He groaned and ran his hand down his front rubbing away the throbbing between his legs. When it didn't help at all, he yanked his clothes off and sank into the creek. The frigid water took his breath away, but the result was exactly what he needed. It would only be a few minutes before he had to surface, but he hoped it would serve to keep him from embarrassing himself in front of the Jacobs'.
Shivering, he dressed and went to see about breakfast. Nearing the camp, he saw the Jacobs were already up and getting the fire started. Ryan placed the coffee pot onto the flames while his wife went past John toward the creek. "Good morning John," She murmured looking up at him. "Is Mae up yet?"
"Yes," John replied looking to his wagon, the curtain remained closed. "I will check on her."
"Ryan said you planned to leave at sunrise, so we're ready when you are." She smiled and continued on her way.
He neared his wagon and looked over his shoulder to note Ryan watched him. Without preamble he pulled the curtain aside. "Mae, are you up? We are leaving in a few minutes."
Mae sat up, blonde curls tumbled down past her shoulders, her lips were pursed and brows drawn in a frown. "Oh John, I am so tired," she rubbed her eyes, and her blanket fell down past her breasts, the thin material of her nightgown doing little to conceal what lay beneath. She didn't seem to notice and made her way to the back of the wagon toward him.
"Where are you going?" John held his hands up to stop her.
She gave him a wide-eyed look. "To the creek. I have to wash up, get ready to go. Remember what you said? "Get on with it"," Mae replied in a slow deliberate tone. She tried to push his hands aside. "John, I'm in no mood for whatever you are doing, let me by."
"The Jacobs are here. And well your nightgown…it's a bit sheer."
"Oh dear!" A bright red flush covered her face, and she fell back onto her bottom crossing her arms over her chest to conceal the most beautiful sight he'd seen in a long time, which unfortunately made him wonder if another dip in the creek was required.
"Once you are dressed, come have coffee," he muttered and went to find some for himself.
"I'm not ready to get up," Mae grumbled and kicked with her heel at the flooring for emphasis. "This has to be Miss Lady's worse idea ever."
"Why are you going to Texas, John?" Mae asked the following night as they lay in the wagon, in the darkness, trying their best not to touch. "Is that where you are from?"
Her warm breath tickled his shoulder and he fought not to turn to her. He supposed it was only fair she asked questions; after all he'd asked a lot of her. "No, I am from Northern Virginia. I am looking for someone in Texas."
"Do you plan to return to Virginia after?" She adjusted the blanket around herself, ensuring it covered up to her neck. He found her attempt at modesty endearing. "I don't know. I may stay in Texas for a bit. Although my parents are getting older and may need help with the press."
"Press?"
"Yes my father owns a printing press. It's what I did before joining the cavalry." He waited until she replied.
"Interesting." She let out a soft breath. "Who are you looking for?"
He was not quite sure how to answer her question. Who indeed? "A man, a woman and a child."
Mae turned to him and in the dimness he could make out her wide stare. "Are they outlaws? Running from the law with a child? How sad."
"No, I am no longer in the cavalry and not seeking to bring outlaws into custody. I am seeking the woman and child...my child."
"What?" Mae screeched and sat up with a jolt. "Oh God. Your wife? Did the man kidnap them?"
"No she went with him voluntarily."
"Is she your wife?"
John didn't want to delve into the subject. He wasn't even sure the child was his and if the information he had would even result in finding them. He should have kept it all to himself. "Good night Mae." He attempted to roll to his side, but her hand grabbed his arm. His lack of reply seemed to have answered the question in Mae's mind.
"Oh my God," she hissed. "You are married, and you didn't see fit to tell me."
It didn't register to him until the second hit, she attempted to slap him and missed.
"Stop it now Mae." John grabbed for her hands and held her against him until she stopped struggling. "Be quiet now or the Jacobs will hear."
"I don't care," Mae told him not bothering to keep her voice down. "How could you keep this secret?" She began to struggle again, this time he released her and she scrambled out of the wagon.
