“Yeah.”
“Your voice sounds weird. What’s wrong?”
“Uh, nothing, baby.”
“There’s something you aren’t tell me.”
“I…”
“Listen, I know you’re really busy with the whole saving the world thing so if you want to change our date I can…”
“I can’t,” I said simply.
“What? You can’t change the date or… What the hell is wrong? I can tell by your voice.”
“I …we…I don’t want to hurt you, Amy Lynn.”
“Hurt me? Why would I get hurt?” I could hear the tears forming in her eyes, felt the panic in her voice. She wasn’t a stupid woman. In fact, she was probably the only one I’d ever dated who was on the same page as me intellectually. I wanted to explain, tell her I was panicked too.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“I… We can’t do this, baby. I’m…older. So much older. You should be with someone your own age.”
She didn’t say anything for a long time but I couldn’t hang up. Not yet. Then the phone went dead but a few minutes later she called me back.
***
“I don’t want a man my age,” she screamed into the phone. “They’re shallow and dull and most of them couldn’t find their ass with a goddammed compass! I want someone smart. Intelligent. Someone who knows how to treat me. Someone who…”
A long silence crept through the phone and I held my breath, not wanting to hang up and never hear that beautiful voice ever again ,but not wanting to hear her cry either. Fuck! This was torture.
“I know you don’t want to do this to me. Do this to…us. But I won’t play mind games with you, Brock.
I inhaled a breath. Was that what I was doing, playing games with her? Then why did it hurt so much?
“Brock… Brock, are you there?”
“I’m here. Amy, I’m almost twice your age. Don’t you see that as a problem if we have…I mean….when the time comes…”
“Are you talking about kids?”
“Yeah.”
“Brock, I don’t even know if I want kids. I mean I like them and all but…”
“Amy, every woman wants kids. Maybe not now, but you’re still young. Believe me, you’ll want them some day and I…”
“You don’t like children?”
“Of course I do. It’s not that.”
“Then what? For god’s sake, Brock what the fuck…!”
“Sweetheart, you read. You know the fertility problems are more prevalent with older parents, especially older men.”
“I don’t care about any of that. If…If I even decided I wanted kids you’re the only man I can think of I’d want as their father.”
“You flatter me baby girl.”
“For fucks sake! I’m not trying to fucking flatter you, you moron!”
“Sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I don’t fucking believe this.”
“It’s okay. Listen, I don’t want you to resent me some day if I couldn’t…I mean we couldn’t. Hell, I’d be tickled pink to have one with you but…baby it’s just not in the cards.”
“You’re playing the age card again.”
“I guess I am.”
“This is ridiculous! Who the fuck said anything about kids? Don’t you think that should be my fucking decision? I told you before, I know what I want, Brock. And all I want right now is you.”
“But…”
“I want you, Brock Fitzgerald. You!”
“And I want you too.”
“You knew how old I was when we…. So why is it suddenly a problem now?” I thought I heard her sniffing up tears, which stabbed me in the heart.
“Brock, don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, Amy. I can’t be selfish. I… I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” she shouted. “I hope you and your fucking cabin in the woods are very happy living there all alone for the rest of your life.” And then she hung up the phone.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Amy
“And that was it?” Jane asked, twirling her hair on the end of her finger. “Didn’t he say anything else?”
“Nope.” I didn’t know why I was crying for the past hour and half. We hardly knew each other after all. Boy, I’d really fallen hard and I hated it.
“You’re really broken up about this guy, aren’t you?”
I sniffed. “How can you tell?” I tried to laugh but Jane wasn’t buying it. She handed me another tissue from an already half-empty box of Kleenex. She had so much pity in her eyes, I thought she was going to cry, herself. Then she straightened her spine, and an angry glean shone in her eyes.
“Well, fuck him,” she shouted. “And I don’t mean in a good way, Amy. Fuck em all! Every last one of ‘em. Fucking men are just not worth our fucking time. That’s all I have to say on the subject.”
I couldn’t help it when a little smile escaped my lips. Jane hardly ever swore these days. She used to. Like a trooper but she’d gone through great lengths to clean up her image once purchasing the Thirsty Turtle. Said it was unprofessional and all that.
I giggled through my tears “That’s a lot of F bombs, Jane, even for you.”
“Yeah, well, you’re just about the best person in the entire universe and if he can’t see that, then fuck him…and the horse he road in on.”
I laughed harder. “What horse?”
“I don’t know. I heard that somewhere but I can tell you this much, I hope he falls in a great big pile of stinky horse shit too for breaking my best friend’s heart.”
