Mike kept glancing back at his sleeping child on the way home. Jessie looked so sweetly innocent now, but he knew all too well what she was like when she was out of control. He’d been deluding himself that the worst was behind them. How could he even consider a future with Melanie, when Jessie required every bit of love and attention he had to give? Even Melanie would have to see that after today. Hell, maybe that was even the real reason she’d been hesitating and she’d just been too kind to say so.
He carried Jessie inside, took her to her room and put her in bed. She barely whimpered as he removed her shoes and tucked a blanket around her. As worn-out as she was, she would sleep for at least another hour or two. That would give him and Melanie a chance to talk. There was a lot of ground to cover.
When he went back downstairs, he found Melanie in the kitchen brewing a pot of tea.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she said. “I thought we could both use it.”
“It’s fine,” he said, raking his hand through his hair. “Now what the hell happened back there, and how did you get involved?”
As Melanie described the incident on the playground, Mike fought off the desire to go and pummel little Kevin Reed himself. Obviously, though, the kid had just been lashing back. He couldn’t have known how devastating his words would be to Jessie. Nor, likely, had she grasped how hurtful she was being when she’d reminded Kevin he didn’t have a dad.
“Kids that age have no idea how powerful words can be. They’re unintentionally cruel to each other sometimes,” Melanie said, echoing his thoughts.
“It’s my fault,” Mike said.
“How on earth can you believe that? You weren’t even there!”
“Not today. I meant I should have done something to force Linda to face facts and get herself straightened out. Then Jessie would have her mom in her life. Dammit, I should have done something,” he repeated.
“Such as?” Melanie asked, her skepticism plain. “What could you possibly have done that you didn’t do?”
He sank onto a chair and regarded her with bewilderment. “I have no idea.”
“You couldn’t make her better if she didn’t want to get better,” Melanie reminded him.
How many times had he heard the same words from the counselor he’d seen at the time, from his attorney, even from Linda’s parents? He knew they were all right, but he couldn’t help thinking that there must have been something he could have done or said to get through to her.
“Maybe if I went to her now,” he said, beginning to formulate a plan even he could see was desperate and doomed to failure. “Maybe she’d be ready to listen.”
Melanie looked stunned. “Is that what you want, to get your wife back?”
“No, of course not,” he said without hesitation. “I swear to you, that’s the last thing I want. But I want Jessie to have her mom back. I want her to be the happy-go-lucky, carefree kid she deserves to be.”
“She will be,” Melanie assured him. “It will just take time and patience.”
“You heard Ms. Sinclair. We’re running out of time.”
“Talk to the teacher. Explain the situation. Talk to Kevin’s mother. Since she’s a single mom, surely she’ll understand and help to stop Kevin from tormenting Jessie about not having a mom. And if you can explain to Jessie how badly Kevin must feel about not having a dad, maybe you can avert another incident like this one.”
“But if it’s not this, it will be something else. And if it’s not Kevin, it will be some other kid,” Mike said. “Jessie doesn’t cope well with disappointment. Anything can set her off. Not getting the color crayon she wants, not getting the teacher’s attention the instant she wants it, not getting to go to a party. Everyday life is filled with endless possibilities for disaster.” He lifted his gaze to Melanie’s and saw that her eyes were filled with sympathy.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It must be so difficult for both of you.”
“I’m just sorry you got dragged into it. You never did say how that happened.”
“Jessie asked for me,” Melanie said.
“Really?” Mike wasn’t sure how to interpret that. Jessie trusted very few people. Her attachment to Melanie was obviously stronger than he’d realized, maybe too strong.
“When Ms. Sinclair couldn’t reach you, she called Pam, and Pam said she thought you wouldn’t mind if I at least came to the school to try to calm Jessie down.” Melanie studied him. “Was that okay? Did I overstep?”
“Of course not. Thank you for doing that. I try never to be out of cell phone range when Jessie’s at school, but sometimes I can’t help it. Things have been going so well lately that I didn’t think it would be a problem if I rode out to a new job site for a couple of hours.”
Melanie regarded him sympathetically. “Mike, there’s not a parent on earth who could be more caring and attentive than you are. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Sometimes things just happen. I’m glad I was around and could help.”
“At least you see now why I’ve shied away from relationships. I can’t drag someone else into this situation. It’s too unpredictable. Jessie’s too volatile for me to expect someone else to take her on. Forget all that stuff I said to you the other night. You were smart to turn me down flat.”
Melanie gave him an incredulous look. “You think you and Jessie are too much trouble? Is that what you’re saying? Do you honestly think that had anything at all to do with why I said no?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me. Jessie has some problems, sure, but she’s a wonderful, smart, funny little girl. Any woman would be lucky to have the two of you.”
“How can you say that after what happened today?”
“Because it’s true,” she said fiercely. “Good grief, Mike, no one’s perfect. No relationship is smooth every second. There are bound to be bumps and heartaches and problems of one sort or another. As for kids, sooner or later they’re going to stir up trouble, whether it’s the terrible twos or the traumatic teens or sometime in between, it’s a guarantee they’re going to make parents want to tear their hair out. Getting through all that just makes the relationship stronger.”