"Damn it." John got up and climbed down. He made out her white nightgown as she ran toward the creek and started to call after her. Then Ryan stuck his head out of the back of his wagon.
"Is everything all right?"
John shook his head. "She's...very angry with me right now." He looked to see Mae had disappeared from sight.
"Well go after her, and apologize John, you can't let her go around stumbling in the dark. She may get hurt," John stated matter-of-factly. "See you in the morning."
"Yeah," John replied and went to find Mae.
It didn't take long to find her. She sat on the ground next to a small tree. With her arms around her knees her cheek against the top of her knees. Although she didn't seem to be crying, John approached her slowly and crouched down. "Mae you cannot stay out here. Come back to the wagon. It's cold out here."
"No. Just go John. I need to think." She sniffed, and he realized he was wrong and she was crying.
He sat next to her and placed his arm around her, surprised when she didn't push away. Not sure what to say, he did what Ryan suggested. "I'm sorry."
"What will your wife think when she finds out we traveled together? You with a prostitute, a woman of no morals."
"Don't call yourself that."
"Why not? It’s what you consider me. You don't think of me as otherwise do you?"
John took her face with both hands and turned her to face him. "I think of you as a beautiful strong woman."
"I can't with a clear conscience pretend to be married to you to the Jacobs. I wish you'd not told them we are married." She sniffed and wiped angrily at her face.
"I would be forced to do it regardless, because we are on this journey together without a chaperone. I would do it to protect people from judging you."
Noting she shivered, he sat placed his other arm around her pulling her close.
She sniffed again and laid her head on his shoulder. "Who is she? Why is your wife in Texas?"
Not ready to divulge more than necessary until he found out the reason for the woman being in Texas, his reply was short. "Carla is not my wife Mae. She's someone I knew. A woman who is going to explain many things to me when I get there."
He pulled Mae up with him. "Come on Mae, let's get some rest."
"I can't." She pulled out of his reach. "I'm simpering like a fool, over what I'm not sure. This trip, this constant tiredness is affecting me in ways I'm not comfortable with. I will remain out here."
Why would she feel this way, after all? Why would his being married cause her any duress? Surely she'd lain with married men or men in relationships before? John tried to come up with a way to reason with her, but was at a loss. He failed at controlling his temper. "Damn it Mae you are being unreasonable, now come on. I won't allow you to remain out here alone."
She stood her ground, arms crossed, her bottom lip out and her brows knit. "No."
The urge to grab her and throw her over his shoulder became strong, however he held a reign on his anger. "Fine you know what, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to." The cold air made him angrier. "Ryan knows were are fighting, so I'll sleep on the bedroll by the campfire tonight. Go on to the wagon and sleep, I won't go near it. Not tonight. But tomorrow I will."
She eyed him for a few moments; her gaze filled with mistrust, then Mae got to her feet rounded him and headed back towards the wagon.
John remained rooted to the spot. Now what? Why didn't he keep Carla's existence to himself?
> His leg throbbed and he bent to rub the wound on his calf. Another thing to thank Carla for. The woman was proving to be a colossal mistake.
Tomorrow he'd see about setting things straight with Mae. That her anger bothered him so much made him ponder his feelings for her. She'd become important to him. It was certainly a complication he didn't need. Her beauty was perhaps to blame. Even Ryan Jacobs, who was obviously very much in love with his wife, had been taken aback at first seeing Mae. John noticed the man's reaction, his eyes widening before he'd schooled his expression.
No doubt her exquisite flawless beauty was what affected him and why he felt the need to be always near her and keep track of her movements. That and her safety of course.
Someone as noticeable as Mae had to be kept safe; most men would take risks just to steal her away.
9
John is married. John McClain is a lying bastard, who is married and has a child. She didn't believe him when he later denied it. A sneer made her bare her teeth, and she cleared it away before Patty would notice it.
