The way I’m trying not to now.
My gaze scans the room and I tell them all, “You all look stunning.” My eyes land on her, on Ella, as I watch as those sweet lips part and add, “Gorgeous.”
3
Ella
* * *
The camera flashes as we all stand around Viv in front of the window. The light floats across her features beautifully, highlighting the dress we’re holding up.
My fingers pinch the zipper, half way up, as we pose for another shot.
The camera clicks and flashes before the photographer looks down at it and then tells us she got the shot.
My heart hammers the closer we get to the wedding, but the buzz of champagne and the happiness clearly evident in everything Viv does is addictive.
I’m happy she’s happy.
I want that happiness too.
“It’s so beautiful on you,” I tell Viv as I pull the zipper up and slip the fastener into place. “This dress looks like it was made for you.” The lace and the deep V-neck, it’s just stunning.
“My cheeks already hurt from smiling,” Viv says teary-eyed. She’s done a one-eighty in the last two hours. Ever since the crew started putting her dream wedding into place.
I had a dream wedding planned once. We’d been together for almost three years. It made sense to start thinking about church bells and all the white lace I could dream up.
Until Aiden broke my heart; twice.
The first time when he left me, volunteering to fight in the Army alongside his cousins and brother. Leaving me pining for him and worried every night of the two years he was gone. And bringing up memories I’d longed buried.
The second time was when he came back with his cousin in a casket and told me it was over. To stop sending him letters. I saw a broken man who needed love. He saw a way to hide in his regret, his pain, and even his anger.
I believe in true love and fate. And that’s why I held on. He was the only one who knew me. Who really knew me.
In a world where I knew I didn’t quite fit in, he was my counter. My other half.
I let him come in and out of my life. Sneaking in late at night to hold me and fuck me, but never giving me anything other than pleasure in the dark.
The first night, I don’t know if he was aware that I knew he’d come in.
I heard the door open, the creak stopped me from crying so hard. It was only days after the funeral. Days after he’d ended it, even though I’d sent him letters for years, and he’d sent them in return.
He wasn’t going back to war; his time was over. But he wasn’t coming back to me either.
I gave him a key and told him I knew why he didn’t want to see me, but that it was okay. I was forever attached to a sin that he struggled to accept. But that didn’t change how I felt about him, or how he felt about me.
He crept into the bedroom, as quiet as he could be. I still remember closing my eyes and pretending to sleep. I don’t know how long he sat in the chair, but I know he cried quietly.
I gripped the comforter, wanting to go to him, but I knew that’s not what he wanted. The next night it happened, I wouldn’t let him cry alone. Even if he didn’t want to tell me what’d happened.
Even though he let me hold him that night, it took days before he came back and when he did, he told me not to let anyone know. That night I cried with him, for both of us, but agreed to keep his secret.
The moment I did, he kissed me like he was starved for me. He whispered along the crook of my neck that he never wanted to see me in pain, that he never wanted to miss me again.
But he lied to me, he would miss me again. And I would miss him. Because he only came every so often, and we went about our lives separately, keeping up the rumors that after years of waiting for him to return, he broke my heart and left me.
Some would call it pathetic, that I would let a man come and go, not giving me anything other than his heart at night.
But secrets have layers that run deep. Just as he needed me, I needed him, and that’s a truth no one can deny.
4
Aiden
* * *
I’ve been waiting here for nearly half an hour, waiting for her to sneak out of the reception. The night air is crisp and sends a soothing chill up my jacket sleeves as I lean against the brick wall just outside of the back exit.
There’s no one here as the sun sets along the trees of the forest behind the old brick building.
The crickets are louder than the music that drifts through the walls, and I know she could scream my name out here and none of them would hear it.
The door creaks open, the rusty hinges giving her away, my Ella, as she slips outside. Peeking up through her lashes, her hazel eyes are filled with nothing but desire.
