Millard Salter's Last Day
Page 23
A few hours earlier, Millard would have objected. He could hear his former self generating excuses, conditions: Maybe you could have a partner who’d perform the euthanizing. You wouldn’t have to put any animals down . . . . Now, almost too late, he knew better.
“No, I guess I can’t,” he said.
And then he was alone.
The thud of the foyer door underscored his solitude. Millard returned to the parlor and rummaged inside the cabinet beneath the stereo for Isabelle’s old cassette player. She’d saved recordings dating back twenty-five years: Maia as a toddler, Millard’s brother singing in Yiddish, her own mother describing the family’s escape from Horthy’s Hungary on a Portuguese passport, sharing the same sleeping car with the Gabor sisters. At one point, before her diagnosis, Isabelle had intended to curate the recordings and burn them onto CDs. In a week or two, they’d probably end up at the curbside. (Millard considered writing a note to his younger daughter, emphasizing the importance of the audio tapes—but what was their importance, really?) His fingers struggled to untangle the power cords and headphone attachments from the assortment of obsolete devices that his late wife had stockpiled: his and hers Walkmans, remnants of their brief health binge after his cardiac scare; the monitor and keyboard of a discontinued Commodore computer; a Royal LetterMaster daisy wheel printer still in the original packaging, caked in a veneer of ominous, decades-old dust. How easily he might have passed the night reminiscing over these objects, but Millard refused to let his emotions distract him. When he finally had the cassette player plugged into the wall outlet, he unsealed Delilah’s envelope and removed the tape.
The voice he’d anticipated had been his lover’s. Instead, the lustrous mezzo-soprano of Christa Ludwig filled the parlor. Massenet’s Werther. He recognized the piece instantly.
Millard hit fast-forward. The machine whirred. He released his thumb.
René Kollo in Tannhäuser. Delilah’s favorite recording.
Astounding. She’d made him a mixtape. Clearly, Delilah had been working on the project for months, because he couldn’t envision her managing the editing during her final days. Millard knew all about mixtapes from the hours Maia had spent in her room, during those hot adolescent summers, copying niche hits by groups called Silver Limpet and Roomless Elephant to woo older boys; he’d made a point of learning the names of the bands, whose music sounded interchangeable and somewhat saccharine, as though the groups might earn extra cash singing backup on commercials for long-distance telephone service. Maia’s idol at thirteen—a tambourine-toting, blue-haired Norwegian performer named Kylling Skylling—sounded like Bobby Vinton, only drunk. Contemplating how the world had progressed from Tannhäuser to Hogtie and the Pentacoastal Five left Millard reeling. Maybe that was the cue for his curtain call.
He sat on the love seat, paralyzed, absorbing the music. The last aria, Leontyne Price channeling Don Giovanni, dampened his eyes. Somehow, the ornate hands on the box clock above the mantel approached midnight. He filled a pitcher at the sink and watered the African violets on the kitchen sill, but he understood that he was procrastinating. This wasn’t It’s a Wonderful Life; no guardian angel would emerge from the ether to alter his plans, to show him how life might evolve for the worse in his absence. Nothing, no miracle or calamity, could change his course anymore. He’d best get the deed over with. What was there to be frightened of, really? Hanging, as he taught the medical students, year after year, was by far the most common method of suicide in the world. Old as Babylon too.
He retreated to the master bedroom and retrieved the shield-backed chair from beside Isabelle’s writing desk, carefully removing the assorted neckties from its arms and re-draping them over the door of the chifforobe. Carol and he had received the chair as a wedding present from his mother’s cousin, a peasant beauty who’d married into the furniture business; at one time, there’d been a second chair, but Lysander had splintered the legs while playing Batman. Most of the neckties were gifts as well: Yale Bulldogs courtesy of Maia; handmade silk souvenirs from his sister’s trip to Italy, all purchased duty-free in Milan; a jazzy batik, rather hideous, designed by a former patient who ran a boutique in Woodstock. Millard carried the chair into the bathroom and set it down inside the interior closet, Isabelle’s closet, where he’d cleared away a space beneath the central rafter; the heft of the solid oak reassured him.
Shortly after their marriage, Isabelle had carved the closet from the bathroom. She’d endured the mammoth walk-in closet off the hallway that she’d inherited from Carol for six months, then insisted upon an arrangement where she wouldn’t have to traverse the drafty master bedroom to dress. Since his beloved had rarely asked for anything of value, Millard proved more than delighted to indulge her, insisting on the finest in both contractors and wood. Some of Carol’s abandoned jetsam still gathered cobwebs on the upper shelves of the old closet, alongside Maia’s stuffed walrus and Millard’s spare fishing tackle. He’d seen his ex’s wooden tennis racket up there too, caged in its trapezoid frame, now a testament to her fling with Howard Logan. (Who could say that she didn’t have old love letters squirreled away in the crawl spaces as well?) In his fifties, he’d even installed a chin-up bar across the doorframe, hoping to improve his upper body strength. What a joke!
