"Allow Doctor Kennedy to see after your father. Come have a cup of tea in the kitchen with me. You look exhausted."
She turned to look at the man in the bed, a virtual stranger yet she could not stop the sorrow from engulfing her. "All right, yes." Mae permitted Elma to steer her toward the kitchen.
They drank tea in silence for a few minutes, Elma watched her closely. "You have a good heart Senorita. You care for your father even though you never got to know him well." Elma shook her head at her shrug. "He loves you. A day rarely passed that he didn't mention you."
Mae heaved a sigh. "I don't know what I feel. Perhaps it’s just that I don't like to see anyone suffer… Speaking of which, where are John and his son?"
"Senor McClain went to lie down, and the child is asleep as well. I gave him something for the fever," Elma replied. "He said he felt bad asking you to look after the boy for him until he recovers."
"Oh," Mae replied, not sure what to think. "Did he say what was wrong?"
"I think he is very ill. Do you not have any idea?"
"No…well, his leg is injured. He was shot." Mae wondered if perhaps it had become infected again. "Doctor Kennedy should see about him once he finishes with father."
As if prompted, the doctor called for them, and both went to the master bedroom. "I'm sorry." His somber eyes met hers and then Elma's. "Your father has passed away Miss Mae," the doctor turned to the bed. "I'll give you some time with him."
Elma linked her arm through Mae's, her brow pinched. The woman no doubt was suffering even more than she. After all, she'd lived there for years, had known her father well. Mae patted the woman's hand, and Elma looked up her eyes filled with tears.
"Doctor, please wait." Mae went to him and told him about John. She went down the hall to the bedroom next to her and opened the door. Both John and Wesley were asleep, with the boy snuggled next to John's much larger body. Mae smiled at the sight and captured it in her mind. She picked up the boy, and John woke.
"I'll leave you to see about him doctor." Mae walked out with the sleeping child in her arms and placed him in her bed then went back to find Elma.
Joshua walked into the front room an hour later. He went directly to her father's bedroom and came back only a few minutes later ashen. "Uncle Joe wanted to be buried over in the east field next to Aunt Mary. I'll take care of it." Joshua fidgeted with his hat and looked to Mae. "If there's anything you need, I'm right next door."
What could she possibly need? Her life, if she chose to remain in Texas, was set. No money problems, an honest existence. And Virginia, although not the best of circumstances, it was a familiar comfortable place.
"We can discuss later if anything it all rightly belongs to you." Mae replied.
Joshua walked over and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Don't think or say anything else on the matter. I am happy and don't begrudge you this house or the land. Like I said before, Aunt Mary and Uncle Joe took very good care of me. They were the best parents anyone could wish for. Raised me, being mine died when I was fourteen."
When Joshua left, Mae closed her eyes and immersed herself in the total silence of the moment. Elma was making arrangements for the wake, and Doctor Kennedy was still with John.
She let out a breath and opened her eyes at the sound of soft footsteps. Wesley stood at the doorway, his dirty bundle against his chest. "Momma?"
Mae went to him and scooped him up as he began to cry. "No baby, don't cry, please don't cry. I don't know where your momma is, and I am afraid if you keep crying I'm going to have to cry with you."
The little boy clung to her, his little body shaking as he sobbed and took shaky breaths in between. Mae began to him rock back and forth while rubbing his back. When Wesley continued to cry, she began to sing. It was an old song Miss Lady would sing to her when she cried for her mother.
"Sweet and low, sweet and low Wind of the Western Sea"
"Blow, blow, breathe and blow Wind of the Western Sea"
"Over the rolling waters, blow, Come from the dying moon and blow…"
Finally after little Wesley stopped crying and laid his head on her shoulder, he took another shaky breath. "Momma," he whispered.
Mae cradled him against her until his little body went limp and the bundle fell to the floor with a soft thump. She bent to pick up the pitiful parcel and returned to her bedroom, thankful the sleeping child could not see her tears. "Oh darling where is your mother?" She kissed his soft hair and laid him in her bed. He stirred a bit, but thankfully continued to sleep.
