A ball of fur shoots past my leg, making a mad dash for my bed. I jump out of the way, whacking my elbow against the door in the process. Coco’s tail wags at a hundred miles an hour as she crawls up onto Sebastian’s chest and licks his face, while I’m left with painful tingles travelling up and down my arm.
Sebastian laughs. “Hello, Coco. How are you?” He scratches around her ears and neck, giving her just as much love as she’s giving him.
Traitorous dog.
“Coco, down.” She growls at me like usual. I stamp my foot and point at the door. “Go, Coco. Out of my room.”
“Go on, girl. I’ll give you some belly rubs later.”
Like hell he will.
Sebastian puts her down on the floor. Coco trots out into the hallway, barking at me on her way.
“Now you. Out,” I direct at Sebastian.
“Not a chance.”
Clenching my teeth, I throw my head back as a weird mix between a sigh and a growl slips out of my mouth. Why can’t he just give me space? Why does he have to be so damn demanding? I slam the door shut then march straight over to where he’s still splayed over my bed. “How the hell did you follow me here, anyway? Did I somehow bring you with me? You know what, I don’t care. I just want you to get off my bed and then get out of my house.”
“No.”
“No?” I cross my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes into tiny slits. “I think you mean yes.”
He scoots himself all the way up onto the bed, making himself comfortable. “I mean no. I’m not leaving until you talk to me.” The muffled sound of AC/DC’s Highway To Hell plays from within his jacket pocket. He holds up a finger while digging out his phone just as I’m about to tell him what he can do with his no. “I urge you to reconsider whatever you’re about to yell at me while I take—” Thunder by Imagine Dragons rings out next. I pat my pockets before remembering he has my phone. “Both of these calls.” He holds up our phones. “It’s Liv and Jack.” He slides his thumbs across the screens then brings both phones to his ears only to jerk one of them away a half a second later. I can hear Liv’s frantic voice from here. “Stop yelling,” Sebastian tells her. “I can’t answer your questions if you bust my eardrum.” Sebastian waits a beat then risks deafness by bringing the phone back to his ear. “Yes, we’re both fine. We’re at your house. You’ll have to ask Indi about that. Take my car. The keys are in the ignition.” He ends the calls. “Now where were we? Ah, yes, you were about to tell me why everything is my fault.”
28
“Not now, Sebastian.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s complicated.”
“Then un-complicate it.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. I ask you what you mean when you say everything is my fault and you answer.”
“Please. Just leave.”
“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you.”
“Fine. If you really want to know, I saved your life as a child and that’s the reason my mom died. I broke the rules when I brought you back from the brink of death and my mom paid the price. My actions sent the angelic bounty hunter straight to our house. I made it out, she didn’t.” Sebastian stares at me wide-eyed and I wish I could take everything that just came spewing out of my mouth back. This isn’t how I wanted to say things. Why couldn’t he have just given me time to sort my emotions out? Why did he have to keep demanding and demanding and demanding?
He finally blinks, but the shock and hurt of my words still shines in his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“I got my memories back. All the ones I told you my aunt and uncle suppressed. I remember everything now.” I sit on the edge of the bed near the bottom. Every bit of anger drains out of my body until all I’m left with is remorse for what I’d said to him. The look on his face at my accusations—my unfair accusations—gnaws away at my insides. I’m such a jerk face. First his father blames him for what happened to his sister, and then I blame him for what happened to my mother. My shoulders slump, my eyes locked onto a piece of fuzz on the carpet because I can’t look at him. Not after I basically accused him of indirectly murdering my mom at six years old. What kind of person does that?
I clear my throat hoping to find my voice under all the shame caught in it. “You won’t remember any of this because of the spell my aunt and uncle cast to erase the memories of everyone who knew me before I came to live with them, but I was there the day you fell out of the tree in the park. You and another boy with blonde hair were daring each other to climb it. The blonde-haired boy chickened out, you didn’t. You climbed so high, and then you slipped. You cracked the back of your head open on a rock. There was so much blood, and I had this overwhelming need to go to you. So I did. Somehow I knew you were dying, just like I somehow knew I was meant to lead you through the door into the afterlife. But you didn’t want to go. And I didn’t want you to go. So when a new door appeared, I took you through it instead. I brought you back and in doing so revealed where I was.
“I didn’t know my mom and I were in hiding. I didn’t even know I was a witch let alone a nephilim, whom Heaven had deemed a threat. Saving you was the first time I’d ever done magic, if you can call what I did magic. With my father being an angel of death the ability to do what I did had to have come from him. Which probably means it was more divine than magical, and probably the real reason why the hunter came. I don’t know a lot about the supernatural world, but I do know angels of death are meant to lead souls into the afterlife, and I didn’t do that with you. I broke the rules because you’d asked me to, and because I wanted to. I’d seen you at the park before with your sister and saw how you’d always stood up for her, protected her, and I couldn’t take you away. Someone like you should be part of the world not apart from it.
“The bounty hunter came later that night.” My breath hitches while tears drop from my cheeks onto my shirt. What happened to my mom was never Sebastian’s fault. What happened to my mom was my fault. She died because of me, not him. Never him. He was innocent. And I’m a jerk for ever trying to force blame on him.