“I thought you might be out here,” she whispers and all I can do is watch her plump lips as she talks. I want them swollen like they are after a brutal kiss.
“I thought you’d never come,” I tell her pushing off the wall.
“You lie,” she whispers as I make my way to her, not bothering to wait for her to walk down the stairs. The steel steps clank as I walk up to her, wrapping my hands around her waist and pulling her in close to me.
“Never to you,” I whisper against her lips before taking them. My fingers dig into the silk of her dress as I nip her lower lip and then groan at the sound of her moaning in my mouth.
“Tell me you’re ready for me,” I command her and then leave open-mouthed kisses down her neck. I bunch the fabric of her dress up as I move my way down her body.
“Here?” she gasps, although her fingers spear through my hair as I cup her pussy through the thin lace hiding it from me.
“Fuck.” The word rumbles up my chest, my cock instantly hard. “I can feel how much you want me; you’re so fucking wet.” My body is on fire, every nerve ending springing to life knowing I’ll have her soon.
“Aiden.” My name on her lips is a plea as I push her back against the brick wall. I muffle her protests with a hard kiss.
I can feel her chest heave in a breath when I finally break the kiss and lift her legs to wrap around my waist. Her neck arches back as I trail my fingers up and down her cunt before hooking the lace with my thumb and shredding it. It tears easily and leaves her bared to me.
“I wish I had time to savor you,” I confess at the dip in her throat as I shove her panties into my pocket so no evidence will be left behind.
“Tonight,” she whispers reverently in the cool air as I unzip my pants and stroke myself.
The head of my cock slips between her lips and it feels like heaven. “I’ve waited for you all day,” I tell her as rub my tip against her clit. She writhes against the wall, her eyes closed tightly and she silences her moans by sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.
“Look at me,” I demand and instantly her hazel gaze pierces mine and I thrust into her in one motion, all the way to the hilt. Her legs tense around me, her mouth drops open into that beautiful ‘O’ and I stay buried deep inside of her tight cunt to let her adjust.
“Aiden,” she whimpers as her nails dig in deeper, trying to pierce my skin even through my jacket.
“Ella,” I breathe her name back to her in the hot air, lost in her gaze until I can thrust into her again.
Her back tries to arch against the wall and I have to grip her wrists, holding them above her head, so I can pin her where I want her. One hand on her hip, the other on her wrists, I fuck her ruthlessly against the brick wall.
Her cunt spasms without warning and my toes curl, my balls draw up, but I refuse to let go. Holding my breath, I watch her cum, the blush rising up her cheeks, and her chest rising and falling with her chaotic breathing.
“I love you,” she whispers in the night air. All I’ve ever done is love her. It’s myself I couldn’t love for so long. How could I not have known?
“Where is it?” I ask her, needing to see it. I have to see it right now. I have to know it means to her what it does
to me.
“My necklace,” she gasps as I rock myself into her, brushing her clit as I do.
Pulling on the thin chain of her necklace, the rings appear on the end of it. The engagement ring and wedding band. The set that was my grandmother’s and now belongs to her.
The wedding rings I didn’t want anyone to see, but the rings I needed her to have. That night she left the party, I wanted to leave beside her. I needed her hand in mine and for everyone to see. Instead, I watched her walk away until she reached for the keys to her car.
I decided at the moment I saw her pause at her door, the keys jingling in her hand, that my place was beside her and I couldn’t hide anymore. I’m not the only one with secrets, and I know if mine is ever known, it may bring up her own. Still, she deserves more than what I’d given her, she deserved every piece of me. After all, she already had every piece I could spare in her back pocket. So, I grabbed her hand and pulled her away, and married her that night.
I made the woman I’ve always loved my wife. The world has yet to see it, but tonight she’ll leave with me.
The light shines on the platinum bands as they fall to her chest and I let go of her wrists, letting my hands roam back up her dress so I can fuck her savagely, taking what’s mine.
