He lurched forward, grabbing my wrist painfully tight, laughing as I struggled against his grip.
“Fight me,” he goaded as I pounded the side of my fist against his chest. “Fight me!” He grabbed my shoulder and shoved me backward, hard. It felt like my tailbone broke when I hit the wooden floor. My agonizing screams only made him want me more. We’d been doing this for months. I struggled to not fight him because I knew it was what he liked, but it only caused him to get more creative with his abuse. The latest cuts from the razor hadn’t even healed as he hovered over me, digging his thumb into the wound.
I bit back my scream, my teeth digging into my lower lip until the taste of copper flooded my tongue. “Just kill me already and get it over with.”
“I don’t want to kill you, Katie.”
“My name is not Katie!” I untangled my hand from his shirt and slapped him as hard as I could across the face. His body stilled over me before his eyes met mine.
“You stupid fucking bitch!” His fist came down hard against my cheek, the back of my head slamming off the floor.
My eyes closed for what felt like a fraction of a second, and when I awoke, I was blinded by neon lighting, the low hum of the bulbs causing my head to ache.
* *
“He raped you.”
“More times than I can count.”
Ryder crossed the garage and sank down in front of me, his hands on my knees. Raising his hand slowly, he wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb. His other hand gripped me tightly as he struggled to keep his composure.
“The last time”—I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat—“I woke up in a hospital, cuts all over my stomach and thighs. I didn’t even recognize myself in a mirror for weeks.”
His grip tightened on my knee, and I placed my palm over it, causing him to relax immediately.
“I was wrong.” He pushed to his feet faster than before and paced the floor as he plotted. “I need to kill him, Ella.” He stopped in front of me again and dipped down to eye level. “I have to make him suffer.”
I swallowed hard, knowing my opinion could sway him, but I didn’t have the strength to stop him, because what was right was to make Bryce pay for the abuse I’d endured.
“He deserves it.” I paused between each word, making sure to annunciate them clearly, so he understood we were on the same page.
“Tell me, Ella.” His eyes searched mine, excited, as if I had told a child he could open his Christmas presents early. “Tell me you want me to kill him.”
“I want you to kill him.”
Sliding his hand into my hair, he pulled me toward him, pressing his lips hard against mine. The bond we shared ran deeper than secrets. If I was the butterfly, he was the storm, the justice that would wash away my past so I could start again. We’d finish this together, heal each other.
Sanctuary
Chapter 29—Rellik
Sanctuary: a place of refuge or safety
“I want to take you somewhere.” I stood, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet before motioning toward the car.
I needed Ella to see that I wasn’t anything like her father, needed her to understand what brought us both to this point.
I drove us to the one place I swore I’d never go again.
It felt like I had never left that small wooded area where I ran for sanctuary and eventually found immeasurable heartbreak. The area looked like she had never stepped foot there, never whispered her secrets to me, never took her last breath among its roots. The blood had long ago been absorbed into the earth, and she was now a part of this place. If I closed my eyes, I swore I could almost feel my heart start to quicken, like it had when we were together.
I fell to my knees, the damp grass soaking through my jeans. Could one really get closure if he didn’t want to forget?
The rustling of footsteps jarred me from my morbid memories.
“Is this where it happened?” I glanced over my shoulder at Ella before looking back to the ground, struggling to convince myself that she was real, that life had given Katie back to me.
“This is it. This is where I fell in love.”
“Tell me what happened.”
I closed my eyes, not knowing where to begin. “I don’t like to talk about it.”
Ella placed her hand on my shoulder, her thumb gently gliding back and forth against my shirt. “I want to understand what happened to me, and I can’t without her story.”
“If you’re looking for a reason, something that could have been changed, you’re just going to drive yourself crazy.”
“I just need to understand.”
I swallowed hard, my throat dry as I struggled to come up with the words, to allow myself to slip wholly into the memories that tortured me. “Katie was there for me when I lost my father. She had no reason to be, and had she not shown me kindness, she’d still be alive.”
Ella sank down beside me and crossed her legs in front of her as I continued to stare off at the trees, letting my vision blur.
“We would come here, sneak out to see each other whenever we could.”
“Why did you sneak around?”
Shrugging, I picked up a leaf and began to pull it apart, separating the veins. “After my dad died, I kind of lost it for a while. I got in a lot of fights. Katie was the only person who could calm me down.”
“She was good for you.”
“I was bad for her.” Shaking my head, I sank back on my heels as I breathed in the smell of the trees.
“How long were you together?”
“Four years. We were sixteen when she…” I let my words die in my throat. “Katie was having trouble at home. Her stepbrother wouldn’t leave her alone. I got mad. I couldn’t just let him get away with what he was doing to her. She begged me not to do anything.”
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have.”
“Had I left him alone, she’d still be alive. Her death is my fault.”
“Had you left her alone, he would have continued hurting her.”
“Instead, he hurt you.” My eyes met hers, my chest tightening with regret.
“You couldn’t have known. You can’t blame yourself for what others have done.”
