by Leanne Davis
And then one day weeks later, the divorce papers arrived in the mail. Signed. Nothing else. It was over.
When Dr. Clark asked how she was doing, Jessie started to cry. It took all this time but finally the tears came. She excused herself to the bathroom. When she came out, she found that Dr. Clark had closed the clinic early. He asked if she’d like to talk about it. Over coffee.
Jessie stopped and stared at Noah Clark. He was handsome. He was kind. He was intelligent. And he was looking at her.
“Yes, I could use a cup of coffee about now.”
“Is it Will that has you so upset?”
“I got our divorce papers in the mail today.”
Noah’s hand jerked, and he almost dropped his coffee cup. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“Maybe I should explain this. You see, Will and I, we aren’t exactly what you think we are....”
She told him the story. She told him everything, from her first meeting of Will in Mexico, to coming home. She told him about her father, her sister, her father’s friends, and Will. All of it centered on Will and what he did for her, and gave to her.
Noah finally finished his coffee, putting it down. “Will is not someone you’ll get over. Not really. Not with everything that happened to you, and what he did for you.”
Jessie looked Noah in the eye. “No, he’s not someone I’ll ever get over. But he’s not here, Noah. He won’t be back.”
Noah. She wasn’t sure when she decided to drop the Dr. Clark and call him Noah. Jessie looked at Noah’s face. “Will thought, well, he thought you might be in love with me.”
Noah’s smile widened. “He did? Yet he remained so polite to me?”
She grinned back. “Will isn’t unsure of himself.”
“No, I suppose not. Well, he was kind of right. I do like you. I don’t know if I’d say I was in love with you. But I like you, and I have thought about asking you out on a date. Until that is, you said you were married to Will.”
Jessie tilted her head. No one ever reacted with so little emotional to her. It was so normal. So nice. “Do you still?”
“Still what?”
“Think about asking me on a date.”
Noah seemed to consider her before nodding. “Yes. I still do.”
“I think I’d like that, Noah.”
****
Per Will’s instructions, she was supposed to quit writing to him. The problem was, writing to Will was part of her therapy. Instead of a diary, she wrote letters to Will. Although she should have been able to switch destinations, and write to herself, she could not. She tried for weeks. Each time she brought out a spiral notebook, all she did was stare blankly at the white pages. There wasn’t anything to say to herself.
But to Will? There was always way too much to say to Will. She had to tell him everything that happened since he left: about Noah, about work, about the horses. There was more, like how she felt. About everything. About him. About him leaving. About getting the divorce papers. About Noah asking her out on a date. About losing twenty pounds. There was so much to say, and she said it. She sent the letters to Tony Lindstrom, as she had for the last few years. She wondered if, at some point, they’d be returned to her unopened, because Will was moving on. How could he though, with the Jessie albatross around his neck?
She did, however, start dating Noah Clark, in a way she never did before. Sex didn’t happen first. They didn’t have sex at all, in fact. They worked together. They went to dinner and coffee. They saw movies. They walked to the park on nice days. They talked about work and the animals. They discussed the people they knew, and patients they shared. They talked in such an ordinary way, Jessie felt like she was experiencing normal for the first time ever in her life.
Even Will, how she felt about him was never normal. Nothing could ever be normal between Will and her. Violence, pain, unhappiness, and Will saving her. Helping her. But never Will just being her friend. Being there to talk about what happened during his day. There wasn’t and never would be a time when Will would come to her and easily discuss his day. Laughing at something stupid one of the pet owners said to him would never happen with Will. Not like it did with Noah.
Jessie reveled in her newfound joy. The ease of everything with no demands. There was no pain. There was no guilt after sex she didn’t want. There was no punishment. There was simply being. Smiling. Caring. Being nice. Being polite. Being kind. Being Jessie for the first time in her entire life.