"Miss Hawkins?" Doctor Kennedy peered in from the doorway. "I must speak to you. It's urgent."
After a quick wipe at her cheeks with the back of her hands, she followed the doctor to the kitchen. When he hesitated, she poured him a cup of coffee he readily accepted. Lines of fatigue stretched across his brow, the man sat and took a couple swallows of the hot liquid. "I'm afraid I have to lay the burden on you of making a very difficult decision for John."
Mae sunk into the nearest chair. "I'm exhausted Doctor Kennedy. I am not sure I have any strength left." She looked to the back door desperately wishing someone would enter and take control of the situation that was about to get much worse. When no one did, Mae sighed and met the doctor's eyes. "Is John going to die too?"
"No Miss Hawkins, not if I amputate his leg today."
15
Clouds covered the sun, and the day turned gray. Fitting, Alan thought and leaned against the rail. He looked toward the interior of the ranch house. All the windows had light pouring out from them. He lit a cigarette and inhaled the sweet tobacco deeply before releasing the smoke. Things were chaotic inside, death did that, made people spur into action. Something he was quite familiar with.
Without thought he rubbed the center of his chest. The familiar pang did not lessen. Footsteps neared, and Joshua came to lean against the fence beside him. "Could use a hand digging the grave."
"Yeah, I figured as much, got the shovels," Alan said and motioned with his head to the tools next to him. "The old man will be put to rest right. He deserves it."
"Can I have one?" Joshua motioned to his hand rolled. They remained quiet for a few minutes before Joshua spoke. "You're going to have to hire more help, will need more ranch hands before the harvest."
"Just tell me where to go. I'll take care of it."
"Mae doesn't know anything about ranching; however she's smart. I can tell it in her eyes. She's a business woman back in Virginia." Joshua told him.
Alan nodded, without speaking.
"Don't know about a woman living alone here. Not married and all." Joshua mumbled.
"You thinking about offering?" Alan said, only to shrug when Joshua's widened eyes met his. "She's a beauty."
"Yeah -- yeah she is, seems to me she's got something going with that man, the one who escorted her from Virginia. He's here now, came with a child." Joshua went for the shovels. Talk time over. The man grabbed a shovel and walked away. When Alan went to follow the back door of the house opened.
Elma hurried out and headed for him. The sorrow etched on her face made Alan look away past her shoulder to the tree line, the reminder of days past pounding at his temples.
"Senor Alan, can you please go to town and get the pastor to come for the burial tomorrow?" The woman clutched a handkerchief and twisted it until Alan thought it might tear in half.
"Yes, I'll go as soon as I finish helping Joshua with the grave." He threw the last of the hand rolled down and ground it into the dirt with his boot. "Don't worry about anything Elma. You've got my help for anything you need."
"Thank you Senor Alan." Elma dabbed fresh tears that slid down her cheeks and looked toward Joshua who was already headed to the tree where they were digging. "You are a good man."
A good man. Alan stared at the ground, and he wondered if anything was left in him which could be called good. Empty, hollow, desolate, yeah those fit a lot better.
16
John's heartbreaking screams
pierced straight into her soul, and Mae lost all ability to control her reaction. She jumped from a chair in the front room and raced down the short hallway toward the bedroom where she'd been barred from entering just minutes earlier.
Finding the door locked, she pounded on it with her fists and shouted her shrieks mixing along with John's. Each peal of sound from the other side of the doorway echoed the terror clawing through her entire being.
"Please don't! I've changed my mind! Don't do it." Why did they not answer? Joshua, Elma and the doctor were in there; surely one of them heard her.
When her cries continued unanswered, Mae kicked at the door and tried to twist the doorknob, neither gave way. "Doctor Kennedy, please don't do it. I made a mistake." Her words became mere gasps as she slid down to the floor and sobbed into her hands. Oh God, he's going to hate me. He will never forgive me for this. What have I done?
