by Lyssa Layne
I'm already on a second cup of black coffee, and the caffeine’s finally kicking in. Joy-Anna is standing beside me.
I can feel her eyes on my arm and I have this huge grin on my face… I know what’s coming.
''What the fuck, Presley? Have you lost your freaking mind? A bee? Do you honestly think I'm stupid? I know you did that because of Abbie.''
I can't help but chuckle at her reaction, which makes her even angrier.
''You think this is funny? Does Abbie know? She’d better come back, or you're stuck with a meaningless fucking bee tattoo.'' Joy’s fuming. Her cheeks are fiery red and I swear I can see smoke coming out of her ears. ''This is the most ridiculous thing you have ever done.''
''I’ll never love anyone else, Joy. She owns my heart; my love. I’ve given them both to Abbie. This tattoo belongs on my arm, just like yours and Alicia’s. '' I point to the other tattoos on my arms, which represent each of them. Yeah, I'm a sensitive kind of guy.
''Whatever, Pres. I'm sorry you haven’t heard from Bee yet. '' She calms down swiftly, which surprise me. Joy normally doesn’t let things go that easily. It’s my lucky day.
Every time I'm reminded that Abbie’s not talking to me, my heart hurts. ''No, I haven’t heard from her,'' I respond. The smile I was sporting a few seconds ago is gone. I miss her terribly. I sneak a look at my phone for the hundredth time today, and there it is. Abbie’s sent me a text message. I'm in between a change of sets, so I have a couple of minutes to read what she’s said and reply.
Abbie: Hi Presley. I'm out of town. Got an emergency call from Dwayne last night; my mom's sick. Don't worry, I'm with Cam. Hope you fixed your issue with the bitch... I won't be able to call/text a lot since I'll be at the hospital most of the time. ILY
Cam? What the hell? Why didn't she call me? Wait a second, her mom's sick? Damn it. I don’t know if I should be mad about her being with Cam or happy because she’s contacted me. It’s a terrible mix of emotions.
Presley: Love, how can I not worry? Where are you exactly?
I wait impatiently but I don't get an answer. The models are waiting for me. I delayed too long and now I’ve got to deal with an irritated director, who’s pissed because I took forever getting started. I keep my cool and work even harder. At least Abbie said she loved me. It’s all I needed to hear. With a bit of luck, she'll have replied to my message by the time we’re finished with the shoot. I'm getting tired of taking photos of semi-naked women. I never thought I would say that, but all I want is to be done and find my girlfriend. I need to be with her.
The shoot finally ends, and I grab my cameras and the rest of the gear and head home. I don’t waste any time hanging around the set. I want to be with Abbie, but I have no idea where she is. I don’t even know her mother’s surname. I realize I’ve got no way of finding out which hospital her mother was admitted to. At least Abbie didn't sound mad in her message. If I remember correctly, she said her mom lives in Myrtle Beach.
Shit, I‘m worried. She’s with Cam, who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend. He seems like a good guy, but clearly he still loves Abbie. It was written all over his face when we saw him at the restaurant in New York. At least I know he’s there to support her, and I’m pleased that she isn’t alone to deal with this crisis, but he’d better not cross any lines.
I try calling her, but I get voice mail straight away. “Hi, this is Abbie Rylee. Leave a message.” I hang up, because I’d rather send her a text message. I don’t know what to say.
Presley: Bee, it's been hours since I got your message, please let me know what's going on. I fucking miss you.
I pace the apartment, waiting for a response. Nothing. The only thing I can do now is wait for her to call or send a text. As soon as I know where she is, I’m getting on a plane. I suddenly remember. Shit. I have another shoot booked.
