by Gerri Hill
The nurse sat down beside him again and took his hand, gently patting it. “He’s been in so much pain,” she said absently.
Carson only nodded, not knowing what else to say. She watched them for a bit longer, the nurse still holding his hand, the lightning casting an eerie glow on the valley outside his window. She left then, stopping at the door for one last look, silently saying her goodbye.
Kerry climbed the stairs slowly, listening for voices. She heard none. She doubted Carson stayed long with her father. The few times she’d gone to visit him it had ended quickly and usually with raised voices. In the hallway, the door to her father’s room was closed but Carson’s was open.
She stopped in the doorway, finding Carson standing in the dark near the window, the blinds pulled back, lightning flashing across the sky. Carson must have felt her presence. She turned her head, glancing at Kerry, then turned back to the window. Even with the muted shadows, Kerry could see that she’d been crying. She debated whether she should ask permission to enter but realized that was why Carson had left the door open.
She walked up beside her, keeping quiet. They both watched the lightning show, the silence broken only by the clap of thunder.
“He said he was sorry,” Carson said at last. “He asked me to forgive him.”
“Did you?”
“I told him I did.”
Kerry glanced at her. “But?”
Carson took a deep breath, turning to look at her. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him. He’s in there dying and I...I don’t feel anything,” she said, her voice nearly a whisper. “I should feel something, shouldn’t I?”
“You have to care about someone—love them—to feel a deep sorrow at their passing.”
“He’s been dead to me for so many years, Kerry, I just can’t conjure up any...any grief, any sorrow. It’s just not there.”
“And you feel guilty for that?”
Carson shook her head. “No. I’m not going to feel guilty.” She gave a bitter laugh. “And I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. But I’ve already paid the price. I’m not going to burden myself any more because of him.”
Each time lightning flashed, Kerry could see the tear stains on Carson’s face. They weren’t tears for her father. Most likely they were tears for all she’d lost...and all she’d never have again. And yes, despite Carson’s words, Kerry could tell she did feel guilty. She couldn’t help herself as she reached out, her fingers lightly touching Carson’s face, brushing over the tears. She watched Carson’s eyes slip closed, and she could swear she felt a tremor under her hand.
“You shouldn’t be in here, Kerry,” Carson said, her voice a low murmur, as if she were thinking the words, not saying them out loud.
“But I am here.”
Those eyes opened again, finding hers. “I need you tonight.”
The words were whispered so quietly, so sincerely, Kerry could offer no other answer than the one she gave.
“Yes.”
She walked with a confidence she wasn’t feeling. She turned on the small lamp in the corner, then closed the door and leaned against it. She took a deep breath, knowing the rest was up to her. She could leave and they could have another day where they danced around this, where they fought this, where they pretended there wasn’t this heat between them. But she didn’t want to go another day. Carson needed her tonight. She reached behind her and locked the door as Carson stood at the window, watching her...waiting. She wasn’t sure what gave her the courage to take the handful of steps necessary to reach her again. Truth was, she was scared to death.
“Kerry? If you want—”
Kerry tried to smile. “No. It’s just...I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said. “I don’t even know what I’m thinking. I don’t know what’s—” She stopped, realizing she was offering disclaimers for what was about to happen. “No, that’s not true,” she said. “I do know what I’m doing. I want...I want to be with you,” she finished in a whisper. “I want to make love with you.” She took a deep breath, admitting the one thing that frightened her the most. “I want this very much.”
Despite Carson’s plea that she needed her, Kerry knew that Carson would never initiate this. She wanted Kerry to be sure. And she was. So she answered the unasked question that she saw in those eyes.
“I’m sure, Carson.”
Carson finally moved, as if having been given permission to touch. It was almost with wonder that she lightly moved her fingers across Kerry’s cheek and into her hair, brushing it away from her face. There was a look—a need—there that she hadn’t seen before. Not with Carson. Not with anyone.
“I haven’t wanted—” Carson started, then stopped, as if considering her words. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve wanted to make love with someone.” She brushed her thumb across Kerry’s mouth, causing Kerry’s lips to part. “I want that with you,” she whispered. “I want that so much.”
