by L M Adams
“You never bend and that’s why we will never work.” I say, still a little light-headed.
The ache of my breast, my body unfulfilled, me wanting things I can’t have. The knot in my chest builds again. No, not a knot, it’s the feel of the chains I bind my succubus with when I tie her down, pushing away that lust and those feelings again. I stand away from him, looking into the trees, fixing my pants.
“You don’t accept me as your mate; that is why we never work. Have I ever said anything about you being a Reaper, Jae? Ever once tried to stand in your way?”
I turn to look at him as he puts his belt back through the loops in his pants.
“No! I ask for you to be careful. To at least take into account the counsel of Tabari or me, that’s it. I’m even willing to follow your lead in the field, Jae, to let you have that control. You are better at strategy than I am. I know that. We make a good team: you, me, and Tabari. What do I ask of you that’s so hard for you to give?”
“I don’t know, Lucien, I just don’t. What do you want, Lucien? We can’t go back in time. Shit happened; I’m different, things are different. Either you can deal with it or you can’t!”
“I won’t lose you again.”
I start to remind him he never had me. But that would be a lie. He did have me at one time. Now I just want him to go away. He represents something I can’t ever have again. I don’t know what exactly. But that woman, that Jae, the woman he would make his wife… she’s dead now. Why won’t the world let her stay buried?
“I told you I’d have your child. You’re living with me. Can’t that be enough for you!?”
“Not when everyone else gets more of you than me.”
“If this is about Jack...”
“No, it’s about everyone! Tabari has your love, brotherly or not. Peter has your friendship. Jack has your body. What is left for me? Where do I belong?”
My heart. But instead, “I don’t know, Lucien.”
“You walked away from me before. You didn’t even try to talk to me. But you ran to Tabari?! Why couldn’t you have come to me? I would’ve taken care of you, Jaevia. I would have killed the bitch or helped you kill her. I would have taken you away; no one would have bothered us. You would have been safe, Jaevia.” Lucien says, the hurt of my betrayal echoing in his words.
Kill things, that’s how he fixes his problems. But I need more than death and blood, I need more in my life.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. He’s so full of pride he can’t understand why I didn’t come to him to save me. I didn’t want to drag him down with me.
“Because I was ashamed, Lucien, I just wanted to get away and you would’ve wanted me to stay. I couldn’t stay, everyone saw. I couldn’t face them again, I couldn’t face you again.”
“You think I’m so shallow as to have turned my back on you? You still would have been my wife, the mother of my child. I will always honor and protect you, Jaevia.”
But you deserve better than me. “I know, but it isn’t enough.” I start walking again.
He grabs my arm, turning me to him. He doesn’t say anything as I watch the fire dance in his eyes, his features hard and stern. He turns his head but doesn’t let go of my arm.
“I have missed you, Jaevia. Your smile and your warmth, please, I’m asking.” He closes his eyes, I’ve never heard Lucien speak like this; he’s usually all demanding and taking what he wants.
“Don’t push me out of your life.”
“I can’t push you out of my life. You and Tabari have made damn sure of that!”
Then his lips are on mine hot and sweet, tasting of honey. I stand stiffly, pressing my lips tightly together. I work hard on not responding; if I do, I’ll lose. He pulls back and looks down at me, sand colored eyes dancing with passion and hurt.
“Did you ever care for me at all, Jaevia?”
I stare up to this beautiful beast of a man and wonder if I was blessed or cursed when he came into my life.
“Even if I did, that Jaevia is dead.” I pull from his grasp.
That shit is so counting as my daily alone time with Lucien.
I can’t wait for tomorrow.
Chapter Sixteen
The demon inside
Lucien doesn’t respond. He only turns and walks away, heading in a direction other than the Big Bad Wolf. I turn and start to make my way back to the bar, silent, subdued and confused.
