by Amity Cross
“I did,” Mei replied. “She made me within ten minutes, though I suspect she led me on for at least five of those.”
If I knew Mercy, then that had probably been the hardest decision she’d ever made. She would’ve seen it as a betrayal, and in a way, it was, but she thought she was doing the right thing. What point was there being angry about it? I was locked up, lost, alone…and she was the one suffering. What I was going through right now paled in comparison to the pain The Watchman was currently inflicting upon her. I had no way out. If I was going to be realistic about it, I’d failed her.
“Who were they?” I whispered, not even bothering to raise my head.
Mei sighed, shifting her position so she was sitting on the floor, her legs stretched out in front. “Where would you like me to start?”
I shrugged, trying to detach my emotions. I wasn’t having much luck.
“Your brother, Phillip, was an agent just like you,” she began. “He was with the Security Service—MI5—working on a counter-terrorism project. He was two years younger than you. Fresh out of training and at the start of a promising career.” She smiled like she was remembering something. “He thought the sun shone out of your ass.”
It was a rare slip for a woman like her, and I wondered how much she really knew. My brother wanted to be like me. I couldn’t understand it. He was someone I didn’t remember, a brother to a different man.
“I never met your mother, but she wasn’t a part of this life. She knew, but your father went to great lengths to keep her from it. Secrets are deadly,” she said, holding my gaze, “and she understood that. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more.”
Secrets…those I knew about. Secrets ruled my life. I suppose nothing had changed.
“Your father,” Mei went on, “was a dedicated agent for MI6. Brave, strong, unfaltering. One of our best, but most importantly, he was a double agent. He was tasked with a deep cover operation within an organization, which on the outside, looked to be nothing more than an outlaw motorcycle gang. You know them as Royal Blood.”
I raised my head, suddenly interested. Welcome to Royal Blood, enjoy your fuckin’ stay.
“He got so deep he couldn’t get out. He was second to Greggor himself.”
I swallowed hard, already seeing how this would play out.
“He found out your father was double-crossing him, and he planned his revenge.” Mei paused before continuing. “First, he took you. We searched for months, and all the while, your father was still undercover. Then we found your brother.” I sucked in a shaky breath. Hearing it again was worse than hearing it for the first time. “Then your parents were found dead in their home. Assassinated. We had no idea your father's cover had been compromised until it was too late.”
I raised my head, anger tangling with the pain that was ripping through my chest. “Then why didn’t you stop him?”
“Nobody has ever seen Greggor,” she replied, her features still schooled to complete calmness. “We don’t know his true identity or where he came from. We know next to nothing about him. The only man who did was your father.”
“That’s… I’ve…” I trailed off. It was stupid. Of course I’d seen him…hadn’t I?
“Have you ever seen Greggor?” she asked. “Or do you only think you have?”
I stilled, trying to grasp an empty memory. It was there, just below the surface, but I couldn’t make head nor tail of it. Was it another memory they’d stolen from me?
I rolled onto my back, my wrists throbbing. It was going to take time to process all of this. If I believed any of it at all, because knowing that I was just a pawn in a larger game… Well, that was fucked up. Everything was fucked up.
I was Greggor’s greatest revenge, and now it was going to turn around and bite him on the ass.
“We could use your help,” she went on. “We have a lot of questions for you.”
I grunted. “You know the answers come with a price.”
She nodded. “Doesn’t everything?”
MI6 were never going to let me go. Not now that they thought they had their long lost Agent Cassel back… Mercy was still out there, and I didn’t know these people. Who even knew if I would ever remember everything.
Keep your head right, X. You have to keep it together. A crazy man can’t save the woman he loves…
If I was ever getting out of here…I had to make them believe that I was on their side. I had to trust them a little in order for them to trust me a lot. I had everything they were after. Greggor, The Watchman… I had the intel they needed to move forward. There was no other reason they would treat me with such restraint. I hadn’t been questioned once about my string of assassinations or threatened with incarceration. Just like everyone else, MI6 wanted something from me.
I peered at Mei knowing she was the key. She had a soft spot for my brother, and maybe that extended to me.
I let a smile tug at my lips, and her expression softened, confirming my suspicion.
The game began immediately.
Nineteen
Mercy
I’d lost all sense of time.
All I knew was darkness. There was never any light, only the light of the room where they took me to inflict pain, and even then, it was only a small pool—the only thing it illuminated was horror.
I could’ve been here for weeks, or it could only have been a handful of days. My face throbbed, the hole in my gum where The Watchman had ripped out my tooth was inflamed, and my cheek burned. Rolling to the side, I pressed it to the cold floor, allowing the chill to soothe the fever.
He asked questions. A lot of them were about X, but some of them were about me. Who was I? Where had I come from? But mostly, they wanted to know what X remembered. He didn’t remember, so there was no point in opening my mouth. Not that I would anyway. I was defiant in my silence, steadfast to the last breath.
Strength was punished. Pain was the only thing I felt, and after each course, I was handed dessert. Not chocolate ice cream but the knowledge that this wasn’t my training…not yet. This was them being lenient. This was what they dished out when they wanted information.
