.”
“I’m the one she thinks was faking. I’m the phony,” Parker retorted.
“I won’t disagree that you are a phony. You made me believe you were a good friend.”
“Toby, please hear me out,” Parker started. “I wasn’t trying to be a bad friend.”
“We were both faking,” Toby cut in, ignoring everything his former friend had said. His voice was getting louder, and Abbie was afraid he might get violent. She didn’t want that – at least not today. She had heard enough, anyway. It was time to announce her presence.
“Thanks for coming.” both of the guys looked at her in hopeful suspense, but she acted as if she onl
y noticed one of them. “Toby.”
Abbie forced her eyes away from Parker. She needed him to think she didn’t even realize he was here. She wanted him to see she only had eyes for Toby.
“But, Abbie,” Parker took a step for her, and she made herself look startled.
“Parker!” she cried, “I didn’t see you! What are you doing here?”
“I.” He stopped, swallowed, took a shaky breath. “I thought you wanted me to be here.”
“Oh. Oh,” Abbie murmured, “I didn’t even realize. I didn’t even think there would be confusion. I was thinking so much of Toby, I didn’t even realize that you might take it in any other context. I’m so, so sorry, Parker,” as she made her speech, she saw Toby looking more and more smug. Good, she thought, let his pride and arrogance be his downfall.
Parker looked hurt, and she trained herself not to care. He deserved it, she reminded herself, and he was going to learn she could be just as evil as him.
“Abbie, please. Just listen.”
Only Abbie didn’t want to. Parker was good. He was convincing. It was hard for her to believe that he was all just smoke and mirrors. If she gave him a chance to explain himself, she was sure she would hear something impressive – he had, after all, had plenty of time to prepare – and she knew that, despite knowing it was a lie, she would want to believe it and so she would, and then her heart would eventually be broken yet again. So she wouldn’t listen to anything he had to say.
“Look, I really am sorry for the mix up, Parker,” she told him instead, “but I really do forgive you. I know you were just trying to be a good friend, and I respect that. You are a fine actor too!”
“But!” Parker started to protest, but Abbie wouldn’t hear it.
“Parker, please. You don’t have to lie. My feelings aren’t hurt. And you made me realize how much Toby means to me, so I am actually grateful to you.” Smile, she told herself, and she was pretty sure she did. It had been so long she had put one on, though, that it felt more like a grimace.
Parker ran his hands through his hair, and he looked defeated.
“Abbie,” he said, “I want you to know I’m not going away. At least not for good. You can stay here and have your talk with Toby and think you are making the right decision, but I know you are making a mistake, and somehow I am going to convince you of that. And when you are ready for me, I’ll be waiting.”
Abbie listened to him speak and when she tried to interrupt, he would not let her. Her heart raced at his words, but she couldn’t believe them. He had not been honest with her yet, so why should he start today? She didn’t respond. He looked deep in her eyes and she knew he hoped to see any signs that she was bluffing. He wouldn’t see anything he wanted there, she thought. Abbie was a good actor too.
He took a step towards her and she panicked. She grabbed onto Toby and pulled him towards her. Their lips met, and Parker fell back. Toby tried to deepen it, but she stopped him. Physical contact was not part of her plan. Long, celibate nights of talking about feelings was what she was going to give Toby. He would hate that, she knew, but he would keep holding on with even the slightest bit of encouragement that she was wearing down.
Parker was still watching in confusion, Abbie noticed, so she did what she had to do. She smiled at Toby as if he was the only man in the world and asked him if he was ready to go start over. Parker turned to leave, but Abbie knew he would look back. He would take one last glimpse even if it actually pained him to see them together. Because that was his punishment, she was going to make him so jealous he did stupid things he’d regret forever.
You lost, she sent the thought toward Parker as she let Toby grab her hand and pull her towards the park exit. But when all is said and done, Toby won’t be the victor either. Abbie had every intention of winning this fight, and she would have fun while she did it. She smiled up at Toby and asked him where he wanted to go. He answered as if he believed she actually cared. That was just what she wanted him to believe.
Good, she thought, it’s all going just as I want it to. Now let the game begin for real.
Going Steady
Book 3 in The Abbie Diaries Serial
Amelie Stephens
Abbie in Charge
Abbie Baker | May 9, 2015
Guess what, everybody? He showed up! And now we are together for real. It’s amazing! I hope you don’t mind sickening, love-struck, happy posts – I know it’s not what you are used to from me, but you are just going to have to deal with – because I am 100% happy, and there is nothing you can do about it.
