by Eva Brandt
“What?” I asked, confused. This was the first time I’d heard about this. Granted, it should’ve maybe occurred to me that Polyphemus wouldn’t just let my performance go unmarked, but after everything that had happened at the end of the semester, I’d just forgotten that I’d never gone to an exam he’d organized.
“But how am I supposed to do that?”
“Usually, when a person is unable to complete a task, it is their familiar who takes it over in their stead. Your... pet will have to do the same.”
Not for the first time, I noticed the distinctive change in everyone’s attitude toward Shiro. Before my seizure, everyone had called him my familiar. Now, he was simply a pet. I couldn’t argue with the modification, but it did make me anxious.
“And what is Shiro supposed to do, assuming we go along with this?”
“It’s nothing that complicated. A simple sprint around the academy should suffice.”
I bit my lower lip in hesitation. ‘Around the academy’ sounded awfully vague. “Could you elaborate on the specifics of the trail, Sir? I mean no offense, but I don’t want my familiar to strain himself in ways he isn’t prepared for.”
Polyphemus narrowed his sole, massive eye, obviously not appreciating being questioned. I half-expected becoming a recipient of the petrifying treatment. For whatever reason, he let it go. “It won’t be something too challenging. I will simply have him run to The House of Envy dorms and back.”
I could work with that. The dorms weren’t that far from the beach, so my Shiro could make it there and back in no time. I doubted the school would play games with him or try to sabotage something like this.
Kneeling next to Shiro, I undid his leash. “What do you say, boy?” I asked. “Can you do this for me? To the dorms and back?”
Shiro barked and licked my face, dancing around in place in excitement. We hadn’t gotten the chance to do anything fun or playful in what seemed like ages. One of these days, we’d have to go back to those fetch games we used to play. It had been so calming in a simple way, and right now, I desperately needed that.
For the moment, I was pleased Shiro was enthusiastic about the task I’d given him. “Thanks,” I told him. “It’ll be just like when we were home, right? There’s no fetching, but it’s close enough.”
Shiro wagged his tail and did another little canine dance of joy. I laughed at his antics and wanted to pet him again.
Polyphemus interrupted our exchange, clearing his throat. “If your pet is ready, we should start the exam now.”
“Yes, of course, Sir,” I answered, ignoring all the students that were now gawking at me. “Just say when.”
“The exam will start as I drop my club to the ground,” Polyphemus replied. “Be ready, young Shiro.”
Shiro woofed again and I could’ve sworn I heard him say he was born ready. The words drifted into the wind like smoke when Polyphemus did as he’d said he would and dropped his club, making the earth crack at the point of impact.
Any other dog would’ve perhaps been frightened by this development. Shiro took off like a rocket, speeding in the direction of the dorms, intent on completing the mission I’d given him. Within seconds, he was a white blur, standing out against the black sand of beach. “Go, Shiro, go!” I cheered him on. Maybe it was a little silly, but I couldn’t help but be excited too. I’d always been proud of my Shiro, and even now, when everything had changed, that had stayed the same.
He might not be a dragon or a magical serpent with wings, but he was still so special to me. And if I was right about what I was recently feeling and hearing, I might be able to communicate with him at a deeper...
That train of thought came to an abrupt halt when an explosion of light flashed over the horizon. Despite the distance, I saw the moment it struck Shiro. He went flying a few dozen feet, crashed against the ground, and was still.
My mind seemed to shut down. The only thing I could focus on was a litany of desperation, panic, guilt, and horror. Shiro. Shiro. Shiro. Oh, no. Oh, no. Please, no. Oh, God, no.
I stumbled forward like a woman possessed, hoping against all hope that this was all a bad dream, that I’d imagined everything. Maybe The Academy of the Devil itself was nothing more than a hallucination. Maybe I’d hit my head when I’d been playing in the forest with Shiro, and I’d wake up any moment now and realize the whole thing had been a nightmare.
The world wasn’t that kind. I reached the area where I’d seen my dog fall, already calling his name. “Shiro! Shiro, are you...”