Kerry’s eyes slipped closed as Carson pulled her closer. Soft lips were gentle on hers, taking their time. But knowing she could give herself freely, knowing what was about to happen ignited the fire so quickly, there was no time to douse it. Their kisses turned ardent, moans mingling as their bodies touched. Kerry couldn’t remember a time when she was ever aroused this quickly. The fact that she was with another woman had no bearing. She relished the feelings Carson brought out in her and her mouth opened fully, their tongues mating in a sensual dance as her hands clutched Carson’s waist.
She thought she wouldn’t know what to do. She thought she would be afraid to touch like this, to be touched by a woman. But she stopped thinking and let her body lead the way. She tugged at Carson’s clothes, wanting to feel skin, needing to feel skin. They pulled apart and Carson did her bidding, tossing her shirt and bra aside. Kerry stood in awe as she blatantly stared at Carson, her breasts small, her nipples rock hard. Unconsciously, Kerry wet her lips, then her eyes flew to Carson’s, embarrassed for staring.
But Carson’s eyes were gentle and she smiled. “It’s okay to look...to touch.”
“I’m scared,” she said, then laughed nervously. “I mean—”
“I understand.”
Carson took her hand, slowly bringing it up to her breast. Kerry’s breath caught as her hand hovered inches away. She was about to touch another woman, she was about to make love with another woman and there was no panic, no second thoughts. Her body hummed with life, and she recognized the want and desire for what it was. She was sexually attracted to Carson and she wanted this. She’d probably always wanted this.
She covered Carson’s breast with her hand, her eyes closing again as a slow moan escaped. Carson’s skin was so soft, yet her nipple so hard against her palm. She looked up, meeting Carson’s smoky eyes. It was with a near desperation that she moved closer, her mouth finding Carson’s again. Gentleness fled, along with her hesitancy, replaced with a fire she couldn’t quite comprehend. She didn’t resist as Carson’s hands unbuttoned her blouse. In fact, she wanted to beg Carson to hurry, to rip it open, and she helped her along, letting the garment fall to the floor before reaching for Carson’s jeans.
The storm raged outside, lightning flashed and thunder shook the windows as Kerry lay down on the bed, pulling Carson with her. She relished the feel of skin on skin, of Carson’s weight pressing into her. Carson’s mouth left hers, nibbling gently along her throat as her hand slid along the length of her body. Kerry closed her eyes, unrecognizable sounds coming from her as Carson’s lips traveled across her skin. It should have felt foreign to her, but it didn’t. Carson’s touch was familiar, as if she’d felt it a thousand times before.
What wasn’t familiar was the aching desire she had. When Carson found her breasts, when her tongue wet a circle around her nipple, Kerry moaned loudly, her body arching. Carson took her nipple, suckling it gently and Kerry found her hips moving, seeking relief. She opened her legs wider, her hands at Carson’s hips pulling her hard against her.
Carson leaned up,
her weight on her hands. Their eyes met, Carson silently asking one more time if she were sure.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Carson lowered herself again, her mouth going back to her breast, her hand moving excruciatingly slow, her fingers gliding across her skin. Kerry moaned in frustration, wanting Carson to hurry, to touch her...to release her. She could feel how wet she was, could feel the pulsating ache between her legs.
“Please, Carson, don’t tease me.”
Carson’s lips moved to her mouth. “Slow,” she murmured.
“No. Please not slow,” she countered, her hands again gripping Carson’s hips to pull her tight against her. “God, please touch me.” She was begging, but she didn’t care. “Yes,” she hissed when Carson’s fingers finally parted her. Her hips jerked and she moaned as Carson touched her for the first time, her fingers circling her throbbing clit. Kerry’s fingers dug into Carson as she gasped for breath, then moaned loudly when Carson’s knee spread her thighs even farther.
