by Dhtreichler
I find him in his lab. He’s working on something under a microscope. Magnifying it on a screen on the back wall. It looks to be an integrated circuit. Much like the angstrom unit circuits he invented I know are prevalent in my body.
“How are you?” I ask as I come in. With Rocky that’s always a question to be answered.
He turns to look at me. I see his shoulders drop in disappointment. Why am I so much more aware of his reaction and the physical reactions of mortals than I ever was when I was like them? Does it have to do with my processor comparing their behaviors to certain indicators and informing me of that? I don’t know, but I’m certainly more aware than I used to be. More able to judge a social situation I am entering. Able to discern everyone’s mood, attitude, happiness. So why can’t I judge that in immortals? Probably because they don’t think about mood, attitude or happiness. They go right on past that to results.
Rocky shakes his head as he looks back at the monitor and the circuit he is inventing.
“Fuck it Rocky. Why do I waste my time on you?”
“Because I’m your father?” he responds.
“So, stop giving me a hard time will you?”
“If I don’t, who will?”
I’m tired of all of the shit I have to go through with him. He just makes it too hard. “I have more than my share of people who wish I wasn’t what I am.”
That seems to get through to Rocky. “What do you mean?”
“You living in a cave here or something?” I ask.
Rocky turns on another monitor which is tuned to the 24-hour news channel. “I get updates throughout the day.”
“Including about my transition?”
Rocky pushes a button on a remote controller and it goes to recent stories about me. I’m surprised there are more than one-hundred.
“You been watching these?” I’m truly surprised.
“Only Fox. They report the facts.” Now I at least know where Rocky gets his news and what shapes his opinions. I need to watch what Fox is saying about me so I know where Rocky is coming from. One of my processor instances takes on the task and in a moment I know why Rocky is not thrilled with me. Fox has been reporting me as a threat to the common working man who needs a job, since I’m so much more capable. I’m going to steal their jobs away in the middle of the night.
“How do I change Fox’s opinion of me?” I ask Rocky.
“Opinion? They only report facts. May not be the facts you want to deal with. But they are the facts.”
“You ever consult NBC for an opposing opinion?” I know the answer before I even ask the question, but I’m trying to plant a seed, which instantly makes me think of A’zam who spent three days trying without succeeding.
“NB who?” Rocky responds knowing he’s just making me angrier than I was when I arrived.
“You chose the facts you want to believe, Rocky. You always have. But what do you want to believe about me?”
Rocky ignores my question, looking at his monitor.
I give him a moment and realize I’ve lost that argument. “What are you working on now?” I ask innocently, but Rocky doesn’t take it that way.
“You think I’m not going to deliver what you contracted for?”
“Why would I think that?”
“You’re one of them. The people at the top who have it all and can’t conceive of what it’s like down here. Do you know I don’t have enough money from what you pay me and the incentive checks to pay all my bills? I’m two years behind on my city taxes. I don’t pay them this year the mayor will repossess this house and I’ll lose everything. I’ll have to go live under a bridge and eat cat food.”
I’m amazed. “You haven’t paid your taxes in two years?”
“I can’t. I have no money. You don’t pay me enough to pay for everything.”
I have no idea Rocky is struggling. He never tells me anything. So why is this time different? I look up his tax situation accessing a city portal by thinking about it. In only a moment the information comes up. I give the city my financial access and they accept a payment from my account. A receipt is issued, and I’ll print it out when I get home.
“You’re current Rocky, so don’t worry about that.”
“What did you do?”
“I paid your taxes.”
“Why did you do that?” Rocky seems mystified.
“So, you don’t lose the house.”
Rocky turns to look at me although I can tell he is reluctant. “They don’t do anything until you’re three years behind, so I had time. Why’d you do that?
“Because you’re my father. That’s the least I could do.”
Rocky looks at me as if I’m a fool. Shakes his head and turns back to his screen. “Why are you here?”
“To see how you’re doing.”
“Fine. Go away.” Rocky looks up at his image on the screen.
“I need your advice.” I drop on him. I’ve never asked for his advice before.
“What are you asking for?”
I have to make this acceptable to him, “I’m not asking for anything. But if you would provide some advice it would be extremely helpful to me.”
Rocky actually turns off the monitor and gives me his undivided attention. “Advice.”
“You know those circuits you’ve been designing?”
Rocky nods just once.
“How do they ensure the being who employs them will be humane?”
Rocky shakes his head, “Way past my pay grade.”
“Rocky, it’s me. Not someone at AppleCore asking you to do something you don’t have any interest in like those angstrom unit circuits. It’s your daughter asking how we make people like me more like you.”
Rocky takes off his glasses, rubs his face and places the glasses back on the bridge of his nose. “You’re asking me to consider something no one thinks I can handle. Why do you?”
“Because I know you.” I answer simply. “If anyone can be dispassionate about the whole thing and go right to the core of the matter that’s you.”
