by John Saul
“I’ll have my father find out what’s going on,” she told him. “Don’t worry—we’ll get you out in an hour.”
But they hadn’t gotten him out. An hour later the police let him talk to Heather again, and she told him what was going on.
“The woman’s in surgery, but the last thing she said was that you attacked her.”
“But I didn’t!” Jeff protested. “I was trying to help her!”
“Of course you were,” Heather assured him. “And I’m sure when they show the woman pictures tomorrow, she’ll know it wasn’t you.”
But when the police had shown the woman the photographs of a dozen men the next morning, she immediately placed a finger on the one of Jeff. Even though her face and jaws were heavily bandaged, she’d made it perfectly clear that he was the man who attacked her in the subway station.
So they’d taken him downtown.
The oddly detached feeling he experienced the night of his arrest gave way to real fear as he was processed into the Manhattan House of Detention.
Thinking about it later, he remembered most of that day as a blur. All he could recall was being moved through a maze of barred gates and climbing up two floors through a steep, narrow staircase that echoed with his own footsteps and with those of dozens of other people who were being moved slowly through the legal system.
There’d been an elevator, filled with the heavy, unmistakable smell of incense.
He remembered a holding area with cells containing the kind of disreputable-looking people whose gaze he had always avoided on the streets or subways. Now they were staring at him, calling out to him, demanding to know what he’d done.
He’d said nothing.
Finally, he was led down another stairwell and put into what looked like a cage on one of the landings. Perfectly square, the tiny chamber contained only a plastic molded chair.
He sat down.
He had no idea how long he waited—his watch was still in the envelope with everything else he’d had with him last night, and there were no clocks in sight.
At last, he was led into the courtroom, and the nightmare grew even more monstrous.
Though he was waiting in a different cage outside a different courtroom on this morning of his sentencing, in the Criminal Courts Building adjoining the Detention Center, the only apparent difference between them was the floor he was on. When he’d been arraigned and the charges against him were formally read—charges that ranged from assault to attempted rape and attempted murder—it had been on one of the lower floors. Back then, nearly half a year ago, his hopes had still been high. Cynthia Allen would recognize her mistake, he assumed, and the charges would be dropped. But the charges hadn’t been dropped. Instead, he heard the cops who had arrested him, followed by two people from the subway that had pulled into the station right after he’d found her, and finally Cynthia Allen herself, all testify to what they thought they’d seen that night. As he sat listening to Cynthia Allen speak—sitting in the wheelchair she had been confined to since the attack, her face still misshapen, even after the first of her cosmetic surgeries—he realized he was going to be convicted.
Known that if he’d been sitting in the jury box instead of behind the defense table, he’d have believed every word she was saying.
“I saw him,” she whispered, glancing toward him before turning back to the jury. “He was on top of me—he was trying to . . .” Her voice trailed off, and her silence was far more persuasive than any words she could have spoken.
Then it was his turn to testify. As he sat in the witness box wearing a shirt whose collar was now too large for his neck and a jacket that sagged on his gaunt body, he knew that the jury wasn’t believing a word he said.
He’d seen the doubt in their eyes as he told them about the man who ran into the ink black tunnel, disappearing with the speed of a cockroach escaping from the light.
Through it all, his parents sat side by side in the first of the six rows of hard wooden benches—benches that reminded him of church pews—that were reserved for spectators. Every time he looked at them, they smiled encouragingly, as if they thought their own belief in his innocence would somehow be transferred to the jury. What they couldn’t see—and he could—was Cindy Allen’s family, sitting on the other side of the courtroom behind the prosecution table. His parents’ smiles had been countered by their looks of pure hatred. Though his parents appeared shocked by his conviction, Jeff had felt only a numb sense that the verdict was inevitable, that his nightmare was never going to end.
Now, as he waited for the final phase of his trial to begin, he tried to summon up some shred of hope, but found nothing.
Where his body had once been full of energy, it now seemed exhausted. At twenty-three, he felt like an old man.
Where six months ago his life had stretched before him like a landscape with limitless horizons to explore, now all he could see ahead were endless days confined within the bars of a prison cell.
That morning, when he had looked in one of the worn pieces of polished metal that served as a mirror in the building known as the Tombs, he found himself staring for a long time at the pallor of his face, the gauntness of his neck and chest, and the dark rings of exhaustion around his eyes. I look like what they think I am, he’d thought. I look like I belong in prison.
The door leading to the courtroom opened then, and Sam Weisman appeared. In the months since his trial began, Jeff had learned to read more from his lawyer’s posture and expression than from what he said. At sixty, Weisman’s thick hair was snowy white, and his shoulders tended to sag as if carrying the weight of every case he had handled. “They’re ready,” he said, and though his tone was neutral, there was something in his stance that made Jeff wonder if, finally, something good might be about to happen.
“What’s going on, Sam?” he asked as the correction officer unlocked the gate of the cage and swung the barred door open.
