by Verna Clay
When Pastor Merriweather approached the pulpit, Mrs. Merriweather stopped playing and quietly went to sit beside one of Mina's daughters-in-law. The pastor opened his Bible and cleared his throat. A noise at the back of the church caused him to look up and several of the congregation turned around. The door had been opened by a tall, dark-haired young man with sadness etched across his handsome face. He nodded toward the preacher and walked to the front to sit beside Mina's family.
Abby bent to Jenny's ear and said, "That's Mina's grandson from Dallas; the one who owns a big ranch and was always trying to get her to come live with him. She said he's a dear heart, but there was no way she was leaving her home; she wanted to die on her land, and I understand that."
Jenny nodded her understanding also, and then thought about the ranch Ryder had bought. It would be hers, too, if she married him. She would have a home—a place to make her own memories and someday die. Did she want to take a chance on Ryder—take a chance on building a life with him? If it didn't work out, could she handle the devastation a second time? She knew she could not.
Pastor Merriweather began the memorial service. "It is with great sadness that we are gathered together with Mina Priestly's family. Our beloved sister-in-the-Lord passed on to her heavenly reward this past week and, according to her wishes, was buried on her land beside her beloved husband.
"Often, she spoke of her love for her family and their love for her; even their wanting to give her an easier life by opening their homes to her. She always declined, however. Not because she wasn't thankful for their offers, but because she didn't want to leave decades of memories.
"A week before Mina died, she came to me and said she had a notion she would be leaving for the other side soon. She looked as healthy as ever and I told her so. She only laughed and handed me an envelope. She said, 'Course I'm healthy, that has nothin' to do with me movin' on. After I pass, I want you to read this letter to me family, friends, and whoever shows up for me service.'
"So, congregation, instead of a sermon today, we are not only grieving the passing of Mina Priestly, but also celebrating her life. Oftentimes, celebration and grieving go hand-in-hand."
The pastor reached for an envelope on his pulpit and pulled out a letter. Jenny heard sobs and muffled crying amongst the congregation while he unfolded it. She dabbed her kerchief at her own tears.
Pastor Merriweather gazed out amongst the congregation and then looked down at the letter. In a kindly voice he read:
Dear Family, Friends, and Whoever Else Shows Up,
I'm writin' this letter 'cause me time on earth is comin' to an end. I can feel it in me bones. Before I go on to either reward or damnation, there's a few things I gots to say.
The first is to me family. I love all me children, grandchilds, and great-grandchilds, and if it were possible for me to stay on with ya'll another ninety plus years, I would. But me beloved husband has been callin' fer me in dreams. Years ago, when he died, I wanted to die with him, but he told me I was needed here a bit longer. Well, maybe longer than a bit 'cause he's been dead nigh on forty years.
I guess what I'm wantin' to say is that I hope I've given encouragement to those who need it. One instance that comes to mind is when Brant and Abby Samson lost their baby, Ty. Havin' been through losing a child meself, I understood their torment, but I also understood that life goes on and pain doesn't feel so painful after awhile, though it never quite goes away. So if you've lost a loved one, be encouraged that you can continue livin' and lovin' life.
As fer me stayin' at me place all these years, me dear departed daughter's son, Carter, who I raised, tried to get me to come live with him, as did other family members, but I always refused. It wasn't 'cause I didn't want to be with family, it was 'cause me sorrow is bearable in this place I've called home fer nigh on sixty-five years. Here, I'm close to the spirits of me three boys and girl and husband that passed long ago.
I guess if there's one thing I want to leave with ya'll, it's that life is too short to waste worryin' 'bout trivials. Life is meant to be savored with yer loved ones. Oh, you don't have to see things eye-to-eye. Me and me husband fought like cats and dogs at times, but we always looked forward to makin' up. How do you think we got so many kids?
So, my parting words are, don't waste life bein' afraid to live. Life's full of sorrow, but also full of joy. When yer joyful, don't fergit the sorrow, and when yer sorrowful, don't fergit the joy. Life's a balance of both that can't be changed, so why fight it.
