by Lyssa Layne
He was only gone twenty four hours and already she was fantasizing about him. What the hell was wrong with her? She was glad she was still here, able to spend more time with Jennifer. Today was their girls' day out. Stavros had Sunday’s “off” so Jennifer had suggested a day of pedicures, manicures and a few hours of shopping. Both women were trying to prepare for the reading of Austin’s will tomorrow and although there was no animosity left between them, it was still going to be hard. A girl's day was just what they needed.
She had contacted Sally yesterday and had her change her flight plans. Sally was thrilled at the outcome of Ana’s trip and assured Ana that everything was under control at the office. She hadn’t heard from the Senator, which was good news. Three days into their vacation with no contact meant everything was going without a hitch. The other, smaller trips for clients had been handled easily, everyone knowing that Sally was Ana’s right-hand woman and to give her problems meant they were giving Ana problems. No one wanted that.
Ana eventually got up and took a leisurely shower, trying to wash away the remnants of the dream that seemed so real. She finally got dressed and was just finishing her hair when there was a knock on her door.
“Morning sunshine! Ready for our day out and about?” Jennifer’s singsong voice floated to Ana in the bathroom as Jennifer open the door.
“In here! Just finishing up my hair.” Ana came out of the bathroom to see Jennifer placing a platter of bagels, cream cheese and lox on the nightstand. A carafe of coffee was in her other hand, dangling dangerously between her pinky and ring finger.
“Good gracious! Let me help you with that!” Ana chastised her with a smile and took the carafe that was hanging so precariously.
“Got it. My years as a waitress gave me excellent juggling skills!” Then she laughed at Ana’s quizzical smile. “During my rebellious period, I refused to use any of my parent's money and put myself through two years of college by waitressing and student loans.”
“Only two years?” Ana teased.
“Yeah, I eventually realized that I could use their money for the greater good. I let them pay the rest of my schooling with the agreement that I could use part of my trust fund my grandparents left me to help finance the art gallery. My parents had met Austin by then and seeing his work, knew that he was very talented and extremely marketable, so they agreed.”
“Wow! That’s incredible!” Ana was dumbfounded. She knew people grew up with money but because she had never experienced it, she never thought of the benefits or the strings tied to family money.
“Not as incredible as you! I can’t imagine being a self-made business woman! I’m envious of you, in a good way. You are my heroine!”
They both laughed at Jennifer’s proclamation. Ana tenderly took Jennifer’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You are my heroine. So strong and loving. I feel truly blessed and happy that I came here. Thank you for having me.”
Jennifer squeezed her hand back and they started laughing again, seeing the tears welling up in both of their eyes.
“Enough! This is a fun girl's day! I figured the bagels will tide us over through the pedicures and manicures and then we can get brunch. After that, I would love to show you our art gallery. Then shopping, an early supper and a few chick flicks that Stavros won’t watch with me!”
“Sounds wonderful.” Ana replied, though she noted with sorrow that it was Stavros she named as having tried to watch movies with and not Austin. The more she heard about Austin through Jennifer’s voice, the less it sounded like the man she had fell in love with all those years ago. She felt sorry that Jennifer didn’t seem to know the Austin that Ana had known.
The day went by quickly and was filled with beautiful scenery and lots of laughter. The salon where they had their manicures and pedicures served them delicious mimosas and at brunch, because Devon was their chauffeur for the day, Jennifer insisted they indulge and have fun so they continued with bloody Marys. They went shopping at Harrods of Knightsbridge, Ana consciously aware that they spent more money in one stop than most people make in a month. They had a light supper at a café in Haywards Heath before going back to the manor.
Ana was giggling and laughing as they hauled in their loot from the day when she realized she had never had so much fun with another female in her life. She vowed then that she would make sure that the friendship she had with Jennifer wouldn’t end with the reading of Austin’s will.