“I’m sorry I shoved you and said everything was your fault because it isn’t. It’s mine. My mom died because of my actions. I’m an abomination just like the bounty hunter said. An unholy mix between an elemental witch and a divine being of heaven with powers no person should have. Bringing you back cost me her because I’d messed with the balance. Save one life only for death to sacrifice another.”
“I don’t believe that’s true.” Sebastian scoots down the bed until his body is flush against mine. He gathers me into his arms without hesitation. With one arm wrapped tightly around my back, he strokes his hand down the length of my hair with such gentleness it makes me cry harder. He should push me across the room for the things I said to him, not comfort me. “Besides, you saved my life a second time too, and no one died to take my place.”
“Yet. But when the angels find out… when they find me…” I push myself out of his arms and scoot myself up against the footboard. I don’t deserve to be held.
“There won’t be a yet.”
“How can you be so sure?”
He pulls me back to his side, refusing to let me get too far away when that’s exactly what he should be doing. He should put as much distance between us as he can. He should be mad. He should be yelling. He should hate me for the things I accused him of not taking it in quiet stride like it’s okay, because it’s not. In my haze of swirling emotions and irrational blaming, even I knew what I was accusing him of was wrong.
Sebastian lifts my chin up with the tip of his finger, angling my face toward his. I can feel his gaze urging me to meet it, but I can’t. “What happened to your mom was tragic, but it wasn’t your fault. You were five or six-years-old, Indi, and following your heart; doing what you thought was right when you brought me back. There’s no wrong in that. What you can do is amazing. It’s not unholy and you certainly aren’t an abominatio
n. You’re a miracle, Indiana, and I bet your mom believed so too.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “But if it makes you feel better, you can blame me for what happened that night. You can hate me for it. Just don’t ever blame yourself. She wouldn’t want you to, and neither do I.”
“But I should blame myself. And there are things you should blame me for too. You should blame me for not only what I did to you when I brought you back, but for what happened to your sister too.”
“You gave me a second chance when you brought me back, Indi. There’s nothing to blame you for. As for my sister, what happened to her had nothing to do with you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” I wiggle out of his arms, putting a healthy distance between us. “Bringing you back set you on a whole new path with an ability you never had before. Which not only may have inadvertently led you to becoming a chaser but also—”
“Then I should thank you because my sixth sense ability has saved my butt more times than I can count.” A smile forms over his lips, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Bringing me back didn’t set me on this path, Indi. The vampires who attacked my sister, my father’s thirst for vengeance, and my own desires for redemption led me to becoming a chaser.”
“Maybe. But what I did still created ripples. When I changed your fate, I changed Sofia’s too. If I had taken you through the other door into the afterlife, you never would have run away when your father hit you and Sofia never would have gone looking for you. She never would have been in the park to be attacked by vampires.”
“You’re putting too much blame on your shoulders, Indi. You were a child. What happened to Sofia is not on you. It’s on me. Just because you gave me a second chance doesn’t mean you get to take responsibility for every decision I’ve ever made after the fact. I decided to run away that day, and Sofia decided to find me. She could have just as easily decided not to. The world is full of infinite possibilities leading to an infinite number of outcomes, none of which any of us can predict.”
“If you truly believe that than you shouldn’t blame yourself for Sofia either.”
He stares at me from across the room. I can tell he wants to argue, but can’t without contradicting himself. “It’s not the same,” he says anyway.
I cross my arms over my chest. “So, you can take blame, but I can’t?”
“Yes, because our situations are completely different.”
“No, they’re not.”
“Yes, they are.”
“No, they’re not.”
“Yes, they—”
My door swings open, banging against the wall. Liv and Jack fill up the doorway, pushing and shoving each other like toddlers to be the first one in the room. Liv makes it first, a triumphant gleam in her eye as she looks at her brother. Coco follows them in, barking like crazy at the commotion, her fur in a bunch along her back.
Liv rests a hand on the wall, her chest heaving in and out until her gaze lands on Sebastian and me. “Are we interrupting?”
And that’s when I realize Sebastian and I are only inches apart, my hand pressed flat against his chest. We must have gravitated toward one another while arguing over who has more blame between the two of us—which is me, obviously. Maybe I was going to push him down to shut him up. Maybe I still should.
Sebastian’s eyebrow moves in an upward arch at the smile forming on my face. I shove my arm straight out. The back of his knees hits the edge of the bed, and down he goes.
“Nope. You’re not interrupting a thing,” I say, turning back to Liv.
“Good, because you have some explaining to do,” Jack says before Liv can.
“Yeah, like how you got here, for instance,” Liv adds.
“Start from the beginning.” Jack scoops Coco up into his arms since she’s still carrying on at his feet. Jack is Coco’s favorite person. If he doesn’t dote on her as soon as he comes into the house she’ll follow him around, jumping up onto his legs until he does.
“You both may as well pull up a seat then, because if you want the whole story, there’s a lot to tell.”
