Not that they both didn’t need a break from that. Rafe’s dick was still recovering from a week of abuse. It was the main reason he was allowing Nikki to sleep alone—to avoid temptation.
Nikki opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. Without another word, she disappeared up the stairs.
Letting out a breath, Rafe ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t like any awkwardness between them. Hopefully, it was only because of Nikki’s exhaustion.
Right, then. The best way to avoid awkward silence or uneasiness was to make the best bloody meal he could and then entice Nikki into some verbal sparring. Rafe wasn’t good at spewing romantic crap, but he had a feeling Nikki wasn’t the type of woman who required it.
He had a feeling that the best way to get Nikki to open up to him was to be honest and treat her as an equal. Although, winning over her stomach wouldn’t hurt.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his mobile phone. After sending his sister a text message to call him, Rafe went to the kitchen to see what he had to work with.
~~~
Nikki stared at the ceiling of the largest bedroom and counted the bits of cobweb scattered here and there across the white surface. Whoever had lived here before hadn’t cared much about cleaning.
Of course, the cleanliness of the room had nothing to do with why she had lain awake for the past few hours. Every muscle in her body was sore, but her mind wouldn’t shut up. It kept wandering to the man downstairs, who was quietly singing along to the human radio station.
Rafe had probably forgotten about her keen dragon-shifter hearing. Still, every dragonman or woman learned to block things out as children. If Nikki had truly wanted to sleep, she would have; she’d trained to sleep when and wherever possible in the army. But as soon as she’d heard Rafe’s beautiful voice, she had been content to merely listen to him sing.
Who would’ve thought the tough, alpha soldier could convey such emotion with his voice?
Her dragon, recently awake from her nap, spoke up. I think someone fancies a certain human again.
Maybe. Not that it can work long term.
If you go in thinking like that, it won’t. Besides, the delicious smell of garlic and herbs wafting up the stairs earns him a chance.
She mentally snorted. You’re worse than me when it comes to food.
Debatable. Why wait up here? Go downstairs and talk with him.
And say what? Rafe and I don’t exactly talk about the weather or what was on telly last night.
Talk to him about Afghanistan. If you don’t do it soon, I will go crazy from your thoughts. He is our true mate. Don’t be afraid of him.
Easy for you to say, considering what he did before.
Her beast flicked her tail. We were all younger. He had just lost one of his friends. Just like when Charlie was killed, and you lashed out. Rafe did the same.
It had been several months since Nikki had thought about her former Protector friend. They’d both been captured by the dragon hunters almost a year ago when they’d been protecting Bram’s mate, Evie Marshall.
Whereas Nikki had been detained and lightly tortured, Charlie had been drained of blood while in dragon form and murdered.
Charlie had been the first female to become a Protector on Stonefire and Nikki had looked up to her. Even after all these months, Nikki missed the older female’s presence. To say she’d taken Charlie’s death to heart was putting it lightly. The loss combined with Nikki’s nightmares had made it hard to be her cheery self for several months. Even Jane Hartley had noticed Nikki’s few lapses at keeping up her cheerful façade when she’d been struck by a memory.
And now that she knew the truth of why Rafe had acted the way he did, it started to make a whole hell of a lot more sense about why he’d acted as he had. She was already halfway to forgiving him; although, she’d need the whole truth before she completely could.
Nikki sighed. You are too reasonable for your own good, dragon.
I am wise, that’s all. You need to remember that. Her beast stretched out inside their mind. Now, talk to Rafe. You’ve suffered mostly in silence over the last year, and I would bet Rafe’s suffered for nearly four years. You might be able to heal each other.
Yes, because Rafe and I are always discussing our feelings.
Her dragon huffed. You could try.
Nikki wondered if she could. She and Rafe had always been about battles and butting heads. It was hard to believe there was another side to him.
Then she remembered his rendition of a popular pop ballad. Rafe may act like he didn’t think about feelings, but any male who could sing so passionately must have them buried somewhere.