Wanting to change into comfortable lounging clothes, they agreed to meet in the kitchen to raid the pantry for supplies before heading to the theater room. After deciding on some summer meats, brie and crackers, Ana headed to the theater room while Jennifer grabbed a few beers.
“I’m sorry but there’s nothing like a cold beer with crackers and cheese to end a wonderful day!” Jennifer stated and Ana wholeheartedly agreed. They started the movie, “Summer of the Traveling Pants”, as they both settled on the long velvety sofa placed at the center of the viewing screen. They laughed and joked about the antics of the day when the subject slowly deviated to Rick’s reading on Friday and the things that had been revealed. They both agreed that Jennifer’s painting was exquisite and should be included in the next art gallery showing, but as a private piece and not for sale.
“Have you come to terms with the things Rick spoke of?” Jennifer asked hesitantly.
Ana knew immediately what Jennifer was asking about and she felt the dread well up in her. She felt so close to Jennifer and didn’t want to hurt her but the feeling of guilt she had in her dream that morning almost gagged her and she choked on a bite of cheese, quickly drinking a swig of beer to wash it down.
Her instinctual response was denial, as she had done for so many years but then she remembered the feeling of freedom and fun she’d had during the past ten hours. Did she want to be free of the guilt that had plagued her all these years and risk the pain she would inflict on Jennifer or should she respect Jennifer‘s feelings and continue to keep her secret?
Torn, she stumbled, “I don’t want to hurt you. Believe it or not, you are becoming the best friend I’ve ever had and I fear that if I tell you everything, you won’t want to be friends with me anymore.”
“Oh Ana, I don’t think that’s possible! I’ve had the worst thoughts of you before you came, all these years, and you’ve shown me what a wonderful person you are! I was so wrong about you!”
Ana took another drink of her beer, feeling the panic well up in her stomach, she had never talked about that night and it almost felt alien on her tongue. She started the story slowly.
“It was going to be our first night together. His mother was over at her sister’s house and his father was closing the shop that night. Austin had it all planned out, he had cleaned up his room, made the bed and had candles going. I was only sixteen at the time but it was the most romantic night of my life.”
Ana nibbled on her cheese, trying to form her thoughts and Jennifer let her take her time, not wanting to rush the story she knew was so difficult for Ana to tell.
“She wasn’t supposed to be home for hours but then all of a sudden she was in Austin’s doorway, yelling at both of us, telling me to get out of her house and for Austin to get dressed. I remember crying, feeling so embarrassed and knowing it was going to take a lot to make it up to his mother. Austin was yelling back at her that I was the woman he loved and was going to marry, that she shouldn’t speak to me that way. So many nasty things were said that night between Austin and his mom, I kept trying to tell him it was alright, that I should go home and let everything cool down. He gave me a kiss before I fled down the porch stairs to my car, his mother calling me a no good whore.” Ana was crying now, though Jennifer didn’t think she was aware of it. “I got home and ran to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me which was a huge mistake because I woke up my mother, who came in yelling at me that I was rude and disrespectful. She didn’t even ask why I was crying, just that I needed to be quieter in the house. She left my room grumbling that she
was going to have to go make herself a cup of tea to be able to fall back to sleep, I never heard the door. Next thing I knew Mom was telling me that Austin’s dad was on the porch and wanted to see me. I had always gotten along with his dad and I knew he would understand, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment that I felt. I went out to the screened in porch, drying my eyes and I saw him standing there holding a dozen long stemmed red roses.
I was so excited and happy, believing Austin had sent his father to give me the roses! Knowing that things were on shaky ground with his mother, I’m sure he wanted to let me know that he still loved me, no matter what. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and assumptions that I didn’t hear what he was saying until I heard him say that he loved me. I remember looking at him, feeling confused, nodding my head that I knew Austin loved me, but then he was shaking his head no, that I didn’t understand. He knew his son was in love with me but so was he. He wanted me to run away with him, to forget everyone here and to start a life together. He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, then he started kissing me and telling me how young and sweet I was that I should be with someone that knew how to treat a woman. I tried pushing him away but he was so strong. He was groping at me, hurting me, completely oblivious to my tears and my struggles.