Fuck.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Abbie
I’m practically running toward the terminal exit, desperate to find Cameron. Fast. I need to be with Mom, and I hope I’ll be able to talk to her. I don’t know how bad her condition is, and that’s the hardest part to deal with right now. I don't know what to expect. Is she in a coma? Is she heavily medicated? I want to hug her and talk to her, try and make up for what we’ve missed out on. I've never been a believer, but I'm praying to God to let me talk to her before time runs out. My backpack is bouncing around on my back while I’m trying to blink back tears. I must look like a complete idiot, but I don’t care. Finally, in the main airport terminal, I try to find Cam through my blurred vision. It doesn't take me long to identify him. Holy crap! Cameron. He's so tanned, it's crazy, and he looks so incredibly fit. Physically, he’s a different person than I remember. He’s looking good, I have to admit. Even though I saw him not long ago, it was very brief and I was so surprised to see him, so I didn’t take much notice of how he looked. When I think of him, I always imagine the old Cameron, the man who used to be my Cameron. He was much skinnier and his muscles were half the size they are now. I pluck a tissue from my backpack and dry my face.
''Hey, if it isn't my man in black,'' I announce with a little smile on my face. Even though the circumstances aren’t ideal, I'm glad to see him, and I can't hide it.
''Abbie, I'm so sorry about your mother.'' He takes my hand as he guides me through the parking lot. For the first few seconds it feels really weird because I'm used to holding Presley’s hand, but I get over the awkwardness quickly. I know Cam knows that I'm with someone. I’m certain he is just being a friend lending support and I appreciate it more than I could say.
I glance around the parking lot. ''Where’s your car, I assume you’ve still got the Eclipse?''
He’d always dreamed of buying a Mitsubishi Eclipse, and the week prior to our breakup, he purchased one. It was midnight blue, with a black leather interior. He loved that car more than anything, it was his pride and joy.
''I sold it.'' He says, scratching his scalp with his left hand.
I stop walking and stare at him. ''What? You can't be serious. You loved that car; it was your baby.''
He sighed. ''Yeah, well, ever since I met her, I changed my mind.'' He points to the black motorbike parked a few feet away.
''Her? A Ninja? Your dad's going to freak out.'' I'm sure Frank doesn't approve of his son’s vehicle choice. He knows how Cam is. Always the need for speed. I’m sure this is not a good idea.
''Just get your ass on the seat and hold on tight.''
I do as I'm told. I slip my backpack onto my back and settle onto his bike. He sits in front of me and I wrap my arms around his waist. His abs tighten underneath my hands, and I immediately get a little uncomfortable. His body is reacting to my touch; I'll have to be more careful in future.
''Don't overthink this Ab; I'm just giving you a ride,'' Cam says quietly.
He knows. I haven’t touched him like this in years, and it’s awkward. I lean my head against his back and I’m unable to hold back the tears. I let them free. I'm not looking forward to seeing my mom in her current condition. I wish I was coming here for a different reason. Shopping, a spa day, or something fun... anything but this situation we found ourselves in. Instead Mom will be lying in a hospital bed, wearing a nightgown. I imagine her skin will be pale and she'll probably hate the fact that I’m seeing her like this.
The Ninja makes a huge amount of noise, but I think that’s what makes Cameron proud to own the bike. He obviously loves it, as much as he loved his car. He handles it very well and he's an excellent rider. I’ve always felt safe with Cam, and I still do, even on the back of a motorbike. It reminds me of when we were kids. He was always the one who protected me, making sure I was safe and in good hands. He used to act like my big brother.
***
''Here we go, Abbie. Do you want me to come in with you, or do you want to go on your own?'' I hadn’t thought about this question before we reached the hospital, but the answer comes swiftly.
''I’d like it a lot if you woul
d come up with me,'' I say, hoping he will agree.
Cam smiles and steps toward me. He cups my face in his hands and wipes away the tears. ''I'm here for you, always.'' He pauses, looking straight into my eyes. ''I wasn’t happy about that guy, Dean, but I knew you’d stopped talking to me because of him. I don’t hold it against you, Abbie.''
''Thanks, Cam. I appreciate it.''
We walk into the hospital, and I ask at the front desk for Mom’s room number. This is history repeating itself. I can't stop the tears from falling. Cam's glued to my side and everything seems like a blur. I suffer through flashbacks of my father's stay in hospital. This is painful – very painful.