There was, Jessie started to believe, a very real chance she might be falling in love with Noah Clark. A different love than she’d ever felt before. It was a quiet, kind, simple happiness that arose from his genuine smiles at seeing her, to his kind words and phone calls, his considerate dinners, and funny notes. Jessie felt wonderful being courted, and being with a nice guy for once. She previously showed disdain toward men whom she found boring, stupid, easy to manipulate, and crush. Not so with Noah. There was no urge for her to do anything to him, but be with him.
Jessie was standing at the reception counter at work when the receptionist handed her the phone. Jessie took it and realized it was her sister calling.
“Hey, Linds, what’s up?”
Jessie said it casually, almost happily. But she stopped smiling as soon as her sister spoke, and Lindsey’s words started to sink in. Jessie dropped the phone. Her mouth opened in shock as her eyes widened in horror. The man paying his bill grabbed her as she started to fall towards the ground. The receptionist called for Noah, who gently walked her into one of the exam rooms. He closed the door for privacy and gave her a chair. Then he told her to take several long breaths until her dizziness start to pass. She was leaning forward, staring at the floor. But she finally lifted her eyes to Noah.
“Lindsey told me Will was reported missing in action. They don’t think the news will be good.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Will tried to see through the swollen pain of his bruised eyes. He felt blood dripping from his nose, and off his mouth. His sweat mixed with the blood, nearly blinding him as it continued to drip. He stared at his hooded captor, and saw the fist coming again, but flinched before it hit him. His head snapped at the force of knuckles being driven into his cheek. He grunted in pain. His hands pulled against the metal restraints that kept him attached to the wall.
Finally, he understood what Jessie suffered. He always imagined, wondered, and sympathized, but he never really knew. For days, all he could think about was Jessie. He thought about her all through the pain, the waiting, and the torment. He thought about everything she did for him, gave up for him, to be healed for him. And he left her. For this.
Their mission had quickly gone to hell, and now he was paying for it. He and his team were sent into a small village in Afghanistan. Their mission was to find a courier who they suspected was running information between two key terrorist camps. Shunning electronics, they resorted to the old-fashioned means: human delivery. They were ordered to follow the courier, locate the whereabouts of one or both leaders, do reconnaissance, and get out.
Only something went wrong, and they didn’t manage to get out. They were ambushed. Two members were dead, the rest escaped, and only Will was taken prisoner.
He now faced the wrath of his captors. They demanded to know the specifics of what the Americans knew. Specifics that Will had, but wasn’t giving up. Pretty soon, Will knew he’d die for withholding information.
But now, that wasn’t acceptable. All he could think about was, what would happen to Jessie if he dies? She wouldn’t survive it. She needed him alive, and therefore, dying was out of the question. He found an iron resolve he never felt capable of before. He once rescued her single-handedly, and now, he had to rescue himself. There was no one left. No one, that is, who knew where he was. There wasn’t another Will Hendricks to repel in and free him.
Jessie Bains, was there, and very real, waiting for him. He had to live. For her. For her life. For their life together.
****
The pain was excruciating, and Jessie couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t go on after this. Not anymore. Not after everything they shared. She could not survive Will’s death. She could live with everything that ever happened to her, or was done to her, but she could not go on if Will was not alive.
She shut down, and her entire life crumbled with Lindsey’s phone call. After her initial shock, she didn’t react again. She didn’t even cry. She simply chose to quit living too. Noah took her home, and stayed with her. But the entire time, she said nothing. She lay on her bed. Alone. Lost. Forgotten. Poor Jessie Bains all over again.
Noah made the arrangements and had her on a plane to North Carolina before the day was over. Back to her former life. He packed for her, and drove her to the Spokane Airport. He even got on the plan with her. He had to do everything because she could only move by rote. She was so numb, she couldn’t smile. She couldn’t frown. She couldn’t feel. She felt even worse than how she did on the way back from Mexico. Mexico. Where Will first came into her life.
How could she ever survive now, if he was gone?