Live—Love—Cry
And do it all over again,
Mrs. Mina Flora Pearl Priestly,
Beloved Wife of Wilbur Herman Priestly
Except for the sound of Pastor Merriweather replacing the letter in its envelope and sniffling amongst the congregation, there was no other sound in the sanctuary.
Mina's words replayed themselves in Jenny's mind: Don't waste life bein' afraid to live…Don't waste life bein' afraid to live…
Pastor Merriweather asked if anyone had stories or words to share about Mina and slowly, hands began to lift. Over the next hour, person after person recalled personal experiences with Mina that sometimes brought tears and sometimes brought laughter to the gathering.
The last person to speak was the young man Abby had said was Mina's grandson. In a deep voice, he said, "To those of you who don't know me, my name is Carter Richmond, and I'm Mina's grandson. First off, from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to thank everyone for their outpouring of love. This gathering is exactly what Mina would have wanted." He paused, struggling with his emotions before continuing. "As for me, at times I must admit I became frustrated with my grandmother when she wouldn't listen to what I thought was best for her. Now, hearing her letter, I understand what I refused to see before." He stopped talking and choked back tears, which caused additional crying in the congregation. After swiping his eyes with his handkerchief, he smiled sadly, and said with a sweep of his hand, "At this time, I believe my grandmother would have said, 'You've all been right friendly and I thank ee vary much. Now why don't we git down to the business of eatin' and visitin'."
After Carter's words, Pastor Merriweather gave instructions for the pews to be moved aside and tables to be set up for Mina's goodbye feast.
Chapter Seventeen: Jenny's Decision
Jenny watched Ryder from across the sanctuary. Pastor Merriweather had just blessed the food and instructed Mina's family to begin dishing up their plates. She sat on a bench pushed against the wall and Joy sat on her lap. Joy spotted Ryder and said, "Look, mama, Yder here."
Mina's words whispered across her mind again, Don't waste life bein' afraid to live.
Jenny watched Ryder say something to her pa, shake his hand, place his cowboy hat on his head, and exit the sanctuary. Her heart pounded. Ryder was leaving. After a moment's hesitation, she said, "Ma, will you hold Joy for a minute." She handed her daughter to Abby beside her.
"Of course, honey."
Joy said, "Mama, where you go?"
Jenny replied, "I'll be right back, honey, and then we'll get you something to eat."
Jenny rushed to the door. When she stepped outside, Ryder had already mounted his horse. She called from the top step, "Ryder!"
In the midst of turning his mare toward the road, he paused and looked back her. She ignored the curious stares of two old-timers enjoying a smoke under one of the oak trees and ran down the steps and over to Ryder's horse. "I have your answer."
He dismounted, holding the reins of his horse while he waited for her to speak.
"My-my answer is yes; I'll marry you."
A slow smile lit Ryder's charcoal eyes first and then spread to his mouth.
Jenny continued while she had the courage. "But I need time to adjust." She turned pink and looked at the ground. She felt so embarrassed she didn't know how to say what she wanted.
Ryder said in a serious tone, "I understand what you're asking and I agree. We'll not share the same bed until you’re ready."
> Jenny's face flamed, but she lifted her gaze to Ryder's. "Thank you."
Ryder smiled and reached to touch her cheek. "Darlin', I'll come over tonight so we can set a date for the wedding. I want your wedding to be everything you've always dreamed of." He moved his hand to smooth a wayward strand of hair that had blown across her cheek.
Jenny's eyes were drawn to Ryder's mouth. How she longed to kiss him. She said, "I've got to get back to Joy. I'll see you tonight."
* * *
Ryder whistled most of the way home. Jenny had finally accepted his proposal. At his ranch, he dismounted, handed his horse over to one of his two hired hands, and took the steps of his porch two at a time. Tossing his hat onto a table, he removed his suit jacket and hung it on a peg by the door. The happiness in his heart made him want to paint. Quickly crossing to the hallway, he followed it to the back of the house and entered the room he had converted into a studio. Jenny had never been inside his home—soon to be her home—and the thought of showing her the studio they would both share caused him to whistle some more.