“You blamed me.”
“I blamed everyone. It didn’t seem like I ever had a chance.” We stared off in silence for a moment as I thought that over. Were we all just victims of fate, an unstable force?
“How did she do it? The papers didn’t go into detail.”
“Ella.” I shook my head, my voice strained from the sudden flash of crimson that circled her body. “She slit her wrists.”
“In the middle of the woods? She brought a knife all the way out here? Why wouldn’t she go to your place?”
“This was our place. She texted me, but my parents had taken my phone because of all the trouble I’d gotten into. The knife…the knife was my father’s.”
She looked at me with confusion as I ran my hand over my hair and blew out a heavy breath. “I kept it here. It was one of the few things I had of his. When my stepdad moved in, he took over the house. It felt like my dad never existed. I didn’t want it to become his. It was mine.” My eyes darted to the old oak tree, with the large crescent hole at its base. “My box.” I pushed to my feet and bent down to reach inside the hole, my fingers landing on the small, tin, pencil case my mother had gotten me from a yard sale. I pulled it out, staring down in disbelief at the rusted container in my hand.
Ella pushed to her feet and was now at my side, dusting the dirt from the back of her legs as she watched me. My heart was pounding in my chest as I opened the small box, forgotten for years.
Inside were a few trinkets from our secret relationship. A hair tie with a small purple flower. I remembered the day she pulled it from her hair, smiling as I ran my fingers through it. Another was a Polaroid picture we had taken together, her lips pressed against my cheek. Under the picture was a note, folded into a triangle.
Ella took the box
from my hand as I stared down at the paper.
“What is it?”
“I have no idea.” Shaking my head, I slowly began to unfold the note. My eyes danced over the blue ink, immediately recognizing Katie’s handwriting.
Ry,
I know you’re probably really mad. You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt. I tried so hard to keep what was happening a secret. I was so scared I’d lose you or get sent away. Mom and Coach came home early and caught Bryce trying to hurt me. I thought it was all over. I thought I could finally not be scared.
Bryce told them it was all my fault because I kept coming on to him. I told them everything, but they didn’t believe me.
Coach told me that if I said a word to anyone, he would tell the school I was a whore and I was sleeping with you. He said he would tell everyone you were jealous of his son and trying to ruin his chance at a scholarship. I can’t let them hurt you, and I can’t let them hurt me anymore.
My mother called my dad and told him they were sending me to live with him because I wouldn’t leave Bryce alone. My father said he didn’t want me, and I was her problem. I don’t want to be anyone’s problem anymore.
I love you
Katie
I crumbled the paper in my fist as I thought over what I’d just discovered. Katie thought I’d be better off without her. She was all alone and thought I was ignoring her when she needed me most. Worse, her own parents betrayed her. I had the proof all these years and didn’t know it.
“What? What did it say?”
Turning to Ella, seeing her eyes pleading with me for answers, I struggled to contain myself. “My to-do list just got longer.”
Her eyebrows furrowed as she waited for answers, but I couldn’t find the words to tell this girl that she had been betrayed by those who took her in and promised her a safe haven.
“Ella, everything I touch turns to shit.” I turned away from her, wondering what would have happened had I discovered this note after Katie died. Everything would have been different. Ella had a shot at a normal childhood after being abandoned by her real parents. Poison. I destroyed everything. I was a plague. Now I had pulled Ella into my world, and there was no way she would walk out of this unscathed.
I’d never be able to stop. Every layer of the story uncovered more deception and pain. I had to walk away from Katie in this very spot, and I didn’t know if I would survive walking away from Ella too.
Her fingers wrapped around my bicep, turning me to face her. “What did it say? What did she tell you?”
My throat was dry, my heart crushed, but I faked a smile, slipping the mask back into place. “She told me good-bye. She said she loved me.”
Ella’s expression softened as her fingers rubbed lightly over my arm. “That’s great, Ryder.”
“It’s excruciating. We should go. It’s getting late, and we need to eat.”
She nodded, unsure, but followed behind me as I took the path from the woods to my father’s car. There was no way I was going to escape what I had to do. I couldn’t let Ella go down with me. The least I could do was put an end to her nightmares so she could have some semblance of a normal life.
We didn’t speak the entire ride back to my parent’s house. My mother had cooked meatloaf and was setting the table as we walked through the front door. She did a double take when she saw Ella.
“Ryder, what are you doing here?”
“I came back earlier, but you weren’t here. I decided to take Dad’s car for a drive and show Ella around.”
She nodded, setting down a plate in front of her chair. “You know that’s your car, Ryder. That’s what your dad wanted.”
“That’s what you wanted. It was his car.”
She shook her head as she grabbed two extra plates from the cupboard. “Ryder, he was fixing up that car for you. It was going to be a graduation present. He used to go on and on about how you had to look the part if you were going to be a rock star.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“You never came around, never answered calls.”
I struggled not to show my anger. My mother was the reason I was gone for so many years. I always assumed she wanted me to stay gone.