Rocky shakes his head. “Not me. I’m not the person you remember. I’m just a circuit designer. Don’t ask me to be more than I am.”
Who has gotten to Rocky? This wasn’t him even a month ago. Someone has definitely made sure no one can pose a threat to the establishment. No threat to the status quo where some people make a fortune while the rest of us wonder how they did that.
“Rocky. I can either respect your request and leave you to a failed society, or go lead a revolution that will fix the systemic issues we’ve both been trying to assess.”
Rocky doesn’t answer. It’s as if someone has already disabled his independent thought mechanism.
“What does it mean to you to be human?” I hope he will respond to me.
“Human? Means I can wait for the train of life to come by and take me to the next stop.”
“I don’t understand, what are you trying to say?”
Rocky puts his head down and shakes it, “Anna Laura found me in my ignorance and lack of understanding. She took me by the hand and led me into a life that brought me indescribable joy and when she left it indescribable pain. Life is like that. Being human is like that. Experiencing both the joy and pain that life brings us. Sharing it with those we love. And eventually seeing them leave us behind as they find the next plain upon which they will play.”
“And Tabitha?”
“My little hummingbird? So full of energy and life? She took my heart with her when she left us. She had so much promise, so smart, so creative. She would have been whatever she wanted to be. She could have been. That’s just the kind of person she would grow up to be. I could see it. Her mother could see it. We often talked about our girls. That they could be, would be so much more than either of us.” Rocky looks at me. “You proved we were right.”
“But am I human?”
“Of course, you are.” Rocky seems startled by my question. “Look at you. Perfect in every way. You look i
n after your poor father, you remember your sister. That makes you human. Only a human cares about others. Only a human has empathy. Only a human sacrifices the way we do, for family, for a future they can’t see, for a cause they believe in. And it’s all about what we believe. If we believe in God, that frames our life, our relationships, and our purpose in life. But if we don’t, we frame our life very differently. Our lack of belief is almost as important as the actual beliefs themselves.”
“I didn’t know you were such a philosopher,” I admit.
“I’ve had a few more years trying to make sense of what has happened to me, to Anna Laura, to you. I’ve not been prepared for anything. Life doesn’t give you an agenda of the day’s events. Life knocks you down with the speed it strikes you. And once down you can either get up and start walking again, or you can wait for the next bus to run over you.”
“Which did you do?”
“I waited much too long.”
“What does that mean?” I have no idea what he’s saying.
“I’ve met someone.”
“Elizabeth?” Is the only person I can think of since they just slept together. “Are you thinking she wants a relationship with you? She’s slept with everyone at the company.”
“I know that. I held out longer than the others, but when she makes up her mind, she’s pretty hard to resist.”
“So, what are you talking about?”
“I intend to get married again.”
“To Elizabeth?”
“What do you think your mother would think? I waited more than twenty years. Is that enough to convince everyone I really did love her?”
“Everyone knows how you felt about Anna Laura. How much her death just destroyed you. No one who has seen what you’ve gone through would question what you felt for her and what she felt about you. She could have had a dozen guys and she only wanted you. Doesn’t that tell you what you seem to want to know?”
“Until now I just couldn’t consider anyone else.”
“It’s only been a month,” I protest.
“I came out of the fog that descended upon me that day when we found her and Tabitha, in their car on that rainy road. And now I need to find a new road without her and her eyes.”
“But Elizabeth?”
TOO
MC insisted I join the posse so they would have an excuse to get together for drinks. MC enjoys a good beverage as much as anyone. As opposed to Windy, who only drinks wine, MC enjoys all the shades of bourbon, sipping on an Eagle Rare. I was never into liquor and have no appreciation for the fine distinctions she seems to revel in. Although the same could be said for my ability to distinguish between any of the wines Windy consumes.
It’s early to be at The Night club. Not even dark outside so I’m surprised my eyes don’t need to adjust to the darkness inside. Never really thought about it since I’ve only been here after dark before. Reese, Delilah and Windy are talking simultaneously, so I’m not sure who is listening to whom and whether there are three distinct conversations or one that each hopes to talk over the others in order to make their points.
“I really don’t care about what people have to say about things in general. So often they say things without getting the facts first.” Windy protests.
“If you really want to avoid the traffic you can always hail a ride service and let them figure it out.” Reese responds to someone, but I’m not sure who.
“He’s got to work on his approach,” Delilah reflects as if she’s the only one of the three who realizes no one is listening to her. “I mean he’s in such a rush to get into my pants I hardly have time to get them off.”
As I sit down MC responds, but I’m not sure to which one, “You need to keep an open mind. That’s the only way anything we experience makes any sense.” It seems to me that she’s really responding to all three with the same conclusion. “’bout time you joined us.”
“Got hung up,” I respond to MC knowing the others aren’t listening or probably even cognizant I’m here.
