by E. L. Todd
“We all do things we regret. You think Sean and I had the easiest relationship in the world? No. It was tough work but it was worth every second. I have insecurities and so does he, but that’s the beauty of a relationship. Your partner doesn’t love you in spite of them. They love you because of them.”
“Well, not everyone is like you and Sean. You guys are equals.”
Sean laughed. “You think she and I are equals? Think again. I’m definitely the loser of this relationship. She’s totally out of my league and I’ll never be the perfect man for her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t try every single day. Ryan, Janice knows everything about you and she loves you because of it. Don’t run away because of this.”
“My brother doesn’t run away from anything.” She gave me a firm look. “If you don’t go back and fix this, I’ll be disappointed in you forever.”
That stung—bad.
“Now go.”
“I can’t.” As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.
Scarlet argued with me for another hour, trying to convince me I was making a mistake. “Do you really want her to end up with someone else? To marry some guy and have kids with him? Do you want to end up with some trashy girl? Ryan, you’re condemning yourself to a life of sorrow. Just be with Janice and be happy.”
Imagining some other guy just looking at her made me want to vomit. “Love is about sacrifice. And I’ll do anything to make her happy, even if it cost me my own happiness in the process.”
Scarlet gripped her hair in frustration. “I’m going to kill you.”
“You may as well,” I said seriously.
She looked at the clock. “Ryan, we’re running out of time. Get your ass back there. Sean will drive you.”
“And I’ll haul ass,” Sean said. “We got to get rid of that stuff before she comes home and sees it.”
I didn’t move. “Scarlet, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but—”
“I’m not letting you do this to the best thing that ever happened to you.” Her eyes carried her determination. “Either go with Sean, or Sean will take my spare key and get rid of the note on his own. Your choice.”
I glared at her. “Do not interfere.”
“You interfered on my wedding day, and I’m sure as hell going to interfere with yours.” Now that she was pregnant, she grew a backbone. She wasn’t backing down and she was pissed.
“By the time you get there it will be too late.” I looked at the clock, feeling my heart sink. “She’s probably already home.”
Scarlet clenched her head and breathed deeply while she paced the living room. She was taking this harder than I thought she would. I assumed she would understand be on my side through the whole thing. I couldn’t be more wrong.
The front door flew open so hard the handle slammed into the wall and made a hole.
Sean moved in front of Scarlet, protecting her with his size and height.
But when Janice came into the room, I knew Scarlet wasn’t the one who needed to be protected.
She was pissed. I’d seen that look enough times to recognize it.
I didn’t think she would come here. I assumed she would hate me so much that she’d never speak to me again.
Janice marched to me then slapped me hard across the face.
I backed up then breathed through the pain. My nerves were firing in haywire. The heat started to come to the surface, burning long after the collision. The slap wasn’t the cause of the pain. It was the hatred in her eyes. I deserved a lot worse.
When I looked back at her, her eyes were still wide in vengeance.
She took the note I left her and threw it at me. “Fuck you, Ryan.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“You think you’re going to end our relationship and our engagement like this?” She stared at me with disdain. “With a simple note while you take off like a dog with its tail between its legs? You really are a coward and this action is what makes you not good enough for me, nothing else. Good job. You proved your point.”
I hated this. I hated the way she looked at me. The love that used to shine through was gone. All that was left was disdain and loathing. If I didn’t end this relationship before, I certainly sabotaged it now. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Of course you don’t,” she snapped. “What could you possibly say that would mean anything to me? You think you can just leave me a note and take off? Well, think again.” She grabbed my face and kissed me hard.
What?
Her lips parted mine and her tongue moved into my mouth. She kissed me with passion and hatred. Her hands fisted my hair while she pulled my mouth to hers. Automatically, my body responded to hers, unable to fight my unbridled love for her. No woman ever got me hot the way Janice did. She had a special touch. She abruptly ended our embrace then slapped me as hard as she could. “Get your shit. We’re going home.”
What? “But I—”
“I’m not letting you leave me. I’m sorry that you have low self-esteem. I’m sorry if you think I’m better than you. I’ve told you many times it’s completely untrue. There’s nothing I can say to make you realize that you’re the most admirable and inspirational person I’ve ever met. When we first met, you came all the way to New York just to help me. You hardly knew me than, and if you just wanted to get laid, you could have found some other girl in a heartbeat. From the beginning, you respected me and made me feel loved for the first time in my life.
