by Amity Hope
Gabe was at her side instantly, his arms around her as he pulled her back onto her feet. “What happened?” he demanded.
“Th-that!” Ava stammered in accusation. She backed away and frantically pointed at the switchblade that had gone sliding across the floor when Gabe had dropped it to fall to her side. “Where did you get it?” she cried.
“That?” Gabe asked, sounding confused. “It was in my pocket. It was the only thing I had with me the night you found me. I don’t know why, but I like to keep it with me. Why? Is that a problem?”
A single tear dripped down Ava’s cheek and she hurriedly wiped it away. “That’s the blade you used that night. It was Grier’s.” The last time Ava had seen it, it had been fully imbedded in his chest.
When he’d pulled it from his pocket, she’d thought the stones had sparkled to life. Now that it was lying on the dusty, grimy floor, it looked far more benign. Perhaps they’d just caught a few rays of sunshine.
She warily watched Gabe as he retrieved it.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had it?” she demanded. Her voice came out sounding far more accusatory than she’d intended.
“Was I supposed to?” he wondered, sounding genuinely surprised.
“It would’ve been nice to know,” Ava ground out.
He held out his hands in helpless defense. “I didn’t know you’d want to know!”
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered as she pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “It just surprised me.” Her chest rose and fell heavily as she fought to steady her breathing.
“Ava?” he waited until she looked at him before continuing. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t keeping it from you. I just didn’t know it was important.”
She nodded, unable to say anything as her eyes followed the movement of Gabe’s hand. The stones continued to sparkle and they were beautiful in a terrifying way.
“So, what were you going to do with it?” she asked, trying to move on.
“This,” Gabe said as he lifted the blade to his palm.
Ava screamed as she lunged at him. “No! Not in here! I’ve told you what happened the last time you spilled your blood in this church!” She looked around frantically. No sigils were visible but that didn’t mean anything. Last time she hadn’t seen them either. Not right away, at least.
“Okay,” Gabe said, sliding his arms around her again. She was upset, trembling once more, and it was clearly his fault. Again. And while he felt like he should not have the power—that he didn’t deserve to have the power—to make her feel better, he knew he did. He kissed the top of her head and she whimpered, almost imperceptibly into his chest as her arms looped around him. “Ava,” he finally said, “I need to do this. But we can do it outside.”
She nodded and released his waist but latched on to his hand once more. She followed him out of the door, through the grass until they were back up on the gravel road. She leaned against her car, steeling herself for what she knew was to come. Part of her did not want to watch but really there was no choice, she could not tear her gaze away.
Gabe didn’t even wince as he sliced the blade through the fleshy part of his palm, the meaty area below his thumb. Blood began to pour. He gazed at his hand with morbid curiosity.
Despite her knees feeling tingly and weak, she managed to rummage around inside of her car, looking for stray napkins. She found a few and handed them to him. He wiped the excess blood away and when he did, she couldn’t help but note how deep the gash was.
They waited in silence but not for very long. When Gabe finally pulled the clump of napkins away, the blood had stopped flowing. His wound, though still evident, had clearly begun to heal.
“It looks like I’m not human,” he said with a scowl.
Ava shook her head. “But I don’t think your Nephilim either, Gabe. I really don’t. At least, not Nephilim like you used to be.”
He was silent before voicing what they were both silently wondering. “Then what am I?”
Chapter 10
After the few, sweet moments Gabe had given her in the church, she had been hoping that even if he couldn’t remember the past that maybe at least they could move forward. But once they had left, the unspoken policy of not touching had fallen back into place. She wasn’t sure exactly how, or why, it just had. The conclusion she had come to was that Gabe felt obligated to comfort her when he felt it was needed. But offering comfort and actually wanting to put your arms around someone are very much not the same thing.
He’d become withdrawn and Ava wasn’t sure what to do to help him. Seeing his old house, the radio station and lastly, Rafe, had thrown him into a sullen mood. At the start, he’d been openly frustrated but his mood seemed to worsen with each passing day.
