by Mae Nunn
“It has. It is. It was. But I’m not sure anymore, Stella.”
“What do you mean you’re not sure?”
“I never thought it would be an option again. I assumed polo was over for me, that I’d had my run.” Joiner sighed. “When I met you I was re-creating a life, reinventing myself as a cowboy, in Kilgore, where I could hopefully make a home. You know all of my plans.”
“Have you done that, Joiner? Is Kilgore home?”
“Kilgore’s always going to be where I’m from. It’s where my brothers are. It’s an important place in my life. But—”
“But it’s not necessarily home.”
“Stella, I don’t know if I have a home. Ever since my parents died, I’ve never really felt like I had a home…except when I’m with you.”
A tear slid down Stella’s cheek, and then another. She was glad it was dark in the car, glad Joiner couldn’t see. She didn’t want her weakness to play any part in his decision.
“This is so selfish. Buster will kill me but I have to ask.” Joiner looked at her. “Would you ever consider going with me?”
This idea had never occurred to Stella. She had no idea what to say. What would it be like to leave everything she knew and loved—besides Joiner, of course—behind? “Hmm. Wow. I’m not sure what to say to that. Leave home? My school? The ranch? Buster? Cha Cha?”
“It’s wrong of me to ask you that. Forget I ever said it.”
“I’m glad to know you thought of it, Joiner. That you would want me to come along. I just…”
The phone buzzed with a text. Arrived safely at UAMS. Getting checked into a room.
Stella typed in Okay, thanks for letting me know. I love you!
Love you more! Cha Cha replied.
Joiner leaving. Cha Cha seriously ill. How would she cope if she lost one—or both—of them? Stella’s fear was like a monster inside her that she fought hard to keep at bay. She squeezed Joiner’s hand, taking deep breaths and praying it would not overcome her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
JOINER SLEPT IN for the first time in as long as he could remember. When he’d finally made it to the RV after driving home from Cha Cha’s, he’d been completely spent. Emotionally, physically, mentally—at the point of total exhaustion. His first thoughts upon waking were of Stella. He hoped she had slept in, too. He knew she needed the rest.
It was Sunday. He slowly slipped into jeans, boots and a flannel shirt, and put on his hat. Looking in the mirror, he could hardly make out his former self. Am I still a polo player? he wondered. Do I even want to be?
Pistol was in his stall stomping, as if he’d been waiting for Joiner. He noticed Vega was not in her place. That was strange. But maybe Buster had turned her out for some exercise. He saddled up Pistol and went for a ride.
Joiner hadn’t necessarily planned to ride out to the north forty, but that’s what he did. Pistol remembered where the lake was, and headed that way, presumably for a drink. When they were still several yards away, he could see the silhouette of a girl and a horse beside the water. He slowed Pistol down and they walked to within feet of them.
“I guess we had the same idea.”
“I guess so.”
Pistol pulled up by the water’s edge and Joiner slid off the horse. Stella turned to look at him and her brown eyes were sad. She pulled her Fair Isle sweater tight around her. It didn’t look as if she’d slept in, or gotten much sleep at all. She faced the water again.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Lots of things, I guess.”
“Want to talk?”
She sighed and shrugged. “Clint offered to buy Star Stables.”
“What? When?” Joiner asked her.
“Not long ago. I was going to tell you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t want to worry you, I guess. It happened right around the same time as the intervention. Anyway, it’s just a business decision I have to make.”
“What were his terms?”
Stella looked up and the sun shone on her face, turning her skin golden. “Kind of too good to be true, really. He wants to buy the school, pay me a fair salary to run it however I want to, rent the facilities and land from Buster, and there would be no strings attached.”
Joiner pondered that last part. Were Clint’s motives really that pure? Or did he see this as a way to get closer to Stella—a way to buy his way into her affections? Did Clint somehow guess Joiner might be leaving? He knew it was wrong to think that way, but he couldn’t help it.
“What do you want, Stella?”
She stared down at the water. “Well, I have to admit it would be nice not to worry about the school’s finances. Then I could focus my energies more on helping people instead of stressing all of the time about funding.”
“Are Clint’s terms something you can live with?”
“I’d have to see it all in writing, but I think so. I trust Clint. He wouldn’t do me wrong.”
“I trust him, too,” Joiner admitted after a while. “Clint’s good people.”
“And he has an interest in keeping the school around,” Stella said. “Namely, Cade. He said the school had given him hope again for his son. He also shares my vision of helping as many people as we can, and serving this community.”
The words he shares my vision were a punch in the gut to Joiner. But he knew it was true—Clint had been all in from the beginning.
“He feels the same deep connection to Kilgore that I feel. It’s his home, too.”
Another punch in the gut, though she wasn’t saying the words to hurt him. “Want to sit down?”
They shared a seat on the rock they’d sat on the first time they’d rode out to Lake Lily together. It seemed to Joiner that had been a lifetime ago. “I don’t want to leave you, Stella.” He caressed a vein on the back of her hand, following it with his thumb as though it was a little river.
“But you can’t stay here, can you? Not when you have the chance to live your dream?”
