by Bill Eidson
“As if I had a choice. Both of them hauled me in front of it every time they played that tape. Ben, the hero.”
He smiled. “Come on, now. It was pretty impressive stuff.”
“I’m just glad you’re here.” She came down the steps and draped her arms around his neck. She kissed him so sweetly that he was convinced that they were all right.
“You thought about what I said?” Kurt whispered.
“All night. And the answer is yes.”
He had to look away. He wanted to look at her so she could see his happiness, his outright exultation. But he felt so wide open he couldn’t show it. Instead, he said lightly, “No worries?”
“I’m a little nervous,” she said. “But I’m happy. So happy.”
He held her tight, feeling in her heat against him the new life opening before him with her and the children. “I love you, Andi.”
She pulled her head back so that she could look at him, her eyes welling with tears. “I love you too, Kurt. Let’s go in and tell them the real news around here.”
“Sure,” he said, looking up at his new home. Ben’s former home. An old colonial that Ben and Andi had carefully restored. Beautiful piece of property in Sudbury, up against conservation land.
Kurt wanted to take them away from it. As soon as possible. Andi, Lainnie, and Jake. He loved them all. More than he knew how to show them. He wanted to take them away and put them in a house he had built just for them. Start from scratch. He said, “Let’s go in.”
CHAPTER 4
KURT OPENED THE DOOR FOR BEN TWO HOURS LATER.
Even though Kurt had had plenty of time to figure out what to say beforehand, he was still at a momentary loss.
Apparently, so was Ben. Finally, he said, simply, “The kids ready?”
“Actually, we were hoping to talk to you a minute.”
Andi joined him then. “Hey, Ben, home from the wars. Come on in.” Her tone was sunny because that was her way when first greeting anyone. Kurt expected Ben knew she was furious with him.
Andi gave Ben a fierce hug before pulling back to give him a short, hard shot to the arm. “I’d like to have killed you.”
“Jesus.” Ben was half laughing, but hurting too. “You haven’t lost a thing.”
“You still have two children,” she said.
“And where are they now?” Ben stepped around Kurt, his eyes eager for Lainnie and Jake.
“We asked them to stay upstairs while we talked,” Andi said.
Ben glanced between Kurt and Andi. “About what?”
“Hey, Daddy.”
It was Lainnie, standing at the head of the stairs.
“Ben, let’s go into the library,” Kurt said.
But Ben ignored him. He moved to the foot of the stairs. Lainnie’s face was blotched, as if she had been crying. She said, “I saw you on TV.”
“What’s the matter, honey?”
Jake was behind her. Thirteen years old, everything was more complicated. He tugged at Lainnie. “Come on. Let them alone a minute.”
“Hey, stranger,” Ben said.
“Hi, Dad. You nailed that guy.”
“Sort of.”
Jake grinned and there was no equivocation there. “Not ‘sort of.’ I saw it on TV. So did every kid in my school.”
“Well, that’s got to be worth something.”
“Kids, your dad will be right with you,” Kurt said.
Ben glanced at him, but said to the children, easily enough, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Jake nodded abruptly and began to pull Lainnie toward her room. “Come on. I’ll play with you.”
She was crying again.
Ben noticed the library had changed. Once he ran the business end of his freelance work out of this study, and Andi had done her writing. Now her desk was pushed over by the window and on his former desk there was a computer set-up complete with CD-ROM, scanner, and color printer.
“Somebody’s finally gone digital around here?” Ben asked.
“It’s mine,” Kurt said. “It’s an interest that Jake and I share.”
Ben winced internally, but he kept it to himself. Strange stuff when your ex-wife is dating your boss.
Not for the first time, Ben thought, So this is who she wants.
Kurt was about the same age as Ben, somewhere in his early forties. But while Ben saw himself as all angles and bone, Kurt was fighting a gut and pale. Carefully combed brown hair, blue eyes. Not a bad-looking guy, Ben knew objectively. In spite of the slight potbelly, Kurt looked as if he worked out, played handball, did something. He was just a little bland. Edges worn a bit too smooth by years of corporate life. A gloss of sophistication and respectability that probably showed better beside Andi at her various fund-raising functions and dinners than a weather-beaten photographer husband.
Ben forced away the dour expression he could feel forming on his face. He said, “So what’s up?”
Kurt flashed him a quick smile to acknowledge the question had been asked, but he didn’t answer. Something Ben had seen more than once at the office, but something he appreciated even less in his own former study.
Kurt poured coffee from a white carafe for all of them, and Andi laid out a plate of bagels and fruit. Ben sat back and watched. This was Kurt all the way. Andi was many wonderful things, but an organized hostess she was not. Kurt had a precision about him at the office that apparently extended into the weekend. Although he wore jeans and a simple cotton shirt, there was a crease in the jeans showing they had been ironed. His white leather running shoes didn’t show a single grass stain.
“Will you be following up on the publicity possibilities for yourself on this thing?” Kurt asked politely. Andi settled in on the love seat beside him.
Ben’s heart sank. He could feel what this was about and he found himself talking, not wanting to hear their words. “Not too much,” he said. “I’m not that comfortable being on that side of the lens.”