Noah nudged her, and Jessie slowly rose to her feet. Looking around, she realized all the plane’s passengers were getting to their feet. Jessie was like a zombie, being roused from death. She felt arthritic as she grabbed her purse and carry-on. Silently following Noah down the aisle, to the terminal gate, through security, until they came to the main doors of the airport, she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. She stood still, appearing completely and utterly confused, hurt, scared, and terrified. Standing there before her, was her father.
She wanted to turn and flee. She didn’t know how to face the general. Not here. Not ever. Not without Will. She hadn’t faced him alone in nearly three years. How could she? Why was he here?
Noah.
She nearly breathed a sigh of total relief when Noah put his hand on her elbow. He didn’t know, of course, why she stopped, nor would he recognize the general. He could never understand the importance or the pain of this critical moment. Only Will could have understood.
But, at least, Noah was there, and she wasn’t totally alone. The general couldn’t do anything to her as long as Noah was there.
“Hello, Jessie. It’s been a long time.”
“How did you know I was coming?”
“How did I know? I’m not an idiot, like you. I knew you’d come because of him.”
Will. Of course. But how did he know when she’d come? His smile evoked pure evil and reminded her of what her last few years were spent trying forget. The almighty general could do anything, see anything, or cause anything. She felt like she was right back in the spider’s web.
Only this time, Will was not there to save her.
Jessie straightened up and threw her shoulders back. This time, she had to save herself. She had to stand up for herself against the general, using everything Will taught her.
“So what if I did come? What’s it to you?”
The general’s eyes flickered. He wasn’t expecting her to outright challenge him. He didn’t like it either. He grabbed her wrist, in a handcuff-tight and controlling grip until Noah suddenly stepped forward.
“I’m Dr. Noah Clark. And you are?” Noah said with his hand extended. The general’s eyes stayed on Jessie for a long moment before he slowly looked towards the veterinarian. He finally released Jessie’s hand and shook Noah’s.
“General Travis Bains. Jessie’s father. Who are you?”
“Jessie’s boyfriend.”
Jessie didn’t expect Noah’s stance to become so rigid, tough, and tall. He seemed to puff his chest out and his voice was laced with feeling. Conviction. She smiled at him with tears in her eyes. She didn’t expect Noah to stick up for her.
The general’s lips curled into a sneer. “Any friend of Jessie’s is—”
“Nothing. Nothing to you.”
Her father’s attention returned to her. “We need to talk.”
“No, we have nothing to say.”
Jessie found her legs and politely stepped around her father. She kept walking with Noah right there beside her. She was so grateful for his presence, she nearly cried.
They left as quickly as they could.
“That’s part of what Will did, isn’t it? Protect you from him?”
Jessie nodded. “Yes. Thank you for what you did back there.”
Noah sighed. “I have a feeling it was barely half as valiant as what your soldier might have done, huh?”
Jessie looked up at Noah. “No. Will wasn’t like that. He was quiet and confident. He did anything and everything, except act like a bully or use violence, unless he had no other choice. You were very valiant, Noah.”
“Where to now?”
“My sister’s. She’ll know what to do next.”
They pulled into the address of her sister’s new residence with her husband. He too, was currently deployed. Jessie had never been there before. She hadn’t been back to North Carolina since Will made her leave. The only thing that could draw her back now was Will.
Her heart constricted as his name crossed her brain. The pain was so fresh, her breath felt like it was being squeezed out of her lungs.
Jessie and Noah stood together on the small porch of Lindsey’s brown house. It had a neat, tidy yard that matched Lindsey’s neat, tidy personality. She opened the door, and her blue eyes grew big as saucers. Stepping forward, she embraced Jessie in a long, genuine hug. At last, the tears Jessie was choking on fell freely.
Lindsey pulled her into the living room and held Jessie, rubbing her hair and her back, while crooning softly to her. Finally, the flowing tears abated, and she quieted down until becoming silent in her big sister’s embrace.
Jessie pulled back, remembering her companion. Noah had closed the front door and was standing discreetly with his back against it, waiting out her emotional event. Jessie wiped a hand over her red, swollen eyes and face.
