He raised his brows. “Is it really that surprising?”
“Rafe, be serious. If you want the truth from me, then I want the truth from you first. Consider it a sort of apology for stomping on my heart when I was young.”
Regret flashed in his eyes. “I’m truly sorry, Nikki. I was stupid and unprofessional. For reasons I never understood before, hurting you has lingered on my conscious more than any other act. And I haven’t exactly been a bloody saint up until now.”
Her dragon was smug. He apologized. I might even call that groveling.
Ignoring her beast, Nikki repeated, “Why do you want a child so badly?”
With a sigh, Rafe ran a hand through his hair. “I never thought I wanted one. I’m thirty-four years old and have survived most of my adult life alone.
“But then when Bram asked if I wanted to participate in the frenzy or not, I kept seeing a mental picture of a four-year-old little girl. She was you and me together. So stubborn and brave. In a split second, a yearning in my heart I’d never realized was there opened up.” His gaze intensified. “I wanted a family to care for and protect.”
With a grunt, her beast chimed in. He tells the truth. I feel it.
Right, because you’re a bloody lie detector.
It’s one of my many talents.
Resisting an eye roll, Nikki remained silent a second. Rafe leaned forward and lightly touched the back of her hand. Even when torn on her future, Rafe’s caress was a brand on her skin.
The only question was whether there could ever be more to them than mere attraction.
Her dragon spoke up. You’ll never know if you don’t talk to him.
Meeting Rafe’s gaze again, she finally answered his question from earlier. “The reason I want to give the baby up for adoption is because I’m not the kind of female who can give up her career to stay home and change nappies.”
Her dragon chimed in. That’s not the only reason.
Shut it. He doesn’t need to know the rest.
Rafe interrupted her dragon’s reply. “Who says you have to? There are plenty of women who have children and keep their careers.”
“Maybe humans can get away with it,” Nikki grumbled. “But the elder dragon-shifters frown on the practice. They look the other way at Melanie and Evie because they’re human and might die in childbirth. Me, on the other hand, if I had one child and kept it, they would expect me to devote myself to having ten children. They wouldn’t stop nagging until I did as expected. Adoption might be the only way for them to leave me alone.”
“Fuck that,” Rafe spit out. “For the past six months, you’ve done nothing but prove how you can take care of yourself. Sometimes even going overboard a bit. Why in this one area of life are you so ready to resign to others’ expectations?”
Her dragon interjected, He’s right. You know he is.
But he doesn’t know the whole truth.
Then tell him.
Looking into Rafe’s gaze, Nikki debated telling him. But deep down, she knew that if she told Rafe, she might start hoping for something she couldn’t have—a future with a human male.
“Do I need to pin you to the ground again to get a straight answer?” Rafe asked.
And cue Rafe ruining any tender thoughts she might have about him.
Nikki narrowed her eyes. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Since I’d rather not have your father come out here, see me, and break my neck, I’ll save my ninja skills for later. For now, just bloody tell me why you are so concerned about the old timers in the clan?”
What the hell. I owe my baby daddy this much, I suppose. “Nikola Gray is more famous for the circumstances of her birth than her actions. I’ve become a damn symbol, and I can’t seem to shake it off. Not even devoting my life to protecting the clan has changed that. Many of the older clan members believe if the first child of a sacrifice has as many children as possible, Stonefire will repopulate and become stronger than ever before.”
Rafe blinked. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I agree. But what if you doing something for the members of your team meant they would be hopeful for the future? Would you dismiss it so casually? No, of course not. Going through the frenzy means I add to the clan, then I can signal I’m not going to be a baby machine by giving up the child to a couple who wants one. After that, I can focus on finally proving I’m much more than a walking uterus by continuing to work as a Protector.”
~~~
Rafe wanted to simultaneously haul Nikki to his side and punch any dragon-shifter who dared to castigate Nikki for wanting to be more than the mother of X amount of children.
Her reluctance was starting to make a hell of a lot more sense.
“Nikki.” When she met his gaze again, he continued, “You’re a clever, strong, and stubborn woman. Why the bloody hell are you allowing others to get under your skin? You shouldn’t care what they think, symbol or not. There’s more than one way to give hope to your clan. Hell, you might even be able to change the status quo for other female dragon-shifters, allowing them the choice to work or not while also being a mother.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t grow up in a small, self-contained community for the majority of your life. Causing strife with a few prominent individuals on Stonefire can make my life hell.”
“I still say fuck them and live your life how you want.” Rafe moved to sit directly in front of Nikki, with only inches separating their legs from each other. “Right here, right now, tell me what you would want if no one else in the world had a say.”
She looked at him askance. “Hard to do considering you’re breathing down my neck.”
“Don’t deflect with sarcasm,” he growled out. “What does Nikki Gray want for her future?”
“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Beyond proving myself as Protector, I’ve never actually given it any thought.”
“Well, then think about it now,” he ordered.
Fire flashed in Nikki’s eyes. “For one, I don’t want you ordering me about all the time.”
The corner of his mouth ticked up. “Not even a little?”
“Rafe.”