Her heels dig into my ass and she kisses me frantically as I piston my hips. I cum with her and only break away after her breathing has calmed and she can bear to stand on her own. I watch her as she sags against the wall and she watches me.
She’s mine. She’s always been mine.
“I love you too,” I finally tell her and lick my lower lip to kiss her one more time, before smoothing her dress back down and helping her to fix her hair.
“You’re the one who said we should hide it,” she reminds me as I slip the rings back into place, hidden beneath the neckline of her dress.
“You’re the one who said it would be wrong to elope just before our best friends’ wedding,” I counter. I’m ready for the world to know again. They can’t know what happened in between. I wish I could erase it all, but that will never happen.
Ella whispers, “I don’t want to hide anymore.” And for the first time in years, I think it’s safe. I’m willing to risk it. I need her back in every way.
“Thank you for loving me,” I tell her as my throat gets tight with emotion, remembering how she said ‘I do’ at the courthouse. “For never stopping sending me letters.” The letters held it all together. I wouldn’t have known that she truly loved me without them. That she could look past the pain just to hold on to me.
“I told you I’d love you through the war. I know sometimes it doesn’t end just because you came home.” Her bottom lip wobbles and I know why.
“You know it was more than that,” I whisper to her. Only the second time I’ve dared to hint at the truth allowed. But it’s Ella, and she knows it was all for her. I would do anything for her.
She never told me what my cousin had done to her, but she didn’t have to. I could see it in her eyes that day.
He hurt her, so I hurt him back.
The Army taught me how to kill; love taught me the power of vengeance.
Burying my head in the crook of her neck, I hold on to Ella, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her small body into my chest.
“You know I love you. I could never stop loving you,” she whispers.
“For the rest of my life, I’m yours.”
Our love story is dark and twisted, haunted by a past we didn’t choose. But it doesn’t make it anything less than the purest of loves.
Epilogue
Ella
* * *
Some secrets are worth keeping. Just as is some love.
The day I found out who Aiden’s cousin was, as they sat together ready to enlist, is the day everything changed between us. He was my only, my everything, for years before. And in my heart, my first.
I’ve never told anyone what his cousin did to me, except the night it happened, but Aiden knew without speaking the truth. I didn’t tell him; I didn’t think he’d believe me. The way no one else had. Drunk at a party and underage with college boys, I should have known better. That’s what they said to me back then. I didn’t want Aiden to look at me the same way.
And so I never said a word.
The moment I saw his cousin, I squeezed Aiden’s hand and struggled to breathe as it all came back to me. I couldn’t hide my fear and shame.
Aiden left that week, the look in his eye changed and that day, I thought everything would be ruined forever.
I had no idea what would happen, or the man Aiden would be when he came back. I never stopped writing him letters, or worrying that he’d stop loving me.
He didn’t tell me what he’d done when he came home, but just as he knew my secret, I knew his when his cousin’s casket was lowered to the ground.
Neither of us could voice them and these secrets separated us. Almost broke us.
He struggled with the pain of what’d happened to me, but also what he’d done. He stayed away, not wanting to risk what would happen to me if we were together when his secret came to life.
I remember how he whispered in the dark when he realized I knew, “If they find out, I’ll never tell why. Promise me, you’ll let me take the fall and never speak a word.” When I promised him, I wouldn’t say a thing, and I’d stay his secret until the case was closed, I made a promise to myself as well, to never lie to him again.
But they never found out. No one knows and now he’s come back to me.
Love has a way of turning you into a person you never thought you could be.
It takes time and distance to recover. More than that, it takes love. I would never have stopped loving Aiden, before or after the war, before knowing how close our secrets were.
People wait for love.
People die for love.
People kill for love, too.
Some secrets are worth keeping. And I’ll keep his secrets forever, just as he kept mine.
But after tonight, no more secrets. I want our love back, to be his and for everyone to know it, always and forever.
Going to the Chapel Page 17