by Olivia Burke
Aubrey and Tom had never fought before. And truth be told, Aubrey didn’t know if last night was a fight, given the one-sidedness of it all. She couldn’t believe the things she’d said to him; how coldly she’d pushed him away after he laid out his entire heart on the table.
But when he’d asked for her heart, to trust him, fear overcame her. Fear of him being the wrong guy, fear of him being the right guy, as odd as that sounded. Even as the words spilled from her lips, she’d hated herself for hurting him. And maybe this whole thing was her fault; she’d pushed him into the fake relationship, after all. Even though he’d said he’d cared for her for years, wasn’t Aubrey making it worse by spending the last two weeks pretending to be in love with him?
Was I pretending?
She couldn’t work up the nerve to answer the question honestly. Aubrey had been in love before. And like most people, when the heartbreak inevitably came, she’d felt as if the entire world fell apart. The last few years, she thought she was open to love, but maybe she’d been hiding from it all along.
“Maybe that’s why I pick the wrong ones,” she mumbled to herself, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Because I know it’ll never work out.”
So what did that make Tom?
* * *
Tom didn’t speak to Aubrey at all that week unless it was work-related. And seeing as how she was behind the bar while he stayed in the kitchen, that made it pretty much impossible. Aubrey hadn’t told anyone about their breakup, but the chilly distance between them apparently tipped everyone else off. They all seemed to walk on eggshells around her, even Hunter, who occasionally shot her sympathetic looks when he thought she wasn’t looking.
But truth be told, she was miserable. She hated not speaking to Tommy, at how he wouldn’t look up towards front of house anymore – she knew because she practically stared at the kitchen every other minute.
Tommy used to meet her eyes all the time, thanks to their direct line of sight from their respective areas. Now, Aubrey realized, she’d been a fool. All this time he’d been looking at her, watching her work or keeping an eye out when drunken jerks came to the bar. All this time, and she’d had no clue at all. How had she been so blind?
Saturday afternoon arrived, and Aubrey was at home on her porch, chugging her third cup of coffee to get moving. The awards reception was only a few hours away, and she had to get ready, but currently dreaded having to see Tom even across the room. She was currently debating with herself what kind of excuse would get her out of the entire night.
“I’d like to not break any limbs,” she muttered.
The squeak of her mailbox startled her, and she glanced down to see the mailman at the steps. He saw her and did a double-take.
A grin spread across his face. “Wow, can’t wait to tell everyone I have a local celebrity on my route.”
“What?” Aubrey asked, puzzled. He only waved as he headed off to the next house, and Aubrey reached for her mail. No bills, thankfully, but her heart caught in her throat at the thick magazine now in her hands.
“Oh my god,” she exclaimed, unable to believe her eyes.
“Fresh in the Kitchen” read the enormous headline, designed around the front cover picture of “Best Bartender” Aubrey Walker and “Best Chef” Tom Flanagan. They’d used a close-up, waist-high shot of them together, him standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her and the magazine’s black masthead manipulated behind them at the top. His red hair contrasted against her blondness, while her hands clasped his arm and bicep as they both grinned at the camera. They were still covered in flour, as if a bag had exploded on them just moments before.
Aubrey stared at the cover for what must’ve been at least a minute. She couldn’t get over how happy she looked, how comfortable she and Tommy were in each other’s arms. His face pressed close against hers, and her smile was so big even her blue eyes crinkled with joy. His eyes sparkled too, as if he didn’t want to be anywhere else.
They looked like a couple in love.
Her fingers ran across the cover, pausing around the huge smile on her face. If she had to guess when the photographer caught this particular moment, it’d be when Tom told Courtney about his tattoo.
Another memory I don’t want to forget. She smiled thinking of the chef’s knife on his arm, of holding his hand through the inking process. A pang went through her chest.