As she debated getting out of bed to talk to him, a knock on the front door silenced Rafe’s singing. Not wanting him to find her lying awake, Nikki hefted herself out of bed. At the top of the stairs, Dr. Sid’s voice drifted up. “I hear Nikki moving about. She’s awake.”
Before Rafe could answer, Nikki rushed down the stairs. “Yes, I am. Thanks for ratting me out, Sid.”
Sid met her gaze and raised her brows. “Were you trying to hide?”
“No. Although I believe you and I need to have a chat,” Nikki answered. “You did tell everyone about my original adoption plans, right?”
Sid didn’t miss a beat. “No.”
“Why would you do that?” Nikki demanded.
Shrugging a shoulder, Sid put down her medical bag. “Because if you do decide to go through with it, I will be the one adopting him or her.”
“What?” Rafe and Nikki asked in unison.
Sid raised her brows. “Is it really that surprising?”
Taking a step toward the dragonwoman, Nikki whispered, “But what if you fall into madness?”
Sadness flashed in Sid’s eyes but disappeared in the next instant. “Not that it matters. Mr. Hartley here is convinced you two are raising the baby.” Sid looked between them. “I expected as much.”
“If you say it’s because we always argued so passionately, doctor or not, I will kick you out of my house,” Nikki growled out.
The corner of Sid’s mouth ticked up. “Just because I’m a doctor doesn’t mean I’m weak.”
Rafe stepped between them. “Forget the past for now. I don’t know the first bloody thing about a dragon-shifter’s pregnancy, and I somehow think Nikki is the same. Let’s all sit down for dinner and chat about it.”
Nikki would rather eat a bowl of worms than admit Rafe had a point.
Sid shook her head. “I can’t stay that long. Little Eleanor has a low-grade fever and Bram is calling me over every twenty minutes.”
Eleanor was Bram and Evie’s two-month-old daughter. And Bram was no less protective of his daughter than Nikki’s dad was of her.
Nikki pointed to the kitchen. “Go finish making dinner, Rafe. I’ll talk with Dr. Sid.”
Rafe crossed his arms over his chest. “Nikki, I deserve to hear everything, too.”
She raised her brows. “I’m sure you’d love to hear about spotting or cramps.”
“Spotting?” Rafe echoed.
Sid answered, “Vaginal bleeding.”
Rafe shrugged. “I’ve had friends bleed out in my arms. Blood doesn’t frighten me.”
Okay, Nikki’s plan had backfired. “Just go finish dinner. I want to talk to Sid in private.”
Meeting her gaze, Rafe remained quiet. Sid was the one to speak up. “Go, Rafe. Let me talk to Nikki first and then I can answer your questions later. Even better, I have a pamphlet.” Sid pulled a leaflet out of her bag. “I don’t have one about what to expect if you’re a human male about to have a dragon-shifter child. But it’s good enough. Enjoy.”
With a sigh, Rafe swiped the brochure. “I sometimes miss being in charge of my own unit. Here, it seems no one listens to me.”
Rafe continued to grumble on the way to the kitchen. Nikki pulled Sid to the farthest corner away from the kitchen and whispered, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell everyone my pla
ns. It’s caused me a massive headache since the frenzy ended.”
“As I said, if not you, then I would’ve raised the child. But I had a feeling Hartley would stick around, so the point is moot.”
“You’re my doctor, not a matchmaker, Sid.”
Raising her eyebrows, Sid pointed to the couch. “Sit down so I can draw some blood.” Nikki tried to reply, but Sid shook her head. “We’re finished with the discussion about the past. Focus on the future, Nikki.” She gestured again to the couch. “Now, sit. Between Evie’s worry about her daughter and Melanie wanting to know everything under the sun for her twins’ one-year check-up, I’m busy and have lots to do. You have five minutes.”
Judging by the steely look in Sid’s gaze, Nikki knew she wouldn’t get anything else out of the doctor that wasn’t related to the medical side of things. With a sigh, Nikki trudged to the couch.