Weisman hesitated, as if weighing his response, but then simply shrugged. “I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ve just got a feeling, you know?”
The brief flicker of hope faded as quickly as it had flared up. Sam Weisman had had a “feeling” when the jury stayed out for more than one day, and he’d had a “feeling” when they filed back into the jury box the following afternoon. The jury had found him guilty on every count he’d been charged with.
So much for Sam Weisman’s “feelings.”
Now, with the cuffs removed from his wrists, Jeff stepped through the door and into the courtroom, Sam Weisman right behind him.
Jeff felt suddenly disoriented. They were all there—the prosecutors at their table, Sam Weisman’s assistant at the one next to it.
The same people sat on the spectators’ benches—his parents behind the defense table, and Cynthia Allen’s parents behind the prosecutor’s. The same smattering of reporters who had covered the trial were in the rear, present now to witness the final act.
And Heather Randall was sitting by herself at the end of the bench his parents occupied, just as she had every day of the trial.
“Why don’t you sit with my folks?” he’d asked when she visited him after the first long day in court. Heather had shrugged noncommittally, and the impenetrable look she always adopted when she was hiding something dropped over her face. He realized that he knew the answer to his own question. “Dad’s blaming you, isn’t he? He thinks that if it hadn’t been for you, I would have stayed in Bridgehampton.”
“Wouldn’t you have?” she asked.
Jeff shook his head. “He might as well blame Mom—she’s the one who made sure I went away to college.”
“Easier to blame the summer people,” Heather replied. “And God knows, as far as your father’s concerned, that’s all I’ll ever be.”
“He’ll change his mind. When all this is over, he’ll see.”
And now, this morning, it was all over, but obviously Keith Converse had not changed his mind.
One thing in the courtroom w
as different today, though: except for the day she had testified, this was the first time Cynthia Allen was present. Looking diminished and helpless, she sat stoically in her wheelchair. Her husband stood behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders as if to shield her from any further harm. One of Cynthia’s hands covered her husband’s, the other was clasped by her father, who sat on the bench next to her chair. All three were staring at Jeff with such coldness that he shivered. Still, as he walked to the defense table, he held Cynthia’s gaze, praying that even now she might remember what had really happened, might see in his eyes that he’d never intended to do anything but help her.
All he saw was her hatred of him.
He lowered himself into a worn wooden chair, only to rise again as the bailiff’s voice began to drone and the door from the judge’s chambers opened. A moment later, as Judge Otto Vandenberg settled himself behind the bench, Jeff sank back into his chair.
Vandenberg, a large, gray-haired man whose body seemed even more enormous in his black robes, began shuffling through the stack of papers that lay before him. Finally, he peered over his half glasses at Jeff. “Defendant rise,” he said in a voice so low-pitched that people had to strain to hear it, yet carrying such authority that no one ever missed a word he uttered.
Jeff rose to his feet, Sam Weisman at his side.
“Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?” he asked.
Jeff hesitated. Should he try one more time to convince the judge that he was innocent? What good would it do? The jury had already decided. But there was one thing he had to say—one thing he’d never had a chance to say during the trial. He turned and once more met Cynthia Allen’s gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there a few minutes earlier, so maybe none of this would have had to happen to you at all.” He held her gaze until she looked down into her lap. Then he turned back to face the judge once more.
Otto Vandenberg gave no sign that he’d heard Jeff’s words.
“I’ve listened to all the testimony in this case, and I’ve read the recommendations of both the prosecution and the defense. While the crimes of which you’ve been convicted are very, very serious indeed, and certainly are not to be taken lightly, I have also chosen to take into account the fact that this case—as do so many—comes down to one person’s word against another’s. I also have to take into account that prior to this case you have been an exemplary citizen, and that none of your psychological evaluations indicate that you are anything other than a perfectly normal young man.”
The flame of hope in Jeff flared up again.
“I therefore remand you to the custody of the Department of Correction for a term not to exceed one year, including time already served.”
Seven months! He would be out in just seven more months—maybe even less!
“I was right!” Jeff heard Sam Weisman whispering exultantly. “I had a feeling, and I was right! He believed you, Jeff!”
But then he heard another voice, which rose furiously from the back of the courtroom.
The voice of Cynthia Allen’s husband.
“A year?” he bellowed. “After what he did, you give him a year? I swear to God, I should kill him myself!”
Jeff whirled around to face the furious man.
“That’s what you deserve,” Bill Allen went on. “You should be dead.” Before anyone could react to his words, Bill Allen turned his wife’s chair around and pushed it out of the courtroom.
“What do you mean, you don’t want to do anything about it?” Keith Converse asked. Though his voice remained steady, the tension in his face betrayed the anger he was feeling at the sentence the judge had read moments ago.
“Keith, you have to calm down,” Mary said, nervously eyeing the vein throbbing in Keith’s forehead. “Losing your temper won’t help.”
