by Lucy Langton
My deepest apologies for not being more readily available. When I have neglected London for some time, it seems to come back to haunt me. Nonetheless, I look forward to seeing you.
Yours,
Timothy
Sophia was disappointed to say the least. She was hoping that their time in London might finally allow their marriage to blossom. She dreamed about it at night, how she would come to her husband in a sleeping costume made of silk, how he’d take her by the hands and lead her to his bed, showing her a world she had not yet been introduced to. All of those dreams were for naught. Sophia would be slighted yet again.
“Is everything all right?” she heard a voice ask, and Sophia looked up to find Philip standing in the doorway.
Sophia quickly put the letter down and tried to collect herself. She felt on the verge of tears. Of course Philip would show up just then. He had an uncanny ability of knowing when she was upset.
“Quite all right. Your brother has sent me a letter.”
“And what has he said?”
“That he is anticipating our arrival tomorrow.”
“Why does that trouble you?”
“Why should you think it would trouble me?”
“Because there are tears in your eyes.”
“Nonsense,” Sophia replied, wiping her eyes with her gloved hand. “It’s merely from all that sunshine. My eyes are not used to it yet.”
Philip replied by cocking his head to the side and regarding Sophia.
She stood and took a deep breath, straightening her dress and composing herself, on the outside and from within.
“Dinner at The Mount,” Sophia said.
“Yes?”
“I remember you mentioned it the other day.”
“And I was turned down,” Philip replied with a smile.
“You were not turned down, I merely thought that we should . . . wait.”
“Aha,” Philip replied knowingly. “Wait for you to trust me.”
“I do trust you,” Sophia replied. “Of course I trust you.”
‘That’s nice to hear,” Philip replied. “We’ll dine at half-past seven.”
“Very well,” Sophia said, her heart beginning to soar once more. It was funny to think that but a moment before she was bereft. But the thought of dining alone with Philip that night, and then enjoying a long carriage ride with him the following day, filled her with happiness afresh.
As Sophia went back out onto the lawn, watching the picnic carry on with joy and reverie, a thought came to mind that amused her. She was going over and over again in her mind what she should wear that night!
Philip was her friend, her witty companion, she reasoned. Why should it matter what she wore? And yet she couldn’t deny the fact that she wished to look beautiful in his presence. She desired to have him look at her in that warm way that he did, and she secretly loved it when he gazed at her with hungry eyes as well.
As the day wore on and Sophia contemplated every item in her wardrobe, she thought that the only sensible thing to do was to wear the dullest dress she was in possession of.
Except for the fact that when she was finally dressed in that drab, cream-coloured muslin gown, the only thing she could think of was Philip taking it off her. If Philip were her husband, they would have a pleasant meal at The Mount, they’d come home to a peaceful house and retire to his chamber, where Philip would softly undress her by candlelight and they would pleasure each other in the way that only a husband and a wife could.
Sophia shook her head, trying to clear her mind of those thoughts.
Half-past seven arrived and Philip escorted Sophia out to the carriage. He was wearing his uniform, which made him look as dashing as ever, and Sophia found that she frequently had to look away, lest his handsomeness undo her completely.
“You look lovely,” Philip said warmly.
“I’m afraid that I packed all my best gowns. This simple piece was the only thing remaining.”
“It is perfect,” Philip replied.
Turning to him, Sophia noted that he was looking at her with the hungry eyes and not the friendly eyes. She wondered how it could be that when she wore her worst frock he still looked at her with the most need.
Arriving at The Mount, Sophia was filled with the same excited feelings that she had experienced when attending with Kitty. But there was a very different air to the establishment at night than there was during the afternoon. Candles were lit, the light was dim, the tone hushed. Sophia was horrified to see that the diners at The Mount were only couples. Husbands and their wives, leaning over tables, engaging in intimate conversation.
Philip and Sophia were seated by the windows, just where she and Kitty had sat, and they could see the dark garden outside.