“God, Noah, I’m so sorry. Lindsey, this is Dr. Noah Clark. He’s my boss where I work. He brought me here, and made all the arrangements. He’s—”
Jessie didn’t know what to say. Weeks ago, she might have referred to Noah as her boyfriend, but now? Wondering if Will might be dead eclipsed everything she felt for anyone else. Her grief overcame her. Will. The man who always had her heart, as well as her soul from the first time he stopped her from cutting herself.
How could she call Noah her boyfriend? Especially if Will might very well already be dead. The thought of him being gone made her stomach fist in repulsion. How could she claim Noah as anything to her when her heart was shattered over losing the only man she ever loved?
Noah stepped forward, his hand out held to Lindsey. “I’m her friend. She got the news at work. I took it upon myself to make sure she got to where she needed to be.”
Jessie watched Lindsey take Noah’s hand. She shook it, and met his frank gaze before looking away. “Thank you, Dr. Clark. I can’t tell you how much that means to everyone.”
“Noah, please, Ms. Bains.”
“Call me Lindsey. Well, it’s actually Lindsey Johanson now. I was recently married.”
“Congratulations. I should get going. Gotta get a room for the night.”
“No. You can’t possibly. Please stay here. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for Jessie. We have plenty of room. My husband is overseas, so it’s really not any problem at all.”
Noah hesitated, but finally nodded. Jessie felt the strange shift in the room. Two days ago, Noah came near her and she instantly felt his presence. He would put his hand on hers, and lean in closer to talk intimately. Now, however, a strange formality existed between them. With a snap of the fingers, she was Jessie Hendricks again and married to Will.
“Tell me everything, Lindsey. What do you know?”
“I don’t really. Not officially. Dad... he told me, Jess. I’m sorry, I know how painful it is for you to hear about him. But he called and told me.”
“Did yo
u know he was at the airport?”
Lindsey’s surprise was genuine, as well as her dismay. “He what? How could he know when you’d be getting in? Even I didn’t know.”
“Because he knew she’d come for Will,” Noah said quietly behind both of them. Jessie turned and looked into his eyes. She saw only quiet, sincere friendship in them for her now. “I take it Dad isn’t exactly a treasured member of the family. He’s part of your story, isn’t he, Jessie?”
“Yes. The key part. The primary part.”
“And Will protected you from him, didn’t he?”
“Yes. He did.”
Noah nodded. “I gathered. I saw. We’ll have to be careful.”
Lindsey looked from her to Noah. “She’s not in any physical danger.” Jessie stared harder at the floor. She never could tell Lindsey the complete truth about the general. It would hurt her too much.
“Are you? Jessie? Are you telling me he’s hurt you before?”
Jessie raised her eyes to Lindsey, and saw the panic in hers. But Jessie finally nodded. There were no more lies or protecting. If Will was dead, the truth had to finally come out.
Lindsey’s face crumbled. “I didn’t know. I never knew. I never knew anything. How come I keep getting broadsided?”
“Just like I never could ask for help. Instead, I did every repulsive thing I could to repel everyone I loved. Including Will. He was the only one who ever looked beyond it.”
Lindsey’s eyes filled. “Oh God, I’m sorry. For everything. But mostly for Will.”
“Tell me everything you know.”
“It’s not much, and it’s not official yet. Dad, I mean the general said Will was on a mission that went wrong. There was gunfire, and KIAs. Will was taken prisoner. But that’s not being released because of some sensitive material the group was in possession of. He told me in the strictest confidence. He could lose his position for telling me. And you, but I’m sure he wanted you to know.”
Jessie felt dizzy and confused. She didn’t know what to believe. Did her father merely want her to know? Did he care enough to risk his career now to help her? Tell her what happened to the man she loved? Then slowly, Will’s voice entered her head. Reason it out. Don’t react with the old, needy, rash habits. Think. What other reasons might the general have? Reasons that better fitted the general’s predictable self? Telling Lindsey brought Jessie out of hiding. And brought her home, back under the general’s jurisdiction. Unprotected. But why? Why would the general want that so bad he would risk his career?