You’d think it would be a peaceful walk, but it’s not. My emotions and feelings are raw and in the open, the ache in my gut overwhelming the ache of my breasts and of leaving my sex unfulfilled. I don’t even care about him punishing me… it is nothing compared to the way you punish us.
I don’t punish you; yes you do, because we are like her.
My succubus has been pushing all day, more than usual. With me regaining power, she becomes more powerful; I know that. But I don’t need her two cents being thrown in every second. I heave a breath, no time like the present.
I sit down in a grassy area in the lotus position. I may not know how to meditate, quiet my mind, or commune with my third eye. But I do know how to have an argument with my succubus in my head.
I close my eyes and envision a white room, pure white and glowing. No real beginning or end, no ceiling, maybe not even a floor. I’d perfected this place while Sheba, a full blood succubus, tortured me. It was a way to separate myself so that I wouldn’t get lost or go mad while she used me. I guess some people would probably still argue that I did lose it, like some multiple personality disorder.
Maybe Sheba won, maybe I did go crazy and this Jae, the one I am now, is just a very good mask covering a whole lot of crazy.
My succubus is identical to me, physically, and that’s pretty much where the similarities end. She’s lounging in a large intricate black chair, more throne than chair; her legs draped over one of the arms. I noticed she could manipulate and change small things in her prison some time ago, but the chair is new, and impressive, I admit begrudgingly.
All I care about is the collar around her neck and the chain attached to that collar that holds her here, under my power, under my whim. She wears a black dress today, short; the smooth skin of her upper thigh teasing the edge of her dress. She has strappy sandals with a four-inch black spiked heel, her hair is pulled back, leaving her face and glowing purple eyes more naked, in some way. She is a prettier, sexier, colder, more dangerous version of me. I wish she would die.
Oh, my love, that is not a nice thought; I am you, if I die so do you.
I hate that she can read my mind, my every thought and innermost desires, but she is right, she is me. Her mouth never moves when she speaks to me, even when I stand here right in front of her. But I still can hear her as clear as a bell. I still use my mouth, or rather the projection of my mouth, to talk. I want my words to be clear, to myself and to her.
“Enough, what is it you want?” I demand. She’s been pushing into my thoughts, into my actions and I’ve had enough.
We would not have you fuck things up with Lucien. We have missed him.
“Lucien barely ever lets you feed from him, why do you desire him?”
She swings her legs around and gets up from the chair-throne in one fluid motion. Her heels click, click, click on the imagined floor. My heart beats in tune with the sound. The sound Sheba trained me to fear.
Always thoughts of Sheba. She was not so bad once we did what she wanted.
“I didn’t do what she wanted. That was you!”
She laughs, a throaty deep laugh, so it was not your pussy that got wet every time we trained one of Sheba’s slaves for her? It was not you that came apart in bursts of light as we forced those men with tortured bodies betwixt our thighs, it was not you? My succubus asks mockingly. I hate that my body responds, tightening and squeezing in desire at the memory.
“No, that was you all you. I could have taken more punishment, I could have lasted the year being a slave. It was you who took over, it was you who became he
r creature, doling out punishments, taking joy in the pain written in their faces. It was you!”
Fine it was me. We would have died otherwise; one of us had to take control, one of us had to take the blame. And what thanks do I get for saving our ass? Chained up like a slave or worse, an animal, never let out to enjoy this new world. Last night was my first real taste of power in so long, and I want more. I want Lucien, I want to feed on the power of the sun, and I will not allow you to run him away from us, we need them both. The sun and the moon….
“The eventide,” I whisper hoarsely.
Sheba tortured me and stripped my soul bare trying to find the eventide. It was not something I held. No power I’d heard of, but she did not believe me, not until death came knocking on my door, and I ran to its embrace. And then Sheba gave me the choice, die or become her apprentice, become her creature. I had chosen to die.
And I to live.
“And I will never forgive you.”
I know.