Putting his hands up, he full on smiled. “Okay, okay. We can discuss your total obedience to all things Rafe-related later.” She glared daggers and he chuckled. “Is it wrong that I like it when you’re angry with flushed cheeks and piercing eyes?”
Sighing, Nikki tucked a section of hair behind her ear. “I’m going to ignore that last bit and just say that I want to be head Protector some day. But I also want to take care of my dad and Delphine. They’re overprotective and difficult at times, but they’re my family.”
“So, family is important to you?” Rafe asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “Very important. It’s pretty much a common trait amongst dragon-shifters of the non-arsehole variety.”
Placing his hand over hers, he squeezed. “It’s important to me as well. So, maybe you can understand why I want to keep our baby, Nikki.”
He watched her pupils flash. He really wished he could hear what the bloody dragon half was saying.
But Rafe wasn’t going to rush or put pressure on Nikki. He merely waited in silence, keeping her hand in his.
When her pupils remained round, Nikki tilted her head. “I have a proposition.”
“This became rather formal all of a sudden.” At Nikki’s glare, he sighed. “Fine, what is this proposition of yours? If it involves tying me up, I might be up for it.”
“This is serious, Rafe. Can you be quiet for two seconds?” He opened his mouth and closed it promptly with a nod. Nikki rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time and continued, “I have nearly nine months before I have to decide what to do. In that time, I want to keep working on the Simon Bourne mission. If you don’t give me any bullshit and let me do my job, then we’ll have another discussion closer to the due date about keeping and raising the child together. Provided, of course, we haven’t killed each other. However, if you
start pulling the alpha male bullshit and treat me like a delicate flower, I will find a way to get you kicked off Stonefire and make the decision on my own of what to do with the baby.”
He raised his brows. “So this means I don’t have to be extra nice to you and that you can’t use being pregnant as an excuse for being cranky or tired?”
“Exactly,” she answered with a nod.
Rafe had heard more than his fair share of pregnant wife stories during his time in the army. A small part of him looked forward to pushing Nikki’s buttons and her not being able to use the “I’m pregnant” excuse.
On the other hand, Rafe liked to take care of his own. Jane, more than anyone, understood his desire to protect. Never being able to care for Nikki would drive him crazy.
Clearing his throat, he said, “I’d like to propose a compromise.” At Nikki’s frown, he spat out the rest quickly. “I will treat you as I always do unless you are in actual pain or in a situation that might cause harm to the child. I’m not about to watch you try to force yourself to stay awake for three days for a training exercise. You need to take care of yourself.”
“It already sounds like you’re placing limits.”
He put a palm up. “Look, I’m being honest here. I can’t do anything else. If I asked you never to shift into a dragon and fly again, could you do it? No. It’s an ingrained part of who you are. I’m the same way with protectiveness; I won’t stand by and watch someone intentionally cause harm to themselves. I won’t try to change you, but you need to accept me as well.”
As he waited for Nikki to answer, Rafe breathed evenly to prevent himself from fidgeting. He was used to giving orders and having them followed. It’d been far too long since he’d had to wait for someone else to decide his future. Yes, the army could send him anywhere in a split second, but this was different. Nikki’s decision would affect not only him but also their child.
He only hoped she agreed to the compromise and gave him a chance. Ever since Rafe accepted he would soon be a father, he couldn’t imagine anything else. He wanted a family. Would Nikki give him a chance?
He nearly frowned at that, but caught himself in time and waited for Nikki’s answer.
~~~
Nikki tried to figure out what to do. A small part of her would like to wake up to Rafe every day and get to know everything about him. For one, she wanted to know more about his friend who had been killed in action back in Afghanistan.
And yet, she knew firsthand that Rafe was a dominant, protective male. If she agreed to let him be himself, she might regret it. Especially if they grew close and she started to fall for him again, only to turn around and have him shatter her heart.
Her beast groaned. Stop overthinking it. Give him a chance. True mates can be a dragon’s best chance for happiness.
“Can” being the operative word there.
He will also understand our occasional nightmares.
Nikki often dreamed of her time as a prisoner of the dragon hunters. It had been almost a year since her captivity, but being tied to a chair and “coerced” into talking lingered with her to the present.
Had Rafe been captured in the past? Maybe he could understand more than most others.
Rafe spoke again, his voice soft. “I don’t want to rush you, but your parents are no doubt waiting for us. Not to mention Bram and probably my sister might drop by any second. I don’t want to face them until I know how you want to proceed.”
“You’d stay here until I made a decision?”
Nodding, he squeezed her hand. “I would. I might be a stubborn bastard, but I’m a patient one. I wouldn’t be planning months-long operations if I weren’t.”
Give him a chance, her dragon repeated.
As she stared at Rafe’s large hand engulfing hers, Nikki made her decision. “Okay, we’ll go with the compromise—you not trying to keep me from my work as long as it doesn’t endanger mine or the baby’s health.” Triumph flashed Rafe’s eyes, and Nikki narrowed hers. “Act cocky now and I don’t care who is in the next room, I will make Mr. Happy very unhappy.”
“Stop calling my dick that.”
“No way. It’s too much fun to tease you.”