Aubrey flipped to the inside, checking the table of contents for the page number. Skipping over everything else, she immediately turned to the right page, gasping at the enormous four-page feature. The two-page opener was one of the funnier shots of the two of them in a stand-off in the toy kitchen, flour puffing in the air as they made faces at each other; she held a shaker and he had a cast-iron pan. Bright colors splashed across the page, making it fun and vibrant.
The article detailed the LUSH’s story, including their wins from the reader poll, plus a bit of backstory on Aubrey, the “saucy Aussie” bartender, and Tom, the “hot young chef making waves in the foodie world.” That bit was quickly followed by the largest chunk of the story – their relationship. Courtney had written their version of the friendship and first date, and followed up with her own observations based on the interview.
It’s easy to see how in love they are, given how they light up when talking about the other. They complement each other well – he’s quiet, she’s outgoing; he handles the food, while she masters every cocktail and glass of wine to match.
Flanagan and Walker seem to be a match made in heaven – or in this case, the kitchen. We already knew LUSH was the hottest place in Crystal Springs, but it looks like amazing meals aren’t the only thing it’s cooking up.
Aubrey reread it, her heart constricting at how she and Tom had described each other. He called her “courageous both in personality and flavor profiles” while she’d described his focus and drive “as sexy as his desserts.”
Her face flamed, not at the words, but at how she hadn’t seen it sooner. Aubrey had to face facts – she’d fallen totally and completely head over heels for her best friend Tommy Flanagan.
A door slam caught Aubrey’s attention. Across the street, Natalie exited the house, slinging a pocketbook over her shoulder as she went to her car parked in the street. She glanced up, spotting Aubrey, and crossed the street to join her on the porch.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” Natalie said as she walked up the steps. “Mom and I went out of town for a few days to see some of my dad’s family.”
“Yeah, I saw on the schedule. It’s okay.”
“How’re things?” Natalie asked as she sat beside her.
Aubrey heaved a sigh. “Been better.”
“Tom told us what happened.” Natalie patted Aubrey’s hand. “I’m sorry it’s weird right now.”
“You knew, didn’t you?” Aubrey asked Natalie. “You knew how he felt about me.”
Natalie slowly nodded, a few curls falling to her cheek. She tucked them behind her ear, waiting for the inevitable question.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Aubrey’s voice caught. “Why didn’t you say something back when I suggested this stupid bargain?”
“Because it wasn’t my secret to tell.” Natalie’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “Because even when Seth and I warned Tom to be careful, there was no way he’d miss an opportunity to try and prove you two would be great together.”
The admission only made Aubrey feel worse. She couldn’t stop the heartbreak in her chest, or the tears leaking down her face.
“I messed up, Nat.” She sucked in a ragged breath, the knot in her throat almost painful.
“What do you mean, what’s wrong?”
Aubrey told Natalie everything, including her growing feelings for Tom. She shoved the magazine into Nat’s hands; her friend’s eyes went wide at the cover, and bigger still as she read the article. Once she’d finished reading, Aubrey sat there in despair, swiping a tissue against her cheeks.
“I still don’t understand,” N
atalie said gently. “If Tom loves you, and you have feelings for him, then what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that he’s, like, my best friend!” Aubrey said, her throat tightening up again. “What if we broke up and can never speak to each other again?”
“What if you didn’t, though?” Natalie’s thin shoulders shrugged. “What if he was the one for you?”
“I was awful to him, though. The things I said, how I pushed him away after he spilled his guts to me … how can I ever fix that?”
“Aubs,” Nat said, turning in the swing so Aubrey had to look her in the eye. “Can you two go back to the way things were now that you know his feelings? Now that you know yours?”
Aubrey thought for a moment before sadly shaking her head, another wave of emotions hitting her. “No, which means I’ve ruined yet another great relationship–”
“No, you lunatic,” Natalie cut her off. “It means that you shouldn’t let this crazy fear scare you out of something that could be really wonderful.”
“Easy for you to say, it worked out for you and Seth.”