Keith’s eyes moved around the crowded conference room. Jeff sat at the end of a worn table with Sam Weisman flanking him on one side, Heather Randall on the other. Mary was sitting opposite their son, while a correction officer stood by the door, her expression utterly impassive. “Do you mind if I ask just what is going to help at this point?”
As if no one in the room was familiar with the case except himself, Keith Converse began reciting the events of the past few months. “First they arrest Jeff while he was trying to help that woman. Then, instead of letting him go and giving him a medal like they should have, they charge him with everything they can think of. Then they find him guilty, just because the same woman looks like she’s half dead, and everyone feels sorry for her.” He held up a hand against the protest he could see rising in Mary. “I’m not saying I’m not sorry for what happened to her. I am. But you know her being in that wheelchair influenced the jury, and now Jeff has to serve a year in jail for something he didn’t do. And is the victim even happy that someone got convicted? Oh, no—her husband threatens to kill Jeff!” He shook his head in disgust, and his gaze settled on Sam Weisman. “You’re supposed to be a lawyer—can’t we charge him with something? He can’t just threaten Jeff like that, can he?”
“He was upset, Dad,” Jeff said before Weisman could answer. “He didn’t mean it literally.”
“Good God, will you listen to yourself?” Keith sighed, shaking his head. “I swear, sometimes I don’t understand what makes you tick. You’ve been convicted of a felony, and it doesn’t bother you that someone just threatened to kill you, too? Don’t you have any idea what kind of spot you’re in?”
Jeff’s lips compressed. “I probably know what it means better than you do, Dad,” he said. He unconsciously placed his hand over Heather’s, his fingers tightening as his emotions threatened to erupt. “It’s over, Dad—they found me guilty, and there’s nothing that can be done about it. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. All I want to do now is get through the next seven months, and then get on with my life.”
“What life?” Keith asked, his shoulders slumping tiredly. “You really think they’re going to take you back at Columbia after this?”
“Keith, don’t,” Mary pleaded. “We should be giving Jeff our support, not—” Her voice broke in the sob she’d managed to hold in check until then. “Oh, God,” she whispered, turning from her husband to her son. “I’m sorry, Jeff. I promised myself that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to fall apart.”
“It’s okay, Mom,” Jeff told her. “If I’m lucky, I might be out in five months.” He forced a wry smile. “Hey, think of it as if I’m just taking a semester in Europe or something.”
Heather snatched her hand away. “How can you joke about it? Do you have any idea what it’s like out there? Daddy says—”
The mention of Perry Randall made Keith turn on her, his eyes smoldering. “Your ‘daddy’? You really think any of us care what your ‘daddy’ has to say?” Heather recoiled from the angry words, but Keith plunged on, finally finding a target upon which he could vent the frustration and anger that had been building in him over the months since Jeff’s arrest. “Did it ever occur to you that one word from your father would have ended all this months ago?”
“He couldn’t—” Heather began, but Keith silenced her.
“They don’t have to prosecute anything they don’t want to! The worst crooks in this city are walking the streets because they’re good buddies with guys like your father! You think I don’t know why he didn’t do something about this mess? It’s because people like him don’t think that what happens to people like us matters. So what if Jeff’s life is ruined? He doesn’t care!”
Heather’s eyes blazed and she stood up. “If that’s what you think—” she began, but cut her own words short. There’d been tension between her father and Jeff’s for a long time—a tension that had only increased as she and Jeff had begun to fall in love. “He’s not our kind of people,” her father told her over and over again. “People like us marry other people like us—not the son of the handyman.” And she knew Keith’s attitude was exactly the reverse—tha
t he thought of her as nothing more than a society girl who would demand a standard of luxury Jeff would never be able to provide. She and Jeff had long since stopped trying to deal with either of their fathers on the subject, and now was certainly not the time to resurrect it.
She bent down and kissed Jeff. “I’d better go,” she said, her voice dropping. “Maybe they’ll let me come back later—”
Jeff reached toward her arm, but didn’t quite touch it. “This isn’t a hospital.”
Their eyes met, then Heather’s flicked toward Keith Converse for a moment. When he made no objection, she slowly sat back down. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I just thought my fath—”
“It’s okay,” Jeff cut in. His gaze shifted to his father. “Look, Dad, none of this is anybody’s fault. It’s not Heather’s, it’s not her father’s, it’s not mine. It’s just something that happened. So let’s just try to get through it, okay?” Keith Converse’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing. “It could have been a lot worse—I could have gotten twenty years.”
“And he can be out in five months with good behavior,” Sam Weisman added.
“He shouldn’t be in there at all,” Keith insisted.
Jeff stood up and went to his father, felt the older man stiffen as he put his arms around him. “I’ll be okay, Dad. I’ll get through it, and so will you. But right now, there isn’t anything you can do about it. You’re just going to have to deal with the way things are.”
Keith’s arms came up and he embraced his son. “You be okay,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “Don’t let ’em get to you, all right?”
“You bet, Dad.”
Jeff held on to his father for another second or two, and then the correction officer led him away.