“Is that so?” Rafe lunged at her and rolled until she was on her back on the floor, with his body caging hers. “You’re my prisoner now, so maybe we can renegotiate the name.”
Reaching out, Nikki did something she’d wanted to do since the frenzy hit and tickled his sides.
Rafe yelped, but quickly recovered. He tried to capture her wrists, but Nikki used the split-second opening to grab his neck with her arm and roll them over. For good measure, she flipped him over and tightened her arm around his neck.
With Rafe’s belly on the ground, she dug her knee into his back. “I think you mean you’re my prisoner, and we’re keeping the name.”
A deep, rich chuckling sound filled the room. It took Nikki a second to realize it was Rafe.
She’d never heard him truly laugh before. Snort, yes, but not the current manly chuckle that made her smile. “So, you can laugh.”
A female voice Nikki knew all too well jumped in—Delphine’s. “You two are adorable. Are you really going to tell me again that you won’t be mated? Because from what I see here, you two fit well together.”
Rafe’s laughter died. He touched her arm around his neck, and Nikki reluctantly let go. His voice was serious and gravelly as usual when he replied, “How about we not talk about matings? Or any other celebrations just now? We’re both exhausted and Nikki should eat something.”
As if on cue, Nikki’s stomach rumbled. So much for denying Rafe’s assumption. “What do you have for us, Mum?”
Delphine motioned toward the kitchen. “Come, come. I have several of your favorite meals. Curry, fish and chips, and shepherd’s pie, to name a few.” Her mother scrutinized Nikki from head to toe. “And you could do with some cushioning. Being all muscles surely can’t be good for the child.”
Rafe stood up and offered his hand. Too hungry to challenge him, Nikki took it and soon stood at his side. “How about we just start with some dinner, first?”
“Fine, fine. Come on. You know how your father doesn’t like to wait.”
As Delphine disappeared into the kitchen, Nikki looked up to Rafe’s face. “We need to decide what to tell them.”
“How about we find out if Bram has permission for me to stay, first. And then we can go from there.”
Silence fell and Nikki shuffled her feet. There was so much she wanted to ask Rafe, but they only had a few seconds alone. And she didn’t want to ask him anything in front of her family.
Rafe placed a hand on her lower back and gently pushed. “Come on. If we don’t get a move on soon, your dad is sure to come out and yell at me. Besides, the sooner we eat, the sooner we can sneak out and talk.”
“Am I going to regret saying I like the way you think?” she asked with a smile.
“Probably.”
Nikki laughed and allowed Rafe to guide her back into the kitchen. Maybe they wouldn’t kill each other, after all.
However, as soon as they went through the door, Nikki’s laughter died. In addition to her father and stepmother, Bram, Kai, and Jane stood in the kitchen. All of the males in the room had assessing stares.
She only hoped all hell wasn’t about to break loose.
Chapter Seven
Rafe instinctively pulled Nikki close to his side at the sight of so many male dragon-shifters in the kitchen. Every set of eyes darted to his hand on Nikki’s waist before looking at his face.
Rafe stood tall. “Whatever you have to say can wait until Nikki has something to eat.”
“I bet,” Jane said with laughter dancing in her eyes.
Nikki pushed him away and sat down in the closest chair. As she nabbed a chip, she pointed it at him. “I have food and am not putting anyone’s life in danger. You can stop being protective now.”
Rafe opened his mouth, but Jane beat him to it. “You
two can save your arguing for later. Bram has something important to share.”
Shaking his head, Bram murmured, “I swear all the strong females in this clan are going to usurp my place before long.”
“Just wait until we tell Evie what you just said,” Nikki said with her mouth half-full.
Rafe remained behind Nikki’s chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Right, then, what’s so important?”
“Watch yourself, Hartley,” Bram barked. “If you’re going to be living on my land for any period of time, you’re going to have to accept I’m the leader here. Step out of line, and father of Nikki’s child or not, I will punish you accordingly.”
Hope rushed through his body, but Rafe was careful to keep his face expressionless. “So I’m to stay?”
“Yes,” Bram answered. “But you may change your mind when you hear the rest.”
“How about we stop dancing around the issue and you tell me my fate?”
Bram waved toward him and Nikki. “You two are going to work on the Bourne mission, as well as a few other side projects. At least, as long as Nikki can still perform her duties. I’m not about to have a nine-month pregnant female stalking through the forest in the middle of the night.”
Rafe nodded. “That we can agree on.”
“Good. I’m glad we agree on something, human.”
Jane spoke up. “Bloody hell, you two are going to drive Nikki crazy, aren’t you?”
Rafe ignored his sister. “Is that all, then? Working on missions?”
“Mostly,” Bram answered. “However, if you fail to capture Simon Bourne in the next six months, you’re going to be kicked out of the armed forces and handed over to the DDA.”
He squared his shoulders. “Then I’ll just make sure not to fail.”
Nikki swallowed her latest bite of fish and glared up at him. “You are aware that you saying it will be done doesn’t mean it’ll actually happen.”
Rafe met her gaze. “Of course it will. I vow right here and now to be there for my child. Once I make a vow, I see it through, no matter the cost.”
Surrendering to the Dragon (Stonefire British Dragons Book 7) Page 6