We enter the elevator, and it's crammed full of people. Cameron holds me against his side. I'm about to face Mom, and all the memories of Dad in the exact same position continue to flood back. Once we reach Mom’s room, I freeze in front of the closed door. I can’t move, I can’t force myself to go inside. I just keep crying, too afraid to face her. Cameron's trying to calm me down, telling me that I can do this, that I need to be strong. He promises me he will be by my side the whole time. I nod in agreement to everything he has said.
Taking a deep breath, I press my hand against the door and push it open. I slowly walk into the room and I notice Dwayne sitting by Mom’s side. His eyes are tired and red from crying too much. He stands up when he sees us, and a small smile appears on his lips.
''She's here, honey, Abbie's here.'' He sounds surprised to see that I actually came, as he tells Mom of my arrival.
''Abbie? My baby? Abbie?'' I can’t see Mom yet, but her voice is raspy. Not like I remember.
As I catch my first look at Mom, I try to hold back the tears, but I'm failing miserably. ''I'm here, Mom.'' I haven’t seen her in such a long time.
The thing I notice first is that she’s lost so much weight. Her face is so different, thinner, and there are dark circles under her eyes. She's way too pale for someone who lives in South Carolina, and her lips are cracked and dry. The pain I suffer when I look at her is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. She used to be full of life, dancing while she was doing the dishes, running every morning to keep fit, and now I doubt she can manage to stand on her feet. All I keep asking myself as I stand there watching her is why her? Why me? Why do I have to deal with another parent with cancer?
''How long have you known, Mom?'' I question quietly.
It takes her a minute to speak. ''We found out about a week ago. I wasn't feeling well while Dwayne was out of town for three weeks. I didn't go to the doctor, because I thought it was a simple virus. When he arrived home, he was so worried he forced me to come to the hospital and they did a whole bunch of tests. I have breast cancer – at least that's where it all started – but the cancer’s spread to my lungs and my kidneys. They can’t save me, Abbie, I only have a few days left. Maybe a week, if I'm lucky.'' She starts to cry. ''I never saw any signs of illness, until recently. I was tired all the time but I thought I was going through menopause or something.'' Mom seems as shocked as I am about her situation. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for Mom and Dwayne.
Cameron's standing behind me. Before I collapse to the floor, he catches me and holds me tightly in his arms. I need him so badly right now. He's the only person I have left who connects me to the past. He understands.
My heart hurts. I’m not sure how to deal with this. I haven’t been close to my mom in years. I’m not even sure I know her anymore, and yet here I am, seeing her sick with no chance of survival. I hate that my mind is lost in a turmoil of regrets. I was okay with our situation before this morning and now it all changes because I’m about to lose her.
Life is not fair. It’s unfair for Mom to be dying at such a young age. And it’s unfair that I have to deal with this a second time.
***
It’s late. Cam and I are staying at Mom and Dwayne’s house. I’ve never been here before, so it's strange to find myself in a bedroom with my name written on the door. All of these years, she’s kept a bedroom for me, and I never knew. I was never invited. It makes me aware of how many regrets she must have lived with.
Dwayne will be staying with her overnight. He said he'd call us if anything happened. I felt bad about leaving him at the hospital, but I really need to get some sleep. The last twenty-four hours have been, well, hell.
Once I’m settled in the bedroom, I check my phone. I completely forgot to call Presley, haven’t even sent him a message. He must be going crazy. When I finally look at the screen of my phone I’ve missed three texts and my stomach begins to sink. Damn it. He's obviously losing it.
Abbie: Sorry, sorry, sorry... I was at the hospital all day. I just got to Mom’s house. She's very sick, baby. She only has few more days left. I'm so exhausted, but I have to stay strong. She needs me.
I hope he'll answer quickly.
Presley: Can I call you?
I should have thought about that before. My fingers are flying over the buttons, I can’t wait to hear his voice. Everything will seem better when I hear his voice.
''Bee?'' I love it when he calls me Bee. It's so cute.