Was this what X was really like? Had he been going soft on me all this time? Had he been lenient with Allaire? Weiss? I hadn’t experienced this kind of pain before, not even the image of my dead family could erase what was now replacing it.
My cell was my home, the darkness my only friend. I saw X in my dreams, and still he didn’t come. The only thing I had was my promise. I had to hold on to myself for as long as I could. Then before they could take every part of me and remake my shell into a monster, I had to die.
Simple really.
A loud grating sound screeched through my prison, and I clapped my hands over my ears. They were coming for me. They were coming to take me back. I curled up into a tight ball, squeezing my eyes shut.
There was a cry and a thump…then a boom as the door was closed and locked again. Prying my eyes open, I squinted into the murky darkness. I wasn’t alone.
Holding myself as still as possible, I heard soft sobbing coming from the middle of the room. What was this? I squinted into the darkness and made out the shape of something in the middle of the room. It was someone like me.
The woman was curled into a ball, shivering violently. Her sobs filled the small room, the blood on her threadbare shirt was stark against the cream fabric.
I dragged myself across the floor. Watching her closely, I reached out.
“Hey,” I whispered. When she didn’t respond, I tried a little louder. “Hey.”
Her eyes flashed, and she jerked away like a frightened rabbit.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m like you.”
She said nothing, watching me closely.
“What’s your name?” I paused, realizing that they had already begun using that against me. Maybe she was the same. I was quickly learning that names had power. “I’m Mercy,” I said to the woman.
She swallowed hard, and I could
see it in her gaze that she wanted somebody to trust. “Laura,” she replied.
Her voice was soft, almost child-like, and I wondered how old she was. From the look of her, she couldn’t be any more than thirty. Her long, brown hair fell lankly around her face, and dirt and blood stained her skin and shirt. She had a cut over her eyebrow and a black eye, which led me to believe she was undergoing her own round of questioning. She was like me.
There was a sound from outside, and Laura scrambled across the floor and pressed her back against the far wall. The door didn’t open, and darkness still reigned.
“I won’t let them touch you,” I whispered, my gaze darting to the door, afraid they’d hear me.
She stared at me, her brown eyes wide with fear.
“It’s oaky,” I said. “We’re going to get out of here. I’m going to get you out.”
“No one gets out,” she whispered.
I drew in a sharp breath, the pain in my broken rib throbbing through my side. It wasn't healing and had been broken again and again so many times, I’d lost count.
“Well, Laura,” I said, determined to be strong. “They haven’t met Mercy Reid before.”
The routine was…there was no routine.
They came for us whenever it pleased them, and the unsettlement and fear was what they wanted from us. Well, they got it in droves. Just as I was about to fall asleep, they would come and drag me to the chair, or dunk me in a tank of water, or shock me with electricity. I had hardly eaten anything, the most water I’d received was during the moments they tried to drown me, and sleep was nonexistent.
I was in a living hell with no way out but death or obedience.
I was barely holding on, but Laura? She was shredded. Her control and her strength were ripped away from her brutally. I wound my arms around my knees, wanting to hide my face from the darkness and from her desperation. She wouldn’t be around for much longer, but I still felt that solidarity that had overcome me the day they’d paired us up. That was the only thing that kept me from snapping her neck myself.
She kept trying to talk to me, to get to know her cellmate, but I didn’t want to talk. I never wanted to talk again.
“What do they want from you?” she asked, her eyes wider than a doe’s.
I shrugged.
“They think my husband is an informant,” Laura sobbed. “He’s not a criminal… He’s… He’s a good man.” Her breathing became shakier as her desperation grew. “We have a boy. He’s only three years old. They took him…”
I glanced at her, watching the tears stream down her face. I couldn’t imagine… I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids. If X wanted them… I couldn’t relate.
“Do you have a family?” she asked, crawling across the filthy floor. “Are they looking for you?”
I shook my head, thinking about my mother and father. How pissed they were with me because I wanted to study Art History in Oxford. I wondered what they would think of me now.
“No one?” Laura breathed. Her hands grasped at my legs, and she pulled herself against me, leaning her back against the wall. “I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m sure someone is looking for you.”
“What if they aren't? What if no one comes?” Her voice was beginning to rise to dangerous levels. “What if I die here?”
“Shh,” I hissed. “They’ll hear you.” I gestured for her to come closer. “Don’t give them anything, you hear?”
“But—”
“But nothing,” I snapped. “If you love your husband and child, you’ll keep your mouth shut.”
Laura shook her head. “But they’ll kill them!”
I clamped my hand over her mouth, and her eyes widened. “They’ll kill them the moment you give them what they want. Hold on. Be strong, and never let them win.”
Her shivering stilled some, and she nodded.
I let my hand slip away from her mouth. “Now, be quiet. No more talking, or they will punish us.”
Laura huddled into the corner, hugging her arms around her knees. Casting her tear stained face away from mine her shoulders rose and fell with silent sobs.