They had barely left the house except for when Ava had to work. Gabe had grudgingly accompanied her. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to convince him to do this much longer and while there had been no further memory lapses, she couldn’t get over the fear of losing him to one.
Gabe had been adamantly disagreeing, trying to assure her he didn’t think it was an issue but Ava was hard to convince. Their disagreement over this had thrown up a wall of tension between them that seemed to cause an even greater barrier than his memory loss did.
When Julia had called to invite them to dinner at Cheaters with her and Molly, both Ava and Gabe agreed that it might be nice to get out of the house. Neither openly admitted that a change of scenery and company might be nice. Though it was no one’s fault, they were both stressed due to the situation and had begun to grate on each others’ nerves.
That was the last thing Ava thought they needed.
When they arrived, Julia slid into one side of the booth, Ava the other. When Gabe slid in next to Julia, Molly shot Ava a What is this about? look as she sat next to her.
Ava tried to give her a look back that implied it wasn’t a big deal. She was fairly certain that it came across as a grimace because Molly’s face immediately became concerned. Julia was seemingly oblivious that something might be amiss.
The waitress came nearly right away and they all put in their usual orders; a large pretzel for Julia and chicken strip baskets for Ava and Molly. Ava tucked her head down and smiled when Gabe ordered his usual as well; a bacon cheeseburger with a double order of onion rings and a butterscotch malt.
It was such a tiny thing, really, but it was a little piece of the old Gabe and her heart snatched it right up. Just as it did with each and every little glimmer that had come along.
“So, I’ve been researching,” Julia said as she leaned in, her voice quiet.
Molly groaned. “With you, that is never a good thing,” she lamented.
“What’ve you been researching?” Gabe asked as he looked at her with a great amount of suspicion.
“Amnesia,” she said unapologetically. “Since you both agreed that there was no traumatic head injury, I think it’s safe to rule out post-traumatic amnesia. I think it’s more likely that you’re suffering from a psychological repression of unpleasant memories. Although that, too, is iffy because I can’t imagine what could’ve happened that would be so bad your mind would want to repress your entire past.”
Julia looked speculative and Gabe, for the first time, glanced at Ava who couldn’t help but stare back at him.
“What? Are you holding back information?” Julia asked. “Did something happen that would’ve caused immense psychological stress?”
Only the fact that he died, Ava thought. And yes, I could see how that could definitely be a memory one would want to repress.
Ignoring her question in an effort to avoid lying Gabe asked, “So, what does that mean? Exactly?”
“What’s one hundred thirty-six times ninety-two?” Julia demanded of Gabe.
He shot her a look of confusion. “Do I get a pencil and piece of paper? Or at least a few minutes to figure it out in my head?”
“Oh, right,” Julia said, looking flustered. “What’s two time
s ninety-two?”
“One hundred and eighty-four,” Gabe answered after only a moments’ hesitation.
“See?” Julia proudly asked. She cocked her head to the side; eyes narrowed and looked at Gabe again. “What’s the capital of Brussels?”
Concern washed over his features and he paused for a long while before answering. Ava looked at Julia, a baffled look on her face, before she looked back to Gabe.
“I have no idea,” he finally admitted. “I didn’t think Brussels had a capitol. I thought it was the capitol? Of Belgium?”
Julia flashed him a huge grin and clapped her hands in excitement. “You’re right. It was a trick question. See?”
Gabe and Ava blinked at each other, apparently neither of them did see.
Molly wrinkled her nose. “Why do you two even know that?”
Julia ignored her. “I’m pretty sure you’re suffering from psychogenic amnesia.” Her voice turned serious as she turned to Ava, speaking to her as if Ava was the parent and she was giving the prognosis of a child. Gabe scowled so deeply crevices were wedged between his eyebrows. “The good news is that he’s likely to retain memories from now on. Also, people with psychogenic amnesia tend to retain a working knowledge of facts, which he clearly does. The bad news is that he might not ever recover his past memories.”