I liked the sound of that. Sorta. “And he should fall face forward,” I added.
“Yeah, face forward.”
I grabbed another tissue and blew my nose. “We’d only known each other for a short time. I don’t know why I’m all broken up about this. It’s not like we were in love or anything.”
Jane lifted one eyebrow. “No?”
I shrugged, not answering her question, but I couldn’t meet her eyes.
“What’s that in your eye?”
I ignored her. “I can get another guy just like…” Placing two fingers together, I tried to snap them. “Like that.”
“Right.”
“If I wanted one, that is.”
“Right.”
“Not that I need a man anyway, right”
“Nope.”
“But I could. If I wanted to…”
“Damn straight you could. And a nicer one too.” I reached into the box of tissues only to come up short this time. “Fuck!” I glanced down at my bedroom floor, the sea of used up tissues literally everywhere. I felt even worse.
“Here…”, Jane said, grabbing a small travel sized package of tissues from her purse.
“Jane, what the hell is wrong with me? I was perfectly fine before I met Mister. I’m so brave they should name a God after me Fitzgerald—so why do I feel like shit?”
She frowned and then rubbed little circles into my back.
“Know what else makes my day even more fabulous? Oh that’s so good, Jane. I’ve got knots in my knots. Oh! This is better than sex. Don’t stop.”
“What are you talking about?” She rubbed her knuckles into my shoulder blades. Before Jane had purchased the Thirsty Turtle and after she’d quit waitressing, she attended massage school for six months. It appeared I was the only one reaping the benefits but hey, whose complaining?
I reached for the letter from the bank by the side of my bed. “This is what I’m talking about.” I waved the letter in the air.”
“What’s that?”
“Not sure, but it’s a letter from the bank. I held it up to the light and peered at the envelope. “I can just make out the words: Second Notice. Now, why the hell would we be getting a second notice on anything? The house was paid off ten years ago and dad’s car is long gone.”
“Ask Penelope,” Jane suggested.
“Yeah, like she’d tell me anything. You do know, she spent the last of my coll
ege fund after dad went into the nursing home, right?”
Jane’s mouth dropped open. “That fucker! No, you didn’t tell me that but I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, well.” I waved the letter back and forth. “I’m not sure I want to know what’s in this, but it can’t be good.”
Jane took an elastic off her wrist and pulled up her hair in a pony tail. “Know what you need, girlfriend? You need a night out. We’ll get all dolled up and...”
“You know I’m not into that, Jane.”
“Come on, Amy. You’re the most responsible person I know and its’ not good for you to be left with all these grown up serious decisions all the time. Live a little. You’re only twenty-two for god’s sake. Act your age for once.”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Just this once. It will be like when we were teenagers.” She batted her long fake eye lashes. “You know what they say. Get back up on that horse and…”
“Didn’t you hear me a second ago? I don’t need a guy to be happy and you agreed with me.”
“No, of course you don’t, but Amy….geese, will you give yourself a break for once? Wouldn’t it be fun to take in a little eye candy?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The Chippendales are dancing tonight. Ride em cowboy!” She slapped her ass and pranced around the room.
I burst out laughing. “How do you do that?”
“What?”
“Make me laugh when all I want to do is cry?”
“It’s one of my many talents.”
“I’ll think about it.” I swept a mirror off the dresser and held it in front of me. Go out? To a bar? Where they have men and all that? If I did go, my work was cut out for me. My face was puffed up like a blowfish, my skin pale and blotchy. I frowned at my pitiful reflection.
“Look at me, Jane. Will you just look at me! Do you really want to be seen with me looking like this? I look like a swarm of bees mated on my face! “
“Minor matters.”
“Besides, I feel like crap. I’m in no shape. I….”
“Nonsense. That will all fade away in due time, and then you’ll be as gorgeous as you always were.” Amy pulled a strand of hair behind my ear. “Still beautiful missy. And besides you can wear my black sparkle dress. You know, the one you said you wanted to be buried in.”
I laughed again. “I did not say that but I do like the dress. On you, I might add.”
Jane jumped up and down on the edge of my bed. I had to admit, she was very persuasive, and I loved her sense of humor. I’d have to try hard, if I planned on being miserable around Jane.
“You did,” Jane shrieked. “Remember? You said you would have to be dead to wear a dress that revealing.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Listen, you need to prove something to yourself. Here...” She placed the mirror back in my hand. “Now repeat after me.”
I giggled knowing exactly what she had in mind because it was usually me that shoved the mirror in front of Jane’s face after some idiotic gal broke her heart.
