Pikeman

by Kristen Kelly

  I wasn’t ready to give up my life at the age of forty-two either, nor did I want to be alone again.

  Somehow, I was going to get my life back on track. Maybe there was a reason I hadn’t died with my father that day. At least that was what my therapist had said once upon a time. Maybe I should go back into therapy, take a refresher course so to speak. After that, who knows what I would do, but it was time to move on. I knew that now.

  As I turned at the sound of clicking heels, expecting to see the nurse, my mouth dropped open and my heart squeezed hard inside my chest. Was I seeing things? Maybe I wasn’t ready to go home after all.

  “Hello, Brock.”

  I sprang to my feet and every atom in my body stood still as I turned to see the last person I expected to see standing in my hospital room, looking more beautiful than ever. “Amy…” I breathed.

  “I’m glad I caught you, They said you were going home today.”

  So many things were going through my head. I love you. I was a fool. Take me back. But I said none of those things. I simply stared at her, my heart doing flip flops, hands in my pockets.

  “How are you, Brock?”

  “Can’t complain.”

  Can’t complain

  She appeared as nervous as I was, with beads of sweat dappling her forehead holding a bouquet of lavender orchids as those perfect white teeth captured her bottom lip.

  “They also said you weren’t a firefighter anymore or uh…you were going on leave…or…or something like that.” She shoved the flowers at me. “Anyway, I came to say thank you.”

  I was still staring at her, in shock. Not really knowing what to say. What to do.

  “Thanks,” I said, placing them in the top of my backpack. I chuckled softly. “No woman has ever given me flowers before.”

  She smiled a soft sensual smile. The kind that always made my cock pulse.

  “You cut your hair,” I said. She’d always pulled it back in a pony tail making her look younger. Now I saw soft waves on the ends and it shone like the sun. She looked older, more sophisticated.

  She raked her hair with the ends of her fingertips.

  I wanted to touch it too.

  It was a simple thing, but my breath stopped just thinking about touching any part of her.

  “Yeah. I’m going back to school and I didn’t want to fuss with it while I’m studying.” I smiled, but my heart sank a bit, knowing the school was likely out of state and I’d likely never see her again. I tried to sound cheerful.

  “That’s terrific, babe…I mean… I’m glad you finally got what you wanted.”

  She uttered a half laugh, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I wouldn’t be able to go if it weren’t for you, Brock.”

  I came to thank you.

  “I actually got a scholarship. I was lucky that they held it for me, and now that the house… Well, you know. I can go now.”

  I had no idea what she was talking about and I didn’t care. All I knew was she looked so fucking sexy in a tight-fitting blue sweater and hip skimming jeans, my cock had gone from pulsing to literally crawling up my body.

  I found everything she was saying an incredible turn-on. Her confidence. Her self-assurance about her education. Her everything.

  We walked toward each other, our eyes locked like magnets. When I was close enough, I wiped a tear that threatened to fall. She leaned into my palm and my heart nearly severed from my chest. How in the world had I ever let this gorgeous woman go? I’d thought it was for her own good. Was I that much of a martyr?

  Without looking away, she backed up from me, squared her shoulders, and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I just came to say thank you.” Then she turned and walked out the door.

  Like an idiot, I stood at the doorway, watching her leave, the air seeping from my lungs—only this time oxygen wouldn’t help.

  A dull ache settled in my gut.

  As I watched the sway of her hips, the way her soft chestnut hair bounced above her shoulders, I suddenly wished I’d died on that mountaintop. Anything was better than losing her all over again.

  I watched her walk down the hall, and out of my life.

  Again.

  I couldn’t help following from a distance, my heart pounding so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. As she passed the nurse’s station, she bent to talk to a little boy in a wheelchair. Grateful for the reprieve, I tried to listen to what she was saying, but there were too many people around, call bells going off, and my own scrambled thoughts were getting in the way.

  You’re better off without me.

  Several nurses went by, and then a man dragging a cart with several oxygen tanks. Suddenly, a huge cart of linens blocked my view and I panicked.

  When she’d reached the elevator doors, I broke into a run, reaching her just as bell dinged.

  A red light flashed, and the doors slid open.

  I grabbed her arm before she could get on the elevator.

  She turned around sharply, glaring at me.

  With a shaky hand, she reached up and clasped her throat. “Brock, don’t…”

  “Amy, don’t go. I don’t want you to go.”

  Tears stood in those beautiful brown eyes.

  Suddenly, I realized how much it must have taken for her to come here, and for the first time—how much I’d hurt her. Hurt us.

  “I was an ass,” I said. “A stupid egotistical ass. I should have never let you go.”

  She backed up from the elevator and at first I thought she was going to kiss me or throw her arms around me, but she did none of those things.

  She distanced herself further.

  “I can’t,” she said simply. “It’s not right. We can’t undo it, Brock but….it’s not right just the same.”

  Her reaction was not what I expected. Desperate and panicky, I said, “Not right? I’ll tell you what’s not right. It’s not right that two people who belong together made a mistake.”

  She looked at me, incredulous.

