At the sound of the barn door opening, the women moved farther apart. Dara/Le’a called to the boy, “We’re over here, Dov, in the back.”
He collapsed into the hay next to his Allesha, so their bodies touched casually, as lovers’ bodies do, even in public. “Hi, Le’a. She been telling you about it?”
“Well, actually, we’ve been talking about other business that was important for your Allesha to know.”
“Like what?” Leaning back on his elbows, Dov stretched to his full length and chewed on a piece of straw. Even in this position, his leg sought the warm of his Allesha’s thigh.
“Dov, you know that some matters are strictly Alleshine. Let’s not belabor a fruitless question. Tell me, how have you been?”
“I’m great, as though she didn’t tell you.”
“Good. Well, as you can see, the chickens and goats are fine for today. I expect that the two of you can tend to them from now on.”
“The animals!” The boy turned to his Allesha. “Tayar, how could we have forgotten about them?” He seemed genuinely concerned.
Both Tayar and Le’a started to respond, but the younger woman allowed her mentor to reassure the boy. “Dov, I’ve been here every day, as Tayar knew I would be. Do you think she could neglect any creature that needs her care, regardless of how involved she is with you?”
“No,” he brushed his hand along Tayar’s arm. “She couldn’t hurt anyone or anything. Can you believe it, I once thought her a hard woman? I didn’t know her then, didn’t understand what was under the surface.”
“You do now?” Le’a asked.
“Yeah, of course. I mean, look at her. She’s beautiful and soft.”
“I wouldn’t use the word soft to describe our Tayar.”
“Hey!” Tayar playfully threw a handful of hay at Dov and Le’a; pieces fell into their hair and on their clothes. “It isn’t courteous to talk about me as though I’m not here.”
“Then Tayar, my dear, why don’t you leave us alone, so Dov and I may talk freely. I’m sure you have matters that could keep you busy for, let us say, the rest of the afternoon. And please, take the eggs and milk from over there. I have more than enough from the past few days.”
“Yes, Le’a.” The young Allesha tried to not display her joy at being released from her responsibilities for a short while. Instead, she walked at a steady pace, picking up the basket of eggs and jug of goat’s milk in midstride, without looking back. She put the eggs and milk into the kitchen icebox and then retired to her bedroom.
She stood in the center of her room, quietly pensive. First, a pleasure meditation, then some vigorous exercises, and finally a centering meditation. The remainder of the afternoon should be just enough, if I time it correctly.
“Come,” Le’a said to the boy, “Walk me home. I’ve missed you.”
As much as the boy didn’t want to leave his Allesha and their inner room, he knew it would be a losing endeavor to disagree with Le’a. She wanted to talk to him, and talk she would. “I’ve missed you, too.”
They brushed the straw from their own clothes and hair; Dov pulled an errant piece from behind Le’a’s right ear. Standing face to face, he saw in her eyes the truth of what he had just said. “I really did miss you, but I didn’t know it at the time. It doesn’t make sense, does it?”
“Yes, Dov, it does. And thank you.”
When they left the barn, a wind blew a blush to their cheeks. It was a clean chill that tingled their skin rather than cut to the bones. Le’a stood still, drawing the cool air deep into her lungs. It lasted longer than the boy thought natural, but then nothing seemed natural in the way she stood with her eyes closed and her body slightly swaying with the breeze.
“Delicious,” she sighed before opening her eyes again. “Dov, try it. Take a slow, deep breath and hold it.”
He began to protest, but the way she said, “Oh, go ahead and try it. It feels wonderful,” seemed to be as much of a challenge as it was a promise. He decided to follow her lead and see where it took him.
“Good. Yes, but don’t gulp the air. Sip it instead, to taste its subtle nectar. Now do you see it?”
“See what?” His eyes flew open, and he looked for whatever it was that he was supposed to see.
“Everyone sees something different, but it’s always a welcome experience. Try it again.”
He repeated the exercise, though a bit quicker than before. “There, are you happy?”
“I will be, when you are.”
The two of them set off for Le’a’s house. Even more snow had been piled up on either side since Dov and Tayar had shoveled the path.
“You don’t get it, do you? I am happy, very happy. Everything’s great, now that I’m in her inner room.” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but skies! Who was she to tell him what he thought, how he felt?
“It’s one of the things we hope to teach you… the ability to experience a newer, heightened level of happiness whenever life presents the opportunity.”
“Every time you women talk, you tell a man something different. First, it’s that leadership stuff and the Peace. Then… well, always… it’s the sex. I remember one of you talking about teaching me to understand what isn’t there, or something. And, oh, yeah, relationships too. Now you say it’s to learn how to be happy.”
“Please continue. I’m not certain I know what you are asking.”
“It’s just that you keep changing the why of me being here. Or is it that you don’t want to tell me the whole of it? So you give out dribs and drabs of promises that you know I’d want, to keep me… to keep all the boys here, and all the villages within the Peace… in your control?
“That’s quite an accusation.”
