by Holly Martin
‘Oh, that’s sweet.’
‘Yeah, even after we were married I could still use that one.’
‘Well, I think once we’re married you could safely assume it wouldn’t be awkward any more. Once we’re married you could introduce me as your wife, I’d be OK with that.’
‘Oh, very gracious of you. OK, I have a question for you. When do you tell your partner you love them?’
‘When you do love them, never before.’
‘But what if she says she loves me?’ He thought that was pretty wishful thinking; he couldn’t imagine anyone telling him they loved him.
‘If you don’t feel the same way, you should never say it back, just smile and kiss her.’
He frowned. ‘Won’t she notice that I haven’t said it back?’
‘Yes of course she will notice, but you can’t say you love her if you don’t; it will give her false hope and, if and when you finally do love her, you’ll want to tell her. If you’ve already done that several weeks before, it won’t mean as much.’
‘What if she asks if I feel the same way?’
‘You say that after your divorce you are a bit vulnerable and it will take you a while to completely trust someone. You tell her that you’ve built all these walls up to protect yourself and that it may take a while to pull them down, to be able to let yourself fall in love again.’
He smiled to himself at how well she actually knew him, inside and out.
‘Just promise me you won’t ever tell a woman that you love her if you don’t, that’s the worst thing you could do. And I’m not talking about the kind of love that you feel for Angelina Jolie, I’m talking proper all-consuming, can’t-breathe kind of love. Only when you feel that should you declare it.’
He sighed. ‘It’s hard. It’s like, “I love you, here’s my heart to do with what you will.” I gave my heart to Josie and she stamped all over it, crushed it to a bloody pulp. I’m going to have to find a whole load of courage to do it again.’
Libby smiled. ‘When you find that special someone, someone you want to marry, you will. And you will be more selective over who you fall in love with next time.’
‘But it’s not enough to choose the perfect woman, if she doesn’t love you back.’
‘Oh George, how could they not love you back?’
The bill arrived, accompanied with two pieces of white chocolate and one piece of dark.
‘Oooh, white chocolate.’ Her eyes lit up.
He loved white chocolate. It was his all-time favourite thing to eat and he wanted to hug her when he saw her hand hover over the white chocolate before settling on the dark piece. She popped it in her mouth and pushed the two pieces of white chocolate towards him.
He took one piece and pushed the plate with the remaining piece back to her.
She shook her head. ‘No, you take it, your need is greater than mine.’
He determined next time he was at the shops to pick up another bag of rum and raisin fudge for her; he knew that was her favourite thing in the world.
She fished out her purse from her tiny handbag, and dug out a twenty, but he waved it away with his card. ‘As payment for being my guinea pig.’
‘Oh, I enjoyed it.’
Once George had paid, Kamal escorted them to the door.
‘Did you enjoy your meal?’ Kamal asked.
‘Very much,’ Libby nodded. ‘Especially the music.’
George took his mind off the laugh that was forming in his throat by handing Kamal the business card of the advertising agency and advising him to give them a call.
Once outside the restaurant the cold air blew from the sea and over the hilltops, whistling around them, light snowflakes falling like tiny grains of salt, and Libby shivered.
‘Bet my jacket doesn’t look so silly now, does it?’ he said, whisking it off and wrapping it round her shoulders, hoping the gesture wasn’t too cheesy. He put his arm round her too and started to guide her towards the car, but she peeled away, heading towards the cliff top. He saw her stop and just stare at the view. Coming to stand by her side, he saw the inky water below, covered with a dappled silver blanket.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘When I look out on that view, sometimes I want to look out on it for the rest of my life.’
His heart leapt with a sudden sliver of hope. ‘Do you think you might ever find somewhere that you would want to stay?’
She didn’t answer straight away, which helped turn that sliver into a small bloom.
‘What about an extension?’ he said, quickly. ‘You said you haven’t been able to finish your latest story. What if you extended your stay here until it’s finished?’
‘I can’t. I travel because of my job.’
It was such an automatic answer, even she believed it now.
‘I want you to stay,’ he said, softly.
She turned to him, suddenly giving him her undivided attention.
‘I know you would never stay because of me…’
‘That’s got nothing to do with it, I…’
He stepped closer. Pulling his jacket tighter around her shoulders, he kissed her softly on the forehead, stalling all other words from her. ‘It’s OK, I get it. You’ve been running for so long that now you don’t know how to stop. But if you stayed, I’d keep the demons from your door.’
She stared up at him and then rested her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around him. He held her tight, wishing more than anything that he had reached her.
‘I will miss you so much, George Donaldson.’
His heart sank. He stared out at the sea, wanting to say something to break the tension that was hanging in the air between them.
‘Come on.’ He stepped back out of her arms, then took her hand and led her back towards the car. ‘Our date isn’t over yet.’
‘Yes, of course, we’re going to watch Psycho so you can cuddle me when you get scared.’
He laughed. ‘I cuddle you because you get scared, not the other way round. Anyway, that’s not what I meant. There’s something I thought you might like to see.’