  “Okay, I made a mistake but I’m begging you. Give me a second chance. I know I don’t deserve you but... I love you, Amy. Don’t you see that? I love you.”

  She burst into tears. “Why are you doing this to me? I knew I should never have come here!”

  She tried to go around me but I pulled her into my arms. “Please,” I said into her hair. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

  She pulled away from me. “Don’t do this, Brock. Don’t make me second think my decision. It’s over. You made it over. Remember? Now let me go.”

  I let my arms drop to my sides, and she shrunk back against the wall. A gurney strolled by, separating us but our eyes never wavered.

  Her face stiffened. “I told you thank you, Brock. That’s all I came for. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Then she got on the elevator and I let her go..

  ***

  Williams suggested I take some time off and I think I surprised him by agreeing. I needed to rearrange my priorities, and I wanted to set up another income stream, not for myself, but for the people who’d lost their homes in the Sabine National Forest Fire—a fund set up for them specifically.

  To my surprise, I learned I had become richer. My accountant informed me that some of my investments were making a profit although I’d tried like hell to invest in crackpot schemes and things with so much risk even Rockefeller wouldn’t invest in them. He suggested I set up more charities or add funds to those I already had. I never knew it would eventually become a problem, having this much money. Apparently, I was now a billionaire. It didn’t please me. Nothing did.

  On my drive up to the cottage, I tried to make sense of the conversation I had with Amy. It’s not right what we did. What the hell did that mean? Why hadn’t I pressed her for an explanation? Why hadn’t I insisted she tell me what she was thanking me for? I was so excited to see her, and then desperate to make her change her mind about taking me back, I’d lost the very thing that may have
turned the tables for us. But what was that exactly?

  I had to admit, no matter how much I didn’t want to, Amy was making the right choice. For her. For us. I would only hold her back, and besides, weren’t there people who needed me right here? I had no business traveling around the world, and that was exactly what she wanted to do once she graduated.

  Going to graduate school was a huge deal for her and she was so damn smart. Smarter than anyone I’d ever met. It sounded like she’d breezed through college, but graduate school would give her a challenge. And that, I was sure she would both appreciate and give the professors a run for their money at the same time. I wished I could see the looks on their faces. It was as it should be. At least, that was what I told myself. Too bad I didn’t believe it.

  Once I put Amy out of my mind, or tried to, I got down to what I was actually good at. Juggling numbers and helping people.

  I needed to do something more this time. I called my broker, set up a meeting with three of my lawyers and got out a pad and paper. In addition to rebuilding people’s homes, what else did people who had been through a tragedy need, and how could I make it happen faster?

  First I called Habitat for Humanity, a charity that had nothing to do with me, but was a fabulous program in its own right. The problem was, they usually built only a few houses at a time. Over fifteen hundred people lost their homes! How could they possibly get enough volunteers to build that many houses? The answer was, they couldn’t. Not without a payroll, which in itself would create jobs. And then there were materials, which were usually donated, but then again, it wasn’t enough.

  I started to get excited. Once I got the ball rolling, I realized the kids who had lost parents needed more than just a place to live. They needed money for college too. So I set up a fund for that. All in all, I came up with twelve new charities, geared solely for the people who lost their homes or lives in the Sabine fires. I stopped when my accountant said my investments had leveled off knowing I could do more at any time. At any future date. That gave me a sense of accomplishment. The only thing keeping me from being fulfilled was my loneliness. Thankfully, I was so damn busy, I only had to worry about that at night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  Amy

  Two Weeks later

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving soon,” Jane said, holding up her martini. “To Amy, the smartest girl we all know.” It was girls night out at the Thirsty Turtle . All the gals I’d waitressed with over the years sat round the table— toasting my success—and pigging out on pizza and hot wings. I felt honored they all came, some of them after working the night shift with bags under their eyes and barely any sleep in the last twenty four hours. I knew how tough some of their lives were. It meant a lot to me, that they’d made the sacrifice.

  “Wow,” said Meggie. “I’m so proud of you. You really did it the right way. I didn’t even graduate high school and now well… you know.”

  “Why do you say that?” I asked without thinking. Not only had Meggie not graduated high school but she had two kids and she was only twenty one.

  “It just is…” Meggie began dropping her gaze.

  “Maybe if you kept your legs crossed,” quipped Jane. “We’d be toasting you here and sending your ass off to college instead of another goddammed baby shower.”

  Meggie chuckled. “Nah. I like sex too much.”

  “And too many times with too many men,” said Phyllis. Meggie rolled her eyes but then everyone broke out in laughter. Phyllis was with a new man almost every other week, but at least she was smart enough to use birth control. The rest of the girls were either married and just making a few extra bucks, or single with boyfriends.

  It made me think.

  I knew college wasn’t forever, just a year—or less if I convinced my professors to let me boost up my curriculum. Just me and my books and the good old computer. I didn’t want to go back to being alone all that time. Brock had made me see what I’d been missing and what I missed most was friendship with a man. Yes…and sex! The thought of that sexy head between my legs made my nipples harden painfully and heat bloomed. I missed his touch. I missed his voice. I missed…him.

