“You showed me the skeletons in your closet,” she said never backing up from his lips.
“And you haven’t showed me yours. Interesting.”
She shut him up with her mouth and it distracted him long enough that he didn’t care. “I did,” she said. “If we’re going to talk in code I might need to get up.”
“You might,” he said and felt the smile deep inside him wanting to cross his face. He situated her back on the hardness between his thighs. She gasped in his mouth.
“You pigheaded bastard.”
He did laugh against her lips before kissing her again. “Feel better?”
“I feel like feeding you pie.” The husk in her voice pleased him. “I wasn’t worried when I made it so it’ll be like foreplay for us.”
“Better than Late Night?”
“Nothing is better than that.”
He could think of one thing, her mouth, but he refused to form the words and speak them. He felt too raw, too hollow already and didn’t have the courage yet to put those feelings out there.
Instead he kissed her until she got the good sense for the both of them to get up and make him a plate of apple pie. When it was gone, he gave her one more kiss goodnight. He’d give her this last chance to change her mind about them being serious, to think what had happened over and then it would be a different game. Things would change, finally.
*****
“What?” Josh’s belligerent tone was subtle, but Tobias heard it.
“Gabriella and I planned to get married.” He cut to the heart of the problem.
His brother wanted confirmation. Validation, really. Tobias should have given it to him a long time ago, but he would do it now without hesitation. “She was killed in front of me. She died in my arms…” He had to take a moment to push the rest of the words out. “And I haven’t been the same since.”
“No one would expect you to.” Josh took the confession in stride though he shifted the chair in his hands. A chair he had created from scraps of wood.
The coffee shop was to open in another hour. The nonverbal agreement between them was Josh helped him in the morning. Tobias had taken one of the quiet moments they had to talk.
“It’s made me touchy about certain things.” Tobias took a deep breath and pushed on. “I went looking for you last night, to talk to you and couldn’t find you. It worried me.”
Josh’s hand stilled on the chair. Finally, he placed it on the ground. Tobias kept grinding the vanilla flavored beans, which had become popular, behind the counter. But, he saw the frown and then the entire effect of his words on his brother. Apparently, Emmaline hadn’t told his brother about the late night visit.
“As you can see I’m ok,” Josh said.
Tobias wanted to smile. His brother wouldn’t give the ground he had, in his mind, marked between them. “You are, but for a while I’d appreciate it if you told me where you’d be until I can get a handle on my worry.”
“How long would that be?” Josh’s tone was less sharp now, but no less intent. “I can’t always plan where I’ll be at any given moment.”
After eating apple pie, Tobias had gone home even though it had felt right to stay with Emmaline. The invitation to spend the night had been implied, but not in a sexual way. Her home had an openness about it. Not the decor, but the woman gave off the feeling you could stay as long as you needed. Made sense it’s where his brother ended up. It explained why her friends had keys to the place and found themselves there often. The woman took in strays. Surprising she didn’t have a million pets in her home. But it made sense.
Tobias considered the question and tried to answer. “Not much longer,” he settled on, his throat tight. “I miss her. I see her in my head sometimes.”
“When you zone out?”
Though he knew his condition was obvious, he’d been struggling for well over a year, it still surprised Tobias his brother had known this long without saying anything. “Yes.”
Josh nodded. “I liked her.”
The simple words gut punched Tobias. He had to stop grinding the beans to rub a hand over his stomach. “She was amazing.”
“And Miss Sharp?”
“No less amazing and I’m seeing where that goes.”
Josh nodded again, having finished putting down the chairs. “She let me stay over last night. That’s where I was.”
“I know,” he said.
His brother glanced up sharply at him. “How?”
“I went over to see if she would take me to all the college spots you might’ve been, but when I got there I found out you were asleep upstairs.”
“She didn’t say anything to me.” There wasn’t a hint of betrayal in the tone.
Tobias fought the smile. “Would she?”
Josh shook his head after a moment. “She’s a secret keeper.”
Tobias grinned at his brother. No, Josh would never be a cop, but damned if he didn’t have the instincts. “She is.”
“Do you plan to break them out?”
It went without saying, but his brother needed to hear it. “Yup.”
Josh snorted. “Good luck with that.”
“Thanks.”
Josh was edging toward the door as if ready to leave, but suddenly stopped. “Did Tina and George know?”
“After.”
He placed a hand on the handle. “You keep secrets, too.”
“I do.”
“I won’t,” Josh said, the steel back in his voice.
“I hope you never have to.” They met each other’s gaze and there was understanding, one they never truly had. “We good now?”
His brother did a slow shrug, up and down telling him it was ok, and then left the shop. They’d be fine. Tobias’ frame relaxed, and he kept grinding the beans.
Chapter Fifteen
Emma waited until Abigail left the porch for a bathroom break to pounce on Sasha. There wasn’t a need, yet, for the porch light to be turned on since the sun snuck in through the oak trees leaves still clinging to the branches, but summer had made a quick comeback, warming the air, and flies kept trying to land in the lemonade. She had more important things on her mind than flies in the lemonade.
“I don’t know how much longer we can keep up this charade,” Emma said. “You don’t look so hot.”