It is not the fact that I tortured those poor souls that haunts me still. I’m practical enough to understand doing unpleasant things to survive. It’s that I enjoyed it so much. I was happy to be her creature. I learned quickly how to extract an exquisite amount of pain from a person, and to give them passion so intense they welcomed the pain – begged for it even – if it meant I’d give them release, a moment’s peace.
I not only became Sheba’s creature, I absolutely excelled at it. How could I ever be a good person after the things I’d done, the things I’d enjoyed, the things I still enjoy?
Does the lioness ponder why she’s a lion or just kill the fucking gazelle?
I give that to my succubus. She is a very simple entity, she just is. She doesn’t question the whys of life. Only accepts things as fact or fiction, and how she can manipulate it all.
“So, the eventide?” I say aloud.
I knew it would not take you long to come back around to it.
“I don’t understand how Lucien and Jack could be a power. Yes, sure, Jack is ruled by the moon and Lucien by the sun. But eventide means dusk. How can any of this be a power?”
You are the thing that connects the two; the sun, the moon when they both rule the sky. I do not know what it means, but I do know we should not tell anyone of this.
I nod my head in agreement. I don’t even know if she is correct; either way, it’s nothing I want to broadcast. Another thing that makes me weird? No thank you.
Do not forget our bargain. We get to hurt the vampire tonight.
“Trust me, I’m already regretting that deal,” I respond in disgust.
She laughs lightly, her smile curled into something that doesn’t make her look happy at all, just very dangerous. There’s a reason I keep her locked up in this little prison, she truly scares me. That in itself is horrifying, being terrified of something that lives inside of you, constantly on your guard against it.
I will not interfere until tonight. Go, someone is coming.
I pull from the trance, like I’m resurfacing after exploring the depths of the ocean. I open my eyes slowly to the forest and the sunlight; my nostrils fill with the scent of citrus, the air soaked in pheromones, lust and power.
It’s Jack I feel coming towards me, I feel him like a wave rushing to me. I don’t know how he could’ve found me, I’m sure I’ve made no noise. But it’s his beautiful frame that comes gliding through the brush.
“I felt your power, Jaevia.” He says slowly, like I’m a skittish rabbit ready to bolt. Yeah that’s true.
He smells the air around me. With every inhale, his eyes become more molten metal instead of the steady blue, the calm. He warned me that my power does something to him; I sit on the ground watching him try to breathe in as much of it as possible. This can’t be a good idea.
“Jack,” I say his name slowly, softly. His eyes roll down to me.
“Do you want to be top or bottom?” he asks in a voice that says we are having sex. The only choice I have is who is in charge and who isn’t.
“Jack, I’m not going to have sex with you in the forest,” I say standing up slowly.
“But you fucked him, or did you think I would not be able to smell him all over you, Jaevia?” His eyes shine silver, hardly any blue at all, I’m desperate to see that blue now, searching for it.
“We didn’t have sex; I need you to calm the fuck down. Now,” I demand in a stern voice.
He rushes towards me; sniffing my neck, between my breasts, down to my waist, and then lower. I stand as still as I can, letting him fill whatever asinine need this is.
“I smell him all over you, but no he did not fuck your pussy at least.” He stands up in front of me and stares down at me like he’s trying to solve the problem of world hunger.
“I did not know you still desired him, Jaevia,” he says with a bit of hurt in his voice.
“I do not still desire him,” I tell him as sternly as possible, willing Jack to believe me, willing myself to believe.
“Do not lie to me, I may not smell his scent in your pussy, but I smell your arousal, and it is deep and musky with wanting, wanting of him.”
“Top,” I say simply. It’s easy to put an end to his questions, hurt him.
He bends to one knee fluidly, “Yes, Mistress.”
“We will not have sex, you will be punished for attempting to order me to do so. You will also be punished for taunting Lucien earlier.”
“As you will, Mistress.”