* * *
‘Where are you taking me?’ Libby asked as George drove through the steep windy roads of White Cliff Bay. They drove past the huge Christmas tree in the village square and Libby smiled at the carollers who were singing a version of ‘Silent Night’ as people wrapped up in hats and scarves stood by and watched. She glanced over at George as he drove. They were clearly going to ignore that little moment up on the cliff tops. There were lots of things they were going to ignore lately and Libby couldn’t help the feeling that they were just papering over the cracks.
‘All that talk of that engagement ring ice carving today, I remembered there’s some ice carving competition tonight in the town hall. Now that sounds pretty Christmassy to me. I’m sure there’s room for a couple of ice carvings in your book,’ George said.
He drove past the ice rink at the top of the slipway. The whole town looked magical, as if ready for Christmas. Decorations and garlands of lights were strewn from every building and across the streets, creating golden puddles on the wet cobbled streets below. The beauty of the place, all dressed in its Christmas best, had never failed to make Libby smile over the last few weeks.
‘It’s very late – are you sure the town hall will still be open?’ She had been ready to snuggle up with George for another movie but he had taken a different way home, driving through the town instead. It was bitter cold out and she didn’t really want to drive across the town and find the place was closed. Everything seemed to close really early in White Cliff Bay. Most of the restaurants even stopped serving food after nine.
‘Apparently it’s open till ten thirty for people to go and have a look at the carvings so I think we should be OK.’
George pulled up outside the town hall which was decorated with garlands of lights and two sensibly dressed Christmas trees stood sentinel either side of the door.
Inside, the town hall was completel
y empty of people and almost in darkness apart from the spotlights underneath the six ice carvings, causing the sculptures to glow with an enchanting ethereal beauty. She was suddenly very glad George had suggested this.
‘See, there’s an angel and a snowflake, that’s very Christmassy.’ George pointed across the room and Libby went to investigate the two carvings. The angel was beautiful, with every line of hair, every feather, carved intricately. She looked round to see if anyone was watching but she and George were completely alone. She reached forward and touched the angel’s face, feeling the cold almost burn through her skin, but she was surprised how dry the ice felt. Surely it should be melting. She looked down at the rosette to see it had come first place in the competition. She could see why.
‘This is Penny’s. She lives in the town,’ George said as he admired the angel too.
Libby moved on to the snowflake, which, although small, was carved with incredible talent. She moved to a vase of flowers, admiring the roses, tulips and orchids that had been carved with delicate petals and leaves. She felt incredibly humbled to see this huge amount of talent all together in one room and a little bit sad that by the time the morning came there would be nothing left of any of them other than a puddle of water. It felt special somehow that only she and George were there to witness this brief moment of beauty. The other people from the town, the competitors and the judges had all been and gone, leaving the ice carvings all alone. But whether George realised it or not, standing there just the two of them and these incredible carvings was actually really romantic.
She slipped her hand into his and he looked surprised at the gesture. ‘Thank you for bringing me here tonight.’
He smiled. ‘My pleasure.’
‘I feel bad that they’ll all be gone by tomorrow.’
‘Some beauty is fleeting, some lasts a lifetime.’
She stared at him, stunned at this rare moment of sincerity and soulfulness from him.
He turned to look at her. ‘I guess it’s like friendships. Some people come and go from your life like ships passing in the night, some people stay forever. It’s funny though, when you meet those forever friends, you just know that they are going to be your friend for the rest of your life – there’s that connection there that you don’t get from those fleeting friendships. I thought we had that connection.’
‘We do.’ She had felt it too, there was no denying that. ‘Friendships are not just about proximity. We can still be friends even if we are far apart. We can keep in touch.’
‘And you keep in touch with a lot of the people you meet on your travels, do you?’
There was no one, no friends. She very rarely allowed herself to get close to people; some places she stayed, she came and went without anyone even knowing her name. Even the people that she did become friendly with, she left them with a hug and a promise to keep in touch, even though she never had any intention of keeping that promise.
‘It’s different with you.’
He smiled sadly, before he looked away.
‘Wow, look at this.’ George pointed to what was obviously supposed to be Hogwarts Castle. It was quite simply stunning. Every tiny brick, every spire and turret was carved beautifully; even the tiny dragon on the roof was portrayed with minute detail.
She swallowed down the emotion that had bubbled to the surface with their conversation. ‘This is just… amazing.’
She looked at the rosette next to the carving and saw it had come second place in the competition. She looked back at the angel.
‘How did the castle come second place? The angel is beautiful but the castle is something out of this world.’
George looked across the room at the angel and back at the castle. ‘I agree. Penny was the woman who I saved from the sea last night; she had jumped in to save one of the Mayor’s boys. I’m guessing that had something to do with her winning. Though if I know Penny she will hate that she won that way. Maybe we should award the rosette to the rightful winner.’
He quickly grabbed the second place rosette and ran across the room and swapped it for the first place rosette on the angel. He came back and silently awarded the castle with first place.
‘George! You can’t do that.’
