by Gerri Hill
“But that’s not true,” he said. “There is something between us.”
She shook her head. “There’s not. I’m sorry, but I’m just not attracted to you.”
“So what? Are you gay? Or are you just another one of Carson’s playthings?”
Okay, so that hurt a little, she admitted. Carson had already told her she’d had a lot of lovers. How many of them were Cody’s girlfriends? But that was a conversation to be had between her and Carson, not Cody.
“What’s between Carson and me has nothing to do with this, Cody. Even if there was no Carson I still wouldn’t have feelings for you. I’m sorry.”
“But you do for her?”
She met his eyes, thinking she really should lie at this point, but she couldn’t. Not about this.
“Yes, I do. And I won’t apologize for it.”
He gave a bitter laugh. “You’ll end up just like the others. Carson doesn’t have feelings. She uses people, that’s all. She’s selfish.”
“You haven’t seen her since she was eighteen years old,” Kerry reminded him. “I doubt you know her at all.”
“And you think you do?” He laughed again. “What do you think will happen? She’s going back to New York or wherever it is she calls home. You think she’s going to invite you to go with her?” He shook his head. “No. You’re just a little plaything for her while she’s here.”
For the first time, Kerry felt the uncertainty of their situation. What would they do? Where would they go? Was Cody right? Would Carson go back to New York? She turned away from him, not wanting him to see the doubt in her eyes.
“You really should see a doctor,” Carson said as she handed Chase the icepack. “I’d hate to see that perfect nose of yours disfigured.”
“That was crazy, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. The whole day’s been crazy.”
“Did Kerry really go talk to him?”
“Yes.”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“What? That he’ll get violent with her?”
“No. I don’t think he’d hit her. But you never know what he’s going to say to her.”
“He can say what he wants. Kerry already knows everything.”
“You really like her, huh?”
“I’m in love with her.” Carson grinned. “God, it feels good to say that.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Chase said. “Maybe someday.”
Carson poured scotch into their glasses, then handed one to him. “Here. This’ll make you feel better.” She pulled the leather chair closer to his and mimicked his position—feet propped up on their father’s desk.
“Let’s hope Chance doesn’t catch us,” Chase murmured.
“What? Feet on the desk?”
“That, and having our after-dinner drinks before dinner.”
“Too many rules,” she said. “And after the day we’ve had.” She glanced at him, smiling as they touched glasses. “You know, I’ve been thinking,” she said. “Why don’t we buy that piece of land you’ve got your eyes on. We’ll buy it together.”
“What? Seriously?”
“Yes. We can start over. We can take Windstorm and Ginger and those young fillies you like. And that mare you’ve been breeding. We can have our own place.”
“Leave the ranch?”
“Yes. You said yourself, you were ready.”
“Saying it and doing it are two different things,” he said.
“Yeah. But we’re not getting any younger. Why wait?”
“You think you’d be happy living way out here? Away from the city?”
“I belong out here,” she said. “And I think Kerry would love it too.”
Chase smiled and sipped from his drink. “It’s two thousand acres, got a nice little trout stream running through it. A valley, nothing big like this but enough for grazing. It’s in the foothills,” he said. “You can ride up into the mountains from there and into public land. It’s just perfect.”
“How many times have you been out there?”
“Just once officially,” he said with a grin. “I may have trespassed a time or two.”
“So? You want to do it?”
“I don’t know. It’s a lot of money, Car.”
“I’ve got the money, Chase. I really want to do this with you.”
“Okay. How about we call him up and go look at it? You may hate it.”
“Or I may love it.” She tapped her glass to his again. “Thank you.”
She had already decided if he said no that she would find someplace of her own. For her and Kerry. Provided, of course, that Kerry was willing. Even if Kerry wasn’t ready, she still didn’t want to go back East. There was nothing in her apartment in Manhattan that she couldn’t leave behind. Even saying goodbye to Rebecca wouldn’t be difficult. Rebecca represented everything she hated about her life. She credited Rebecca with helping her when she needed it the most, for taking her in, for teaching her about life. But there were so many things she missed out on by following Rebecca’s lifestyle. Rebecca was content with her sex parties and her one-night companions. Carson no longer was.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Kerry stood still, watching as Carson closed and locked her bedroom door. The last thing she wanted was another scene with Cody.
“Are you sure this is okay?”
“Yes. There’s nothing to hide anymore.” Carson gave her a tired smile. “And after everything that happened today, I don’t really care.”
Kerry moved then, going to her and slipping into her arms. She was exhausted, and she could tell Carson was too. After the emotional scene with Cody, then the fire, they were all drained. Dinner had been short and quiet with all of them excusing themselves early. Cody hadn’t bothered to join them at all, which wasn’t a surprise.
“It’s been a crazy day,” she said. She kissed Carson lightly, mindful of her split lip. “We finally get to sleep together and now you’re injured and we’re both tired and I...I’m going to start my period just any minute now.”
Carson laughed tiredly. “I just want to hold you. I don’t have the energy for anything else.”