At one point, I remember falling to the floor on my knees, the pain in my heart was so strong that I thought it would kill me. I loved Austin and I wanted to be a part of the family but now how could I? I didn’t love his dad that way. I loved him like a father. I couldn’t say a word, my tears choking my voice and he kept rambling on and on about how we could make a new life, when my mother came out. She had been in the kitchen listening to our conversation and burst onto the porch furious! She yelled at him to get the hell out of our house, took the vase of roses and flung them at his head as he ran out the screen door. She then turned on me, telling me that I was getting what I deserved, that I flirted with anything in pants and I didn’t deserve someone as good as Austin. She told me I was a slut and a whore and that I would never become anything.
“It was then that I packed up my things and went to a friend’s house two towns over. I knew that if I told Austin what had happened, it would devastate him and ruin the relationship he had with his father, not to mention his parents' marriage. I never saw Austin again.”
“I take it that you never talked to your mother again either?” Jennifer asked softly.
“No, I never talked to her again, only sending lilies to her gravesite after I heard she’d passed.”
“Ana, I am so sorry. It must have been awful for you! I’m just so stunned, Barry was like a father to me and Austin’s mother, Georgia, has also been a strong presence in my life. I love them like they were my own parents.”
Ana nodded her head and looked away, “I understand, this is what I was afraid of. I’ll get my stuff packed right away…”
“Ana, please stop! I’m not asking you to leave, I’m just in shock! I can’t believe he would do that to you, I mean I do believe you, I am just surprised. I am so sorry that you missed out on a future with Austin because of something like that…” she trailed off in her own memories of her father-in-law, knowing him only as a great dad.
“So he…never…tried anything with you?” Ana hated herself for asking the question but she needed to know if he had done it to someone else.
Jennifer sensed her unease and tenderly laid her hand on Ana’s arm. “No, he was never inappropriate with me.” she answered gently.
Ana started sobbing quietly, filled with overwhelming emotions. Anger at Barry for doing that to her, anger at her mother for the way she treated her only child, sadness at the loss of a life she had wanted with Austin and relief that she no longer carried the burden. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel any guilt or shame as she had anticipated she would feel. After hearing what Austin and her mother had spoken of through Rick, she felt more assured that she had done nothing wrong. She was just a naive, trusting young girl who hadn’t known what to do. She had been betrayed by a parental role model, someone she trusted and she had handled it the best way she had thought of at the time. The only regrets she felt was that she hadn’t spoken up sooner and had held onto this burden as long as she had.
While she cried, Jennifer held her, stroking her hair and murmuring to her that everything was ok. Ana allowed herself to break down and be comforted, that sixteen year old girl that had needed soothed by her mother all those years ago but had been denied, she now found that comfort in the form of her new friend.
Ana hadn’t thought her and Jennifer’s friendship could have gotten any closer but after Sunday night’s confession, they were inseparable. The reading of Austin’s will Monday evening had been painful, reminding them both of a love that was forever lost. They held each other’s hand as the attorney went over Austin’s wishes and they chuckled at the odd look that the attorney, Mr. Banks, gave both of them when they began accurately naming off the paintings left to Ana. Rick’s Friday night reading had been dead on, so nothing came as a surprise to either woman.
They decided to treat themselves to an exquisite French ice cream topped with decadent hot fudge and freshly chopped pecans and Ana indulged, knowing that she had the rest of the week to burn it off. She agreed to Jennifer’s request to stay until Friday before heading back to New York. Ana had Sally change her flight arrangements and then book Jennifer’s flight to New York six weeks later, so she could visit Ana. That would give Jennifer enough time to arrange a new show at the gallery and settle the affairs before coming stateside. Jennifer had only been to the United States once, to meet Austin’s family after they had announced their engagement and to see his hometown. Austin’s mom, Georgia, had only moved to England after Barry died and at Austin’s insistence that she move closer to them. His grief at losing his father transferred over to his remaining parent and he made sure Georgia stayed close. She had a little cottage three miles from their manor, close enough for easy contact but far enough away to ensure everyone’s privacy and independence.