“I don’t care where you come from. I don’t care that your mom is a psycho bitch. I don’t care that you used to be abused. I don’t care if you have baggage and you’re damaged goods. You know what I do care about? I care about the fact that you started with absolutely nothing and became this strong and wonderful man. I care about the fact that you protect your sister at the cost of you own misery. I care about the fact that you do what you love for a living and don’t give a shit what other people think. I love the fact that you take care of me and love me every single day. I care about the fact that you’re brutally honest and never tell me a lie. I care about the fact that you’ve made your own family, people who choose to love you because you’re amazing. I care about the fact that you’re selfless, smart, and unique. So stop pulling yourself down because you don’t wear a suit to work and your family doesn’t come from money or stability. If that’s what I was looking for, I would have settled down a long time ago. So cut the shit, Ryan. I’m getting sick of your bullshit. And if you think you’re leaving me, think again. We’re going home and getting married. You’ll just have to deal with your insecurities on your own.”
The wind was knocked out of me while I listened to her. She was right. I really was being an idiot about this. What was I thinking? “I’m sorry.”
Scarlet was smiling wide at Janice. “I love her.”
Sean laughed. “I do too.”
Janice didn’t seem pleased. “Now get your shit and let’s go home.”
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“Now.” She gave me a pissed look.
I grabbed the bags and put them over my shoulder. She walked ahead of me and got into the cab, not looking at me. I sat beside her then stared ahead as we drove. Judging her silence, she was still pissed. I didn’t blame her.
“Baby, I’m sorry—”
“Don’t talk to me,” she snapped.
I pressed my lips together and looked out the window.
When we got to the apartment, I put my bags down then looked at her.
“It won’t happen again,” I said.
“Damn right it won’t. You think you can get rid of me that easily?”
“I was just trying to do what’s best for you.”
“Best for me?” she asked incredulously. “You think dumping me with a note is what’s best for me? Giving me a tattoo that permanently binds me to you then taking off is what’s best for me? Spending over a year with me and living with me then taking off without a conversation is what’s best for me? No, that’s
not okay, Ryan. If I didn’t love you so much and know in my heart that you’re my soul mate, I would have slapped you then walked out and never looked back. You’re lucky you’re getting off so easily.”
I hung my head, feeling ashamed.
“Your behavior is unacceptable and I won’t put up with it again. I’ll let this go because I know how much you love me, but if you pull another stunt like this, we’re done.”
That’s more than what I deserved. “I understand.”
She gave me a disappointed look. “Don’t hurt me like that ever again.”
“I won’t. I promise. I just…love you so much and I want you to have everything you deserve. I guess sometimes I think I’m not good enough for you.”
“The only thing you’ve ever done to make that true is leaving me with a note.” Her eyes burned in disapproval. “I only care about you and what you do, nothing else. Until this point, I thought you were the perfect man. We all make mistakes and do things we wish we could take back, so I’ll let this go without tarnishing your image. But I won’t be so forgiving next time. Let me make this clear; we do not break up and we do not get a divorce. That’s never an option.”
“I don’t want it to be an option,” I whispered.
‘Then I’ll cut you some slack.”
“I don’t deserve you, baby.”
“No you don’t,” she snapped. “But I love you too damn much to do anything else.”
I was lucky I was getting off the hook so easily. I deserved to be slapped again or something.
“Now let’s have sex.”
Say what? “Huh?”
“You heard me. Get your ass in here.”
“Uh…aren’t you pissed at me?”
“I’m fucking livid. Now come on.”
I wasn’t going to question it. I followed her into the bedroom then let her rip my clothes away. I took hers off then crushed my mouth against hers. She was more aggressive than she normally was, so I met her fire with my own. We were both panting and sweating before we even connected. I guided her to the bed then pulled her ass to the edge. I pinned her legs back then leaned over her, slipping inside her with a smooth entrance.
She cupped my face and kissed me while I thrust into her. The sex was harsh and aggressive. We both pulled on each other, trying to get more of each other. Her nails dug into my skin and almost drew blood. When she came, she screamed. I followed behind her shortly afterward, staring into her eyes while I depleted myself.
I stared into her eyes, searching for the loathing and disdain she had for me, but it wasn’t there. The love and adoration shined through, just like it used to. I don’t know what I did to get such an amazing and loyal woman, but I must have done something. Maybe I did deserve her. Maybe I was the right man to cherish her. All I knew was that I didn’t want to hurt her again and I never wanted to ruin this perfect and strong relationship. I’d never been happier and I wanted to stay that way. “I’m sorry.”
She kissed me gently, her love coming through. “I know.”
“I love you so much, baby. I love you with everything I have.”
“I know that too.”
We stared at each other, catching our breath. Nothing more was said and nothing needed to be said. Just like that, we were okay again. And that’s what made our relationship unlike any other. It was unusual and unique, but it was powerful and solid. Nothing could tear us apart, not even each other.
6
Cortland
The honeymoon in Greece was spectacular. Croatia had black sand beaches like I’d never seen before. The hotel had a toga, so Monnique wore it in our room and the balcony. It complimented her dark skin perfectly, so instead of going sight-seeing, we stayed in the room and got it on. Only when she got sore did we go out and see the Parthenon and go wine tasting by the coast. Monnique had a wonderful time and so did I. The smile on her face was worth the nine-hour flight and the expense of the trip. It was a vacation I’d never forget.