“Haven’t been sleeping very well.”
Ya think? It looked like Sasha had been getting a little too happy with her mascara and black eye liner beneath the eyes. “You’ve got three more days, because you’re looking like death, and what if it’s something way more serious that you definitely shouldn’t be putting off.”
“What could be more serious?”
“Dying,” Emma said.
There was none of her inherent sensuality in Sasha’s shrug, just a plain tired lift of shoulders. “I’m exhausted. That’s all.”
Emma would have argued more but Abigail slapped at the screen door, stepping back onto the porch.
“You do look like shit,” Abigail said as she sat down across from the women. “Maybe there’s a reason why you don’t get up early in the morning. Screws with your internal clock. So?” She directed at Emma.
“So…how is Lucy doing with her new roommate?” Emma deflected the question.
She’d been doing her best not to obsess about Tobias’ late night visit over and over in her mind. He’d been engaged. His fiancée had died tragically while trying to save his life. He’d loved her. When she died, Brie left an abyss within him. Emma could imagine loving someone that much their death left behind a gaping absence. She had known that kind of love, even though it had been for a short time.
And Emma wasn’t heading for the hills after seeing Tobias’ skeletons. She could understand that all-consuming grief. She had wanted to make him forget it. Selfishly, she wanted to put them back in the light stage of friendship. But, who was she kidding? She didn’t want to be his friend. She wanted to be his lover.
“You’re not even listening,” Abigail s
aid.
Emma jolted because she hadn’t. Not to a word. “The shoes are getting along, but you and Miguel are getting rocky?”
Stunned, Abigail closed her mouth. “I know you weren’t listening, but how do you know that?”
“It’s month six.” Sasha still looked tired but now amusement crinkled the corners of her eyes. “Closer to seven.”
“And what does that mean?” Abigail asked.
Sasha and Emma shared a look, and then she realized it had to be the same one that irked her when the tables were turned.
“You freak out,” Emma said.
Abigail shook her head. “I’m level-headed.”
“Not with men.” The heaviness that had cloyed to Sasha's demeanor started to lift. “You flip out and find all sorts of reasons why the relationship should end. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong; the men aren’t right for you. Just the way you go about it is one hundred percent psycho crazy. So what did you do to Miguel?”
Abigail’s expression turned mutinous. “You’re making me sound like a hysterical, too-stupid-to-live female.”
“We’re not saying you’re one,” Emma soothed. “We’re saying you act like one.”
Abigail still looked unconvinced. “We got into an argument. He’s currently sleeping on the couch.”
“Because you told him to or…” Emma waited for Abigail to fill in the blank but then shook her head. “Just relax. If the relationship is going to end, it will naturally. You don’t have to force a break up.”
“You’re a relationship guru now that you have Tobias?”
It wasn’t really a question, but Emma shifted in the comfortable patio chair. “I don’t have anyone. He’s a friend.” That I want to be a lover.
“If you looked at me like that I would think you played for a different team,” Sasha said.
Emma cut a look her way that said, “Shut up you, traitor.” The red curls bounced around Sasha’s tired face as she laughed and the reaction made Emma smile. “We’re becoming friends. That’s it, but this conversation isn’t about me.” She pointed at Abigail. “We’re grilling you today. I’m tired of being under a microscope.”
“But,” Abigail began, finally losing the pinched expression, “Miguel and I are old news, relationship-wise. Talking about you and Tobias is so much more interesting.”
“There’s nothing interesting going on,” Emma said, but thought big fat lie.
It wasn’t even a lie she was telling herself. In no known Universe could it be an accepted one either. What made it worse is that Tobias had been right in calling her shallow. Looking back now she could even say her relationship with Sean was surface level. It’s why when he left, it had been such a shock. They’d dated for a year, but she hadn’t known his…soul. A hint of a smile curved her lips. Tobias would be calling her Mallow about now.
Emma sighed. Maybe the worst part was Emma could see she hadn’t wanted to know Sean better, because what she wanted to see was there for the taking. She’d happily glossed over his faults. He always said he didn’t want children. Sean always did what he wanted to do, damn who he hurt in the process. He also disappeared faster than Houdini could have imagined every time Sasha and Abigail came by. He was an add on to her life. Sean had never been a part of it nor had he wanted to be. Not really.
And last night Tobias had given her something she never wanted, but had never known she needed―intimacy. He wasn’t trying to impress her. After sitting in his lap, Emma had no doubt he wanted her, but that, for him, would be a by-product of their attraction. There was a journey. The joy ride he talked about on their first date.
He didn’t see her as something to be possessed or won. She knew how to evade and deflect a man who wanted to get in her pants. Tobias wanted something deeper and undefined, at least to her understanding. How in the hell was she supposed to act?
There was no reason not to pick at the bones in his closet. There was no expectation she had to carry his baggage or vice versa. Hell.
“Now I know for a fact you aren’t listening. And you and Tobias are getting interesting. So?”
