“Amy Lynn Spencer. Huh. What the fuck just happened?”
Before the news could register in my head, the land line rang. “Well, they didn’t shut that off yet,” I said staring at the phone and wondering if I should answer. I looked at the caller ID. Mateo. I let it ring three more times while trying to process the letter from the bank. Finally, I answered. “Hey.”
“Hey. How’s it going?”
“Um…good I guess.”
“Glad to hear it. You want to get a bite to eat?”
“Actually…yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”
I was still holding the letter, torn between the shock of it all and whether I really and truly wanted a date with Mateo. He was a good friend and friends were hard to find. Maybe we would just take it slow and see if things developed. Not all relationships were fireworks and cannon blasts right?
“Give me about thirty minutes, Okay?”
“Sure thing. You okay? You sound different.”
“Tell you about it at dinner.”
I hung up the phone and ran to my closet. Pawing through the hangers of dresses, I decided nothing in there said ‘friend’ or ‘too early in a relationship’ to count as a dinner ensemble. I looked in my drawers instead and slipped on a pair of skinny jeans with a bra and T-shirt. Then, thinking better of it, I decided a silk blouse was more in order. I took off the T-shirt and threw it on the bed. Taking the blouse from the hanger, I threw that down as well. It was both casual but a little flirty too if I unbuttoned the top two buttons. My mood was lifting. Who said friends couldn’t turn into lovers with enough time, right?
Thirty minutes later, Mateo showed up at my door, holding a dozen red roses. The heat in his eyes as he searched me head to toe made my face heat up. He thrust the flowers at me. “I…I didn’t know what kind of flowers you like.”
“They’re lovely, Mateo.” I held them to my nose and sniffed. “Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.” I opened the door further. “Come in. I’m just about ready.” Was I ready? My gaze shifted side to side. “I…I’ll just put these in water first, shall I?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Brock
The dream hit me like a bus. No, twelve busses!
I was on my father’s sail boat and this time my grandfather was there.
He had a wolf with him. A wild grey wolf with long sharp fangs and gilded glowing eyes. Tethered to my grandfather, the wolf paced back and forth on the deck, obviously distressed, growling at everything and anything even when he was offered food. He smelled of blood and raw meat, his tongue glistened like black silk. Every once in awhile he leapt up on the bow railing and howled at the moon.
I thought it strange that my parents were gone, but I didn’t dwell on the fact. The wolf did his best to demand all my attention. I tried to pat the beast’s head, but those razor teeth snapped just inches from my hand.
Next thing I knew, Amy was there. She took our beautiful quilt—our love quilt— and wrapped the wolf in it. As she raised him in her arms, she looked at me intently as if to say ‘See? He’s tame now. He won’t hurt us.’ I thought it odd she wasn’t afraid. I gazed into those liquid warm eyes, completely in awe of her. This petite beautiful woman was fearless.
Then, in a moment so quick it took my breath away, she threw the wolf into the ocean.
I looked at her, stunned.
In a moment of panic, I jumped in the water. I didn’t know why, nor did I understand how, but that’s what I did. Clothes and all, I jumped into that frigid cold ocean after a damned wolf!
When I woke, half the firehouse was in my hospital room. Most of them just stood there, eyes big as marbles, staring at me like I was some sort of Messiah risen from the dead.
I blinked hard and then sat up in my bed, yanking some sort of tubing out of my nose. “Damn. If you guys are angels, I must be in hell!”
“If we were angels you’d have to be dead,” quipped Williams. “Although you might be after I get done with you. What the hell were you thinking, Brock? I thought you went up there to lend them your expertise, not to climb a dammed mountain and jump into the fire for god’s sake! You haven’t been in the field for over ten years, Fifteen if you count that wilderness shit they trained you for. “
“Listen, those men were out of their league. And you of all people should know it’s never been my style to lead from the rear. I knew what I was doing.”
“If you knew what you were doing, you would have stayed put. Fifteen years, Brock. Fifteen years since you’ve been in a forest fire and things have changed. You’re not up on all that stuff. You had no business volunteering for that kind of shit. Not anymore.”
I groaned. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Just barely and besides what if your heart gave out.”
“My heart?”
“Yes, your heart.”
“You saying I’m too old?”
“Damn right I am.”
“Fuck you, Williams. It’s a good thing I arrived. They needed every man they could get. Someone told me you were up there the day before and you’re older than I am.”
“I haven’t been sitting behind a desk for ten years.” Blowing out a breath, he shook his head. “Stubborn ass. How do you feel, anyway?”
My eyes burned and I struggled to keep them open. I sucked in a lungful of air, wondering why I still felt breathless.
“I’m….I’m okay but….” I looked away, swallowing my pride. “I get what you’re saying but I had to go.”
Williams grinned. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”
I launched into a coughing attack so thunderous and debilitating I nearly passed out.
Looking panicked, Williams asked if he should call the nurse. He grabbed my call-bell intent on pushing the red button before yanking it out of his grip. I held up a palm and one finger, promising I would be fine in a few minutes.
After what seemed like forever, the coughing subsided. I took another breath and blew my nose, but my throat hurt like the devil.