Another scream pierced the air, and she slammed her fist against the door again. When it too went unanswered, Mae clawed at the door. "Please open the door, don't do this." God she had no right to make such a decision for John. Why had she not insisted they wait another day, another few hours to see if he came to? He'd passed out from the fever, but he'd made it through before, surely he would have this time.
Bloody trails of where her fingernails cut into the wood did little to deter her. She began to pound again. Finally the door opened, and she struggled to get to her feet. Unfortunately she was too drained and her legs refused to budge. "Don't do it, please." She whispered. "Please."
Strong arms slid around her and pulled her to her feet.
"Mae, you're not helping things," Joshua's calm voice washed over her, and she looked up with desperation.
"Oh God Joshua, please help me. Go back inside and make the doctor stop." Mae grabbed his shirt and shook him, her fingers leaving bloody imprints. "They must not do this."
"It's done. The doctor is stitching him up now. John's passed out is why he's quiet. The poor man remained conscious the entire time."
Mae began to sob uncontrollably, and Joshua pulled her against him. "Shush now Mae, it has to be done. Doc said he would've died for sure, the infection was so bad."
"Oh my God," her knees gave out, and Mae would have fallen to the floor, if not for Joshua who scooped her up and carried the weeping woman to the bedroom. It felt as if she was going to pass out as well as everything went out of focus; she barely felt Joshua lay her on the bed.
"Now stay here and try to calm down. I'll get you some whiskey. Doc don't need any more distractions right now." Joshua walked out.
What would John do now? This had to be the worst day of her life. She turned her face into the pillow and began to scream into it until her throat was raw, and then she kept on.
Exhaustion filled her days. Seven days, an entire week had passed since John lost his leg, and each day had become a replica of the last. It was dusk and Mae sat with Wesley. She read to him while the child attempted to remain awake snapping his eyes open when they began to close. Her own eyes felt heavy at the moment as well.
If it weren't for having to check on John's wound and clean it again, she would allow sleep to come. When the boy's eyes finally remained closed, she slipped from the bedroom where he slept and made her way to where John was.
John's soft breathing was the only sound in the room until Mae poured the hot water into a clean basin and dipped white sterilized cloths into it.
With careful hands, she pushed the light blanket up to his thigh and lifted the leg thankful she could do this now without eliciting moans from him. The sedative kept him in a state of light slumber most days, and although she was glad he wasn't in as much pain, Mae wondered how long it would be before he'd come to long enough to speak. To realize what had happened.
They had yet to discuss the amputation. It wasn't clear yet if he even grasped the events of each day.
Once the wound was revealed, she turned and washed her hands thoroughly as doctor Kennedy had instructed and she began to cleanse it. It was healing nicely, the flesh knitting together rather smoothly. The physician had done a competent job of removing the bottom portion of John's leg, from the knee down. Mae did not feel any repulsion at seeing the wound. Truth be told the infected gunshot weeks before had been more shocking than this.
A yawn escaped her as she finished cleansing and wrapping the leg. Last thing was to empty the basin. The water sloshed side to side, with each step to the back door. Once she exited the house, she flung the liquid onto the dirt.
When she replaced the basin on the side table, she pulled the sleeping man's blanket up to his chest and smoothed them. She'd wait a few minutes to ensure he did not wake in pain. Collapsing into a chair next to the bed, she watched his chest rise and fall. A few strands of dark hair fell over his well-shaped brows, long lashes fanned over the tops of his cheekbones. Her eyes locked on his slightly parted lips. How soft they'd felt against hers, yet at the same time demanding everything from her, eliciting feelings she'd never experienced.
Another yawn and she decided to close her eyes for a minute.
"Mae?"
John's voice startled her. Sunlight peeked through the curtains. She'd been in the same spot all night, must have fallen asleep. A smile curved her lips at meeting John's clear gray eyes. He studied her with a puzzled expression, and looked about the room.
"Where am I?"