“You won’t be in the public eye for long, take advantage of it.” Kurt’s voice was rich with assurance. The businessman telling the artist how to cash in on his talent and luck. “I know Peter will do a wonderful job with our coverage itself. And I’ll assure you latitude as other opportunities come up.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Speaking of Peter, I know he wants to work with you on some of his projects coming up. Why don’t the two of you get together and talk them through and come back to me with a plan.”
Ben nodded. Kurt knew full well the way he and Peter worked and this was just his way of trying to regain some control. Ben told them about the book, as much to keep from discussing the real issue as anything else. “The offer is now firm. We’re still negotiating money—it won’t be huge, it never is for photo books. But I can take from my existing body of work and anything new I want to shoot. Develop my own themes.”
Andi’s hands flew to her mouth and Ben was gratified to see her pleasure was genuine. She said, “It’s what we always wanted.”
“You were going to write and edit it,” he said. And then, because he suddenly realized it was so, he added, “You still can.”
He saw her lower lip tremble ever so slightly and he knew what was coming. “Look,” he said, gently. “Whatever’s happening here, we still have those two upstairs to see through life. We might as well stay friends. We always had that.”
She looked down, smoothing her skirt. When she looked up, she said, simply, “Kurt and I are getting married.”
Hearing the words felt like getting punched in the stomach.
Ben paused. “I figured that.”
He saw the light of victory in Kurt’s eyes and the slightest smile touched his mouth before he forced it away.
Ben forced himself equally hard to keep his face calm. That, and to not stand up and kick the guy onto his ass.
Kurt said, “I expect this must be hard to hear.”
“You expect right. When?”
“Tomorrow,” Kurt sa
id.
Ben looked between the two of them, not sure he’d heard right. “What?”
“Tomorrow,” Kurt said. “The kids and us here at the house with the justice of the peace. We’re anxious to begin our new life.”
“When did you two decide this?”
“What difference does that makes?” Kurt asked.
“It didn’t correspond with me walking into that barn, did it?”
“Of all the ego …” Kurt said.
But Andi’s face blanched.
“Jesus, Andi,” Ben said.
She kept her voice low. “We need someone who’d think about us before taking a suicidal risk just to impress a piece of film. Kurt loves us in a way that doesn’t leave room for disappearing for three months to capture a war on some other side of the globe.”
There were a lot of things Ben could have said. Not the least of which was the “us” instead of “me.” Or that her husband-to-be was the one who typically sent him off on those long shoots. Or that she was once a reporter herself so she should understand the goddamn obligations of the profession.
But these were old arguments.
Ben said, “Kurt, could you give us a minute alone?”
“I will not,” he said.
Ben exhaled carefully, aware of the kids upstairs. “I would appreciate a moment of privacy to talk to my former wife. You think you can cut me that break?”
“Please, Kurt,” Andi said, squeezing his arm.
His face flushed crimson suddenly and for a moment, Ben saw a side of him that he hadn’t seen before. But then Kurt regained himself and said, “I’ll be back in five minutes.” He closed the door quietly on the way out.
“Sorry,” she said, smiling quickly. “Kurt feels things more deeply than you might realize. And while I know this is bad for you, it’s hard for him to accept the place you’ve already made in our lives.”
“Kind of immature, wouldn’t you think?” Ben snapped.
“I don’t call being passionate about me—and therefore, a little jealous—as being immature. If it is, I can live with it.”
“I was always passionate about you.”
She smiled. “Of course you were. That’s the way you do everything. But we were down the list.”
“So you’re telling me this idea of us getting back together is something I’ve been carrying around all by myself?”
She took his hands in hers and kissed the back of his wrist. “Neither of us tried to really make it happen, did we? I accept that the things that worked for us in our twenties aren’t working for us now. We’ve got two children who need a real father, and I need a real husband—not someone who’s just blowing in for a few days between shoots.”
“What if I said I would change?”
“I’d say you’re too late. I’d say I don’t believe you.”
“You love him?”
“I surely do.”
Ben wanted to be big about it all.
But what he felt more than anything was angry. How could you do this to us? he thought. This is me.
What he said was, “This wasn’t what I had in mind for us.” His voice was hoarse.
“Who would?” She lifted her shoulders.
“Right.” He nodded. Looked about the place, his old home, because he could no longer look at her directly. He wanted to get out of there. Upstairs, he could hear Lainnie and Jake moving around, the soft thud of their feet on the floorboards. Ben said, “We’ll have to make it work between us until the kids are grown. Agreed?”
She put her hand out. “Agreed.”
After they shook, she dabbed her eyes. “I’m going to call Kurt back in.”
When he arrived, Ben surprised both of them by reaching over to cover their tightly clasped hands. “Congratulations, then. I wish you the best, wherever your lives take you.’’
Kurt looked surprised and Andi laughed suddenly, a sudden gust of relief. “We’ll be here,” she said.
Damn straight, Ben thought. Their child custody agreements precluded either of them from moving out of state without mutual consent.
“In the area, anyhow,” Kurt said. “Sudbury is a good town and this is a nice enough house, but if some of my investments pay off the way I expect, we’ll be building a new home.”