You have been pestering me all week for the deets, and I am finally going to deliver. Here is everything that has happened since my last post:
I went to “our” meeting spot at the appointed time, and I was more nervous than I care to admit. I mean, what if he didn’t show up? After everything we had done to each other, would you blame him if he didn’t? I wouldn’t.
It must be easier to forgive me than I realized, however, because I had an unpleasant surprise when I arrived: not one, but two men were there waiting for me. When it rains, it pours. Am I right?
So as it turns out, my last post was not clear enough on whom I forgave. I had one guy so much in my mind that I had not even thought about the other one. Talk about embarrassing! Oh well, I politely apologized (and was a little bit embarrassed for him that he could think I meant him) and went off with the real catch: my long-time crush, can’t get him out of my head, … but I won’t name names since I know he doesn’t like me to.
Anyway, after we left, we went to eat and we talked. And then we talked. And then we talked a little more. And then we talked after that. In fact, that is all we have been doing for the past week. While it hasn’t been easy, I have loved it! (He, however, has not.)
He for some reason thinks a week of talking about our feelings is somehow too much.
“Let’s move on from words and really get to know each other,” he said to me last night as he tried to get a little closer to me than I wanted, and I don’t mean closer as in emotionally. And while I have to admit it is tempting, there is no way I am going to give in yet…though, if you are reading this, yes, it is as difficult for me as it is hard for you, pun intended. So what then, my readers ask now and he asks (over and over and over and over … ), is the holdup?
Okay, okay. I realize I am being a tease, but I have a very good reason (I know he is rolling his eyes at that, he doesn’t believe that any reason is a good reason in this situation). I want us to be fully on the same page before we even so much as kiss. That’s right, people, when I said we haven’t done anything other than talk, I mean we haven’t done anything at all except for talk. Long, detailed conversations about everything we are feeling. We hurt each other in the past (you know how – and if you are new, read back through all the old posts) and now that we are actually a couple, we have the capability to hurt each other much more in the future. I don’t want that for either of us. And so I am making us wait and wait and wait and … you get the picture. He that shall not be named, skip past this next part, you don’t want to read it: (don’t tell him, but I have no plans to stop this maddening behavior anytime soon. He has to prove that he is really with me before he gets to really be with me.) For those told to skip ahead, you can start reading again here:
As for the other half of my doomed love triangle, the artist formerly known as Wesley, I don’t have a lot to say. He keeps texting and calling and I don’t want to say this, but it’s getting a little old. I’m not trying to be rude, but can you take a hint? Listen, you tried to win me over, you failed, and your evil plot was ruined. But please don’t try to salvage your pride by keeping up your little game. I am not falling for it again, and I do not appreciate the fact that you think me that gullible. Sorry for being so harsh.
Anyway, let us move on to more interesting topics. I need a new roommate! Why does this deserve an exclamation point? Because the reason I need a new roommate is that Maggie and I don’t need such a big p
lace by ourselves and (drumroll please) Jo is moving out!!! She announced it this morning, and said it in a way that I am sure she thought would leave us in remorse for the horrible way we have treated her. However, it had the opposite effect. I have never been more proud of anything I have done than to drive out the demon living under my roof.
In celebration of this incredible news, Maggie and I are throwing a major party and no holds are going to be barred! You are all invited! (Assuming you can somehow find our house without me posting my address since I’m not posting my address online for obvious reasons. On second thought, if you are the type of person who could find me without me telling you where I am, then I probably don’t want you coming over anyway. So scratch what I just said, none of you are invited. Sorry!)
We have yet to set a date for this shindig of the century, but more importantly, we have not set a theme. This is where you can be involved in the celebration. Help us pick out a theme, and if we chose yours, then I will send you the address offline, and you can come help us party!
Here are the themes that we have currently come up with, just to give you an idea of what we are looking for in a well-thought out party motif:
Jo No’Mo: this is a def jam poetry slam, where we will hold an open mike night and let everyone express their true thoughts and feelings on our lovely Josephine.
Jo Horror: where everyone will come in scary costumes and help us replace the evil of Jo with the evil of the night.
Jo’bilee: This is just a big old jubilee celebrating this monumental event; and
The Abbie Diaries: The Complete Series Page 13