“How wonderful that we got this table,” Sophia said with enthusiasm.
“I made sure of it,” Philip replied.
“Is that so?” Sophia asked.
“I sent a letter this very afternoon.”
“How can you have such authority over such a popular establishment?”
“I am acquainted with the owner,” Philip said, looking down at the menu.
“Naturally you are,” Sophia said with a laugh.
“Does that amuse you?”
“You seem to be acquainted with everyone.”
“I like to get to know people, and to help them.”
“And why is that, exactly?” Sophia asked, thinking it a fine moment to get some insight into Philip’s character.
“Is this the Inquisition?” Philip asked.
“If you want it to be.”
“Very well,” Philip said, putting down his menu, folding his hands on the table and leaning forward, much like the other couples were doing in the restaurant. “Helping others, getting to know people from different stations of life. It feels good. I do it for selfish reasons.”
“Nonsense, selfish reasons.”
“It’s true. I learned this as a soldier. When I do good things for others, I feel good. When I do bad things for others, I feel bad. It’s simple logic.”
Sophia tried to conceal her smile, but she couldn’t help it. That little insight into Philip’s character pleased her to no end.
“I think it’s marvellous,” Sophia said.
“I think you’re marvellous,” Philip replied.
Sophia looked up and went silent. With her eyes, she protested against Philip. Please, don’t do this, she thought. Please be my friend. Please understand that I can handle your pleasantries for only so long.
Sophia looked down at the menu and strove to change the tenor of the conversation at once. “I’m told that the white fish here is quite good. It’s paired with creamed spinach.”
“Delectable,” Philip said, looking down at his menu. “Delicious and delightful,” he added humorously.
Wine was presented to the table and Philip and Sophia indulged in it. The white fish was served in a light herb butter sauce, and Philip opted for the beef tenderloin, accompanied by potatoes.
They dined, they chatted and smiled, occasionally looking out towards the garden. Although Philip seemed to behave himself from then on, the casual domesticity they were sharing was only making Sophia’s fantasies about him more intense.
It happened that night, with Sophia having a dream that Philip had come to her room. When she protested, saying it was incredibly wrong, Philip gently put a finger over her lips. Finally, Sophia gave herself over to him, and it was as though in the dream she could truly feel the warmth of his body, the softness of his skin, his gentle caress, and the warm sweat that collected on her skin as he enjoyed her fully.
There was only so far that Sophia’s imagination could go, as she still was not entirely familiar with what happened between man and wife. Despite the things that Arabella had explained, Sophia knew that the rest of the story could only be told once she was experiencing it for herself.
During the carriage ride to London the following morning, Sophia felt intense guilt ab
out her dream the night before and could not stop blushing in Philip’s company.
“What’s the matter?”
“Must there always be something the matter?” Sophia asked defensively.
“I can always see it in your eyes.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t look into my eyes so much.”
Sophia felt terrible about snapping at Philip so, but she couldn’t help it. Deep inside, she was utterly mortified.
“Fine, I shall ignore you.”
“Fine,” Sophia replied. “It’s a beautiful day,” she said, wishing to change the subject.
“And I’m with a beautiful woman,” Philip said calmly.
“Why do you say such things?”
“Because I can see how it unnerves you,” Philip said with a devilish grin.
Sophia looked out of the window, wondering how she’d be able to stand it a moment longer. He was under her skin, that much was certain.
She remembered that a letter had arrived from Kitty Carmichael, and Sophia took it out of her reticule, wishing for distraction from Philip’s flirtation.
Dearest Sophia,
I’m having the most marvellous time in Wales! You would not believe how kind the people are, and their accents make me laugh. I can barely understand what anyone is saying.
I hope that you’re well, and that maybe things have improved with Lord Timothy. At the very least, I hope things are progressing with the brother . . .