Ava nodded slowly. Gabe watched her and realized that he wanted to remember for Ava’s sake, not necessarily for his own.
Why would that be? he wondered. And then realized with a start, for the first time, that he wasn’t so sure he wanted to remember his entire past, if it were entirely up to him. Why wouldn’t I want to remember? he wondered this time. It made no sense. What kind of person doesn’t want to remember nearly twenty years of their life?
The question made him uncomfortable. It also left him feeling more than a little guilty.
“Gabe?” Ava asked as she began to slide her hand across the table to reach for his. She thought better of it and pulled it back, placing it in her lap. “Are you okay?”
He nodded and tried to look nonchalant. “Not any better or worse than usual.”
Ava tried to hold his gaze, to tell him without words that while what Julia said might make sense, at least under normal circumstances, she wasn’t convinced. She had a suspicion that whatever had stolen his memory was far more mystical than something as explainable as psychogenic amnesia. Gabe gave her an almost imperceptible nod before taking a sudden, irrelevant, interest in the menu board.
While Ava appreciated Julia’s concern and her effort at trying to help, she was certain that this was something she and Gabe were going to have to figure out on their own.
Their food came and they ate with the usual amount of playful banter, primarily spurred on by Molly. Ava tried to force down at least half of her meal but Gabe’s sudden reluctance to even look at her caused her appetite to dwindle. Typically, even now, he wasn’t shy about finishing off her food when she didn’t finish. But this time, though he eyed it up, he looked away before she even had a chance to offer.
“Oh, he did make it!” Molly said as she gazed at the door and smiled. She looked at Gabe. “That’s Oliver, my boyfriend. You met him once. We all went to a movie together. You don’t really know him.” She shrugged. “I mentioned to him that you were back but I didn’t tell him about your memory loss because, well, that’s your business. So you can tell him if you want or you can just see how things go. It might not even come up since you don’t know each other well.” Her words tumbled out quickly, as she waved Oliver over.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he said as he leaned over and kissed Molly’s cheek. He grabbed a chair and placed himself at the end of the booth, Gabe on one side, Molly on the other.
“That’s okay. We already ate, though,” Molly pointed out. “If I’d known for sure that you were coming, I’d have ordered you something.”
He shrugged. “I’m okay for now. Maybe I’ll get something later.”
“So, you remember Gabe, right?” Molly asked him.
Oliver looked to Gabe, tossed him a friendly smile. “Yeah, hey, man. What’s up?”
“Not much,” Gabe admitted looking a little wary.
“Um,” Molly began, scrunching up her face in hesitation, “I know you just got here, but would you and Gabe maybe want to go shoot some pool? Julia’s got some stuff going on and we could really use a little bit of time for some girl talk. We’ll be quick about it,” she hurriedly added. “So maybe just one game?”
“Yeah,” Oliver agreed. Neither he nor Gabe looked the least bit offended.
After the guys had sauntered away Julia frowned at Molly. “Why me? Why is it always me?”
Molly shrugged. “Because usually it is you,” she said diplomatically. “And if I had said it was Ava, Gabe might not have been so easy to get rid of.”
Julia scowled at her and grabbed one of Ava’s French fries. She popped it into her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully.
“Wha-…Did you,” Molly stuttered as she blinked at Julia in surprise, “did you just eat a French fry?!”
“So what if I did?” Julia challenged.
“I thought French fries were hazardous to your health? Overly processed and covered in trans fat and all that business?” Molly said, still somewhat in shock.
Julia took on a defensive air. “I guess since Gabe came back, I’ve been rethinking things. I mean, I’ve always been so careful and I’m not saying I plan on going all crazy but look at what happened to him. Just out of the blue, a big pile of crazy lands in his lap and now he doesn’t even know who he is. I mean, what’s the point of always being so careful about everything all the time when really, if fate decides to throw something at you, most of the time she doesn’t give you the opportunity to duck.”