''Yeah it's me...'' I take a deep breath. ''I’m so sorry, Presley. Between Kelly, and now my mom, there's been a lot going on.''
''Forget about Kelly. She was drunk, and it didn’t mean anything. She was behaving badly on purpose, because she saw you had arrived on the set.'' He sounds exasperated.
''It’s okay, I get it.” I smile grimly. “Now, at least.''
''Where are you, anyway?''
''Myrtle Beach.''
''I have a big job tomorrow and the following day. I can’t cancel them, Bee, as much as I’d like to fly down there. It’s at Dad’s firm and I had to convince him I’m good enough. It will look bad to him and his partners if I cancel last minute.''
''It’s alright, baby. There isn't much going on here for now. I’ll just be hanging around Mom’s hospital room all the time, anyway.''
''Is it cancer?'' He asks the question hesitantly, knowing the subject is a touchy one.
''Yeah. It was initially located in her breast, but now it’s spread to her lungs and kidneys.”
After forty-five minutes of catching up, we say our final goodbyes and I settle in on the bed to get some much-needed sleep. I missed Presley a lot today. We talked a lot about my mom, I vented, he listened…it was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty, because I asked so little about him, but I promise myself as soon as I returned home I’ll ask him every detail about his shoots. We get off the phone, but almost instantly I feel a void without having him here. I decide to send him an ‘I love you’ text because I just missed him so much. As much as I knew he would be here if he could, it didn’t stop me from feeling sad that he wasn’t. I could really use a good Presley squeeze right about now.
***
It’s the middle of the night, and I'm sitting on the bed, listening to Cam’s snores drifting down the hall from the couch in the living room. I’m occupied with thoughts about Mom and Presley. I'm glad I finally got to speak to Presley; it filled me with a much needed sense of ease and calm. He insisted he’s coming to Myrtle Beach, just as soon as he can. I can’t wait to see him again and hold him close. I miss his kisses, the touch of his soft lips against mine. If I'm lucky, Mom might even get to meet him. At least if Mom meets Presley, she will know I'm in good hands with him. So many things I didn’t share with her over the years, I want her to know about Presley.
I take off my jeans, and put on Presley’s t-shirt, which I remembered to bring with me. The instant my head hits the pillow I’m out. The stresses from the day have finally caught up with me and I crash. When I wake up several hours later, I feel amazingly refreshed as soon as my eyes open. I sit up, stretch my arms into the air. Something in the corner of my room catches my eye and makes me jump and then I realize it’s just Cameron, asleep in my chair.
What is he doing here?
This can't be happening. Exactly ho
w long did he sit and stare at me before he fell asleep?
I’m annoyed. I love Presley, and only Presley. Cameron is a good guy, but he’s just a friend. I slip into my jeans, unhappy that Cameron’s seen me in my underwear, and grab a change of clothes before I jump into the shower.
After showering, I prepare breakfast for Cameron and me. As soon as I enter the kitchen I hear Cameron shuffling around upstairs. He pokes his head around the corner of the kitchen and asks if it is okay if he takes a shower. We don’t talk about him sleeping in my room while I grab a clean towel for him, but I figure we’ll talk about it later. I scour through Mom’s refrigerator and find the fixings for bacon, eggs and toast. It’s weird to be in here and make breakfast like any other day. This is her home but it was never mine. Whether that is because she never invited me or I never asked, the fact remains. I'm starting to regret not calling when I could have and I know I have to try to make it right before it’s too late.
''Ab, I forgot to tell you, Dwayne called. Everything's fine at the hospital. He's waiting for us to arrive so he can to come home and get a little sleep.'' Cam appears from the bedroom in a pair of boardshorts, holding his t-shirt in one hand, and his phone in the other. I’m startled by the unexpected view of his hard as steel six-pack, but I nod, and deliberately avoid looking his way again. He must train every single day to get a body like that. His abs are sculpted to perfection, and his chest is so toned. He should be a personal trainer or something. Mentally shaking my head, I try to focus on something else.