“What? No, I didn’t mean it that way, not as an accusation or insult. It’s just that… Oh, I don’t know. The rules seem to keep changing.”
“As they always will, if you live your life well. That, too, we will help you learn.”
The boy shook his head in frustration.
“Dov, do you know the difference between the reactive and the thoughtful?
“Is this another lesson?”
“No, it’s the same one. But your response is an example of the reactive. Dov, think of it this way… You know the woods and its wildlife. All fine creatures, but they’re reactive. Animals can’t think out their responses. They seldom explore new, possibly more productive behavior, unless it’s in reaction to stimuli. Only Man can be thoughtful.”
“Look, it isn’t that I’m not trying to understand, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You will.”
“You know, I might have missed you, Le’a, but I didn’t miss you always saying, ‘you will.’”
“You will. Miss it, I mean.”
The anger that lived at the root of Dov’s tongue started to boil forward. But the old Allesha smiled so broadly that he found himself laughing with her instead, because it felt better than arguing. Their laughter carried them through the rest of their walk, all the way to her front gate.
Le’a was truly enjoying the boy, not merely for who he was and had to become, but for himself. While it wasn’t a surprise — not after the years of Seasons she had given to problem boys — with this particular boy, it was a bit distracting and could become perilous, if she weren’t careful. But as long as she was aware of the dangers of such affection, she felt she could allow herself to take pleasure in small moments, while maintaining control over larger issues.
“Come inside, Dov. Let’s have some tea and visit.”
While she prepared the tea, the boy found the cookies where they always were and put a plateful on the table. When the water was hot, they sat, and she poured. Then she concentrated on enjoying her tea and cookie, giving the boy the space to take initiative. The quiet lasted for several sips of tea and half a cookie.
“Le’a… that stuff about reactive and thoughtful responses… I didn’t understand what you were getting at, but you seemed to
think it’s important. Why? What’s so important about it?”
“It’s what keeps our Peace.”
“How?”
“Our peoples are a varied group, with different needs and interests. When regions responded to each other reactively, we had wars. Generations of killing, conquest and subjugation which resulted in victims’ anger and victors’ pride, which led to even more war.”
“You’re talking about the Before Times.”
“Yes.”
“Please go on. I like stories about the Before Times.”
“Many boys do. They’re filled with adventure and uncertainty… things that the young find exciting.”
“Are you saying something’s wrong with liking the stories?”
“Not at all. They help us remember how destructive the Great Chaos was for all those centuries, before our Peace took root. Only by remembering can we hope to avoid the pitfalls of hate that outsiders try to use to destroy us. Even as we combat their hate, even if we must war with them, we must remember. Otherwise, though we may win battles, we will irrevocably lose our Peace.”
“So how does all this relate to the other thing? The reactive stuff?” Dov reached for another cookie.
“When village leaders learned to be thoughtful rather than reactive, our Peace began to take root, as a reality that we could depend on to last and grow. It became necessary to teach more and more villages the way to Peace, to widen our borders and counter threats from beyond. And yes, to extend the blessings of the Peace as far as possible, not only for our future, but for theirs, too.”
“So, being reactive… it’s about war?”
“Only partially.” Le’a sipped the last of her tea. “We can continue this conversation another time; I have another matter to discuss with you. Dov, do you remember what the word Allesha means?”
“Sure. Every Woman.”
“Exactly, an Allesha is an Every Woman, because each Allesha must be every woman.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It will.”
Le’a rose from the table, put her cup and plate into the sink, then turned to the boy who stood to hand her the rest of their dishes. After a ritual embrace, she said, “Now, it’s time for you to return to your Allesha, your Every Woman. Remember to treat her well at all times, whichever woman she is.” Then, having dismissed the boy, she proceeded with the washing.
Dov started to leave, but at the kitchen doorway looked back and said, “You know, Le’a, you are an interesting woman, but sometimes you’re illogical. I guess that’s just part of having a woman’s mind. Still, I like being with you. And don’t worry, Tayar is safe with me.”
Le’a’s hands were in the sink, so her back was to him when she said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Goodbye, Dov. I will look forward to seeing you again tomorrow.”
“I’ll try, but if she has me in the inner room all day again, I might not be able to make it. Bye.”
She resisted the urge to go to a front window to watch him walk through the new falling snow on his way back to his Allesha’s home. The early darkness of the winter afternoon would soon swallow him anyway.
Instead, she continued to wash and dry her dishes, then clean her kitchen, finding what activity she could in the mundane, knowing none of it would drown out the inevitable, or her part in it. What would happen, had to happen. No regrets for the innocence that would soon be shattered could change any of it.
So it must be. But I will miss the child once he becomes the Alleman we need.
Chapter 31
Tayar’s front door was closed.
They had warned Dov never to enter an Allesha’s house when the outer doors were shut. But they couldn’t possibly mean that he should stay out here in the cold, night-black late afternoon, waiting for her to remember to open the door for him. Still, what if he ignored the closed door and walked right in, as was his privilege to do in his Allesha’s house, at least for the next few months? Would that be one of the offenses Le’a had cautioned him about? Would simply going through a closed front door slam shut the door to the inner room?