Once again, they were camped for the night after a day of riding in silence. Barely a word was shared between her and John. Truth be told, he had attempted to speak to her several times. However, each time she'd glared at him in response. He'd also apologized repeatedly for upsetting her, but had yet to explain why he'd not told her about his wife and child. What did it matter? She did not have any rights over the man. Yet for some reason, pushing away the anger at learning about the woman and child proved impossible.
When he'd kissed her back at the inn, she'd felt special as if it were they were the only two people in the world. Although there was no future for them, she at least expected over the time they'd become friends. He was special to her and she felt something extraordinary happened between them. Well at least it seemed so to her. Therefor it was now confirmed. She was a fool.
Something special bah! To John it was nothing more than a kiss with just any woman. One thing living in a brothel taught her was men didn't care about such things as a wife and children waiting at home for them. Their only concern was taking care of their physical needs.
She chanced a look to where John and Ryan stood skinning some rabbits, only to look away quickly when John glanced her way.
"Ron tells me you two had a spat last night." Patty said, keeping her eyes on the potato she peeled. "It's only natural. I mean this journey is a hard one for someone just newly wed. You shouldn’t stay angry with him Mae."
"There is just so much…" Mae wasn't sure what to say to the woman who'd become her friend. "It's just -- I always considered John so stern and above reproach, yet the more I get to know him, the more I find he is…well sometimes he just makes me so mad." She finished not quite making sense.
"John does seem to be a hard man, yet he's gentle and caring with you. What did you fight about Mae?"
"A secret he kept from me. It's his right of course to keep things to himself, but I feel betrayed and hurt by it." Mae felt silly and mortified when a tear slipped down her cheek. What was wrong with her? "I am so confused right now."
She and Patty looked to the men, who'd stopped speaking and were now looking over at them with interest. "Come on Mae, let's go for a walk." Patty slipped her arm through Mae's and she guided her a ways until they came upon a fallen tree away from the campfire. Once they sat, Mae let out a breath. Patty was so easy to talk to, caring and gentle.
"Now tell me what's wrong. The truth." Patty looked her in the eyes. "I know there is more to what's going on between you two than you're sharing, and it's fine Mae. It's your business. Just remember sometimes you have to trust God. He does things, brings people into your life for a reason."
"We are not married," Mae blurted and gasped at her words. Surprise did not register in Patty's expression.
"But you love him."
The statement so simply put, shocked Mae into the acknowledgement she'd loved John more than life itself for a long time, perhaps since the day they met. "Yes, I love him."
"And he loves you as well."
"Oh no, I don't think so," Mae protested. "He is just accompanying me to my father's ranch and then going on to..." She decided John's secret was his own, and it was better not to share. "Leave me." She finished with a shrug.
"I see the way he looks at you Mae," Patty covered Mae's hands with hers. "His face lightens when you appear, and he tracks your every movement. Hangs on every word you speak even when he's not looking at you directly."
"He's just attentive." Mae replied closing her eyes suddenly feeling drained. "I am just a burden to him."
"Why would you say that?"
Mae took a breath. She may as well lay it all out in plain sight; it was time to be honest. She'd never been anything but, and now she knew it was not in her nature to be otherwise.
"I met John one day about five years ago when I was returning from town. It was a beautiful day, and I decided to walk home. He came upon me. In his cavalry uniform on the big horse of his, he was every woman's dream. So handsome even with the ever-present stern expression of his, he stole my breath away. For the first time in my life, I was beyond words and in awe of a man. I hurried away from him because I didn't want him to know who I was and where I lived. I cringed when he dismounted and followed after me. When he caught my elbow and turned me to face him, I almost swooned. It's ridiculous of course, that he had an everlasting affect on me. Just to realize up close he was even better looking if that was possible was inconceivable to me. He smiled and introduced himself, touching my hand and giving a slight bow." Mae grinned at the memory. "I told him my name, and being he was not from town, it didn't mean anything to him. When he offered to walk me home, I tried to resist, telling him I preferred to walk home alone. However, he insisted. Along the way, we talked about our likes and dislikes, and about his work and what I'd purchased in town. We found out both our favorite color was blue and we both dislike cabbage. I memorized every word we spoke because I knew once he realized who I was, where I lived, he'd never treat me the same again." Mae braced herself keeping her eyes forward knowing once she divulged the truth the Jacobs would make an excuse and leave. She was not going to hide the truth.