  Brock had shown me what it was to be a woman. I’d never known sex could be so…exhilarating—or that my insides would turn to jelly at the commanding tone of his voice. He was both forceful and gentle. Enthusiastic, yet patient. I sighed. It’s over, you idiot. Stop thinking about him. Focus on his actions instead. And for god’s sake keep your mad!

  I couldn’t go backwards. Brock’s actions were unforgivable. While it made me uncomfortable that he paid off my mortgage, I probably could have come to terms and forgiven him. But taking the money from a charity? How could I ever look him in the eye knowing what we’d done? How could I look myself in the eye?

  I ate the last of my curly fries and pushed the plate away when a warm hand covered my own.

  “So… Amy….I hear the house is up for sale,” Jane said. “I thought you were going to keep it.” She squeezed my hand, knowing how hard that decision must have been for me. But how had she known? I hadn’t advertised it anywhere.

  “I did too, but I had a long talk with dad. And get this, he knew all about Penelope and wasn’t a bit surprised.”

  “No way!”

  “Yup. When I said I wanted to bring him home, he told me he liked it at the nursing home. That he had no intention of leaving if he had the choice. I insisted we could get a private nurse, but he got this weird look in his eye. Turns out he has a girlfriend.”

  “Wow. Didn’t see that coming, did you?”

  “Nope.”

  “You think he’s telling you the truth?”

  I laughed. “I saw her. I can’t say for sure if she feels the same about him, but he did point her out.”

  “I can’t believe it. Well, at least he’s not lonely, right? That should make it easier to stay in school this time.”

  “Yup. I can live on campus, and not worry about him, or the house or anything really.”

  “You’ll have the money from the house and the scholarship for tuition. Sounds like it’s all coming together.”

  “It is. Things are falling into place. One minute I was destitute, about to be evicted and now…”

  “Do you have any serious buyers on the line?”

  “I think so. There’s a family who lost their home. If they like it, they’ll pay cash. No bank. No nothing.”

  “Well, that’s convenient.”

  “Right, but it doesn’t make sense. We’re not talking about a mansion here. How is it a family can just buy my house like that?”

  “You know what they say? Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

  “It’s just strange. I hope it’s all legal. I don’t want anyone knocking on my door some day and saying I sold my house to the mafia or something.”

  Jane giggled. “Don’t sweat it, woman. It’s about time good things started happening you.”

  I looked at her for a long time. “Maybe but… I’m starting to wonder why.”

  ***

  Three days later

  At two o’clock sharp, and in the pouring rain, there was a soft tap-tap-tap on my front door.

  The new owners.

  Excited, I glanced around the living room for the last time with butterflies in my stomach.

  I couldn’t wait to move on. I was anxious to live my life again. I’d come to grips with selling my family home in a big way—so I’d stripped the house bare of anything that made it mine. I wanted the new would-be owners to see all the possibilities, envision the house as their own. I’d taken nearly all of the furniture and everything except my bed and put them in storage the day before. I wanted the place to look as big as possible. I hoped they’d imagine their own things around the place. The only things I left up were the curtains on the windows.

  I really wanted this family to be the ones. They had three children and two dogs plus a grandmother that would occupy the house. I felt good knowing there w
ould be life in the house again.

  When I opened the front door, four shining faces stared back at me. Two adults, and two children.

  “I’m so sorry we’re early. I know you said two-thirty but we…well…” A woman who looked about thirty-five, glanced at an older woman beside her who was holding a little girl’s hand. “We were so excited we couldn’t wait.” The mother was tall, thin, and blonde dressed in a long dress with a tiny white cap on her head. Two thin white linen ties dangled by the side of her kind face. She was carrying a toddler with a thumb in his tiny mouth. I was delighted to see the baby and he smiled on me.

  “No trouble at all,” I said. “Come in. Come in.” They scooted inside but were hesitant to walk the rest of the way in. It was then that I noticed the long dress that stopped mid-calf on the little girl as well. There was no mistaking the way they dressed. I didn’t know much about Mennonite or Amish, but I recognized their clothing.

  “We shouldn’t be here,” said the older woman with a raised brow. “The elders will build us another house.”

  The blonde woman stared at her. “We’ve been over this. There are too many homeless, and what would we do in the meantime? My children cannot live in a shelter for a whole year.”

  The old woman didn’t budge but stood with her arms folded over her chest, frowning.

  “You heard Jacob, and a year is just an estimate. The barns have to be built first, which will take time. And what of the families who have lost their men?”

  The fire. They’re talking about the fire. Suddenly, I felt like I were eavesdropping.

  “It is God’s wish that we should live simply, and not lean on the charity of others,” said the older woman. Her words seemed harsh but there was a kindness to her tone.

  The younger woman stared at her mother, a horrified look upon her face. “I’m not letting my children grow up in a shelter.,” she repeated. She appeared desperate, at the end of her rope, but not at all helpless. Never helpless. She straightened her spine and shifted the baby to her other hip as she looked at me.