"You and Wesley are here at Hawkins ranch. Don't you remember?" Mae tried to keep her tone light, not wanting to cause him any undue distress. Not yet. The bad news would come soon enough.
"Ranch?" He studied her for a few seconds before continuing. "Yes, I remember now. How long have I been here?"
Oh God. "It's been seven days."
"What?" He started to push to a seated position when she dashed to the bed and pushed him down.
"Don't John! You'll make yourself sick to your stomach. I'll help you up in a few minutes. First take your time and get your bearings."
Alarm filled eyes met hers, before he closed them. "I've been here for a week?"
"Yes."
"What about my son? How is he?"
"He's great, probably in the kitchen charming extra flapjacks out of Elma again."
He brought his arm up over his face and covered his eyes with it. "Mae, I have to speak to you. I have a favor to ask of you. I need you to watch after Wesley for me. I have to get my leg taken care of."
"John," Mae interrupted him moving his arm away from his face. "Look at me."
He did, and this time she could see the old John. An eyebrow cocked, daring her to interrupt him again. "You look tired. You've been caring for your father and me. Probably watching after Wesley too."
"My father died a week ago. And it’s not a very flattering observation John McClain." Mae smiled down at him. "Come on let me help you sit up."
"I'm sorry for your loss." John allowed her to help him sit up.
"Don't be, we knew it would happen." She pushed pillows behind his back while he adjusted to sitting, and held her breath knowing any moment now he'd realize the bottom part of his left leg was gone.
"Mae?"
"Yes John."
"It's done?"
"Yes."
He didn't say anything for a long time, and Mae felt at a loss for what she should say to him. Instead she fumbled and pulled at the blankets straightening them to keep her hands busy. Next she went to the basin and filled it with cooled water from the pitcher. After dipping a cloth in to soak it, she wrung it and went back to the bed.
With slow deliberate strokes, she passed the cloth over his face, the entire time his serious eyes remained locked to hers. "I'm not married Mae."
Not sure why he made the statement now, she only nodded.
"Wesley's mother and I met when I was stationed near her home. We began a relationship. I was sent to a remote assignment, so I didn't know she was pregnant, not at first. She contacted my parents, but they didn't tell me anything about it when she refused to m
eet with them or come to live with them." He took a breath. "They thought she was just looking to get money. In Carla's case it was probably true."
"Where is she now?"
He watched as she ran the cloth down his arms. "Probably headed west to California. She's married now, or so she says. They didn't want to take Wesley along." John cleared his throat, and his brows drew together. "Thank you for caring for him."
Approaching with caution, Mae leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "That's what friends do John, we care for one another. Besides, I've fallen in love with Wesley and well... he with me. We were waiting for you to wake up, so we can let you know we're running off together. Into the sunset"
His smile lightened the mood in the room. "He's a lucky man."
17
"How does it feel?" Doctor Kennedy reclined into the chair and waited, his eyes on the leg as John tried to get his balance.
For the first time in many weeks, John stood on two legs and a surge of relief flooded him. It was the first of many steps towards regaining his independence. "It'll take some getting used to." He took a wobbly step with his arms out for balance. "The sooner I can get around, the better so I can help around here."
"Don't get in too much of a hurry," the doctor chuckled. "Mae and Elma both begged me to hold off another week before bringing the prosthetic leg for you. They figured you'd not be patient about getting out and around."
"I appreciate you not listening to them. It's already been almost two months. I'm healed well enough," John replied and took another step. He looked over his shoulder to the open door of the bedroom. "You may as well come in here. I know you're standing there."
Mae peered in, her face flushed. Her eyes flew to his legs. "You're standing on it." She moved with measured slowness toward him with her hands out as if to catch him if he fell. "Are you in pain?"
"I'm fine." He snapped without looking at her for fear he'd see worry or apprehension. Or worse yet, pity. He'd already made up his mind to work on her ranch through the spring to repay for her taking in him and Wesley. By end of summer he'd find a place of his own where he and his son could live.
Westbound Awakening Page 11