‘No one else is going to come here. It’ll be closed in the next few minutes and a pool of water tomorrow, but at least the rightful winner has now been awarded as such.’
They walked past and admired a wonderful lighthouse, the exact copy of the one out in the bay, and a spectacular mermaid.
‘Well, after all that ice, I think we should go home and watch Titanic.’
Libby smiled. It was a film she had watched with George probably twenty or thirty times and he still cried every single time.
George looked through his imaginary telescope. ‘Iceberg dead ahead.’ He ran to the front of his imaginary boat and stood with his arms stretched out to the side. ‘Jack, I’m flying.’
Libby moved to stand behind him, extending her arms out too so she was flying with him. As George launched into ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion there was suddenly a polite cough from behind them. They whirled round to see a security guard at the door.
‘We’re locking up in two minutes.’
George nodded, looking like a naughty school boy who had been caught smoking behind the bike sheds, and the security guard left them alone.
‘I suppose we should go,’ Libby said.
‘Hang on,’ George said, running to the vase of flowers. He looked over his shoulder and then, with a great deal of difficulty, he snapped off a tiny ice rose.
‘George!’
‘What? No one will know.’ He gave it to her and she was touched by the sweet gesture. She cradled it in her hand, afraid it might break or suddenly melt. ‘You can put it in your freezer when you get home.’ He started singing, ‘Nine days before Christmas my true love gave to me, an ice rose that was all slippery.’
‘Your poetry is terrible.’
He shrugged as she stared down at the tiny memory from their wonderful date. He took her by the hand and she quickly slipped it into her pocket as they walked past the security guard trying not to look guilty.
‘Come on, we have a date with Leo and Rose.’
‘I thought we were going to watch Psycho.’
‘Your choice, Lib, do you want to watch something scary so you can cuddle up to me, or watch Titanic so I can cuddle up to you?’
‘Psycho definitely. There’s no better way to end a date than cuddling with your boyfriend on the sofa. But we’ll watch Titanic tomorrow, I know you need your weekly fix.’
He smiled and she followed him out.
* * *
The pub was slowly emptying, the locals shouting their goodbyes to each other across the pub, and Amy was just getting her jacket on ready to leave herself when Seb walked past her with a tray of empties.
‘I need to speak to you. Stay back after everyone else has gone, will you?’ he said, as he moved behind the bar.
She surveyed him. ‘My shift finished fifteen minutes ago. Whatever you want to say to me you can say when I’m next on shift.’
He banged his tray down, stirring Jack from his slumber, and started forcefully throwing glasses into the dishwasher.
‘What’s wrong with you tonight? You’ve been snappy, getting orders wrong. You’re like a bear with a sore head.’
‘Oh, you noticed, did you? I didn’t think you would have. Matt and Polly seemed to hold your attention avidly all night.’
She looked away so he wouldn’t see the smile of satisfaction on her face. So it had worked. ‘I have to be up early for work tomorrow, so I’d appreciate you discussing the finer points of my shifts or how to clean the dishwasher either right now or leaving it till tomorrow.’
‘Damn it, Amy, you make me so angry. Nobody gets under my skin like you do. For God’s sake, can you not spare me a few minutes?’
She slung her bag over her shoulder. ‘We both know why I make you so angry, it’s
because you want me and you continue to deny it. And no, I can’t spare you a few minutes. I don’t want to be alone with you any more, it’s driving me insane to be with you and not touch you or kiss you.’
‘That’s what I want to talk to you about,’ he muttered, as she moved to leave, freezing her in her tracks.
Judith suddenly approached. ‘I’m off now, my love, unless there’s anything you want help with?’
‘No, that’s fine, I’m nearly done here and then I’m going straight to bed,’ he said, shooting Amy a quick look of desire and her mouth nearly fell open. Did he mean he wanted to go to bed with her? He walked round the bar towards Judith. ‘I’ll see you Thursday.’
She hugged him, giving him a fond kiss on the cheek then looked at Amy.
‘Amy, would you like a lift home?’
Amy was sure that if her mouth hadn’t fallen open before at Seb’s surreptitious offer of sex, it certainly had now at Judith’s sudden generosity.
‘I… actually need to talk to Amy about something to do with work, so…’ said Seb.
‘I don’t mind waiting,’ Judith smiled cheerfully and Amy suddenly wondered if she planned to kill her, to get her in the car and then do away with her, burying her body in a shallow grave in the hills between here and their road.
‘It will take a while actually, Judith, so there’s no point in waiting.’
Judith stood in the silence that followed, her eyes narrowed, her nostrils flaring, before she admitted defeat.
‘OK, I’ll cook your favourite Thursday, spaghetti bolognese.’
Seb smiled and Amy watched him as Judith let herself out.
The pub was empty now and she found her mouth was dry as he turned towards her.
There was a silence, punctuated only by the ticking of the clock and his breathing, nervous, accelerated. She didn’t seem to be able to breathe at all.
‘I want you, you know that,’ he said, stepping towards her.