“Holy crap, Indi. Why didn’t you tell us things were this bad?” Jack paces back and forth across my room from one wall to the other. He picks at the tips of his fingernails, bending and ripping them off. Realizing what he’s doing, he shakes his hands then runs them through his hair. A broken nail gets caught. He yanks it free, ripping a few strands of brown hair out. He goes back to picking at his nail before biting the snaggy piece off. “If I’d known everything going on with you, I wouldn’t have agreed to not tell Mom and Dad. The protection spell Liv and I cast may not be strong enough to keep you off the radar with this many supernatural beings targeting you. We need the coven.”
“No, we don’t. I trust in yours and Liv’s protection spell.” Plus, I have the charm Ivy gave me for added defense, I think to myself since no one is supposed to know about its magic if it is to be effective. I really wish I could tell Jack though. If he keeps picking and biting his nails like he is he’s going to be left with nothing but bloody stumps. “I don’t want Aunt Claudia and Uncle Caleb involved. You know what they’ll do if they find out.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” Liv says in a small voice. “At least you’d be safe.”
“I just got my memories back, Liv. As horrible as it was to remember, I don’t want to have them taken away again. I don’t want to go back to living a lie. Please, don’t let them make me forget who I am. Please.”
Jack stops pacing long enough to stand beside his sister. “We may not have a choice. This affects all of us.”
“There’s always a choice, Jack. Besides, when I compelled Aunt Claudia and Uncle Caleb, I made sure you guys and the house would be protected. All of you are a blind spot to whatever’s out there that wants to do me harm. You guys have nothing to worry about. Nothing will come after you. And I’m going to stop whatever is coming after me. I won’t live in fear, on the run, or under the oblivion of memory suppression spells. It’s my life and I should get a choice in what happens to me. Also, I have a plan.” I turn my gaze to Sebastian who’s been oddly quiet while I spewed all my secrets to my cousins. “Sebastian is training me to fight back. Once I’m ready, I’m going back to Night Life and confronting the vampire siccing his fanged minions on me.”
Jack is across the room in seconds. Sebastian doesn’t even try to move even though he can see what’s coming. The sound of Jack’s fist smashing into Sebastian’s jaw explodes throughout the room. Sebastian stumbles back, catching himself on my dresser. A stream of blood runs down his chin from a busted lip. Jack grabs him by the center of his shirt, then slams him into the wall hard enough to make the windowpane near them rattle. Still, Sebastian does nothing. It’s like he wants to be pummeled.
“Are you trying to get my cousin killed?” Jack grinds out from between his teeth. “This family has spent the past eleven years doing everything in our power to keep her safe and hidden from the supernatural world, and here you are filling her head with ideas of chaser heroism when she barely knows anything about it? You might have a death wish, but that doesn’t mean you get to drag Indi down with you.”
“Jack, stop it!” I grab his arm, attempting to pull him away from Sebastian. My cousin’s a lot stronger than I gave him credit for and therefore doesn’t budge an inch. Still, I keep trying and he continues ignoring me like I’m nothing more than a pesky gnat while the glare he gives Sebastian conveys an entire conversation of warning. “Liv, help.”
Liv mumbles something under her breath. Two seconds later, Jack is pressed against the opposite wall by an invisible force. He scowls at Liv like she’s just stabbed him in the back.
“Are you okay?” I twist Sebastian’s head to the side. His lip is starting to swell, his jaw flaming red where Jack hit him. “Why did you let him do that? Why didn’t you defend yourself?” I ask so only he can hear.
Sebastian lowers his gaze to mine, the emotions swirling in his eyes hard to read. “Because I de
served it.”
“No, you didn’t. Why would you think that?”
“Because he’s right. I should be protecting you. Not helping you walk straight into danger.”
“You both need to get something straight right now. I will not be some weak damsel in distress who needs the big tough men to protect her. I’m a witch and a nephilim and fully capable of learning how to defend myself. Now you two can either get it together and pull your egotistical heads out of your butts long enough to help me get where I need to be. Or you can both get out and I’ll do this on my own.” I whip my head back and forth between Sebastian and Jack, giving them both my ‘I’m not messing around face’. “I will not spend my life running and hiding. Do you understand?” They both offer me a slight nod as if the very act costs them a piece of their masculinity.
Liv waves her hand and Jack peels himself off the wall. He straightens his clothes then squares his shoulders as though he hadn’t just been incapacitated. He glares at Liv then turns pleading eyes on me. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Indi. For as long as I can remember we’ve been doing everything we could to keep you safe. This is the opposite of safe.”
“I know, and I appreciate everything you, Liv, Aunt Claudia, and Uncle Caleb have done, but you guys can’t shelter me forever. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet and fight my own battles. Will you help me do that?”
“It doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.”
“That’s because you don’t.”
“Then I guess I’ll help you, but under one condition. If at any time things get too dangerous, we tell Mom and Dad what’s going on. It’s the only way you will get me to agree.”
“Fine.” Under the circumstances, it’s the best I’m going to get as far as compromises go, anyway, so it’ll have to do.
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Of Blood & Magic: Blood Descent Book 1 Page 31