He knew she was trying to be kind and reassuring, but he didn’t buy it. People bolted when the going got tough. That was what Linda had done. She’d chosen drugs, convinced that they would give her the pleasure that her marriage didn’t. He’d taken off with Jessie rather than fighting to keep their marriage afloat.
Maybe Melanie was made of sterner stuff. Maybe she would stick it out the first few times Jessie caused problems, but over the long haul? He doubted it. He sure as hell couldn’t risk it. Besides, if he cared about Melanie at all, why would he put her through that?
“Look, Jessie will be waking up soon. Maybe you should go,” he said stiffly.
Melanie looked for a moment as if she might argue, but then she stood up and started for the door, her expression sad.
Mike thought he was going to get her out of there before she saw that his heart was breaking, but she turned back, then crossed the room and leaned down to press her lips to his. She didn’t linger, but his pulse raced just the same.
“I’ll be expecting Jessie after school tomorrow,” she said quietly but emphatically.
He stared at her. “What?”
“She and I have a date for a makeover. Obviously today’s a bad day. Even if she were up to it, she shouldn’t be rewarded for bad behavior, so I’m changing the date till tomorrow. Bottom line, I’m not breaking that promise.” She gave him a warning look. “And neither are you.”
“Come on, Melanie,” he protested. “You can’t want to do that after all this.”
“Yes, I can,” she said. “In fact, I want to do it more than ever. Three-thirty, Mike. Don’t stand me up.” She gave him another hard look and added, “Don’t disappoint your daughter.”
Now there was the clincher, he thought, staring at her. She knew he wouldn’t be able to disappoint Jessie, not ever. When had Melan
ie learned to push his buttons so cleverly?
“We’ll be there,” he conceded reluctantly.
She beamed at him. “I knew you’d see it my way.”
And then she was gone, leaving him filled with the oddest sense that maybe, just maybe, he’d gotten it all wrong. Maybe, rather than scaring her off, today’s mess had almost convinced her to stay.
He smiled despite everything. Wouldn’t that be just about the closest thing to a miracle he’d ever had any reason to hope for?
13
Melanie was mad as spit by the time she got home from Mike’s. The idea that Mike and Jessie were too much trouble, too undeserving of love, was ludicrous. The man was an idiot! A loving, doting father, but an idiot nonetheless! How could he even think that was the reason she didn’t want to be with him? How shallow did he think she was?
She was muttering under her breath about his stupidity when she got out of her car and realized that Pam was sitting on the porch steps watching her with undisguised amusement.
“Something—or someone—upset you?” Pam inquired.
Melanie considered being discreet but chucked the idea. Maybe Pam could help her make sense of what had just happened. After all, she and Jeff were Mike’s best friends. They’d known him and Jessie for years.
“Mike,” Melanie said succinctly. “Who else?”
“He is a stubborn one, all right. What did he do now?”
“Did you know that he’s convinced himself that he and Jessie are too much for any woman to take on? That’s why he doesn’t get involved with anyone.”
Pam nodded slowly. “I’d guessed as much, though he’s never actually admitted it to me. I suppose it makes sense, given what he’s been through, first with Linda and now with Jessie’s behavior problems.”
“Why the dickens haven’t you told him he’s crazy?” Melanie demanded. “Someone needs to get through that thick skull of his before he ruins his life.”
Pam chuckled. “I don’t think hearing it from me is going to convince him. He thinks I’ll say anything to get him to date again. He’s going to need proof from a woman who’s brave enough to ignore all of his No Trespassing signs.” She regarded Melanie speculatively. “Are you that woman? Or has he already scared you off?”
Melanie sank down on the step beside her. That was the issue, wasn’t it? Was she playing a game here or, after everything she’d told Mike about going, was she really willing to put her heart on the line? Her ambivalence had nothing to do with Mike and Jessie being too much trouble. They were wonderful. It was her own self-doubt that was keeping her from getting in any deeper.
“I honestly don’t know,” she finally admitted.
“Then don’t get his hopes up,” Pam advised. “If you do and then change your mind, it will destroy any chance he ever has of believing in love.”
Melanie scowled at Pam. “Gee, pile on the pressure, why don’t you?”
Pam regarded her with absolutely no evidence of pity or contrition. “There’s something you need to understand, Melanie. I like you. I’d like to be your friend, but right now Mike’s my first priority. He and Jessie have been through enough. Jessie’s a thousand percent better than she was when they first got here, but as you saw today, she still has her moments. Another upheaval in her life could destroy whatever fragile progress she’s made. The same goes for Mike. Can you imagine what it must have been like for him to have this darling little child depending on him and to have his wife say—through her actions, anyway—that they weren’t enough?”
“No, I can’t,” Melanie said with a sigh. She knew all too well how badly rejection and betrayal stung.
An uncomfortable silence fell between them. The sun had finally broken through the clouds, providing a faint warmth against the earlier chill, but even so, Melanie shivered.
Pam turned to her. “So, what’s holding you back? Why won’t you let yourself get serious about Mike?”