Joiner didn’t know what to say. He saw a tear slip down her cheek.
“And I can’t go. I can’t leave everything I’ve worked for, my home and my dad. He needs me. I’m all he has.”
“What will you do? I mean, about Clint’s offer and the school?”
“I’m not sure yet. I don’t want to sell it, because it’s mine. You may have figured out that I like control.” She grinned up at him, blinking away tears.
Joiner smiled back at her. He wiped a tear from her cheekbone.
“But this year so far seems to be full of lessons on giving that up. Maybe I’m supposed to give up control of the school, too.”
Joiner shook his head. “I wish there was a way I could help you with that. It’s too bad I didn’t have a richer daddy.”
Stella laughed. “Yeah, me, too.”
“I like the dad you’ve got, though.”
“Buster’s a keeper.”
“Have you talked to him about all of this? The school and Clint, I mean? What’s his take?”
“I haven’t talked to him yet. I really don’t want to. In fact, I haven’t talked to him much about the school’s finances since the initial setup. We both thought it would pay for itself better than it does.” Stella picked up a flat rock and skipped it across the lake. “It will only stress him to see me in this difficult position, and he’ll want to try to fix it. But of course he can’t.” She hurled another rock.
“Have you considered turning people away who don’t pay?”
“If I do that, I lose the heart and soul of what I’m trying to do, Joiner. It becomes like any other place at that moment, where those without money lose. I wouldn’t want to go on.”
This was one of the many things he loved her for. But he had no answers. “Well, I think I’m going to talk to Buster today about Germany. Sort of make an exit plan. You want to be there?”
“When will you exit—I mean, if you go to Germany?”
“Piet wants me there
as soon as possible. But I’m not going to leave the school in a lurch.”
“I can get Buster to cover your riding lessons, at least until I can hire someone else. And maybe Harper would want to pick up a few hours even though he’s back in school.”
“I’ll talk to Buster about that and also find out if there’s anything else he needs done on the ranch before I go.”
She nodded and straightened her back. “Maybe it’s all for the best.”
*
JOINER’S TALK WITH Buster went really well. The older man was gracious, as he pretty much always had been. He seemed to understand Joiner’s need to chase his dream of playing polo on a more personal level than anyone else did. Even though Stella and his brothers were supportive, it was Buster who seemed to really get it. And he loved Stella enough to do whatever he had to at the school. After Joiner’s talk with him, things really started moving fast.
Joiner called Piet Quade, and they agreed on a starting date. Joiner booked his airline tickets, got his travel documents in order and made all the necessary arrangements for Pistol. That was hard. But, just like things with Stella, Joiner told himself it was for the best. He couldn’t overthink things right now or he’d lose his chance with Piet and polo. He had to keep moving.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“ARE YOU OUT of your ever-loving mind?” Cha Cha’s voice was raspy from the tubes she’d had down her throat when she was in the hospital. Her throat was healing now that she was back at home. Voice or no voice, she was just as spunky as ever.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re going to let that cowboy ride off into the sunset without you? To Europe no less?”
Stella felt more miserable with every word of the conversation. “I told you. It’s his choice. He’s the one choosing to leave.”
“Yeah. To pursue his lifelong dream. And he invited you to come with him!”
“How is that different than me pursuing my lifelong dream here? I’d be happy to have him stay and be a part of it, too, and I made that perfectly clear.”
Cha Cha snorted. “I don’t know. But this can’t be right. It just can’t be right for you to be apart.”
“That’s exactly how I feel,” said Stella. “But as I said, he made this choice.”
He could make money breeding Pistol, share her school, be close to his family and live a great life in Kilgore. She loved him and would even marry him if he asked. But instead he was choosing a game over her.
Stella knew that wasn’t completely true, but that’s how it felt. Her stakes were much higher. “I can’t leave my school, and Buster, and you.”
“Oh yes, you can leave me! Don’t you even say you can’t! Your mother would roll over in her grave!”
“Let me rephrase that. I don’t want to leave my school, or Buster, or you. My life is here. What am I going to do in Europe?”
“Oh, let’s see. Tour amazing museums, eat great food, visit some of the world’s wonders, learn a different language, experience new cultures…yes, you are right. There is nothing to do in Europe. You should definitely stay in Kilgore, Texas.”
Stella sighed. “Okay. It’s not that. It does sound glamorous to live the lifestyle of a professional polo player in an exotic location.”
“Now you’re talking.”
“But really, Cha Cha, I just can’t see myself leaving home—everything I’ve worked for and everyone I love—to follow a man. No matter where he’s going.”
Cha Cha sighed. “I think I’ve misunderstood how you feel about him, then. If that’s the truth, then you’re right. You can’t follow him. And he is not the man for you.”
*
STELLA HAD A going-away party for Joiner at the school on the Friday evening before he was scheduled to leave on Monday. She and Daune decorated the conference room with black, gold and red—the colors of the German polo team. She pulled Hunt in on the act and he catered an assortment of yummy German breads with appropriate wine and cheese selections, as well as fruits, pastries and chocolate marshmallow treats for the kids.