Natalie repressed a smile. “Not without a lot of fear on both our ends. It took four years for us to work things out, remember? But we both knew we’d regret it if we didn’t try. We made the promise to leap together.”
“What if we don’t make it?” Aubrey whispered, looking down at her wrung hands. “What if I mess it all up?”
“That’s a lot of ‘what if’s.’ I’ll do you one better: What if you walk away from what might be the greatest thing you’ve ever had? What if you regret that decision forever?”
Aubrey went quiet, her heart clenching and unclenching at the questions. The little voice in the back of her head said Natalie was right, but it was her heart that shook with fear. What if, what if …
“Tom would never hurt you,” Natalie said quietly. “That much I know for sure. And neither I nor anyone else can promise a happily ever after, but I do know that those never happen if you don’t at least try.”
“He shouldn’t forgive me after the way I’ve treated him. Leading him on, only to reject him the way I did …”
“You’ve known him longer than I have, but I think he’s a pretty forgiving kind of guy. Especially under the right circumstances.”
Aubrey met her friend’s brown doe eyes, daring to let a teensy bit of hope flicker in her chest.
“Sh-should I go talk to him now?”
Natalie shook her head. “He’s working out with Seth, they won’t be back for a couple of hours.”
“How is he today?” Aubrey asked.
“Nervous.”
“I was afraid of that.”
Natalie nodded. “Seems like it to me, anyway. This morning he burnt the bacon because he got distracted staring off into space. Blamed it on the award acceptance tonight, but if you ask me, he’s got you on the brain, too.”
“I wish I knew what to say to him.”
“Go get ready for the party,” Natalie said, firmly gripping Aubrey’s hands in hers. “Take it one step at a time, and go with your gut.”
“My gut is so confused,” Aubrey mumbled.
Natalie removed the coffee up from Aubrey’s hands. “That’s the caffeine talking. Go get ready, and when you see Tom tonight, just … tell him what’s in your heart.”
“You’re assuming I’ll even be able to work up the nerve to speak to him.”
Natalie patted Aubrey’s wrist. “You’re one of the boldest people I know, and you’re scared of puppy dog Tommy Flanagan?”
Aubrey choked on a half-cry, half-laugh. “It sounds silly when you put it that way.”
“Of course it does,” Natalie said. “Trust me, Aubs. You both deserve a shot at something beautiful together.”
Aubrey nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes as she said goodbye to Nat and went inside. She had no idea what she’d say to Tom when she saw him, and even the mere thought made her a little nauseous, but she’d have to face him sometime. But what on earth would she tell him?
Aubrey managed to slip into a pretty cocktail dress, curl her hair, and practice a fake smile in her mirror, knowing she’d have to bring it out for photos later. She heaved a sigh, casting one last glance to her sad reflection. Locking her front door, she headed to her car, jumping a good foot in the air at footsteps crunching a twig in the street.
“Aubrey,” someone called out.
Aubrey paused, turning towards the male voice. To her surprise, Patrick Flanagan, Tom’s father, crossed the street to her.
“Hi, Mr. Flanagan–er, Patrick.”
He jerked a thumb back at Tom’s house. “You aren’t riding with us?”
“Uh, no,” Aubrey said, coming up short on a reason why. But she didn’t offer any other reason, and Patrick seemed to sense the topic was off-limits.
“You know, I thought about that lovely drink on your menu, the one I had at dinner the other night. What if you went with a bit of orange instead?”
Aubrey couldn’t help but be a little smug. “I know you mean well, and I appreciate your insight, but you had the steak. I purposely picked lemon verbena to pair with the hint of lemon zest Tom applies right before the plate of scallops goes out, specifically because his scallops are my favorite.”
His brows drew together and he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Is that right?”
“Yes. And while we’re here, you should trust Tom’s instincts when it comes to his own dishes.”
Patrick looked totally caught off-guard. “I beg your pardon?”