“There’s nothing.” Because I don’t know what the hell is going on with him and me. “We decided on four dishes, but I’ll figure out certain variations.” She told them the details of the business deal, all the while thinking lie, lie, lie. So much so a sense of shame came over her and she stopped mid-mindless stream. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
The statement shocked both women, but it was Sasha who smiled at her. “Ok. What’s going on with you and Miguel? Really.”
“You don’t want to talk about it?” Abigail sat forward in the chair; her knee knocked the table, rocking the liquid in the pitcher. “We always talk about this stuff.”
“She doesn’t want to talk about it.” Sasha’s tone was sharp.
“Well excuse the fuck out of me. We’ve been friends for ten years. I thought it was ok to talk about our relationships. How we’re feeling at that particular moment.”
“And to tell one another to back up when one of us is trying to deal with certain emotions.” Sasha’s curt tone was cutting. “Everything doesn’t need to be put under a microscope.” On a roll now, she stood, arms waving around. “Everything doesn’t need a label and to be cataloged. A shoulder is simple enough. Sitting there and listening should be what a friendship is. Not a damn battering ram every time you have a vulnerable moment.”
“Are you having a vulnerable moment you haven’t told me about?” Abigail’s voice had never sounded so calm. “Is this where the anger is coming from?”
“What?”
“Ok, guys. Let’s calm down,” Emma said, and they both turned to her with a deadly glare. She sighed, shutting up.
“I’m not stupid,” Abigail said. “I know you’re keeping something from me. Emma can’t act nonchalant to save her life.”
Emma put up her hands when Sasha whirled on her. “It’s true, but I didn’t say anything.”
Abigail pounced. “I was right. What is it?” She didn’t bother to turn to Sasha.
But Emma could see the pained expression on Sasha’s face. “It’s not for me to tell.”
Abigail turned back to Sasha, but the other woman refused to spill the secret. The tone of the argument changed. Emma couldn’t keep up with the words thrown back and forth like knives, each one meeting its mark. Abigail was her usual warrior self, but even being on the sidelines Emma could see straight through to the hurt.
And Sash, goodness, no one would accuse her being taciturn at the moment. It made Emma proud to see her friend standing up for herself, but not with the words she used. Not who she was using those weapons against. When it seemed neither one were going to lose steam, Emma stood up, having had to break up plenty of throw downs.
“You and Miguel aren’t meant to be together.” Everyone froze at the words, and Emma closed her eyes, but Sasha kept going. “You know it. That’s why you’re freaking out. That’s why you’re always freaking out, because you know they aren’t the men you are supposed to be with. It’s Greg all over again.”
Abigail opened and closed her mouth. Finally she shook her head, once, twice and then moved around the table and moved toward the door.
“Abby,” Emma called out, but her friend disappeared into the house. Emma turned to Sasha. “That was uncalled for.”
Sasha collapsed into the chair, placing her hands over her face. Emma rounded the table and went to catch Abigail before she left. She caught her friend as the car engine purred to life. Abigail was behind the wheel shaking her head, but rolled the window down.
“Come back inside the house,” Emma said.
“You didn’t say she didn’t mean it.” Abigail’s voice broke on the last word. Her friend reached forward, putting the air conditioner on blast. A tactic she used to dry tears before they could fall. “I’m not going to let her make me cry.”
“When you guys get like this you always say stuff you don’t mean.”
“But it’s true
. She knows it. We all know I screwed that up.” She banged her hand on the steering wheel. “We have rules.”
Agreeing wouldn’t be the thing her friend needed at the moment. Saying the best man in her life had been the guy she dumped, cruelly, three years ago wouldn’t keep the tears at bay. Sure as hell wouldn’t quell the argument the women had no business having. “Come back inside.”
“I did. We all know it. We’re not supposed to say it.” She rubbed at her eyes, but the tears started to come anyway. “And now I have this guy living with me that I know isn’t the one, but I want him to be. He treats me good. I treat him good.”
Emma sighed and leaned into the car. “But you don’t love him. That’s ok. Right now he makes you happy. That’s enough.”
“It’s not what I want, and I’m settling. Not in the way I’m telling you to settle.” Abigail sniffed and nodded matter of factly, making Emma smile. “You want an ideal.”
“You want a guy you haven’t talked to in ages.”
“My wanting him is more regret than actually knowing he was the one for me.”
“You’re insufferable,” Emma said with care.
“I am, but we agreed to never say it.”
Emma pffted. “We never agreed.”
“It’s implied in the girlfriend code.” Abby refused to relent.
She thought of Tobias and the rule to be honest. It was a dangerous and stupid rule to agree to, but something her friends could use right now. “Maybe it shouldn’t be.”
Abigail’s gaze narrowed. “What is Tobias doing to you?”
“Nothing.”
Unfortunately, because she was too busy being the pigheaded bastard about him touching her. About keeping him on the surface because he was everything she wouldn’t fall for. Lie. Lie. Lie. “You guys just need to cool down. You know how y’all get when you fight like this.”
Before the words could settle on the air, they both heard Sasha’s car engine. She hadn’t said goodbye. She hadn’t even done her usual evil look in Abigail’s direction.
“I’m starting to think you two need time-out corners,” Emma mused.
“See,” Abigail pointed at her, “before Tobias—”
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