I couldn’t even finish the sentence. When I saw him, something inside me shriveled and died. Shiro’s whole side was a ruin. His innards were spilling out. His white fur was stained with blood, and his flesh was twisted grotesquely, a hint of dark magic still lingering over the gaping wound.
I dropped to my knees next to him and brushed my hand over his paw, shaking. “Shiro, it’s okay. We’re going to get you home, to a good vet. Just hang in there.”
They were stupid, pointless words. I couldn’t save myself, let alone my dying Shiro.
Shiro obviously knew it, but he didn’t blame me for it. Of course he didn’t. He’d always been so kind, sweet, and loyal.
He let out a slow whine, and in it, I heard his voice, so true and clear. “It’s okay, Lyssa. Don’t... Don’t cry. I will stay with you. Always. I won’t go.”
I squeezed his paw as tightly as I could, although not tight enough to hurt him. His flesh was already cooling. I might not be all that magical, but even without special abilities, I could tell he was in a lot of pain.
I wasn’t selfish enough to tell him to stay when he so obviously couldn’t. “I know,” I replied. “You’ll always be with me, no matter what. And I’ll always be with you.”
Shiro didn’t reply, but my words still seemed to help him. The pure stubbornness that had kept him from succumbing to his lethal injuries faded away. The light in his eyes dimmed. His breath slowed and finally, finally, ceased altogether.
As I watched my best and oldest friend drift away, I sat there and stared. I couldn’t do anything. Even breathing seemed to take too much effort. All I could think about was ‘Why Shiro?’
He hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d only ever protected me, tried to stand up for me when everyone else had refused. If the people had a problem with me, they should’ve kept trying to kill me, not him.
Why did I have to live, when he couldn’t? My poor Shiro. Why did he have to pay the price for my stupidity?
Memories flashed through my mind’s eye, voices and past arguments I’d tried to set aside, ignore and forget.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“You don’t understand your situation.”
“You need to turn back.”
Stefan, Callum, and Mikael had tried to tell me something like this might happen, but I’d refused to listen. And now, my beloved familiar had died. With him, so had a part of my heart.
* * *
That evening, in a repeat of what had been happening for the past couple of weeks, I woke up in the infirmary, alone, confused, and with a terrible headache. I couldn’t remember what had happened.
I’d been on the beach, during PE class. My cyclops professor had told me I needed to make up for my lost credits somehow and he’d asked Shiro to run a race to the dorms. I’d agreed, and then... And then...
The blast. All the blood. Shiro’s death. Oh God.
Surely, I was remembering things wrong. Even this place, this horrible joke of an academy, couldn’t be so cruel.
With my head spinning, I shoved off the covers and stumbled out of bed. Too dizzy to remain upright, I fell to the floor. I didn’t let that stop me. If I couldn’t stand, I would crawl.
I’d find out what had happened. I needed... I just needed to know.
After a seizure, I always tended to forget the events that had triggered it or what I’d been doing right before that. Maybe I was wrong about this. Maybe I’d had a bad dream and was mixing it up
with reality.
I couldn’t accept that Shiro was gone, that they’d taken him from me in such a way.
I was half-way through the room when Lilith walked inside. Her eyes widened, and in an uncharacteristic show of compassion, she rushed to my side and knelt next to me. Her hands were gentle when she reached for my shoulders.
I had never hated anyone more, because I knew what that meant.
“Ms. Michaelis, you shouldn’t be out of bed,” she said. “You’re still recovering.”
“Why do you care?” I spat at her, throwing all caution to the wind. “You hate me, remember? I’m a weak liar, a disgrace who doesn’t belong here. That’s why... That’s why...”
That was why Shiro had died. Because of my weakness and inability to protect him. Because I’d thought I could surpass my condition, when I obviously couldn’t.
Lilith sighed. “Believe it or not, I never meant for this to happen. Your Shiro was the reason for my anger, in the first place. He’d yet to grow into his magic, but I could see his potential. I could see that, in time, he would become a very powerful familiar.