The Brotherhood were all there along with Joiner’s two sisters-in-law and three nieces, and Jacob and Buster, as well as Cade and Clint, Adelaide and Sophia, Grace, Madeline, Harper, all of the volunteers and several other clients, including the nursing home women, who all loved Joiner. They shared stories, and laughed and visited for a couple of hours, wishing Joiner well. It was bittersweet but a fun time, and Stella felt as if Joiner was honored. That was her main goal anyway.
Clint handed her a sealed manila envelope before he left, and after she and Daune finished cleaning up, she sat down in her office to read over the document inside. It was several pages long, and there was lots of legalese, but the parts she highlighted were these:
Purchase Price of Star Stables Equestrian Therapy and Riding School: $2,000,000.00
Rental of Facilities and Equipment to be paid to Buster Scout: $2,500.00 monthly
Salary for CEO Stella Scout: $250,000.00 yearly.
She set the papers down on her desk and rubbed her eyes. This was too big for her to digest. And reading the figures, she realized it was not her decision to make alone. She would have to talk to Buster.
You around? She texted, and for once he answered.
Maybe.
Can we talk in my office?
Snds srius. Buster’s abbreviations.
Where are you?
In conf rm lkng 4 lftovrs. B there shrtly.
He brought a tray she and Daune had covered and put in the fridge earlier. It contained grapes and cheese, and he had put half a baguette he found on it, as well. “You hungry?”
“I am, actually.” She grabbed a hunk of the baguette and paired it with some Gruyère.
Buster sat down in one of the chairs across from her desk. “I noticed you didn’t eat much at the shindig. I didn’t feel like it, either.” He reached over and picked at the grapes. “Too bad Joiner couldn’t be going somewhere with a steak theme, but I guess that would be here, huh.”
Stella laughed. “Eat a piece of this cheese with some bread. It’s good.” She handed him a wedge of Gouda. “But, for the record, I think they have plenty of meat and potatoes in Germany. Just wasn’t the kind of party I was going for.”
“How are you, Pretty? I mean, with Joiner leaving.”
“It stinks.”
“Yeah, it does.” Buster scratched his beard. “I guess I was pretty off in my thinkin’.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just figured, well, you guys seemed pretty serious about each other. This all took me by complete surprise.”
Stella sighed. “I thought we were serious, too. But it’s complicated.”
“How did he tell you? And when?”
“On our way home from Cha Cha’s. He asked me to go with him.”
Buster’s eyes widened. “Oh. He did.”
“I said no, obviously.”
“Why?” asked Buster. “If you don’t mind my asking.” He smiled.
“Because I don’t want to leave…the school, my home, you.”
“Are you sure, Pretty? I mean, you’ve considered it long and hard?”
“Well, it’s all been so sudden I can’t say I’ve considered it long. But I do feel like I considered it pretty hard.” She drummed her hands on the desk.
“And you’re sure this is right? I mean, for you to stay?”
“Are you trying to get rid of me or something?”
“No, no, of course not. You know better than that. It’s just…I don’t want you to regret it.” Buster looked into her eyes. “I’d have gone to the moon with your mother.”
“What are you saying, Pops?”
“I guess I
’m just giving you a little lesson on love to file away somewhere. If you can live without him, he is definitely not the one. But if you ever meet somebody you can’t live without, well, then don’t. Don’t live without him, no matter what you have to give up.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Meanwhile, you’ve got to read this.” She handed him the papers Clint had given her.
He squinted to examine them closely. “Lord have mercy! Where did this come from?”
“Clint Cavender left it with me today.”
“Well, the surprises just never end, do they? Has the world gone crazy?”
“I definitely feel like ours has been turned upside down.”
“Two million dollars? Rent the place from me for twenty-five hundred a month? Pay you a quarter of a million a year to run it?” Buster’s shaggy eyebrows bobbed up and down. “What’s the catch?”
Stella leaned forward. “I think the only catch is we wouldn’t be our own bosses anymore. And we’d be beholden to the Cavenders.”
“The Cavenders are good people. I just don’t like to be beholden to anybody.”
Stella exhaled loudly. “I don’t, either. And I don’t want to change my vision for the school. I’m afraid that will happen if somebody else is controlling the purse strings, even if Clint promises it won’t. We’d be putting the future in someone else’s hands, which makes me very uncomfortable. But right now, with all of our costs, and the uncertainty of the riding school income with Joiner leaving…I’m just not seeing another way.”
*
STELLA TRIED TO keep herself busy on Saturday, which wasn’t that difficult to do. She still hadn’t found Joiner’s replacement, so she and Buster interviewed several potential ranch hand/RV dwellers that day. No one seemed promising. That night she went to dinner with Joiner, his brothers and their two wives in Corsicana. They stopped at the Russell Stover factory there to get some “Texas chocolate” for Joiner to take over to Germany. He thought he could use it to make friends, he said. Stella usually loved their French mints and pecan caramel clusters, but all food was kind of nauseating at the moment. She and Joiner agreed not to prolong their goodbye when they got home, so he walked her to the door, kissed her good-night and she ran in before he could see her start to cry.