Once the chair was in place, Millard retrieved the Courvoisier from the bedroom; he seated himself on the toilet lid and downed two Valium, using the cognac as a chaser. Any more than ten milligrams and he risked falling asleep prematurely—waking up the next morning with a bad hangover and a bedroom chair in his closet. Many of his patients had betrayed themselves in this way. While he waited for the tranquilizers to kick in, he looped his spare belt over the rafter. Almost done, Millard, he urged. Hang in there. A bit of gallows humor.
Millard climbed onto the chair; he felt a twinge in his knee. A hint of his late wife’s scent still clung to the red cedar boards, fighting through the naphthalene and Pine-Sol. Empty hangers drooped from the dowels, a hodgepodge of foam and wire. Vestiges of his former married life crowded the corners: Isabelle’s ironing board and tailor’s ham; their folded bridge table, host to countless nights of canasta with his in-laws; the carton of her cosmetics that he’d never managed to discard. Slowly, with systematic care, Millard secured the belt to the rafter and wrapped the other end around his neck. Through the haze of alcohol and Valium, he could feel the leather hot and tight against his neck, stanching his veins, the buckle biting into the muscle, yet his eyes focused on the box containing Isabelle’s lipsticks and blushers, the name Wanamaker’s fading from the cardboard. Leaving the used cosmetics behind bothered him—a sign of disorder, negligence. He would carry them to the trash chute, he decided, and then return to his endeavor.
Or maybe he would discard the carton tomorrow. Yes, that seemed an elegant solution to the cosmetics, and to Lysander, and to everything else that weighed upon him. Tomorrow. He cradled this final word on his lips, wistful, even as he kicked away the chair.
GALLERY READERS GROUP GUIDE
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MILLARD SALTER’S LAST DAY
JACOB M. APPEL
This readers group guide for Millard Salter’s Last Day includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.
INTRODUCTION
Millard Salter’s Last Day is the heartwarming story of a man who decides to end his life before he’s too old—but then begins to reconsider when he faces complications from the world around him.
Rather than suffer the indignities of aging, psychiatrist Millard Salter has decided to kill himself by the end of the day—but only after tying up some loose ends. These include a tête-à-tête with his youngest son, Lysander, who at forty-three has yet to hold down a paying job; an unscheduled rendezvous with his first wife, C
arol, whom he hasn’t seen in twenty-seven years; and a brief visit to the grave of his second wife, Isabelle. Complicating this plan, though, is Delilah, the widow with whom he has fallen in love over the past few months. As Millard begins to wrap up his life, he confronts a lifetime of challenges during a single day—and discovers that his family has a big surprise for him as well.
TOPICS AND QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Discuss the book’s epigraph. Why do you think Appel chose to include that particular line from Larkin’s Aubade? Read the full poem. What themes does it share with Millard Salter’s Last Day? Did the epigraph affect your reading for Millard Salter’s Last Day? If so, how?
2. Millard believes that “comprehension wasn’t the same as compassion.” Explain this statement. Do you agree with Millard that “open[ing] your mind too much” can be detrimental? Why does Millard hold this viewpoint? What are the dangers of sympathizing with every person equally?
3. Who is Virginia Margold? On Millard’s birthday, she presents him with a box full of mementos. Why do you think that Virginia has held on to these items? Following the visit, Millard feels sorry for Virginia. What do you think has led to his change of opinion about her?
4. Given the circumstances under which Millard and Delilah met, were you surprised by how their relationship progressed? After Millard confesses his feelings to Delilah, he apologizes, telling her, “It was a selfish thing to say.” Do you agree with his assessment? How would you have handled the situation if you were Delilah?
5. As Millard tours his childhood neighborhood reminiscing, he chastises himself for wishing that Delilah was with him because “None of this should have mattered to him—love was about the present, not the past.” Why do you think Millard wants to share this experience with Delilah? How might knowing someone’s past deepen a romantic connection?
6. Late in his life, Millard comes to realize that “marriage—heterosexual marriage, at least . . . was a tortuous cat-and-mouse game of implicit contracts between the sexes.” Describe Millard’s marriages. Can you think of any examples of game-playing from his relationships with Carol and Isabelle that would have led him to have this viewpoint? Discuss them with your book club.