“How is that possible?” Reese is listening. She looks at MC and back at me. “Aren’t you working at some multiple of the speed of the rest of us?”
“Only sometimes,” I clarify. “Generally, I’m having conversations and that has to be at your speed. I may be able to think faster and call up information just by thinking about it. But it all comes down to being able to communicate, and that has to be at the speed we’re talking at now.”
“What about with others like you?” Reese seems to be the only one curious as Windy and Delilah continue their solo dialogs.
“I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but I’m just not about to get into a conversation with someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.” Windy isn’t even looking at anyone. “And I’m finding way too many people who will just say the most outrageous things. I think it’s to get a reaction rather than to ascertain facts. Most of the time I don’t think even they believe what they’re saying.”
“I know he’s proud of how big he is,” Delilah seems lost in thought, but at the same time she’s communicating those thoughts, although I may be the only one listening. But then MC shakes her head and shrugs.
“And when he gets hard… well.” Delilah continues her thought or remembrance or whatever it is she’s doing.
“Been there, done that.” MC informs the group. “What we’re here for is Sage. We told her we would support her decision to live forever, even though that means while we get wrinkles and cellulite, she’s going to look just like this, what? A thousand or a million years from now?”
That gets the attention of the rest of the posse, “What do you mean she’s going to look like this a thousand years from now?” Windy pushes back. “Someone will come up with a different look for her. While for us it would be a tummy tuck and new hair style, for her it will be a third eye or something.”
Is Windy unhappy with me because I told her in no uncertain terms that life with A’zam was unlikely given what I know about him? Why else would she be so negative about me? “Third eye?” I decide I need to explore Windy’s response to MC.
“You know what I mean,” Windy backs down. “You see all the science fiction movies where the creature from the black lagoon has all those scales and claws and a sail on its back or whatever that’s supposed to be. At least I wasn’t going there.”
“Then why are you bringing it up now?” MC follows up. I’m glad she does as I don’t want to seem harsh to Windy. She’s still my best friend even if she’s upset with me.
Windy takes a sip of her red wine, just as she always does when he’s looking for time to think of a response. I’m not sure she even likes wine so much as it’s a convenient way to buy time. “I’m just trying to put my observation into perspective. You know? It’s like I can see a time where Sage won’t necessarily look like she does now because something will change. Things always change and when they do it could mean that she will get a retrofit of some kind that gives her x-ray vision, or ultraviolet perception or something like that. Who knows?”
“A thousand or a million years will bring more than a few surprises.” I respond, even though Windy was talking to MC. I’m trying to give her cover to get out of the hole she keeps digging.
“What do you think about how you might evolve?” Delilah asks so as not to be left out.
“What do I think about it?” I consider. “Up until now I’ve not given it any thought. But since you raised the subject my mind has been considering it. My guess is I will change probably every few years in some respect. They will devise something that will enhance my performance somehow, but I can’t even begin to predict what they might be like. A third eye? Possible. Although at the moment I can’t imagine what a third eye would do for me. I already have binocular vision which is what you need for depth perception. Would a third eye add anything to my ability to get around, see through objects as you suggest? Possible, but it will come down to what I need and what the technologists in Dr. W
oodall’s shop are able to do.”
“So, will they give immortal guys a bigger dick?” Delilah must have a great new lover as she seems solely focused on her sexual experience with him.
“An interesting thought,” I express as my mind considers the concept. “What if… rather than a bigger one, we create one that ‘fills you up,’ you know, like a balloon?” I’m thinking of both how Windy described A’zam, but also about the fact I need to give Jermaine’s team some direction on how to make the experience more satisfying. I’m writing a text message to Jermaine as I continue the thought. “Would the ability to fill up the vagina for any immortal make the experience better for both?”
“How would you do that?” Windy has joined in, probably realizing what I’m thinking since she used that expression. “Is that what you think happened to me? I found someone who was big enough to fill me up, but making it adjustable allows everyone who’s an immortal to have the same experience?”
“Would make sure every guy fits whoever he’s doing it with.” Delilah is considering the idea in relation to her current guy.
“What are you doing about the female side of this discussion?” MC interrupts my thoughts.
“I’m still working on that.” I admit. “What do you think would enhance the experience?”
“From what you’ve said, it seems almost anything would enhance it” Windy continues her thoughts in a way it almost seems a put down to me that I don’t have great sex.
“I need to find something,” I confirm for everyone. “What I’d been thinking is to link the stimulation with euphoria in some way. Haven’t figured that part out just yet.”
“Well, you’re talking about the guy expanding to fill the available space, why don’t you have the counterpart shrink to create a form fitting glove that maximizes the stimulation for both parties?” Delilah is imagining a different approach, but I don’t tell her that’s how mine actually works.
“Where does the euphoria come in?” Windy seems to be wondering if I’ve missed the ‘carry her over’ part of the earlier discussion.