Missy was sitting on the couch. In front of her were two fresh coffees, two plates and forks, and a familiar white plastic container that caused me to halt.
“Is that?” I asked, my eyes focused on the container.
Her soft smile spoke volumes. “Ben brought cake to the diner. He said you can’t survive Sunday without a piece or three of Gigi’s famous chocolate cake.”
I swallowed the ball of emotion now lodged in my throat. “That’s true.”
“He also told me that he locked you in tight after he left this morning.”
I nodded and started to rapidly blink.
Her voice turned soft, and she reached over and grabbed my hand. “He also informed me that I needed to come over today and hang out with you because you’d need your girl.”
I hiccupped, and then I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
One tear, then two slipped over my cheeks, before a tortured sob echoed around the living room. Missy moved fast, and before I had a chance to speak, I was in her arms. I trained myself years ago not to cry. It was just one of my protective instincts that had stuck. I’d spent too much time crying for what I lost when I was younger, and it never brought anything back to me, so from then on breaking and crying were useless. But on the rare occurrence things got to be too much for me, Missy was the one who saw me cry. Today, things got to be too much for me. But it wasn’t everything happening with Hamilton’s and O’Leary that tipped me over the edge, it was the thought that Ben was still taking care of me even when I was so determined in my wish for him to stay away from me.
He turned up late last night because he didn’t want me spending the night on my own.
He’d wrapped me tight against his soothing warmth and held on until sleep overcame me and I passed out to the sound of his heartbeat.
He’d given Missy cake to bring to me because he knew I loved cake.
He’d sent over my best friend because he knew more than anything I’d need her.
I sobbed against my best friend’s chest, clutching onto any strength she offered and silently beginning for the hurt to stop. Time no longer existed, so I didn’t know how long it had been when I pulled away from Missy, scooted up the couch, and pulled my knees to my chest. Her soft smile and concerned eyes allowed me to begin to settle, and I nodded when she pointed at the cake.
Cake would be perfect right now.
I grabbed the plate when she handed it to me and took a forkful. Gigi had outdone herself with this rich chocolate cake, dripping with chocolate icing. It was the kind of cake that would take a least three gym lessons to burn off. That was if I went to the gym.
“Fuck me dead, this is orgasmic,” Missy hooted, before filling her fork with another large chunk of cake. “This is what you’ve been getting on Sundays?”
I laughed at her outburst. “Well, one of the things.”
“Soooooo, it’s probably not the right time, but I’ve got to ask because it’s not Missy and Sasha time if I don’t ask.”
“Yes, we had sex.” I answered her question without her asking it, and added a little extra for her benefit. “Hot, dirty, wall sex.”
“Are you okay after that? Well, I know you’re not, but how does it feel?”
I leaned over, put my empty plate on the table, and then sat back. “It felt like goodbye.”
“It doesn’t have to be goodbye, Babe. He fucked up. They all did, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the end for you two. I’ve never seen you like this about a guy before. I like seeing you like this, Sash. You seem lighter. Almost free.”
All I could offer her was a smile. I didn’t know what I could say. Everything she’d said was true. Every single thing. And that was what made this whole situation even worse. I’d opened myself up to possibilities. Possibilities were something I’d never offered myself before. And now I was left wondering what was next.
And that thought was terrifying.
32
BEN
As far as everyone at Hamilton’s knew, Carson was still Andy, and we were not friends or colleagues. He didn’t come to my table to chat. The only acknowledgement of me was if he came to take my empty glass or a chin lift when I arrived. The usual greeting that any man would give another man at a bar. That was how it had to be until we worked out what the hell was going on.
“Hey, Ben.” I looked up from the menu to find Shelley standing next to me with a nervous smile and holding the note pad, ready to take my order. “Sorry to hear about you and Sasha. I heard today.”
Fuck, news travelled fast around this place. Exactly what she had heard was what I wanted to know. We’d made it clear to Sasha and Missy that no one outside of who was at my house could know what was going on. That included their friends, our families, and staff at both Sass and the diner. After some resistance, we’d made it clear that it was for everyone’s safety that the less people that knew the better. Until we figured out what was going on, it needed to be kept in house.
“Thanks, Shelley. All is good.” I looked back at the menu, before looking back at her when she didn’t leave.
“Do you want to order something? I’m clocking off in ten and heading to Sasha’s for an impromptu girls night, so you can order with me or wait till Andy clocks on in fifteen.”
“Still deciding. So, I’ll wait for Andy.”
She nodded. “Sounds good. See you around.”
As soon as she left, I unlocked my phone and tapped into my messages.
BEN: I hear you are having a girl’s night
SASHA: You really need to learn how to greet someone.
SASHA: Missy told the girls that there is no longer a Ben and Sasha. So, that’s why the girls are coming here. Unlike the men in my life, I find it hard to lie, so it’s really shitty to have to keep all of this from my friends. So, if you can speed things up, that would be fan-freaking-tastic. Also, you need to tell Andy, damn it, Carson that he needs to take care of the girls at work, and extra care of Paige. She has a little girl and I don’t like her being there when Edward is doing whatever it is Edward is doing. Tell Drew as well. Oh, and thank you for the cake.