~~~
Rafe leaned against the kitchen counter and read the pamphlet’s title: Symptoms, Dangers, and Phases of a Pregnancy. The title was benign enough, but the cartoon picture of a pregnant woman with a little smiling baby inside her was a bit weird.
Opening up the pamplet, cartoon pictures followed the stages of pregnancy in a woman. When he reached the later weeks, the woman holding her belly flashed into one of Nikki, heavy with their child.
He darted a glance to the living room. It was hard to imagine Nikki any other way but toned and lean. The belly would no doubt throw off her balance and slow her reaction times. Add in the birth and subsequent recovery, and for the first time, he started to understand how much Nikki would give up for their child.
In that instant, Rafe decided to work as hard as possible on the Simon Bourne mission before Nikki became unable to take down the hunter bastard. Given that the dragon hunters had injured and even killed members of her clan, the satisfaction of capturing Bourne might help her move past it all.
Right, then. Rafe would give Nikki that gift if nothing else.
Dr. Sid stood up and looked at him. “I’ll run some blood tests, but Nikki appears healthy for the moment. If you think anything is amiss, call me.” Sid looked to Nikki. “Especially since Nikki could be having a heart attack and would say she was fine.”
Tossing the pamphlet on the counter, he walked to stand behind Nikki. “Will do, Doc.”
Sid nodded. “Then we’ll meet again in a few days. I can answer more questions then.”
Rafe waited until Sid was gone before he cleared his throat. “Come on. Dinner’s ready and I have a surprise for you.”
“If you say it’s your dick, I will kick you,” Nikki muttered.
“I still have my fantasy to play out, remember. You can’t say no to that.”
“Fine.” Nikki stood. “Let’s get this over with. I’m sure it’s going to be the least awkward dinner of the century.”
Anger flashed inside him at her tone. Taking hold of her shoulders, he pulled her close. “I won’t have you trying to put distance between us, Nikola Gray. I know neither one of us expected this to happen, but it has. I’m sorry I hurt you before, and I will make it up to you. But if you never give me a chance, our daughter will grow up with two parents who do nothing but argue.”
“It could be a son. Plus, the DDA might throw you in jail.”
“Nikki.”
“Don’t growl at me, Rafe Hartley. You’re not only male but human. You have no idea what it’s like to be at the mercy of your dragon’s bloody instinct and hormones. My choices were to suffer for months in pain or allow the frenzy to take its course, so excuse me while I whine a little. It’s not even been a day since I found out I’m knocked up. I need time to absorb it all.”
“Take your time with absorbing it, but stop kicking me down in the process.”
“What? Does the human need pretty words to feel better?”
Narrowing his eyes, Rafe leaned down until he was an inch from Nikki’s lips. “It’s more than that. I want to know you, Nikki, but I can’t even try if you keep pushing me away.”
Nikki blinked. “Why now? We’ve had the last six months to get to know each other. Does it take a baby to open up your heart?”
“No. But the staying out of jail part had.” Nikki tried to pull away, but Rafe kept her in place. “Tell me the real reason you’re fighting this so hard. Because I sense there is one.”
Nikki’s pupils flashed to slits and back. He wondered what her bloody dragon was saying now.
A few seconds later, Nikki replied quietly, “I fancied you once before, Rafe. And I know you’ve apologized. In my head, I get that. But between our past, the whole baby thing, and me probably not being able to help take down the man who was responsible for Charlie’s death, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. If I don’t know myself, then how in the hell can I try to let you in to know me better?”
“Who said anything about you not being able to take down Bourne?”
“Right, because you’re going to let me slink through the woods and help take him down while carrying your baby.”
“Damn right I am. We’ll find a way to take down Bourne while you’re still able to help me. I vow it on our child’s life.”
As Nikki searched his eyes, Rafe held his breath. He had a feeling this moment was important. If Nikki dismissed his vow as nothing more than bullshit, he might never have a chance with her. For all her outgoing personality, Nikki held her true self close.
And damn it, he wanted to know her better.