“You knew where I was for years. You could have come to visit.”
Sighing heavily, she used a spatula to cut the meatloaf into slices. “I couldn’t look at my son in that place.”
“Did you ever think of how it felt to be there, alone?”
“Ryder, you had plenty of friends. Look at your band.” She smiled, and I realized I wasn’t the only one who wore a mask, pretending I was someone else. “Now sit and eat some food. Tell me how you met your…friend here.” She gestured to the other chairs as Ella looked to me. I nodded, pulling out a seat for her and waiting for her to sit before sinking down into my own.
“Ella, this is my mother, Kirsten. Ella and I have mutual acquaintances.”
“Ahh…well, it is nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.” Ella blushed as my mother dished a slice of the meatloaf onto her plate. “Thank you.”
I knew my mother was dying to say something about her resemblance to Katie but was biting her tongue. The front door opened, and Mr. Thomas walked in, grumbling about a late meeting. When he stepped into the kitchen, he stopped, his mouth hanging open.
“Ryder?”
“The one and only.”
He smiled, genuinely happy to see me. “Good to have you home, son.” I rolled my neck, cracking it as I struggled not to correct him. Nodding, I took a bite of my food.
“Well, this is not such a bad day after all.” He leaned down, kissing my mother on the cheek before taking his own seat and dishing out his food. “Who is your friend?”
“Ella, this is Stephen.”
Dinner conversation was minimal. My mother asked questions about the band and where I had been since I’d gotten out. All I could think about was Bryce. Ella helped my mother clear the table as I disappeared into my old bedroom. It hadn’t changed since I’d left, except there was no dirty laundry on the floor. Sinking down on the bed, I tried to sort through my thoughts. My eyes went unfocused as I stared at the dream catcher that hung next to my bed. This small, mass produced trinket had meant the world to Ella.
There was too much information to process. It was impossible to sit next to Ella, knowing she wasn’t going to forgive me after I did what I needed to do. But I had no other choice. There was only one way I could make all of this right, and it was to eliminate all of the evil from her life.
I composed myself and went back out into the kitchen to let my mother know I was exhausted but I would visit again soon.
Driving down the winding back roads, Ella sat beside me, her hands in her lap, not saying a word. I reached into my pocket and pulled the dream catcher from my bedroom out, handing it to her.
“That one has his name on it.”
She turned it over in her hands, running her fingers along the small webbing of the center. “How are you going to do it?”
I stretched the muscles in my neck as I turned onto Interstate 95, northbound.
“I’m not.” I glanced over at her as I slid my hand into my pocket and pulled out the old pocketknife I’d found in New Orleans. It was similar to the one that belonged to my father. I’d always planned on killing Bryce the way his actions ultimately ended Katie’s life. But Ella still had to live with the scars and the nightmares that plagued her.
I held the knife out, and she took it, eyeing it curiously as she pulled the blade out of its casing. She pressed the tip of her finger against the point as she eyed her reflection in the blade.
“I don’t think I can.” She shook her head.
“You won’t have to either. Bryce is going to kill himself.” I drove off the exit ramp and traveled a few more miles down the road before pulling into a Best Western parking lot. “We should have a plan tonight.”
Nodding, she unbuckled her seat belt and pushed open her
door.
I paid for a room, dying to get her alone, but there was work to be done, and I needed to know exactly where Bryce and his family were now.
The room was larger than the others we’d stayed at in the past, with a love seat and small table for two. The walls were beige and all the furniture white, including the comforter on the king-size bed. Ella kicked off her shoes, dropping her bag on the couch. She pulled her purse strap over her head, dropping that as well.
“We should figure out how the day will go tomorrow so there are no surprises.” She nodded, pulling the clip from her hair, my eyes lost in the dark waves. I dropped my bag on the floor and grabbed the hotel note pad and pen from the nightstand beside the bed. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about being inside Ella. It was time to feed the other monster first.
I dropped the note pad on the table beside her. I needed an address and directions. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she sat down on the chair, her leg bent underneath her. I gripped the back of the other chair as I watched her write.
“How did you get this?” I grabbed the pad and read over the address.
“Bryce liked to talk to me…after.” She cringed, and I struggled to not go after him right now.
Grinding my teeth, I forced myself to keep my composure for Ella’s sake. “What did he say?”
“Ryder, you don’t want to hear all that.”
Sinking to eye level, I placed my fingers under her chin and forced her to look me in the eye. “I want to know everything he did to you so I can make sure he gets it worse than he ever gave it.”
“He would talk about the things he wanted to do to me, these sick fantasies he saw online. He was going to take me to a place he rented down in Redmond.”
“He doesn’t have any properties in his name.”
“It’s a place a bunch of guys pay for, and they each get a few weeks there a year.”
“A time-share?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Her shoulders slumped, and I dropped my hand to her leg, rubbing over the bare flesh.
“It’s okay. You’re doing good. What about these other guys? Have you ever met them?”
“No. He never got the chance to take me there. I ran away after I ended up in the hospital.”
Rellik Page 15