“Holy crap,” Molly mumbled. “I think that’s the most insightful line of bull you’ve ever come up with.” She grinned. “I like it! Have another fry!” she offered as she slid Ava’s plate her way.
Julia wrinkled her faintly freckled nose. “Nah. They’re cold. But moving on, why did you send them away?”
“Oh, right,” Molly said as she folded her hands all business-like on the table. She turned to Ava. “I take it things aren’t going well?”
Ava fidgeted with her napkin. “Define ‘well’.”
Molly groaned.
Julia’s face fell into a look of pure sympathy. “That bad?”
“No,” Ava said decisively. Considering the alternative, this was a blessing. She wasn’t going to take it for granted. “It’s not bad at all. It might not be exactly what I want but it’s better than what I had a few weeks ago.”
“You know,” Molly said, “if for just once in your life you decide to be ‘the glass is half-empty’ kind of girl instead of ‘the glass is half-full’ kind of girl, no one would blame you. Especially not us.”
Ava finally shrugged, feeling pathetic. “I can handle his memory being gone, even if it’s permanent. What I’m having a hard time with is that lately, I feel like he’s only sticking around because he told me he would. Not because he wants to.” She’d been thinking it but it felt a little too real having said it out loud. “But then sometimes, I catch him looking at me and it’s like…” she paused, “I don’t know how to explain it other than to say it’s like he’s trying to see inside of me.” She didn’t add that it was the intense way he looked at her that made her feel that way. She was sure Molly would misconstrue it for something that it clearly wasn’t. She’d tried to talk to him at those times but he never seemed to be in the mood to discuss it.
Gabe’s laughter bounced through her thoughts. For just the tiniest of moments she felt a twinge of jealousy that she’d yet to be able to make him laugh like that since he’d come back. In fact, this was the first time she’d heard him laugh at all. Then, after realizing that, she smiled because she was just happy to hear his laughter despite the reason.
“What I think,” Molly inserted, “is that the two of you just need to get out
of the house and do something fun. He’s been back for what? Two weeks?”
“Nine days,” Ava interjected.
“Right. And almost every time I’ve talked to you, you’ve been cooped up at the cabin. It would be enough to give anyone well, um, a case of cabin fever. I think the two of you just need to get out and have a little fun.” Molly frowned at her. “So why haven’t you?”
“What?” Ava asked.
“Why haven’t you been taking your guy out every night? The two of you should be out having fun. Living it up!” Molly stressed.
“Oh,” Ava mumbled.
“What?” Julia asked. Her tone was drenched in suspicion.
Ava sighed. “I haven’t told my parents about Gabe yet. They know half the town and I’ve been a little worried we’d run into someone that would mention it to them.”
Molly collapsed back into her seat, staring at Ava with wide eyes.
“What you mean,” Julia correctly guessed, “is that you haven’t told them because you don’t want them to know he’s living with you.”
Ava scrunched up her face in a look of pure guilt.
“Oh. Wow,” Molly said on a breath of air. “Just how long do you think the two of you are going to be able to play house before they find out?”
“How is it that they haven’t found out yet?” Julia wondered.
“They’ve been busy working on this housing project. Dad was pretty instrumental in getting the organization going. Luckily for me, it’s keeping them really busy,” Ava explained. “I call and check in with them at least once a day. So far, they’ve been satisfied with that.”
“You’re going to have to tell them,” Julia pointed out.
“I know. I will. I’m not lying to them but believe me, I feel bad enough. It’s not like I usually keep things from my parents.” That used to be true, she realized with a sinking feeling. But since she’d met Gabe, there had been a whole lot that she’d needed to keep from them. Not necessarily by choice, but by necessity. And then, her heart sank even further when she realized that as if keeping things from her parents weren’t bad enough, she was still keeping things from her friends. She felt beyond rotten for it.