She pulled her shirt and bra off, leaving Kerry staring at her. Yes, she was tired—emotionally and physically. Yet the sight of Carson sent a thrill through her, making her heart beat a little faster. Before she had time to consider it all, Carson was tugging at her shirt and Kerry obediently held her arms up, letting Carson remove it. Carson’s hand slipped behind her and unclasped her bra. She moaned when Carson’s hand brushed her nipple.
“You’re so beautiful,” Carson whispered, lowering her mouth to Kerry’s.
“I thought you were tired,” Kerry said against her lips.
“I’m exhausted.”
Kerry reached for her jeans, unbuttoning them as she kissed her. “Let me help you with these then.”
Carson smiled against her mouth. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
“Of course not. We’re exhausted, remember?”
Despite their playfulness at getting undressed, they were too tired to take it any further. Kerry snuggled against Carson, draping her arm across Carson’s waist. She sighed contentedly, glad the day was finally over.
“Kerry?”
“Hmm?”
“I talked to Chase earlier about maybe buying a little ranch with him. North of here, on the Idaho border.”
“Really?” Kerry’s heart beat nervously as she tried to read between the lines, tried to understand what Carson was saying.
“Yeah. And if we do it, we’re going to need a consultant, you know. Someone to design the house, maybe do the guest ranch thing there.”
Kerry sat up, trying to read Carson’s eyes in the darkness. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying if you don’t feel comfortable coming with me like this, as lovers, then maybe you’d come as a consultant.”
Kerry closed her eyes and hid her smile. Carson’s insecurities popped up at the strangest times. Like now, with both of
them naked and in each other’s arms and she’s questioning Kerry’s intentions. Well, there was only one way to ease her fears.
“Carson, you do know that I’m in love with you, right? I would go with you anywhere...like this.” She felt the tension leave Carson’s body and she bent down, finding Carson’s mouth, touching it gently. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I was afraid it was too soon. This is new for you, and you just started your business. I didn’t know if you’d take a chance on me...on us.”
“It’s not taking a chance, Carson.” She smiled. “I was afraid you were going to leave. Leave without me.”
“Oh, God...no, Kerry.” Carson pulled her back down beside her, her injured lips moving softly across her face. “I couldn’t leave. I would be leaving my heart behind.”
Kerry nodded, relieved. “Tell me,” she whispered. “Please.”
She didn’t have to explain. Carson knew what she meant. Carson also didn’t have to say the words for Kerry to know, but she needed to hear them.
Carson touched her face, her thumb raking softly across her lips. “I love you, Kerry. I want to start over out here, build a home, a life. With you.” Her lips moved gently across Kerry’s. “Do you want that too?”
“Yes. Yes, I want that,” she said, opening her mouth to Carson, forgetting all about being tired as Carson’s tongue touched hers.
Chapter Thirty-Six
It was cold, but Carson was enjoying the view too much to suggest they go inside. Their fingers were linked together as they sat side-by-side on the porch, their view of the valley unobstructed. It wasn’t the vastness of Elk Valley, but it was plenty big for what they wanted. The summer green was gone, replaced by the dry, brown grass of early winter but the horses still grazed—Windstorm and his mares. Chase would go down later to the stables, before dark, to put them inside for the night.
“There’s a storm coming in,” she said.
Kerry rolled her head lazily to the side, meeting her eyes. “Yeah? How much?”
“Ten inches.”
“I guess winter is really here then.”
They were quiet again, their gazes again lingering across the valley.
“I love you.”
Carson smiled as she glanced at Kerry. Those words were said at night when they were making love, yes, but it was times like this, when they sat quietly, that she loved to hear them the most. Kerry didn’t expect a reply and she didn’t give one.
“It’s just perfect, isn’t it?”
Carson laughed. “You say that every time we sit out here.”
“Well, it is. I can’t believe it’s been a year.”
“I know. And I can’t believe we’re going to have guests coming in the summer.”
“The guest ranch was your idea,” Kerry reminded her. “Besides, I think Chase is looking forward to becoming tour guide.”
Carson motioned down the valley as the two men came into view. “How soon do you think it’ll be before Gerald moves in?”
Kerry laughed. “Are we taking bets?”
“I say before Christmas.”
“Well, I like him. He’s good for Chase. They have so much in common.”
“Yeah. And it’ll be interesting when Chance and Colt come to visit.”
“Do you think he’ll tell them?”
“I think so. There’s no need for him to hide it. Besides, how else will we explain having a guy here?”
Kerry ran her thumb across Carson’s hand absently. “Do you think Cody will ever come out here?”
“I don’t know. He’s got a lot of resentment. I doubt he’ll get over it anytime soon.” Carson glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. “What about your parents?”
Kerry sighed. “Oh, I think they’ll come around eventually. It was just a shock to them, that’s all.”