“I’m not playing Snow White’s evil stepmother with you,” I said, lowering the mirror.
“You are.” She lifted the mirror back up. “You are a strong, sexy as hell independent woman and you don’t need a man.”
“I don’t…”
“Say it!”
“Okay, okay. You are a strong…”
“You know what I mean.”
“All right, all right. I am a strong, independent woman and I don’t need a man.”
“Louder.”
“This isn’t going to…”
“I said louder!”
“I am a strong, independent woman and I don’t need a man.”
“Again.”
“I am a strong….this is ridiculous, Jane.” I lowered the mirror again.
“Think of it this way,” she said giving me another tissue. “Let all those assholes out there know what they don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting in your panties. Wear the dress. Have a good time, flirt a little, and we’ll call it a night. Okay?”
I sighed and bit my lip. I was miserable now, but I knew without a doubt that going out with Jane was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t remember one time when I’d not had a blast in Jane’s company. Jane was smart and one of the most beautiful women I ever knew, which I guess gave her confidence. She had long golden hair, lashes that nearly hit her cheekbones and a curvy figure that looked good in everything she wore. She was also gay, which was kind of funny in itself. She absolutely knew what she was talking about. The upside to us being seen together was we could pretend we were an item if the heat got too hot. “Okay. Let me get some makeup on.”
Jane’s eyes lit up as she clapped her hands like a child. “Yay! I’ll be back soon with the dress.” She kissed me on the head and made me promise not to cry anymore.
“What the hell do I need with an old fireman like that anyway?” I muttered before she went out the door.
But deep in my heart, I knew it was a lie.
***
Jane took me to of all places, the Thirsty Turtle, citing the wonderful band that was playing before the dancers came out and the new chef that would prepare anything we wanted. She sounded so proud of her accomplishments, so what could I say? I was proud of her too.
I smoothed the lines of my black satin dress, which barely covered my tits, slid over in the red leather booth, and pasted on my best smile.
The place was crowded as ever, the food fantastic and service better than most high end restaurants. Jane was making a killing these days, and I was happy for her. It was nice to see someone who grew up with so little, living her dream.
The lights were low, the air full of laughter and I had to admit, I felt immediately better simply by being out with people. Especially since I wasn’t the one waiting on tables. Within minutes of seating us, Jack, the head waiter was at our table with a menu, ready to take our order. He brightened when he saw Jane. “Boss! I almost didn’t recognize you in that dress.”
“What? This old thing?” She was wearing a hollowed out, rhinestone studded v-neck that practically hit her navel. Long dark tresses cascaded about bare her shoulders. Jack was sweet, smart and buff, also a bit of a player but I liked him anyway.
“How’s the crowd?” Jane asked.
“Not too bad. So far, not your usual ruffians.”
“We do not serve ruffians,” Jane snapped.
“Sorry, my mistake. I meant…the more enthusiastic patrons of our establishment.”
“Better.”
I laughed. By enthusiastic, Jack meant men who got stinking drunk and groping at the waitresses. He would be forced to throw them out.
“So what exactly does that mean when you say ‘not your usual’?” Jane glanced around the room. She focused on a few tables in the back. “Those men look harmless.”
Following her gaze, Jack said, “Yeah, they’re all right. See the table on the left? Those are all cops and the one on the right, firemen. One of them is getting married so they came for the show.”
“The girls’ show doesn’t start for hours,” Jane turned to me. “I had to book female dancers to open for the Chippendales.”
“They’ll be pretty toasted by the time the girls come out and dance but hey, can’t call the cops if they’re already here right?”
“Right.”
I refused to turn around at the mention of firemen . I told myself that was ridiculous. Brock said he hardly left the station at all. What were the chances he was here? He worked pretty much around the clock. My heart squeezed and tears pricked behind my eyes.
“I’m sure they’re just having a good time,” Jane said. “Give them a round of drinks on the house. Tell them it’s to celebrate the ball and chain on the guy getting hitched.”
“Will do, boss.”
“Oh and then bring us a couple of white wines and cheeseburgers if you would.”
Jack nodded
, his blonde bangs falling over his left eye.
Jane leaned across the table, her green eyes sparkling. “Sooooo,” she said, conspiratorially. “Any of them catch your eye?”
I frowned. “I am not dating anyone in uniform ever again.”
“Oh please. They can’t be all bad. Besides, some of them look pretty good dressed down. That is…if you’re into that.”
“Not really, Jane. Look where it got me.”
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