~~~
Nikki was at one of the those instances in her life that demarcated a “point of no return.”
Ever since she could remember, the majority of the clan had seen her as a symbol of hope and put her on a pedestal she neither wanted nor deserved. Being born had been her greatest accomplishment. Nikki’s only goal had been to earn the praise and respect of her clan through her own actions.
She had thought her own wishes had ended with the mate-claim frenzy. And yet, Rafe offered her the chance to be the female who not only had a child to give the clan hope, but who could also kick ass and get retribution for Charlie’s death.
The only question was—could she trust him with both his vow and her heart again? Because if she opened up to Rafe, Nikki was fairly certain she’d fancy him again. And not just because he treated her as normal, but also because the more she learned about him, the more she wanted to know.
Her dragon spoke up. You’ll never know if you push him away. I want him. Don’t you? How many male dragon-shifters would offer the same?
More than that, how many would allow me to continue to protect whilst pregnant.
Exactly. We both like him. Let him in.
Nikki gingerly laid a hand on Rafe’s chest. She felt his heart thumping faster than normal. Could it be that Rafe was nervous about her answer?
His reaction prodded Nikki to make a decision. Lightly brushing his shirt, she finally said, “I will try to be more honest. But if you start acting like an arsehole, I’m still going to call you out on it.”
“Honesty is a good first step. But tell me, Nikki,”—he searched her eyes—“is honesty all you want?”
Her heart rate kicked up as years of dreams came rushing back. Ones filled with her and Rafe naked, cuddling, or even her flying in dragon form with him in a basket beneath her.
Her dragon chimed in again. If you’re going to be honest with him, then be completely honest. He is our mate. We should claim him in all ways, not just with sex. Or, even by having his child.
Up until last week, Nikki hadn’t thought twice of finding a mate. Hell, she’d barely survived a first date.
Logan. She’d forgotten all about him. The date had been nice enough, but as she drowned in Rafe’s green-eyed gaze, she knew she wanted more than nice.
Quite simply, she wanted the fire and passion that was Rafe Hartley.
“I—I want more than honesty.” Taking a deep breath, she spat out the truth before she could change her mind. “But I’m afraid, Rafe.”
&
nbsp; “Tell me why.”
Swallowing, she answered, “My dad found his true mate, and even had a child with her. Yet she abandoned us both as soon as possible. I adore Delphine, but my dad didn’t meet her until I was six years old, when she came to visit a friend on Stonefire. We had a hard time of it before that.” She paused. Rafe caressed her cheek, and she found the strength to carry on. “Even if the law changes so you can stay, you might change your mind later and leave. Being a human mate to a dragon-shifter is never easy, and sometimes, it takes its toll. I don’t want to put any child through the ordeal of losing a parent like I have.”
Rafe smiled. “So you want to keep the baby?”
“Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know. But that’s not the larger point. You may want to stay now, but you might want to run later.”
“You need to have more faith in me, Nikki. Did I ever give up when we were both serving together four years ago?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “No.”
“Then if I can survive a war zone, I can bloody well survive a few barbs or insults thrown my way. Besides, if my sister is to be believed, she will have all of Britain loving Stonefire once her videocast series launches in a few weeks.” Brushing his thumb against her cheek, he murmured, “So, do you want to give this a chance? Because I know I want to.”
She’d wanted to hear those words for so long. The only question was if she could make the leap to give Rafe a second chance?
Her beast growled. Of course we can. Stop doubting everything and just go with your gut. Otherwise, maybe I should be the one talking with our human.
If you would stop nattering inside my head, I could answer him.
Her dragon huffed. Use me as an excuse if you like. Just spit out the truth already.
Leaning against Rafe, she whispered, “I want to try.”
“Make me believe your answer, Nikki.” He moved a fraction closer. “Kiss me not because of your dragon’s instinct, but simply because you want to.” He lowered his voice. “I know I want you to.”
Surrendering to the Dragon (Stonefire British Dragons Book 7) Page 8