A mouth at her breast again, she arched her hips as Carson filled her, her fingers going deep inside. Kerry met her thrust, her hips moving wildly against Carson’s hand as Carson still devoured her nipple, her teeth and tongue tugging at it, sending Kerry’s arousal to new heights.
She was panting, her hips undulating, meeting each stroke of Carson’s. Carson straddled her thigh, and Kerry moaned again when she felt Carson’s wetness coat her leg. Carson’s hips moved in rhythm to Kerry, her lips leaving Kerry’s breast, finding her mouth instead. Kerry opened to her, drawing her tongue inside. Carson was in perfect sync, her tongue making love to her mouth much as her fingers were her body.
Kerry felt a thundering roar in her ears and wasn’t certain if it was from the raging storm outside or the one inside. She was near orgasm, and she so wanted Carson to join her. She moved her hand, slipping it between her thigh and Carson, touching Carson.
“Oh...God,” she moaned, Carson’s slick wetness greeting her fingers.
“Yes, just like that,” Carson gasped as she, too, moaned at the contact. Grinding now against Kerry’s offered hand, Carson’s body rocked against her, both panting, struggling to breathe.
The wonder of it all was too much as Kerry’s senses were on overload. A blinding light—was it lightning? Kerry wasn’t sure as her body exploded. She screamed out her pleasure and Carson was there to catch it, her mouth covering hers. Two, three more strokes of Carson’s hips and she too climaxed, the sound muffled against Kerry’s mouth.
She collapsed, her weight on Kerry now, and Kerry kissed her softly, her arms pulling Carson even closer to her. She felt her heart rate slowing, going back to normal, and she was finally able to string thoughts together coherently. She held another woman in her arms—a woman she’d just made love with—and there was no awkwardness, no sense of embarrassment, no feeling that it was wrong. They’d been moving in this direction since the very first time they met. When Carson had looked at her that first day, Kerry now admitted she felt an acute attraction, one that she hadn’t even given conscious thought to at the time.
But day after day it grew, and she could no longer ignore it. That’s why she had come into Carson’s room tonight. Not to see if she was okay after her visit with her father. That had only been an excuse. No, what she really wanted was this. To be with Carson in the most intimate of ways, to make love with her, to try to make some sense of what she was feeling.
“Are you okay?” Carson whispered as she finally lifted her head.
Kerry nodded and reached up, caressing Carson’s face. “Yes. I’m fine. Better than fine,” she added.
“I thought maybe—”
“No.” She leaned up, kissing Carson hard. “Whatever you’re thinking...no.”
Carson smiled then. “Yeah?” She rolled them over, Kerry now on top of her. “Now what am I thinking?”
Kerry grinned. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I definitely know what I’m thinking,” she murmured, not shy as her mouth found Carson’s again. She felt Carson’s legs part and she settled between them, the dampness of their arousal still evident. She pulled her mouth from her lips, moving lower. She bent her head, going on pure instinct as her mouth closed over an erect nipple. She moaned, the hardness of it surprising her. She bathed the nipple, finally drawing it into her mouth, hearing Carson’s breath catch as she suckled it.
“Feels so good,” Carson whispered, her hands threading through Kerry’s hair, holding her close.
Kerry raised her head, meeting Carson’s hot gaze. “Show me everything,” she said. “I want everything with you.”
Carson nodded. “Yes. Everything.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
The sun hit her face, and she turned away from the window, finding Kerry still snuggled close against her. Carson watched her, feeling...well, feeling content for once. So many mornings when there was someone sharing her bed, she simply wanted them to be gone. The night of pleasure had ended and she wanted to be alone. There would be no courtship, no time for small talk. It was a night of sex, nothing more than a physical connection. Chances were there would be no repeat. In fact, repeats were rare.
This morning, it all felt different. Kerry had been full of wonder, full of awe. She didn’t shy away from anything, and their night together was one Carson would not soon forget.
They had made love until they were both sated, both too tired for anything but blissful sleep. There was never any discussion that Kerry would leave her bed, that she would slink back to her own room. No, Kerry had snuggled against her and Carson held her, secretly pleased that Kerry even wanted to stay. Part of her feared that once Kerry’s curiosity was satisfied, she would flee.