Georgia knew that Ana was flying over. Jennifer having called her mother-in-law to cry on her shoulder when she found out Ana was in Austin’s will. Georgia had also been surprised that Ana was in her son’s will and had requested that she be there to support her daughter-in-law but Jennifer adamantly declined, stating she had wanted to confront Ana on her own. With the unexpected turn of events, Jennifer had told Georgia of her change of heart regarding Ana and respectfully requested that her mother-in-law postpone her weekly visits until after Ana had left. She hadn’t told Georgia of Rick’s reading or of Ana’s revealed secret, agreeing with Ana that only heartache would come of Georgia’s knowledge of Barry’s betrayal. Georgia had snorted at Jennifer’s excuse that Ana was still embarrassed by that night she had caught Ana and Austin in his room, claiming it was water under the bridge but finally conceded at Jennifer’s insistence. As far as Jennifer was concerned, the relationship Ana and Jennifer had was their own and needn’t include her mother-in-law.
Once again, Ana found the time flying by and was saddened at the thought that she would be leaving the next day. Jennifer and Austin’s property consisted of one hundred and fifty six neatly manicured acres and though both women walked the grounds daily, Ana always found something new. She felt like a little kid running and laughing through the meticulously kept hedge maze and was sure she had died and was lying in heaven as they lay talking in the middle of wildflower meadows. The colors and scents were so vivid that they almost seemed surreal. There was a small lake to the west of the property that had several stone sitting benches and Ana enjoyed talking with Jennifer while they fed the ducks. The property was truly amazing and she was thankful to Jennifer for sharing it with her, along with her companionship.
They had spent the week mostly on the grounds then had gone into town for some shopping on Wednesday. Stavros had kept his distance only being present during meals and of course during the reading of Austin’s will. Ana watched how he and Jennifer int
eracted and was amazed at the attraction between them. Jennifer’s smiles were more frequent and her lilting laughter filled the room when they were together. She saw the unabashed love in Stavros eyes when he joked with her and couldn’t believe that Jennifer was so blind to the depth of his affection. So many times she had wanted to point out his attraction to Jennifer, but decided to keep her mouth closed and honor Stavros’ wishes. She agreed that Jennifer needed her time to grieve and Ana knew that Stavros was patient enough to give her the time. There had been a couple of times Ana had awakened to the sound of soft knocking on her door, Jennifer sobbing at her loss and just needing comfort. She held Jennifer during those times, allowing Jennifer to speak of loving moments that she and Austin shared or screaming her anger at Austin for leaving her. Ana kept her own pain and anger of losing Austin to herself, knowing her pain was probably small in comparison to Austin’s wife, which is what Jennifer was, his grieving wife.
Tuesday night, Ana had gone down to the kitchen to get a drink of milk when she heard voices from the study. Walking softly to the entryway, she paused, recognizing Stavros soothing voice. She carefully peeked in and saw him sitting on the love seat, holding and consoling a visibly upset Jennifer. She had started into the room to help comfort, when she heard Jennifer’s tearful voice.
“I feel so guilty, Stavros. I miss Austin so much and want him back but a part of me is happy because if Austin hadn’t died, I would’ve never met Ana. Why couldn’t I have them both? I want Austin back so bad!”
“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry, I wish he were here too. Ana is a good person. I think she is a blessing in your life. Maybe Austin sent her to you to help ease the pain of him having to leave you.” he spoke softly.
Feeling embarrassed at overhearing a conversation she shouldn’t be hearing, Ana crept quietly past the doorway and went back to her room. Stavros was good for Jennifer and she knew he would take care of her selflessly.