Walking to his latest painting, he began mixing colors corresponding to beautiful memories. The portrait of him, Jenny, and Joy, was coming along beautifully. It would be his wedding gift to Jenny.
It wasn't until the sun had set that Ryder started cleaning his brushes. In a short time, he and Jenny would have a wedding date and he hoped it was soon. He also hoped it wouldn't take him long to woo her into his bed. His rejection of her after taking her virginity had created emotional scars that ran deep. He would have to be patient and gentle, assuring her daily of his love.
During his horseback ride to Jenny's cottage, he considered all the ways he could demonstrate his love aside from making love to her.
When she opened the door to his knock, the first thing he said was, "I love you, Jenny."
* * *
Jenny opened the door to Ryder and wanted to throw her arms around his neck when he said he loved her. Instead, she politely stepped aside so he could enter. She said, "Joy was so tired from all the activity today, she fell asleep right after supper."
"Would you mind if I slipped in and looked at her? I won't wake her."
"Of course not. I'll pour us some coffee and meet you in front of the fire when you're ready."
Ryder smiled. "Thank you."
Jenny prepared coffees and returned to her small living room. Settling into one of the rockers, she sipped hers and stared at the flickering flames. A few minutes later, Ryder entered the room and picked up his coffee from the small table next to the other rocker.
Jenny said, "I love these old chairs. They belonged to Pa and Ma, and later Ma Abby. I remember hearing the rockers creak while laying in bed at night and listening to my parents talk about their day. When Pa built new rockers shortly after I moved here, I asked for these. I know he understood why I wanted them."
Softly, Ryder said, "We'll bring the rockers to our own home and sit before the fire talking about our own days."
Jenny smiled at Ryder and then stared into the flames. A log cracked and hissed and a beautiful feeling of peace enveloped her.
For a long time, they just rocked and enjoyed the fire, sipping strong black coffee. Finally, Ryder said, "Is there a date you have in mind for our wedding?"
"How does a month from now sound?"
Ryder laughed, "I would marry you tomorrow. But a month is better than two or three or more. How does four weeks from today sound?"
"All right."
"I'll notify the preacher. Do you want a large wedding?"
"Goodness, no. Just family and friends."
"Would you like to go on a honeymoon now or wait? I'll take you anywhere you want to go—Paris, London, Dallas, even Bingham," he laughed.
A log fell in the fireplace, spitting sparks.
Jenny said, "Can we wait on the honeymoon? I-I just need time to adjust. I've been unhappy for so long, I'm afraid to be anything else."
At Jenny's confession, Ryder set his coffee aside, lifted out of his rocker, and knelt before her. Placing his hand in hers, he said, "I'll make you happy, Jenny, I promise. I know how you feel. When my world stopped being one long nightmare, it took time for me to adjust, too."
Jenny raised her free hand to smooth Ryder's hair. Courage to ask a question that had long plagued her brought the words to her mouth. "Ryder, how did you lose your arm?"
Ryder lifted her hand to his lips, kissed it, and then laid his head in her lap. Jenny stroked his hair away from his forehead. With a sigh, he said, "I was traveling from New York to Boston and there was a train layover in New Haven. I was walking across the street from the depot to a diner when I heard a woman scream. A carriage with runaway horses was barreling down the street and her child had broken away from her grip. The mother's scream frightened the child and he didn't know what to do. The driver of the carriage fought for control, but I knew if something wasn't done, the child would surely die. In that instant the boy looked at me and I swear I saw the face of my own son. There was no power on earth that could have stopped me from saving that boy. I reached the boy before his mother and pushed him out of the way, but I was trampled myself. Two days later the doctor amputated my arm to save my life. Of course, after that, I might as well have been dead." He lifted his head and drank in Jenny's face. "That is, until I met you. You are my salvation, Jenny."
Tears streamed down Jenny's cheeks and Ryder lowered his head back to her lap. The fire warmed them and Jenny closed her eyes to bask in Ryder's presence.
Chapter Eighteen: Abby's Gown
Jenny watched Abby open her trunk and remove the wedding gown she'd packed away years earlier after her marriage to Jenny's pa. She shook the wrinkles out of the gown. "Honey, remember how you always said you wanted to wear my wedding dress when you married? If you still want to, I'll alter it to fit you."