“When I learned the truth about you, I felt you were unworthy of such a being, that you’d stolen him from someone who could’ve given him so much more. A familiar and their partner have to be equals and the two of you were not. Because of your... affliction, you were less than he was.
“In my anger, I forgot something very important. It was not my place to make such judgments. Familiars often see what others do not, and Shiro deemed you worthy of his attention. That should’ve been enough for me, but it wasn’t. I’d apologize, but I know words are meaningless now.”
She was right. I couldn’t have cared less about an ‘I’m sorry’. It was worthless, when the scent of Shiro’s blood still haunted me. Her excuses and opinions meant nothing to me. I simply needed to know, to process the enormity of my loss. “Shiro… He’s gone, isn’t he?”
“Yes. He was killed on the beach. Part of your current condition is related to the backlash from the collapse of the familiar bond.”
No wonder I felt crappier and stranger than ever before. Even if I’d lost consciousness earlier, I could still remember what had happened. Maybe this was why—because Shiro truly had been my familiar, like everyone had said from the beginning.
The thought brought me little comfort. If anything, it made me even more desperate. “I need to see him. Please, let me see him.”
Yes, I could still recall the smell of his blood and burnt flesh, the sight of his dull eyes, his last words to me before he’d let go. But that wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. I couldn’t be sure my memories were accurate. And even if they were, even if Shiro had died the way I’d seen it, I had to figure out who’d dared to harm him.
The culprits wouldn’t get away with this. I wouldn’t let them. I’d find out who they were and I’d make them pay. I’d make them suffer like he had. But to do that, I needed to look at Shiro again and to analyze his wounds.
I shouldn’t have been surprised as I was when my simple request was denied.
“Ms. Michaelis… Alyssa. I’d love to fulfill that wish. Unfortunately, it’s not possible.”
I stared at Lilith in disbelief. “What?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Why not?”
“It’s been three days since Shiro’s death,” Lilith explained. “We had every intention of preserving the body to allow you a traditional goodbye, but it wasn’t in our power. Shiro’s body was fed to Redrum yesterday.”
I hadn’t thought I could feel any worse, but there it was. Lilith had managed the impossible. My dog’s remains had become dinner for a dragon. The mere idea turned my stomach. Not only had they killed him, but they hadn’t even had the decency to treat him right after his death.
I didn’t think demons practiced funerals, but maybe cremation would’ve worked. I would’ve at least had something then, an urn with Shiro’s ashes. But no. That would’ve been too generous a gift for disgusting trash like me.
Also, I couldn’t help but note that the disappearance of Shiro’s body was awfully convenient. Lilith might claim that she regretted his death, but she hadn’t mentioned anything about the culprit being found and punished.
“Tell me something, Lady Lilith,” I whispered. “Who killed my Shiro?”
“We don’t know that,” Lilith replied. “It could’ve been anyone. You didn’t exactly make a lot of friends at school, you know.”
There were so many things I would’ve liked to say. I wanted to call her out on her hypocrisy, to hit her for daring to pretend she felt any regret over her actions. I wanted to forbid her to ever say Shiro’s name in my presence again.
As far as I was concerned, she didn’t deserve to teach Familiar Bonding at all, because it had been so comfortable for her to sweep my familiar’s death under the rug, when it had been caused by someone far more powerful.
And maybe I would’ve lashed out, but something inside me had broken beyond repair when I’d held Shiro and had him die in my arms. I burst into laughter, mad cackles I didn’t recognize as my own.
“Friends,” I said between chuckles. “There’s no such thing as friendship. No such thing as love. Only grief, hatred, anger, and envy. Isn’t that what this school has been trying to teach me all along?”
Lilith got up and took a step back. “Alyssa...”
“Leave!” I shouted, and the furniture around us started to rattle. “Get out! I don’t want to see you! I don’t want to see any of you ever again. I hope this whole place burns to the ground. I hope Ammit finally sees you for the disgusting thing you are and eats you alive. I hope you all collapse under the weight of your own cruelty and lies.”