She had no idea what made her say it. Maybe it was her bottled-up emotions, or the memory of how Tom stood up to her parents, but she couldn’t keep it to herself. Tom had worked too hard for his father to still try and tell him how to cook. It was the least she could do for him after the last few weeks.
“You are so hard on him. And I don’t mean that it’s a bad thing, because obviously he wouldn’t be where he is today if you weren’t, but … he’s a grown man, running his own kitchen and crushing it. You should be so proud of him, not still trying to control his life.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Anything else?”
“And he should be allowed to take vacation.”
“Aubrey, I know you’re quite invested in my son’s life, but I have been there since the beginning. His career is remarkable for a man his age, and he still has so many years ahead of him to be even greater.” Patrick straightened his button-up shirt. “I must urge him forward, or he will get distracted – as he has, I’m afraid, with you.”
Aubrey flinched. “He doesn’t need your help with any of that. Have you ever asked him what he does in his off-hours? It’s not hanging out with friends, or going on hikes with me. He’s in his kitchen at midnight, creating recipes because he finds inspiration on things like cereal boxes. He goes to work early to train other cooks who look up to him. He shows up at every local event and fundraiser because it’s good for his restaurant and the community. Don’t knock his good heart, because it’s a miracle he kept it after all these years.”
Patrick appeared speechless, and now that Aubrey had gotten going, she found it difficult to stop. Ignoring the way her stomach knotted, she let the words spill out.
“Did you ever think if you back off, he can find his own path? Without you stifling him, he could actually go higher than he or I or even you thought possible? You know, Tom respects you more than anyone else in the entire world,” Aubrey said, hardly believing her gall. “He is kind and generous, and he’s also the hardest-working person I have ever met. All of those things, that’s because of you.”
Tom’s father softened, the lines in his face relaxing. “I am certain the good heart is with far more thanks to his mother, but I appreciate your words all the same.”
“I don’t mean to be rude, honestly I don’t,” Aubrey said, hands going palm up in truce. “Tommy will always want your approval, and needs your guidance, but it should be when he wants it, not when you’re worried about your own reputat
ion. He’s more than earned his chance to showcase his own talents.”
She went quiet, sucking in a deep breath. She realized her hands shook a little, and she pulled her jacket around her a little more so he couldn’t see. Tom’s father didn’t say anything for several seconds, which dragged out into what felt like hours.
“You should know, Aubrey, that I cannot recall another time when anyone has spoken to me in such a fashion,” Patrick said, offering her a little smile. “Especially outside the kitchen. However, it’s obvious you love my son and I’m glad to know he has someone so special looking out for his best interests.”
Aubrey’s heart lurched at his words and she remained motionless. I don’t know if I love him. And yet, somehow, that felt like a lie.
“I appreciate your candor. I’ll consider this conversation and do what I can to ease Thomas’s anxiety over my, er, control impulses.”
“Oh, please don’t tell him about this,” Aubrey said. “I don’t think he’d ever forgive me.”
“For you, I think Thomas would do many things, including appreciate your good intentions,” Mr. Flanagan said. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You are very special, Aubrey. I can see why he is so deeply in love with you.”
The words nearly crushed her, and she found herself leaning on her car to stay standing. “Uh, well, I’m sorry to say we aren’t exactly together anymore.”
Patrick’s eyebrows shot up, a concerned look coming over him. “Oh?”
“You don’t have to worry about me distracting Tommy anymore.”
He hesitated, regret flitting across his face. “It is not that you aren’t a wonderful young woman, Aubrey. My feelings on that are not personal.”
“I understand, really.” She swallowed hard, hoping not to tear up in front of Tom’s father. She’d die of embarrassment if he went straight into Tom’s house to share this exchange.
She motioned to her car. “I better get going. You too, I guess.”
Patrick took the hint and nodded, taking a few steps back towards the street. “Yes, uh, we’ll see you there.”