"What do you mean by that Mae?" Patricia asked.
Mae looked away from her and continued. "The large white farmhouse where I lived came into view, and John attempted to steer me away, past it. I stopped at the gate and was not surprised to see the realization dawning in his eyes. "I live here," I told him and could see him physically recoil. John barely nodded when I thanked him for walking me home. Instead of answering me, he shoved my parcel into my hands and looked at the house for a long while. Then he simply said goodbye."
Patty did not speak right away, her features neutral. She'd obviously figured out what Mae inferred because she didn't ask. Mae decided it was best to tell her just to make sure. "You see I lived in a brothel. My mother was a madam at the time. I still live there. After mother died, I took over the business. I am one of those shunned by society Patty. The only reason John agreed to accompany me on this trip is because the woman who raised me after my mother died pretty much forced his hand. He gave her his word."
She went to stand, and Patricia pulled her back. "I stand by what I said earlier. John McClain loves you Mae."
Mae was shocked at the gentleness in her friend's eyes and the lack of judgment or feeling any sense of Patty pulling away. She almost collapsed with gratefulness. "A man like John would never have me, Patty. I've accepted it a long time ago. He is bound by his upbringing, being from a well to do established family."
Her friend's arms went around her, and she relaxed into the woman's embrace. "We'll see about that," Patty huffed. "We'll just see about that," she repeated and soothed her rubbing her back.
And then Patricia asked her a question no one had thought to ask before. The question caught Mae by surprise. "Have you ever been a prostitute?"
And she answered honestly. "No, my mother made me promise I
'd never sell my body, and Miss Lady has watched over me like a hawk to ensure I was never in a situation where it would come to be."
"Exactly what I thought." The woman gave her a wide smile. "It’s obvious in the way you carry yourself around John and my husband although you put up a strong front."
"Will you tell your husband?"
"Don't worry Mae," Patty assured her. "I won't say a word about what we spoke of. Not even to Ryan."
Mae smiled at her new friend. "There shouldn't be any secrets between a married couple. You can tell him. Please, just not until after we arrive in Texas."
"I won't. And Mae it will be all right. I promise you this will work out." Patty crinkled her brow. "How is sleeping in the wagon working out?"
"We manage." Mae grumbled. "Back to back, as much space as possible between us."
"Ah," Patty giggled.
The women made their way back to the campfire, arms linked. Patty rolled her eyes at the men's attempts at stirring the potatoes. "I hope this meal agrees with Ryan. Last night he was making all kinds of music in his sleep."
Mae chuckled and clasped her hand over her mouth. She leaned into Patty's ear. "John snorts and mumbles. Snort, snort, mumble, mumble, snort." The women broke into peals of laughter, not stopping until both were wiping tears from their eyes.
When they noticed the men's gaping mouths and raised eyebrows, they began laughing again, leaning against each other until barely able to stand.
10
Whatever the women found humorous made them laugh harder when they looked toward where he and Ryan sat. The peals of laughter continued while he watched Patricia and Mae stagger toward the campfire only to collapse onto the collapsed tree trunk.
Ryan shook his head. "Women! They cry one minute and laugh the next. Such emotional beautiful creatures are they not?"
With a smile, John nodded in agreement. "My sisters always kept me guessing. I have two, who seemed to hate and love each other from one moment to the next on a daily basis. My father always told me to just agree with them when they were in a state and leave from around them as quickly as possible."
Westbound Awakening Page 7