“What are you thinking?” Kerry mumbled sleepily.
Carson smiled. Kerry hadn’t opened her eyes, yet she must have felt Carson observing her.
“I was thinking how nice it is to have you still in my bed,” she answered honestly.
Kerry’s eyes blinked open. She propped herself up on her elbow, the sheet slipping down to her waist, her breasts exposed. Carson wasn’t shy about staring. In fact, she wasn’t shy about touching either. Kerry leaned closer, kissing her, the taste of sex still on her lips and Carson’s desire flamed again.
Kerry slowly pulled Carson down on top of her, her thighs parting, her hands needy as they cupped Carson’s hips, pressing their lower bodies together.
The storm had passed, the sun was high, the morning was getting away from them, yet Kerry wanted to make love again. Carson didn’t care that Martha would miss them, that Mr. Burris and his crew would miss them. All she concerned herself with was Kerry’s desire for her...and fulfilling that desire.
“Carson,” Kerry murmured. “It feels so good like this,” she whispered.
Like this was Carson pressing their centers together, their wetness merging. She pushed Kerry’s legs even farther apart, arching into her, their clits rubbing together. Kerry gasped at the contact, her fingers digging into Carson’s side. Carson started a slow, rocking motion, grinding against Kerry, listening as Kerry panted in her ear. She moved, finding Kerry’s mouth—her tongue—kissing her passionately.
Kerry matched her intensity, their hips moving faster now. She was surprised at how quickly it built, how quickly she was ready. She couldn’t hold back a second longer and she gave in to her orgasm, feeling Kerry do the same as she clung to her, their breaths mingling.
“It’s never been like this,” Kerry said between breaths. “I’ve never wanted like this.”
Carson dipped her head, capturing a nipple. How did she respond to that? Did she confess this was new to her too? Did she tell Kerry about the numerous women she’d had meaningless sex with? Did she tell Kerry how very different this was for her?
A quiet knock on her door saved her from answering. She rolled away from Kerry, smiling as Kerry made no move to get out of her bed. She simply pulled the sheet over her, watching as Carson searched for clothes.
“Coming,�
� she said, pulling on her robe. She opened the door hesitantly, knowing she looked—and smelled—like sex. She was expecting Martha and was surprised to find her father’s nurse there instead.
“I’m sorry,” she said abruptly. “Your father passed.”
Carson nodded and the nurse turned and left without another word. There was no sense of loss for Carson, no sorrow. There wasn’t the emptiness she felt at her mother’s death. For that, she felt a twinge of guilt. He was her father, after all.
“Carson?”
She turned, wondering if there was need to pretend to feel some grief at his passing. But no, not with Kerry. She wouldn’t have to pretend with Kerry.
“He died.”
Kerry nodded, then slid from the bed, looking for her own clothes. “Do you know who to call?”
“Yes. Chance left me instructions. He’ll be buried here at the ranch.”
Kerry’s eyebrows shot up. “Your mother—”
“Yes. She’s here too.” Carson shrugged. “I just haven’t been up to visiting her yet,” she admitted as she openly stared as Kerry moved around her bedroom.
Kerry slipped on her shirt, glancing at Carson. “I have no idea where my panties are.”
Carson smiled at this, finally moving away from the door. She took Kerry’s hands, stopping her searching. “Come here,” she said, pulling her close. “Last night was fantastic. You’re not sorry, are you?”
“No. No, not sorry. Not at all.”
“Confused?” Carson guessed.
“A little, yes.” Kerry kissed her, then pulled back quickly, as if afraid their desire would flame again. “But we can talk later. You need to—”
“I know.”
When Kerry left her room later, she heard Carson and the nurse talking. The door to Mr. Cartwright’s room was open, but she didn’t dare intrude. She went downstairs instead, but there was no sign of breakfast and Martha appeared to be getting ready to make lunch. Kerry’s eyes flew to the clock on the wall, wondering just how long they’d lingered in bed. Thankfully, it was only nine thirty.