I smirked at my phone. Fuck me, even through text she was sassy.
BEN: There is still a Ben and Sasha.
SASHA: That’s the only thing you got out of that rant?
BEN: I find that the most important part, but I’ve taken everything else on board. Your girl is going to be fine. No need to fire her. And I’ll be sure to speed things up. That way, you and I can also speed things up.
SASHA: Uh Ben . . . there is no you and me. And if there was, it would be at a snail’s pace.
BEN: A snail is still moving forward, so I’ll take it.
SASHA: Pizza is here. Gotta go.
I locked my phone and went back to looking at the menu with a smile on my face. Shit was getting thick around us, but she could still bring a smile to my face, even when she was talking about there not being an us. I thought she would have realized by now that I always got what I wanted, and her telling me we were done just made me want to work even harder for it. I was stubborn, but she had no idea just how stubborn I could become. I’d give her the space she needed, but there were some things I wouldn’t give her.
“Come to my office in ten minutes,” Drew said, stopping briefly beside my table. “Carson will be here in five.”
“Right.”
Austin had left for the East Coast earlier today to visit his sister, Ashlyn, so I was flying solo for a couple of days. I’d already received a call from Ashlyn, and most of the call was her screeching that I had kept Sasha a secret. She threatened to get on a plane, and it was only thanks to her boyfriend that she moved on from flying here and started on about me finding Austin a woman, like I was some sort of matchmaker. Seriously, she was the best kind of ridiculous at times, and her craziness reminded me a lot of Sasha. I looked forward to the day when they would meet each other.
True to Drew’s word, five minutes later, Carson strolled in dressed for a shift. He
scanned the room, gave me a chin lift, and moved to the bar. For the next five minutes, I sat, drinking my beer yet still alert. Hamilton’s was a town favorite. The only place you went if you wanted good beer, better food, and even better hospitality. My grandfather was a regular, my father comes on occasion, and now that Sasha was in my life, I knew this place would be in my life, so that meant something to me. It was pissing me off that I couldn’t figure out what was happening and why O’Leary was focused on this place. I wanted to drag him in and do what I needed to do to get the information on him, but at the moment we had nothing concrete, and if we did anything in the grey, we’d fuck up the case. That was why the motherfucker was on top of my Fucker of the Century list. Having to be in the same town as him, and not be able to do what I wanted to him, really pissed me off.
All I could hope was that one day he’d do something stupid, and I’d be waiting in the wings to put his ass away for the rest of his pitiful life.
Five minutes were up.
I downed the rest of my beer, carried the glass to the bar, and focused on Shelley. “Is Drew free?”
She smiled. “Let me check.”
She disappeared into the office, and I tapped the top of the bar while I waited. I knew he was free, but I had to keep up appearance in case someone was watching. I clocked Carson talking to the Mayor and his family by the jukebox, several tables toward the stage were occupied by Monroe University’s football team, and they were in the beginning stages of getting rowdy, something I knew would infuriate Carson because he’d have to be the one to look after them when he’d prefer to be concentrating on other people, and a few tables sporadically located around the edges had people enjoying a few drinks.
The door opened and Shelley ushered me inside. Before she left, she stopped beside me, leaned in, and whispered, “He is in a mood.”
As soon as the door closed, I took a seat on the opposite side of the desk and looked at Drew.
“I’m going to organize a meeting with O’Leary. I need this bullshit to stop before it completely ruins this place and fucks up Sasha’s reputation. I can deal with that bullshit hanging over my head, but I’m not letting it taint Sasha.”
I clenched my jaw and stared at him. He was losing patience, and I was already teetering on the edge. That was a bad combination. If this had been any other case, I’d tell him that there was no way, but this was different.
“When?” I asked, my voice dropping low.
Surprise crossed his face. “As soon as I can.”
“Answer me this one question.” I leaned forward, my elbows resting on the table and my hands clasped in front of me. “Why didn’t you come to us when this first started happening?”
“I’ve been taking care of Sasha since she was fifteen. Our dad tried his best, but when our mother left, he crumbled. I watched the strongest man I’d known get fucked over by someone who was meant to be his forever. She left her husband and her fucking kids, for what? Dad never got those answers. He felt like he wasn’t worth jack shit, and wasn’t enough to stick around for. Now, Sasha deals with those feelings. You ever wonder why someone as beautiful, kind, and loving as her hasn’t been snapped up? It’s because she is so tightly shut that it would take someone with the patience of a saint, or in your case the stubbornness of a bull, to penetrate her walls. My job is to protect her. I protected her from this for as long as I could. That’s why I kept it to myself. I thought O’Leary was just a hothead with big plans. Then Jacqueline walked through those doors, and suddenly he was someone entirely different. Things changed.”
That was all I needed to hear. My decision was made. Consequences be damned.