Carson knew how much it bothered Kerry that there was still this rift between them. Kerry had been so certain that her parents would be accepting that it threw her when they weren’t. In fairness to them, it had been a complete surprise when Kerry not only came out to them as a lesbian, but had her lover in tow as well. It had been a stressful evening, Carson trying to fade to the background as Kerry and her parents talked about it, about her. She only intervened when their words became hurtful and accusing, when their words caused Kerry’s tears. But Kerry never backed down or shied away from their questions. Carson remembered the tears as Kerry had clutched her hand tightly. “Mom, I just want you to be happy for me. For the first time, I’m in love with someone. I...I love her so much.”
But it didn’t come that easy for her parents, and they’d left there without their blessings. Kerry had been upset by the visit and that night, she’d clung to Carson, making love with as much intensity as their first time together.
“I think I’m going to invite them to come up for the holidays. What do you think?”
Carson nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“Maybe if they spent time with us and saw how happy we are, well, maybe they’d accept this then.”
“I hope so. I hate that because of me your relationship with them has deteriorated.”
“No, Carson. It’s not you. It’s just that I’m their only child. They wanted a son-in-law and grandkids, you know.” She laughed. “Maybe they would accept Chase as a son-in-law.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “He would make a great sperm donor, wouldn’t he?”
Carson’s eyes widened. “Kerry?” She swallowed hard. “You want...you want a baby?”
Kerry squeezed her hand. “I would want your baby,” she said softly. “Maybe someday, if you wanted, and if Chase was willing, then maybe we can talk about it.”
Carson was floored. It was a conversation they’d touched on only once and she was convinced she never wanted kids. “God, seriously?”
Kerry frowned. “No. Of course not. Not if you don’t want to, Carson. I just thought—”
“No, no. I do. I mean, I think that would be wonderful.” She leaned back and closed her eyes. “A baby,” she whispered.
“Carson?”
“I love you. To know that you’d want a baby with me, well, I’m...I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, sweetheart. I love you. We’re going to have a good life out here. I would love to have a family with you.”
Carson didn’t say anything. She was near tears as it was. But a baby? God, how cool was that?
“Carson?”
She turned her head, not trying to hide her tears from Kerry.
“Are you okay?”
Carson nodded. “Happy. I’m just very, very happy.”
“You make me happy too.”
Carson wasn’t sure how long they sat there. Long enough for the cold to settle around them, the sun to set. They watched as Chase and Gerald made their way to the stables to tend to the horses. Carson finally stirred, bringing Kerry’s hand to her mouth and kissing it gently.
“They’ll be up here soon. We should get dinner finished.”
“I’ll do it. Why don’t you get a fire going?”
They settled into their routine—Kerry setting the table in the dining room while Carson brought wood in for their evening fire. They didn’t stick to the rigid seven o’clock dinner hour that Martha had set at the ranch, instead gathering when everyone was ready. When Gerald visited, it was usually later but no one minded. Tonight, Kerry had fixed Martha’s beef stew, sans her homemade bread. Kerry had not perfected that yet.
After dinner, they would settle around the fire and Chase would pour brandy for them and they’d talk or watch TV. And later, as the evening wore on, Chase and Gerald would shyly slip away to their suite of rooms, leaving Kerry and Carson to watch the fire die down to embers.
Then Carson—or Kerry—would suggest bed, and they’d slowly make their way to their own rooms, pausing to kiss and touch, making promises of more to come. It was a familiar routine, one she’d grown to love. After so many years of being alone, of having no one,
she embraced this simple act of togetherness.
“Sweetheart?”
Carson looked up, realizing she was still squatting by the unlit fire. She felt a blush cross her face.
“Sorry. I was just...thinking.”
Kerry raised an eyebrow expectantly.
Carson smiled. “I love you. I love you very much.”
Kerry’s expression softened. She returned her smile, then blew her a kiss as she retreated back into the kitchen.
Carson struck the match and held it to the kindling, watching as it caught. Outside the wind picked up, and she glanced out the window, seeing the first big flakes of the snowstorm that was upon them. Soon, the door burst open and Chase and Gerald hurried in, snow clinging to their hair and clothes.
“Great! You have a fire,” Gerald said, pausing to kiss her cheek before holding his hands out to the warmth.
“Storm just hit,” Chase said unnecessarily. “Sorry we’re late.” He glanced at Gerald. “Fishing and you know, the time got away from us.”
Carson laughed. “Fishing...right.” She was rewarded with two sets of blushing faces. “God, you guys are worse than teenagers,” she teased.
“You should talk,” Chase said. “Like we haven’t seen you two sneaking off to the stables.”
It was Carson’s turn to blush as Chase playfully bumped her shoulder.
“I’m going to grab a hot shower,” Gerald said. “Or are you guys ready for dinner?”
“No, no. Go ahead,” Carson said. “No rush.” She smiled as Chase’s eyes lingered on him as he walked away. It was good to see her brother so at ease now. At first, whenever Gerald visited, Chase was very much guarded. When Chase looked back at her, she gave him a quick hug. “He’s a keeper.”
“You think so? Because I like him a lot.”
“I know. It shows.”
Kerry walked over with two glasses of wine, handing one to Carson. “You want me to get you one?” she asked Chase.