"Ma, I'd love to wear your dress, but then it won't fit you anymore."
"Nothing would honor me more than to see you in my gown, and if they've a mind to, Joy, Eva, Charity, and any future children, too. I sewed this dress with a heart full of expectation. Although it's silly, perhaps some of that expectation is lingering in the fabric and will touch all who wear it."
Abby held the gown up to Jenny. "Just think, you're about to begin a new life with the man you love; just like I did with your pa. I'm so happy for you."
Jenny hugged the gown to her body and confided, "I'm scared, Ma. What if Ryder is sorry for marrying me after a time? I feel so inadequate."
Abby placed her hands on Jenny's shoulders and held her at arm's length, studying her eyes. "Ryder loves you! Every time he looks at you he wears his heart in his eyes. Why do you think Luke was so keen on hiring him when he asked for a job, and why do you think we sided with Luke's decision? If your pa or Luke had thought Ryder wasn't on the up-and-up, he would have been run off our ranches faster than a snake could strike."
"Ma, I want to feel secure in his love, but unhappy memories won't go away."
"My sweet daughter, when you realize you are loved for who you are and not for what you do or say, you will stop doubting Ryder." Abby hugged Jenny and laughed, "Honey, put the dress on so I can take some measurements and we can see how beautiful you're going to look on your wedding day."
* * *
Two weeks before the family's annual trek to the graves of Jenny's mother, brother, and beloved dog, Wally, on a lovely spring morning, Jenny sat in her brother's carriage in front of the church wearing Abby's wedding gown. During the final fitting the day before, Abby had told her the gown was now hers to keep in her own trunk and save for her own daughter, or daughters, if she was so blessed. Jenny's pa had stepped into the room when Abby called to him and his look of love and sadness had brought tears to everyone's eyes. He'd said, "My dear daughter, you look so much like your mother. I know she'll be attending your wedding in spirit along with your brother." Then he'd wiped his eyes and pulled Abby into a fierce hug. Bending to kiss her cheek, he'd whispered, "Th
ank you, Abby. I love you so much."
Now, sitting with Angel and Luke while they waited for toothless Charlie to open the sanctuary door and motion that it was time, Jenny closed her eyes and twisted her hands in her lap. Angel covered Jenny's hands with her own. Jenny said, "I don't think I've ever been this nervous."
Angel patted her hands and Luke chuckled. Angel said, "Although Luke and I were married under different circumstances, I know exactly what you're saying. I almost couldn't step inside the church." She lifted her eyes to her husband's. "But marrying Luke changed my life from one of anguish to joy. And now we have two precious daughters."
Luke reached and covered Angel's hands on top of Jenny's. He said, "I can't imagine my life without you and our children, Angel."
Angel looked past him. "Looks like it's time, Charlie just opened the door."
Jenny inhaled sharply, lifted a hand to pull down her short veil, and quickly hugged Luke and Angel. "Okay, I'm ready."
Before they stepped from the carriage, Angel chuckled, "It's a good thing Ma Abby got Charity to sleep; her cry is so loud I swear she's going to be an opera singer."
Jenny laughed, which helped her nerves, and then the next few minutes became a blur of entering the sanctuary, walking down the aisle with her pa, seeing her ma's smiling eyes liquid with tears, and meeting Ryder's gaze as she walked toward him.
After her pa handed her over to Ryder and they stepped in front of Pastor Merriweather, Mrs. Merriweather slipped quietly from the piano to sit beside her children. The freckle-faced pastor gazed out over his congregation, smiled, and began the service.
In a loving gesture, Ryder squeezed her hand and lifted it to his lips for a gentle kiss. His action calmed Jenny and she listened to the beautiful words joining her and Ryder in matrimony.
When Pastor Merriweather spoke the words, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ryder, you may kiss your bride," Ryder lifted her veil and touched his lips to hers in a short, sweet kiss. When he raised his head and grinned, Charity let out the biggest squall Jenny had ever heard.