“I’m there if you organize this meeting.”
His brow rose. “How’s that going to sit with Captain?”
“At this point in time, I don’t give a fuck about my career. I’m thinking about your sister, who’s become something to me. The longer O’Leary is out there, the longer Sasha keeps building those walls. I’m a strong man, but fuck, those walls are tough to get through, so I don’t want them getting any higher. O’Leary has pissed me off. He destroyed the life of a good woman, and in the process fucked with my cousin’s head, and now he is doing the same here. But now it’s really fucking personal. The sooner he is dealt with, the sooner I can get started healing your sister’s hurt.”
He observed me for two beats before his hand shot out.
We shook hands, and an unspoken agreement was made.
33
SASHA
I pulled my cardigan around my body and walked, barefoot, toward my front door. I’d spent the morning organizing my home office and baking cookies. Anything to keep my mind active and to stop me thinking about the chaos that had been thrust into my life. This week had been a continuous wave of ups and downs. Thankfully, Sass provided a great distraction, so I could ignore the phone calls and text messages. I went to work before the sun rose and stumbled home long after sundown. The visits to Sass began almost immediately. Everyone came to me but Ben. He gave me the space I begged for. To be honest, I didn’t think his caveman tendencies would have done that. I thought his alphaness would have switched on and he would be there when I turned up, and I thought he wouldn’t leave until I did. Although he hadn’t visited, his texts were there every morning when I woke, and his would be the last I received before I slept. It was like he was waking up with me, without being in bed beside me.
I never responded.
I gave myself the once over in the mirror, decided that I looked semi decent, and then unlocked the front door and pulled it out.
I really needed to start looking through the peephole.
“What are you doing here?" I gasped, not believing who was standing at my front door.
“It’s Sunday," Ben replied, as if I’d asked the craziest question he’d ever heard.
I took him in. He was wearing dark denim jeans, a black hoodie, and black boots. His sharp jaw was peppered with dark stubble, his blue eyes crystal clear, and in his hands was the infamous white plastic container. That container was going to be the death of me.
"I know the day, Ben. I just don't understand why you’re here."
“I’m giving you space during the week, but Sundays you’re mine. Sundays are ours.”
My heart flipped over in my chest as I stared at him with wide eyes. He could not be serious. After everything that had happened, he was standing here because it was Sunday, and he was standing here with cake? I pulled my cardigan in tighter, hoping to warm my shivering body, and I waited.
“You going to let me in, or do I have to beg?”
I scoffed. “I doubt you’ve ever had to beg for a thing in your life.”
“There’s never been anything I was so desperate to have before, Sweetheart. I’m willing to beg for an hour of your time though.”
It had been a long week without him, and here he was willing to beg for an hour of my time because Sundays were ours. Conflicting emotions burst to life inside me.
“One hour,” I warned, and I got a smirk in response.
An hour turned into four.
One piece of cake turned into three.
Ben’s laughter was still my favorite sound in the world.
Sundays went from being my favorite day to my most confusing of the week.
The sound of my front door unlocking sailed upstairs and crashed into my bedroom.
I glanced at the clock on my bedside table.
11:03 p.m.
Sunday.
Another week had passed since I’d seen Ben.
I rolled to my side, my eyes locked on the door, and I cuddled my pillow. Warmth and nervous butterflies came alive inside me. This was insane. So insane. I’d told Ben to stay away, and he did. Except on Sundays. The morning and evening texts had continued during the week, but I hadn’t seen or spoken to him. Today, I had a constant rotation of visitors, and every time someone knocked on the front door, I assumed it was him. The day started with Crazy John dropping in. He bro
ught breakfast and stayed until after dinner. He watched football, while I read a book, and then he cooked on the grill, and I made a salad. We talked about nothing, but everything. That was the great thing about Crazy John—you never knew what topic of conversation you’d have. Today we discussed everything from 80s music or what flowers I should plant in the spring, to his hatred of broccoli and his fascination with space. What we didn’t discuss was anything happening around Hamilton’s, which, to be honest, I was grateful for. Missy came over at lunchtime, during her break at the diner, and she burst through the door with one arm carrying a tray of coffees, and the other holding a bag from my favorite store. She’d seen a handbag that apparently screamed Sasha, so she needed to buy it for me. Crazy John had an opinion about that, and nearly had a heart attack when he found out the price. Then we had to have a discussion about mine and Missy’s lack of budget skills. After Missy left, Austin dropped in. He took residence on the couch beside Crazy John, and they started talking football so I zoned out. Then Shelley called and I spoke to her for an hour while I lay out in the sun. It had been a busy day. But no sign of Ben.
Until now.
I sucked in a breath when his shadow appeared at my bedroom door. The moonlight peeking through the blinds allowed me to watch him. Silently, he moved through the bedroom. For a big man, he was as quiet as a mouse. The sound of his keys and badge hitting the bedside table hit the air, and then the familiar sound of clothing falling to the floor caused me to go solid.
All That I Am (Men of Monroe Book 1) Page 22