“Long story.”
“I’ve got time.”
Melanie shook her head. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Was it that awful? Are you still in love with someone else?”
“Hardly,” she said with undisguised bitterness. “I just don’t want you to know what an idiot I was.”
Pam regarded her intently, then chuckled. “A really, really bad choice, huh?”
“You have no idea.”
“Does Mike know?”
Melanie nodded.
“That’s good. Can I say one more thing before I go?”
Melanie doubted if she could stop her. “Sure.”
“Mike could never be a bad choice. He’s one of the best guys around, along with Jeff, of course.”
Melanie grinned. “Of course.”
“You’d be a fool to let him get away,” Pam persisted.
It wouldn’t be the first time in her life Melanie had been a fool where love was concerned. But there was no comparing Mike with Jeremy. Even she could see that.
Still…stay here? Because that was what loving Mike would mean. Was she ready to make such a drastic change in her life? Was she ready to trust—especially after only a few brief weeks—that this time she’d finally gotten it right? Six long months hadn’t been enough for her to figure out that Jeremy was lying to her and cheating on his wife. She’d had to be slapped in the face with that one.
“Think about it. That’s all I’m asking,” Pam said. “Now I’d better get out of here before Jeff comes looking for me. He wouldn’t be happy if he knew I was over here meddling again.”
Melanie grinned. “I’m glad you came, though. After this afternoon, it was good to come home to a friendly face.”
“If you ever need someone to listen, give me a call. I’m known for my excellent, if slightly biased, advice.”
“I may take you up on that,” Melanie told her.
In fact, before all was said and done, she had a hunch she was going to need all the advice she could get. She might even be forced to call in her sisters, though only as a last resort. When it came to love, they rarely agreed on anything. In fact, the only time they were all in complete agreement was when one of their own needed moral support. Then they banded together like a bunch of protective mother hens. It was a reassuring unity, but Melanie knew that in the end this decision had to be completely and totally her own.
“Heard Jessie had a rough day yesterday,” Jeff commented when he and Mike took a break from planting shrubs around a new home.
“Pam, I suppose,” Mike said. There were times—like now—when he regretted making hers the first name after his own on his emergency contact list at Jessie’s school. At the time he’d filled out that form, though, she’d seemed like a godsend.
“Of course,” Jeff confirmed. “She told me the school had called her, and then she stopped by to see Melanie on her way home.”
Mike frowned at that. “Oh?”
Jeff gave him an apologetic look. “I know. I told her she needed to stay out of it, but you know Pam. She cares about you guys. She thinks she’s looking out for your interests.”
“I’m sure she does,” Mike said dryly. Pam had a reputation for good intentions. Unfortunately, they sometimes went awry, like the time she’d fixed up a friend with one of the nursery’s customers, only to discover afterward that the man was already involved with the woman’s best friend. Needless to say there had been three people very unhappy with her over that one.
“Is Jessie okay today?” Jeff asked, wisely changing the subject.
“She seemed fine when I dropped her off at school.” He still wasn’t sure how to take the fact that she’d insisted he drop her off a block away, rather than in front of the door. Had she taken his advice to heart about being more considerate of Kevin’s feelings or was she merely trying to prove that she wasn’t a baby? He suspected the latter.
Still it had given him an odd feeling to sit in the car down the street and watch her walk that final block all by herself. Only when she was safely in
side had he finally driven off, aware that they’d reached a milestone. Jessie was growing up, whether he liked it or not.
It was going to be even stranger to take her over to Melanie’s this afternoon and leave her there for whatever pint-size spa day Melanie had in mind. Her cries for Melanie during the incident at school yesterday had shaken him. She’d never called out for anyone other than him before. Was that yet another sign that her world was growing or was it a warning that her attachment to Melanie was becoming too deep? He had no idea how to interpret it.
“Hey,” Jeff said. “Where’d you go? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Jessie’s spending the afternoon with Melanie,” he said.
“Is that some sort of a problem?” Jeff asked.
“I wish to hell I knew.”
“You want those two to get along, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
Understanding finally dawned on Jeff’s face. “But you’re terrified Melanie will leave and break Jessie’s heart?”
“Something like that.”
“And yours?” Jeff guessed.
“Jessie’s my only concern,” Mike insisted.
“Liar. Who’re you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”
Mike gave him a rueful look. “That one’s gotten a little muddy.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you could do a lot worse than inviting Melanie D’Angelo into your life.”
“That’s the problem,” Mike said wearily. “I’ve already done worse. I’m not sure I could go through that kind of emotional chaos again. And Melanie’s not exactly jumping for joy at the prospect, so maybe it would be smarter not to pursue it.”
“What if you don’t have to go through any sort of chaos?” Jeff asked philosophically. “What if Melanie’s as perfect as you think she is, and the future’s filled with unparalleled happiness? Are you willing to miss out on all that because you’re scared of history repeating itself?”
Unfortunately, Mike had lived with the kind of fear Jeff was describing for a lot of years now. He’d been acting on it, keeping away from the dangers of another failed relationship. Old habits were tough to break…even when the potential rewards were extraordinary.
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