I felt for her, I really did, but if she didn’t get it together, she would bring us both down. I didn’t want to admit it or even let the thought cross my mind, but it did.
If her actions threatened my life directly…I’d take care of Laura myself.
Stars prickled through the darkness above, illuminating my prison with silver light.
I’d been so starved for a glimpse of my tiny world, that I raised my head eagerly, shielding my eyes from the glare. Blinking furiously, I made out a form beside me. A man sat against the wall, his long legs stretched out in front of him. I gasped, jerking backward, my body instantly responding with fear.
He glanced down at me, his green eyes meeting mine.
“X?” I whispered, my throat burning. I’d screamed myself hoarse, my voice disappearing long ago. I should’ve known it was him the moment the stars appeared above me. Like some kind of messed up fallen angel, they always heralded his appearance.
“I should’ve talked to you more,” he said, glancing down at me. “Then maybe you wouldn’t be here at all.”
“Ditto.”
He smiled, which was always something rare for X.
“Is this going to be the last time?” I asked, knowing that he wasn’t really there.
“Perhaps. It’s hard to say.”
I closed my eyes, trying to stave off the tears that threatened to overcome me.
When I opened them, it was to darkness.
Things didn’t change much after Laura’s arrival.
Sometimes they’d come and take her and she’d come back beaten and bleeding, but mostly they came for me.
Every night I repeated my mantra. I am Mercy Reid. I am in love with Xavier Blood. I am Mercy Reid. I am in love with Xavier Blood. It was the only thing that kept my mind intact as they attempted to beat and burn information out of me. They tried their best, but they never got anywhere.
Laura and I, we found a kind of solidarity in our ordeal. She was like me, though she didn’t have conditioning to look forward to. I assumed that after they had their way with her body, her fate was death. It was horrible to even say it, but maybe she was getting off easy.
“Mercy?”
I rolled over on the hard floor at the sound of her voice.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispered.
“Don’t be afraid of the dreams,” I replied. “They can’t hurt you.”
“I know… I try…”
Trying was for the weak. The strong just did. Laura was weak, and I wouldn’t let her drag me down.
“I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and see John’s face,” she said after a while. “That this has been a dream.”
I stilled, too tired and sore to make her shut up.
“Every Sunday, he’d wake up early and make me breakfast in bed. Pancakes, waffles, bacon and eggs. Every week was something different.” She sniffed, dragging the back of her hand across her nose. “I want to go home.”
I wanted to go back to the cottage. I wanted to wake up next to X and run away like he’d wanted. I wish we’d gone to Morocco.
“What about you?” Laura asked. “Did your husband—”
“He isn't my husband.”
“But you love him?”
I glanced at her and nodded. “Of course.”
“Did he ever cook breakfast for you?”
Her gaze was so hopeful that I didn’t have it in me to push her away anymore. “No, he didn’t.”
Her eyes lit up like a child at story time. “What's he like?”
“He’s a hard man to know,” I replied, staring up into the darkness, imagining I could see the stars X spent so much time looking at. “He never liked to talk much.”
“How did you meet?”
I allowed a small smile to tug at my lips. “At a pub. He was a total asshole.” I remembered one of his opening
lines, and my smile widened. Weiss hire bitches now?
“A bad boy?”
“Yeah…” I closed my eyes, trying to picture him. I feel the ghost of his lips against mine, the strength of his arms around me. “He dreamed a lot,” I murmured. “He seemed to remember things that he should’ve forgotten, but I don’t think he really understood how to fit the pieces together.”
“Do you think he’s looking for you?” she asked.
My heart ached, but it felt good to talk to someone who understood. “I don’t know. I hope he is.”
“I think he is,” Laura declared, and I glanced at her. “I mean, you have to believe… In a place like this… You have to believe in something, right?”
“We fought,” I whispered, tears prickling in my eyes. “The last time I saw him, we fought bitterly… I was going to hand him over to MI6. They probably have him and if they do…” I shook my head and swallowed my tears, tasting the remnants of blood in my mouth. “He’s not coming.”
“Don’t say that…”
“If he was, he would’ve come days ago.”
Laura didn’t see the darker side of things. “If the good guys have him, maybe they’ll come and get us.”
I snorted. She didn’t get it. She didn’t get anything. If MI6 had picked him up, then all bets were off. Everything I’d negotiated with Agent Akiyama was out the fucking window. They’d arrest him and lock him up for a very long time. X wasn’t coming, which meant I had to get out of this on my own or not at all.
“I don’t think so.”
Laura shifted and scrambled to her feet. “You’ve been a good friend, Mercy,” she said, and I stilled. The tone in her voice had changed, the demure mouse I’d come to know had dissolved into something else. “But I think it’s time to end our little charade. You’ve given me what I needed and then some.”
She smiled down at me, the malice in her expression not going unnoticed.
“I do have to thank you for taking care of me,” she purred. “It was so sweet of you.”
“Who are you?” I asked, trembling, realizing that they’d been playing mind games with me this whole time, preying on my weakness…my motherfucking emotions. I’d been fucking tricked.