Yours truly,
Kitty
Oh, it was all the more vexing. Sophia read the letter in order to not think about Philip, but as it turned out, her friend was practically pushing her into Philip’s arms. In reality, she didn’t need any kind of pushing. Sophia Barberry was ready to fall.
Thoughts of her dream returned to her, which was all the more scandalous because the subject of her dream was seated right beside her. She dipped into the fantasy again, imagining Philip’s hands all over her, and then it got worse when Sophia began to imagine them coming together in that very carriage. Philip reaching over, taking her hand, and pulling her towards him. They would embrace in the confines of that small space, until Philip would pull her on top of him.
Yes, Sophia feared that she was losing her mind . . .
***
The carriage ride was beyond torture for Philip. Sophia looked more beautiful than ever. He had ruffled her feathers a little, and enjoyed doing so, but he couldn’t understand why she was being so touchy. He noted the blush in her cheek whenever she looked at him, and Philip wondered if it was because she was suffering in the same way that he was.
Sophia opened a letter and read it gracefully, and Philip took the time to admire her beautiful, dainty hands. Oh, to be a glove upon that hand, he thought.
Philip didn’t mind the silences between them, although it was the conversing he liked best. He wished to know more about Sophia’s mind, and her heart.
“A good letter?” Philip asked, seeing that she was done and had put the letter away in her reticule.
“It was from Kitty,” Sophia replied with a smile.
“She seems to be a good companion for you.”
“I must admit that I’m surprised. We weren’t the closest of friends back in America, and when she said that she was coming to visit, I was so happy. And there was a bond between us that we had never experienced before.”
“It pleases me to hear it,” Philip replied. In truth, when Sophia was happy, it did make him happy as well.
“She’s such an odd bird, you see. Perhaps that’s why I stayed away from her in America. But I’m beginning it realise that it is the odd birds that are the best.”
“They always make life colourful,” Philip agreed.
He watched as Sophia took a book out of her valise and began to read it. He frowned to himself. Philip craved her attention but felt terrible demanding it. Except for the times when he didn’t.
“What are you reading?”
“Do you wish to distract me at all costs?” Sophia asked.
“Yes, I do,” Philip replied with a smile.
“It’s a romantic novel, I’ll have you know. I don’t think that my husband approves.”
“That’s because he’s jealous.”
“I’d like to think so,” Sophia replied with a guilty smile.
“Tell me the story,” Philip said, wishing to live in the same fictitious world where Sophia’s mind resided.
“It’s about a governess who falls in love with her master. He, in kind, falls in love with her.”
“Scandalous,” Philip replied.
“It is rather scandalous, but since it’s a romance, my guess is that they’ll find love in the end.”
“And what does the governess love about him? The master?”
“Well, he is kind, for one thing. He is generous and giving. But he can be quite difficult and stormy at times.”
“How appealing.”
“Yes, it is appealing,” Sophia replied.
“Explain to me why that’s appealing.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose it’s just a womanly fantasy. A man who is dark, complicated, hard to understand.”
“But aren’t they all that way?” Philip asked.
“Not in the slightest. For one thing, I find you dim, simple and perfectly transparent.”
Philip laughed aloud, enjoying Sophia’s biting humour.
“I suppose that’s an accurate estimation of my character,” he finally said.
“I’m teasing, of course,” Sophia replied.
“And what is the governess like?”
“She’s uncertain of her prospects in life, vulnerable, and caring,” Sophia replied thoughtfully, looking out of the window.
Philip watched her as she did so. The attraction to Sophia was practically unbearable. Her enjoyment of books, her delight in recounting the romantic story. It all was too much to bear.
“Would that describe you, as well?” Philip asked.
“Heavens, no. My prospects in life are quite set in stone, I’m impervious, and I don’t care one jot.”
Both Philip and Sophia laughed that time.
“I wouldn’t agree with that,” Philip said.
“What is your estimation of my character?” Sophia asked, looking into Philip’s eyes. He could see that blush yet again.
“I see you as being very caring, considerate, and quite uncertain of the future.”