“Listen,” said Williams. “I’m giving you your old job back. The doctor says any more action like that back there and your heart is done for.” He shifted foot to foot, eyes narrowed and lips tight. I could tell he was gearing up for an argument with me.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
“And why is that?”
“Your lungs are shot man… not to mention what the hell kind of shape your heart is in from fighting fires all those years.”
“Put it back on,” said a stern voice walking into the room. A man in a pale green scrub-coat with a stethoscope around his neck approached my bed. He took the oxygen tubing, stretched it out, stuck the prongs inside my nose, and then clipped it behind my ears. “You’ve experienced some pretty significant hypoxia, Mr. Fitzgerald. You need the oxygen to heal.”
I grumbled. I was not used to people telling me what to do. What next? Would they feed me jello on a spoon next?
The nurse’s arms folded over his chest. “Hi. I’m Terrance. How are we feeling today?” He took hold of my wrist and looked at his watch. I presumed he was taking my pulse.
I hadn’t bothered answering what I considered was a stupid question but then I had one of my own. “Why does it feel like I can’t get enough air?”
“You have carbon dioxide poisoning. The oxygen in your blood isn’t adequate. You’ll feel better in a few days.” I glanced down at my fingertips which were pale with a slight blue tint. “And why do I look like a fucking Smurf?”
“I told you. It will get better in a few days. Just keep that oxygen in your nose.”
“Is he going to be okay?” asked Garcia looking worried. I didn’t know why but it actually surprised me that he cared. They all did.
Terrance turned to the men in the room. “We’re hoping he doesn’t have any long-term effects from the smoke but it’s too early to tell. We’ll know more once the test results come back.”
“Tests?” I looked down at the tubes coming out of both arm
s. When the hell had they taken blood?
I must have looked worried because Terrance patted my hand and gave me a kind smile. “They’re just routine. Nothing to get worked up about. Okay?”
I nodded, but I didn’t feel okay. I felt downright ridiculous lieing in a hospital bed when the only pain I had was a slight headache and some out-of-breath episodes, which I was sure would clear up. My brain raced back to the fire. Williams was right. I never should have volunteered. I wasn’t prepared. Hell, I didn’t even know the area and because of that, it was possible I’d damaged my lungs, ruining myself for working in the field. Fuck. I’d made up my mind to go back fighting fires. Now what the hell was I going to do with my life? I stared at Williams, not wanting to ask the question, and bracing myself for the worse. “I didn’t— ?”
“Nothing you did…jeopardized anyone’s life,” he said slowly. “Several of those guys admitted they were in a panic. They’d not even thought about pulling out their tarps out of their web gear until you suggested it. I hate to admit this, but it’s a good thing you were there. You probably saved half a dozen firefighters.”
I looked away. It should have made me feel better but it didn’t. I didn’t want to go back to a desk job. I needed to be active or at least know I was making a difference. I didn’t know when, but something had changed inside me. Or someone had changed me. For years, I’d been content to stay in my office while everyone around me took risks, but that didn’t appeal to me any longer. After almost dieing, I started to think about what it would be like to be like every other man my age. I found myself wanting things I’d never considered before. Selfish things, I thought, but I wanted them just the same. A home. Perhaps family. Little people that looked like me running around. And when the hell had that happened? I’m forty-one years old, I thought glumly. Fine time to reprioritize your life, Fitzgerald. Suddenly, I went into another coughing attack. I heard the nurse say something about my needing rest and with a bit of grumbling, the guys trickled out of the room one by one, leaving me in my misery.
A few minutes later, the nurse gave me something intravenously, “to make you sleep,” she said.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Amy
When we arrived at the Italian restaurant, Mateo ran around to my side of the door, and opened it for me. He was such a gentleman—but for some reason, that actually irked me a tiny bit. He also picked the restaurant, kept calling me “baby” and he pulled out my chair. It was only our second date and thank god he’d not tried to kiss me. Not that I wanted him to, because I kind of didn’t but still, what the hell was wrong with this guy?
I was completely on edge . I started tapping my foot below the table. I had no idea where these feelings were coming from. Mateo was handsome, sweet, and even a good dresser but something was off. Maybe it was with me. After ordering, he reached for my hand. I pulled it away abruptly, making excuses to leave the table. “The little girl’s room,” I muttered .
A few minutes later, I splashed water on my face and stared into the restroom mirror while I dabbed my face dry with paper towels. Then it hit me. The house! I was seriously having a nervous breakdown over the house, which made no sense whatsoever. Someone had paid off the mortgage, freeing it from the bank. That was good news, wasn’t it? But who? Mateo had said he had a friend, but he never explained more, so I didn’t give it another thought.. I didn’t want to be indebted to him though, especially if I wasn’t sure about pursing a romance. If it was him that found a way to save my family home… I didn’t want to think about it. The thought made me queasy. We hardly knew each other, not that that sort of thing had stopped me from throwing myself at Brock, but then look where that got me?
Ten minutes later, and over a bowl of pasta, I put down my fork. “I need to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth. “
He put down his own fork and stared at me, looking confused. “Of course.”
“Did you pay the mortgage on my home?”