But we were gone a lot longer than we planned. She wasn’t working anymore, and I took advantage of my familial relationship with the Prestons. Since I brought my computer with me, I was able to access the servers and do most of the work while we were in Europe, but even then, it wasn’t the same. The trip ended up being two months long. We traveled through Europe, hitting all the tourist spots like Paris, Rome, London, Ireland, Scotland, and Munich.
I’m surprised I didn’t get fired.
Scarlet called me and checked in with me, and after the first month, Ryan called me to make sure I was okay. But for the most part, they left us alone to enjoy our honeymoon. But I had a feeling Sean was mad I took such a long vacation. Fortunately, he didn’t call me and tell me off during the trip. I had a feeling Scarlet had something to do with that.
When we finally came back home, Monnique and I were different people. Experiencing different countries, cultures, attitudes, food, and coffee gave us a new perspective. We’d aged years in just a matter of months, but doing it together made us grow together. I’m glad we had such a wonderful vacation because I knew I wouldn’t get time off work for a long, long time.
That is, if I still have a job.
After we got home, we slept the next day and got used to the time change. We were used to being twelve hours ahead. When I got ready for work the following morning, I wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Excited to be back at work?” Monnique asked while she poured me a cup of coffee.
“Not even a little bit,” I said with a laugh.
“Then how about you quit and I work?” She gave me a playful look.
“Never gonna happen. I like my job. I’m just dreading seeing Sean.”
“He should fire you,” she said with a laugh. “Your two week vacation turned into a two month European excavation.”
“Maybe he’s waiting until I come in. So he could fire me in front of everyone.”
She smiled then added cream to my coffee. “Nah. I’m sure Scarlet covered for you.”
“Hopefully.” I downed my coffee then adjusted my tie.
Monnique stared at me thoughtfully, her eyes lingering on me.
“What?”
“I’m sad our honeymoon is over.”
“Me too.” I put my arms around her. “But we had a great time.”
“A really great time.”
I kissed her forehead. “It’ll be nice coming home to you as my wife, not my fiancé or girlfriend.”
“I know.” She gave me a bigger smile than I’ve ever seen. “I’ll please my husband when he gets home.”
“Oooh. Something to look forward to.” I gave her a kiss then headed to the door. “I’ll see you when I get home.”
“It’ll probably be after midnight.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’m sure Sean will punish you in some way.”
I sighed. “I really hope not.”
“Bye, hubby.” She walked me to the door then rubbed my arms.
I smiled while I felt her, happy I was living out my fantasy. “Bye, wife.” I kissed her again then headed to work.
When I stepped out of the elevator, I glanced toward Sean’s office and saw him inside talking on the phone. I headed to my office without saying hello, hoping he forgot about me entirely.
When I walked inside, I saw all the neglected work I had to catch up on. Most of it was just reports, but I knew when new problems came up I’d have double the work to do. But I guess that was fair. I started my computer then got to work. I worked at the pace of a racecar and tried to get as much work done as possible. With the amount of projects that needed my attention, I’d have to skip lunch.
After lunch, Sean knocked on my door then walked inside.
Oh great.
He approached my desk with his hands in his pocket. His face was unreadable. “Have a good honeymoon?”
“We did. It was amazing.”
“Good.”
Was he mad? “Thanks for letting me take the time off.”<
br />
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
I still couldn’t read him.
“Anything exciting happen?”
“We were in the room most of the time,” I said honestly. “But when we went to Paris, I rented a car and almost got in an accident because I drove into the wrong lane.”
He nodded. “Good thing nothing happened.”
“Yeah.” This was awkward. “How’s your wife?”
“Good and pregnant.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
The anxiety was killing me. “I’m sorry I took so much time off. I just got caught up in the moment and took advantage of you. It was unprofessional and I’m sorry.” The guilt was eating me alive.
“You’re right. It was unprofessional.” He sat in the chair facing my desk. “But, you were there for Scarlet when I wasn’t. In the beginning of our relationship, you took care of her and were the friend she needed. Because of that reason, I’m going to let this go. But now we’re even.”
Um...during the time I slept with her? She was a friend to me as much as I was to her. It was mutual. But at least it got me off the hook. “I would have done it anyway. You don’t owe me anything because of it.”
“Anyone who has done something good for my wife is automatically pardoned in my book.”
Phew. Scarlet saved my ass.
“Just don’t expect to take a vacation anytime soon.” He winked at me.
I laughed. “Deal.” I stood up and shook his hand.
He dropped his hand and returned it to his pocket. “So…happen to get her pregnant?”
I sighed. “Not that I know of.”
“Are you trying?”
“No, but I wouldn’t be upset if it happened. I know when you and Mike have your kids I’m going to be a jealous uncle.”
“Not three in the morning when they won’t stop crying,” he said with a laugh.