“It will never be just you, Jack, you need to think long and hard if that is something you can be ok with. I will not offer you explanations or excuses. I fuck who I want, where I want, how I want, and you will kneel by the bed and love it. If this is something you cannot deal with, you should leave now. If not, follow me when you’ve composed yourself.”
“Yes, Mistress.” Jack’s voice is soft and full of regret.
Oh no, vampire, you will be much more repentant later, played over the sound track of your screams. My succubus moans in anticipation.
Maybe that was harsh, I know it was harsh, but I’ve been hurt by Lucien and so I need to hurt something, I’m such a shit sometimes, but I truly feel no remorse for it.
‘Does the lioness ponder why she’s a lion or just kill the fucking gazelle?’ The memory of my succubus’ question runs through my mind.
I just kill the fucking gazelle.
I walk away, leaving him kneeling in the forest.
Chapter Seventeen
My brother’s keeper
After about twenty minutes of walking and back tracking, I see Big Mike’s place up ahead and I quicken my footsteps, ready for a distraction from myself. The quiet of my own thoughts has always scared me. I guess that hasn’t changed.
Half of the boy-band, Tabari and Lucien, are sitting on one of the picnic tables on the gravel lot. There are a few other regulars, all wolves, out here with them.
One of the wolves is at the big black cooker that always has a steady stream of smoke coming from it. I don’t know his name but from the smell of the meat coming from that direction, I’ll be introducing myself in no time.
My stomach was too tied in knots to eat breakfast and I’m not used to eating so early in the morning anyway. None of the boy-band had brought up the subject of food this morning either; they were all probably too interested in ripping each other’s throats out.
Almost everyone has a beer in their hand and is milling about the gravel lot and picnic tables. Young children run around, shrieking with laughter and playing. There’s an easy sense of unity and friendship in the air. I’ve always liked the wolves. I’ve always liked hanging at the Big Bad Wolf. Sometimes, if I close my eyes, it feels like home. Home before my life went to shit.
Lucien spots me and gets up, moving away from Tabari. Well, I know what, or rather whom, they were discussing. My on-again/off-again fiancé and brother talking about my love life; it seems ethically wrong. I’ll need to discuss this with Tabari and soon. He’s supposed to be firmly
on my side, not giving Lucien pointers on how to get in good with me.
I walk over to the picnic table and sit down across from Tabari.
“Brother, do you secretly hate me? Is that why you brought Lucien?”
He laughs like it’s a joke when I am dead serious. I look at him letting him see my sincere lack of amusement, I really have no idea what to do about him.
“Do you really not care for Lucien at all anymore?”
I sigh and look over to him. “I’m still attracted to him physically.”
“It’s more than that and Jack knows it as well, why do you think he’s trying to get along with Lucien? Neither of them are making you choose, Jae. They are willing to share you. Two dominant supernatural men willing to share a woman is no small thing.”
“Jack is a submissive, and is in no way trying to ‘get along with Lucien,’” I add mockingly.
He sighs like I’m an ignorant child being told the same thing for the fiftieth time; slightly irritated, but understanding. I try not to take exception.
“They are getting along as well as can be expected for now, and for Jack to not be a dominant he surely challenges Lucien- an obvious dominant male- for you, quite often.” Tabari laughs and gets up from the table. “Let them work it out, Jae, it will be ok.”
Jack makes it back to the party, looking no worse for wear. I guess he chose me and my fucked-up life. He should’ve ran while he had the chance.
He walks over, handing me a beer. Although it’s warm in the sun, he has on a lightweight black leather jacket complementing the plain blue T-shirt, black jeans and black biker boots. The highlights in his just-a-tad-too-long hair shine in the sun. His skin glows with power even in the daylight, alabaster and pure like he’ll never tan.
“I owe you yet another apology, Jaevia, not because I am trying to avoid whatever punishment you see fit, but because I am wrong. Just a day ago you did not know I existed and here I am finding grave insult with how you behave with someone who meant… means a lot to you. I have not the right.”