By the time I finished my last sentence, I was breathing hard and spots were dancing in front of my eyes. Still, I felt a small dose of pride when Lilith turned away first and left the room, just like I’d asked her.
In the big picture, it was a small victory that meant nothing. When she was gone, I still felt just as empty and crushed as I had before. I collapsed to the floor, drained of strength, not knowing what to do, which path I was supposed to follow.
It hurt to think. At this rate, I might not be able to do much thinking at all for much longer, because I was pretty sure I was starting to lose time again.
That was how Stefan found me, what seemed like an eternity later—cold and numb, still lying on the infirmary floor like an abandoned puppet.
He cursed and picked me up in his arms. “Oh, Alyssa,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”
His apology was just as worthless as Lilith’s unspoken one, but I still found a tiny measure of comfort in his warmth. As soon as that thought processed, I realized what I was doing and thinking.
For all I knew, he might’ve been the one to murder Shiro. He’d told me time and again to leave the academy and it would’ve certainly been in his power to attack my poor dog.
Hell, Lilith might’ve been the one to plan it all. She’d outright stated that she’d deemed me unworthy of having a familiar as amazing as Shiro. Maybe she’d believed she was supposed to punish him for having chosen me, even if I was an inferior form of life.
I screeched and started struggling against Stefan, clawing at his face, trying to hurt him like he’d hurt me. “How could you? How could you kill him? He was only a puppy. I loved him! How could you be so cruel?”
He didn’t deny his culpability and that made me even angrier. And then, a wave of familiar power settled over me, forcibly calming me down. I hated it, because I didn’t want to stay calm, damn it. I wanted to be angry, to feel the grief of this loss, of this horrible crime.
If I didn’t, I was afraid that I’d fade away into nothing, or worse—forget that I was just as responsible for this outcome as they were.
But Callum refused to allow that. At one point, he’d shown up by our side to help his own familiar control me. “Breathe,” he said, taking my hand and squeezing it tightly. “
Breathe, Alyssa. Stay calm. We’ve got you.”
“No, you don’t,” I answered, wanting nothing more than to skin him alive. “You don’t have me. You don’t have anything, a life, a soul, nothing that matters.”
Since Stefan was still keeping me trapped in his arms, I couldn’t do anything except speak, but my words still made Callum flinch.
“You’re right. We don’t have much. And that’s why... That’s why we’ve always tried to protect what little we do have. But we didn’t see... We didn’t see that while doing so, we lost track of something just as precious.”
“I won’t play this game with you, not now,” I replied, shaking with frustration and outrage. “Maybe once, I would’ve believed your fairytales. Now, I couldn’t care less about what you say. Do you really think I’ll fall at your feet and spread my legs just because you say you’re sorry? Now of all times?”
“No, of course not. But this isn’t about us, not really.” Callum leaned in a little more closely and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Listen, Alyssa, we don’t have time to explain. We’re not supposed to be here at all. If—or when—anyone figures out what we’re doing, we’re going to be in a lot of trouble. So, please, just this once, I beg you to trust us. I know I don’t have the right to ask for that, but we can still save Shiro.”
His words made my anger deflate. “Save Shiro?” I repeated like an automaton. “How?”
“It’s complicated,” Stefan replied, clenching his jaw. “Not here.”
After everything that had happened, it was foolish to hope. I didn’t trust them, not at all. But if there was even the slightest chance that I could get Shiro back, I’d do anything they wanted.
Besides, they were powerful. Polyphemus himself had said that one of them was supposed to become the next Satan. They were upper years, and I’d heard that they’d studied Necromancy. Maybe it was possible for them to save my familiar.
I nodded and stopped fighting them. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”
“For the moment, just keep your voice down. We have to take this elsewhere so we’re not caught before we finish the working.” He paused and shot me a small, bitter smile. “And if you believe in God and think that the Supreme Being can help us, by all means, pray.”