“Good,” Ben said, nodding. Change every goddamn thing, why don’t you. “Good.”
Andi said, “Maybe we’ll even still work on that book together.”
“Sure. The offer still stands.”
“Well, let’s talk about it.” Kurt put his arm around Andi, The man of the house.
Ben paused. This was going to take more than a little getting used to. “I’d better get going.”
They began to follow him and he waved them back. “Please. I’ll let myself out.”
He closed the library door behind himself and hesitated a moment in the hallway. He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve, and then walked to the stairwell and called up, “Let’s go, Jake and Lainnie. We’re going to have some fun now.”
CHAPTER 5
JAKE FOUND HER ON THE SIDEWALK.
“I’m getting out of here,” Lainnie said. “If you had any balls you’d come with me.”
Jake grabbed the seatpost of her bike. He pulled her back, gently enough so that she didn’t fall, hard enough to show her he meant it. “Got the balls to knock you onto the floor, mess up that pretty dress, Garbage Mouth.”
“Do it,” she said. “They wouldn’t do this stupid-ass wedding if I got a big grease spot all over me. Kurt couldn’t stand it.”
Jake liked that but he didn’t have it in him to smile right then. “If I thought that’d work, I’d drop you in a tub of motor oil. But they’d do the wedding anyhow. You see the way Kurt looks at Mom?”
“Why isn’t Daddy stopping this?”
Jake could see she was swallowing hard to keep from crying. He couldn’t think of a thing to help her. He felt like crying himself, but, at thirteen, he was way too old.
Their dad had taken them out to Nahant the day before to go swimming at Forty Steps, where a lot of the scuba divers came in. Water so cold it made you scream when you first hit it. But lots of sun-heated rocks to climb on afterwards, great tidal pools to explore. When they were younger, their dad used to play hide and seek out there with them.
But Dad didn’t act much like himself yesterday.
It was like he had turned gray. His dad tried to make it seem like everything was all right. He put his arms around them, told them he and Mom knew what was for the best and that they would all make it work. Told them that he thought Kurt was a good man.
And the funny thing was, Jake mostly agreed.
Kurt was a little stiff and tried too hard, but he was a nice guy. He listened to Jake when he talked and he seemed to really care about what he heard. He bought the computer as a bribe, Jake knew that. But Kurt would spend hours with Jake and the software manuals doing all sorts of things, from computer games to scanning in pictures and doing crazy things with PhotoShop.
Jake knew his dad loved him, but, until the divorce, he never spent the kind of time with them that he now did. Even now when he took them out, he sometimes wasn’t really with them.
Jake knew that his dad was fun and creative and cool. His photographs took Jake’s breath away. And the stuff on the television with that Johansen guy… . Jake always knew his dad was a hero but now all his friends knew it, too.
But when his dad picked up a camera, Jake could suddenly feel unimportant, not even there.
So Jake knew that Mom and Kurt might actually be right. Kurt talked a lot about moving to a new home and starting from the beginning. Jake could tell that Kurt wanted to be his father.
But Jake also knew that yesterday, his real dad had looked even more tired and beaten than when he had first moved out of the house.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Jake said.
“No it’s not.” Lainnie burst into tears.
When Jake went to put his arms ar
ound her, he surprised himself as much as her by joining right in.
CHAPTER 6
PETER ARRIVED JUST AS BEN WAS FINISHING LOADING HIS JEEP. “What’s this?”
“This is good-bye for a few days. Maybe a week.”
Peter gestured toward Ben’s face. “Barely recognized you.”
Ben rubbed his bare chin. He’d shaved his beard off last night. “I’m in sort of a change mode these days. Besides, my face was getting a little too familiar with all this television coverage.”
Peter looked in at the camping gear, the tent, the cooler. “You’ve got a shoot?”
Ben shook his head. “Going up to our place in Maine.”
“Going to have to stop calling it ‘ours.’ It’s yours alone, isn’t it?”
Ben nodded. His father had left it to him. Not much more than a big rambling shack, but it was on a spectacular lake about two hours north of Portland. In his heart, it was home. Andi hadn’t tried to gain any possession of it during the divorce and he had given her a lifelong promise to let her use it. Now he supposed that meant Kurt would be resting up in the Harris family cabin.
Suggesting improvements, no doubt.
Ben said, “Do you know about Kurt and Andi?”
“Yeah, he called me this morning. Romantic bastard, keeping up with his workload on his wedding day. The way I read it, he jumped so fast when Andi said yes that he forgot he’s got an issue to get out this week. He said you might be in the market for some work yourself right now, join me on a little surveillance.”
Ben slung his duffel bag into the Jeep. “I told him last night when I dropped the kids off that I’d be taking a week. Who the hell does he think he is?”
Peter looked at Ben like he was an idiot. “He’s your editor. Besides, what makes you think you’re so special? With three out of five marriages ending in divorce, and a lot of them remarrying with kids in between, plenty of guys are locked in with some bastard.”
Ben closed the tailgate. “Well, I’m going to try to forget that for a few days.”