7. When Carol and Millard discuss their son, Lysander, Carol tells Millard, “You know Stanley and Livingstone, right? Well, Livingstone didn’t consider himself lost, even if Stanley chose to find him.” What does she mean? Do you agree with Millard’s assessment of Lysander? Does Millard’s opinion about his son change throughout the novel? If so, how? Did your opinion of Lysander change? Why or why not?
8. In Isabelle’s final days, she tells Millard that she’s filled a notebook with lists of what he should do after her death, saying, “All you have to do is follow the directions.” Why does Isabelle do this for Millard? How might it provide her with some solace? What is the effect of having Isabelle’s instructions on Millard?
9. Despite its serious themes, Millard Salter’s Last Day is a very funny book. Were there any scenes that you thought were particularly hilarious? What were they? How does using humor help Millard cope with mortality? Do you think it is an effective coping method? Why or why not?
10. In his youth, Millard believed that “true devotion was about breaking down barriers.” Contrast this with his current view of love. What are the characteristics of “authentic love” in Millard’s view? How does this impact what information he shares with Delilah? Do you agree with his decision to keep his plans from her?
11. Lysander’s failure to mature and assume adult responsibilities gnaws at Millard because “Millard, embroiled in extraneous affairs, had let him.” Is Millard being too harsh on himself? What responsibility do you think Millard, as a parent, has to his son? Do you think Millard has been a good father to Lysander?
12. Based on Millard’s interactions with Lauren Pastarnack, did you think that she would make a good psychiatrist? Does Millard? Do you agree with Lauren that the quiz Millard gives her when she asks him to write a letter of recommendation is unfair? What’s the lesson in the quiz for Lauren? For Millard? Do you witness any other teaching moments that occur between Millard and Lauren? If so, what are they?
13. Ezra Steinmetz tells Millard, “There’s nothing special about dying . . . . It’s one of the few universals.” Do you agree? In what ways is death universal? Are there any ways in which it is unique? What effect does each of the deaths detailed in Millard Salter’s Last Day have on Millard?
ENHANCE YOUR BOOK CLUB
1. Millard believes that “maturity meant accepting the infinite expanse of existence, that there were many things one would simply never know or do.” In contemplating his mortality, Millard begins to catalog these things, effectively making “a bucket list in reverse.” Discuss Millard’s list, then come up with one of your own. What sort of things have you wished to do? Pick one to attempt to accomplish and share reports of your progress with your book club.
2. On his way back from visiting Isabelle’s grave, Millard tours his childhood home, remembering anecdotes from his childhood. Tell your book club about the place where you grew up, sharing some stories from your younger days.
3. Millard Salter’s Last Day is filled with reminiscences, from Millard’s tour through his childhood neighborhood to the slide show he’s presented. If you were going to create a slide show representing your life, what would you include in it? Share your photographs and the accompanying memories with the members of your book club.
4. Millard Salter’s Last Day has drawn comparisons to A Man Called Ove. Read both books and discuss them with your book club. Do you think the comparisons are apt? In what way, if any, are Millard and Ove similar?
5. To learn more about Jacob M. Appel, read more about his other books, and find out when he will be in a city near you, visit his official site at jacobmappel.com.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jacob M. Appel is the author of many novels and short story collections, including The Man Who Wouldn’t Stand Up, Scouting for the Reaper, Phoning Home, and Einstein’s Beach House. His short fiction has appeared in many literary journals, including AGNI, Colorado Review, Gettysburg Review, and more. His prose has won many awards, including the Boston Review Short Story Contest and the William Faulkner–William Wisdom Competition. His stories have also been short-listed for the O. Henry Award and The Best American Short Stories. He has taught most recently at Brown University, at the Gotham Writers’ Workshop in New York City, and at Yeshiva College, where he was the writer-in-residence. His essays have appeared in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Detroit Free Press, Orlando Sentinel, Providence Journal, and many regional newspapers.
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Gallery Books
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 by Jacob Appel
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First Gallery Books trade paperback edition November 2017
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Interior design by Davina Mock-Maniscalco
Cover design by Connie Gabbert Design and Illustration LLC
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Appel, Jacob M., 1973- author.
Title: Millard Salter’s last day / Jacob M. Appel.
Description: First Gallery Books trade paperback edition. | NewYork : Gallery Books, 2017.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017014958 (print) | LCCN 2017021408 (ebook) | ISBN 9781507204092 (ebook) | ISBN 1507204094 (ebook) | ISBN 9781507204085 (paperback) | ISBN 1507204086 (paperback)
Subjects: | BISAC: FICTION / Literary. | FICTION / Humorous. | FICTION / General.
Classification: LCC PS3601.P662 (ebook) | LCC PS3601.P662 M55 2017 (print) | DDC 813/.6—dc23