A half grin spread across his face. “Not directly, no. There’s a few…non-profit sort of organizations that I kinda have an in with. That’s all.”
“And one of those…non-profits… paid off my mortgage?” I was trying to get my head around this. “What sort of non-profits?”
“They’re for families who’ve been in fires actually, but I have a friend who…”
“Wait. I haven’t been in a fire.”
“I know but you needed the money and I thought…”
“Oh my god! You didn’t, Mateo. Tell me you didn’t take money from a fund for people who lost everything. From family members who may have even died a horrible death. Seriously?” My heart raced out of control, my pulse erratic. I wasn’t sure if I was more upset with Mateo and what he did, or the realization that I was part of such a shameful scam.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I thought… I…I…” His smile drooped. I found the stuttering even more unattractive. “It…it wasn’t me,” he cried with a panicked tone. “I…I just wanted to help.”
I threw my napkin down and waved for the waiter. “I’d like my portion of the check please,” I said, trying to sound calm. I was so damn angry, my entire body rigid. If I sat here much longer, I was going to throw something. “Never mind,” I said. Rustling through my bag, I pulled out two twenties and threw them on the table. “Keep the change.” I grabbed my coat off the back of my chair, shoved my arms through it and got up.
He was still blabbering and making excuses. “I…I’m sorry, Amy. I just knew you were going to lose your house and I wanted to help so I told…I told..I told my friend about it.”
“Yeah, well there are a lot more people who need your help than me,” I spat grabbing my purse that was draped on the back of my chair. “I can’t believe you did this. We’re over, Mateo. Over.” I pushed in my chair and squeezed between another table to leave.
Halfway to the door, I paused. I still didn’t know who fronted the money. Who was this mysterious friend and why would anyone do that for someone they’d never met? I turned on my heel and stomped back to the table.
Mateo rose to his feet hurriedly.
“Who?” I asked. “Who pulled the strings? Who embezzled money from some charity on my behalf?”
“I’m…I’m not supposed to say.”
“Can you at least tell me was it someone you work with?” He didn’t say anything although his face revealed all. I knew how tight firefighters were. I knew what a brotherhood it was. Hell, they probably shared all their sexual encounters with each other. I thought about the sirens Brock blared as he drove me home that first night.
I’ll bet they all know about me.
The fear in Mateo’s eyes revealed what I needed to know. “I thought as much,” I said. “That is so underhanded.” My fists clenched at my sides. “It’s also illegal and just plain dumb.”
Several people swiveled around in their chairs to gawk at the crazy lunatic yelling at her boyfriend. “Well, you can tell him for me,” I said, waving a finger at Mateo. “Never mind I’ll tell him myself.” I stomped out of the restaurant, but then turned around before reaching the door. How would I get home? I could walk but it was four damn miles. I went back inside and asked the hostess to call me a cab.
Then, thinking better of it, I canceled the call and began to walk. Maybe if I had enough exercise I would calm myself the hell down.
***
By the time I arrived home, my feet were killing me. I’d called Jane from my cell halfway to pick me up, but not before getting three blisters the size of nickels on my feet and a sliver in my baby toe when I took off my sandals to walk barefoot the rest of the way.
“So why do you think he did it?” Jane asked.
“I honestly don’t know. All I can come up with is he wants to keep me on the side for quickies. Apparently, I’m not good enough for a serious relationship, but I’m good enough to suck his dick.”
Woo, that’s low,” Jane said. “Do you really think so?”
“No,” I said w
ith tears in my eyes.
“So what are you going to do? I mean, you can’t give the money back. The bank already has it right?”
I sighed. “Yes.” What was I going to do? Nothing to do, I admitted to myself. The house was free and clear. “Well he at least owes me an explanation.”
“Maybe he did it because he loves you. Did you ever think about that?”
My heart did a flip. “Then why did he break up with me? Why say all that stuff to push me away?”
“Because he’s scared,” Jane said. “Don’t you think it’s at least possible?”
“I suppose,” I admitted. “But still doesn’t make sense.”
“Well, calm down a bit before you go rushing over there. Okay?”
“I don’t know, Jane. If I calm down, I’m liable to just forget about it and be happy I still have my home.”
“That’s true.”
“And then I might even start to think he did me a favor and I don’t want to think that.”
“Also true.”
Tears pricked behind my eyes. “If he does love me…No! I can’t let myself think that. He told me it was over.” I nodded my head up and down slowly. “And I have to move on. In order to do that though, I need to face him first.” I dropped down in a chair and groaned. “Fuck! Why is life so goddamned complicated?”
“That’s why they call it falling in love,” Jane said.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Brock
A week later, I swung my feet over the side of the bed. It was the first time since the fire, I felt like getting out of bed.
Two days after that, I was breathing normally again and the doctors said I could leave.
I got myself dressed. It was time to go home, but where was home? I honestly didn’t know.
I shoved all the get-well cards inside my backpack, pulled on my boots and sat in the chair by the window, waiting for my discharge papers from the nurse. If I’d learned anything from my near-death experience, it was life was short, and I wasn’t immortal, no matter how much I tried to be.
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