Dov walked around the house, looking into windows, though most had drapes and plants obscuring anything but a corner here, a slit of corridor there. What little he could see showed no sign of Tayar. Even the open views into the mudroom and the kitchen didn’t help; she was in neither.
Steeling himself to stomp through the closed outer door that should never have been closed to him, he was almost more sorry than surprised to find it was now open.
In the vestibule, he considered leaving his dirty boots on. She deserved mud on her floors. But, he realized, I’d be the one who’d have to clean it. Besides, better to keep her happy.
Stocking-footed, he entered the greeting room, started toward the kitchen, remembered that it was empty, turned toward his room, but knew she wouldn’t be there. So he stood in the middle of the greeting room and called out. “Tayar! Hello!”
She came from her bedroom, flushed with happiness at the sound of his voice, or so it seemed to him. “Dov, welcome home!” She walked into his arms, with that full-body embrace of hers that pressed all the life her flesh held, giving it fully to him. Her lips, too, gave all, filling his mouth with the taste and delight of her.
Tayar took his hand, pulling him through the kitchen door, and continued to hold it as they sat down at the table. “How was your visit with Le’a?”
“Okay, I guess, but I missed you.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Did you miss me?”
“Naturally. I felt the silence of the house. When you’re here, you fill it completely. Even when we’re in separate rooms, I feel your presence.”
“Is that the same as missing me?” he asked.
“What do you think?”
Dov didn’t have an answer ready on his tongue. Of course she missed me. See how she fondles my hand. But why didn’t she just say it? Could it be that she was happy to be without me?
Tayar watched Dov’s face as she might her kitchen window, where she would witness the changing of the weather from sunshine to thunderheads. His eyes were beginning to cloud over again. Not wanting to invoke his anger, she directed the conversation elsewhere. “The past few days we’ve ignored our duties; we can’t let that continue. Today is nearly gone. But tomorrow, I’d like to be sure that we care for the chickens and goats, and do our other chores, as we had before. I’d also like to go back to having real meals and not just snacks. Tonight, let’s prepare a proper supper.”
“Then back into the inner room, right?”
“I do miss our reading… curling up with a warm fire in the hearth, and a story to be shared. Please, would you give me that gift, that we return to reading to each other in the evening?”
“And then back into the inner room?”
“Yes, after we read, we’ll return to the inner room.” Tayar smiled a quiet seduction to reassure the boy that sex was still his for the taking, though paced according to a reestablished schedule of days and hours. “Now let’s get supper. I’m famished.” She got up and went to the icebox.
“I’ve never known a woman who loved food as much as you do,” he said as he followed her.
“Thank you.”
“Was that a compliment? I mean, most women don’t like to be thought of as having big appetites.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. It’s another part of my passion for life. Be careful, my dear Dov, of women or men who can’t take joy in food. If they haven’t learned that one fundamental pleasure, I don’t trust them to have or understand other important passions and generosities.”
“Is everything a lesson to you?”
“No. Well, perhaps so, now that you mention it. Life is a lesson to be learned and lived, isn’t it? I don’t know if I would enjoy life so much if there weren’t the possibility of new knowledge or understanding in every next moment.”
When they began to eat, the Allesha slipped off her right slipper and reached under his
trouser leg with her bare toes. Dov reacted clumsily to this new kind of touch. Within the time it took him to look up from his plate, he dropped his fork with a clatter, bumped his glass and caught it before it spilled. A protest started to form on his lips, but she countered with a sparkle of girlish mischief. It opened something within, a quiet thing that lit him up from inside. For that moment, which lasted only a few heartbeats, she saw the signs of the boy’s center beginning to shift, ever so slowly, away from the self to the other. Just as quickly, it was gone.
“Tayar.” He used a deep chest voice, suffused with sexual overtones.
“Yes, Dov.” Why does he have to always be so serious about it? He must learn to play, to tease, to laugh at himself.
He reached for her hand and tried to pull her out of her chair. “I’m not that hungry. Are you?”
She remained rooted in her seat, with her toes playing with his leg. “What do you think? Of course I’m hungry. And so are you. We’ve hardly started our meal, and it’s scrumptious.” She filled a fork with meat and sauce and held it out to him. “Here, taste this.”
“I’d rather taste you.”
“But the one doesn’t preclude the other. In fact, learning to relish flavors and textures will heighten sexual pleasure. Here.” She held the fork out to him again. But when he reached for it, she pulled it away. “Close your eyes, and try to sense by smell when the fork is near. Now breathe in deeply, through your mouth, as though you’re sipping the air.”
He opened his eyes. “Hey, that’s what Le’a said!”
“Yes, she enjoys this, too. Now close your eyes and sip the fragrancies of the meat and sauce. Taste the air. Separate out the different spices, the many flavors in the one approaching bite. When you sense that the fork is near, open your mouth, so that I may place the food on your tongue.”
He did as she instructed.
The Winter Boy Page 17