“No, we did the cleansing so that I wouldn’t worry about you while you’re living here. You need positive energy around so you don’t fall into bad habits.” He arched an eyebrow.
“I don’t see why you would want to be anywhere else.”
“I am not going to move in with my rich girlfriend and lounge by the pool all day,” he said, looking away from me out to the water. “I have to work and support myself. You’re a highly intelligent woman, Amada. How can you not understand something so simple?”
I didn’t answer. I certainly didn’t want to get in another epic fight over the same thing again, especially now that at least I had him here in town. When I thought he was gone forever, I was in hell, so I gave in about the living arrangements.
“Then I guess the question is, what’s your plan?”
“Well, I have to buy a car, preferably today or tomorrow.”
“Rafa, there are five cars downstairs that never—”
“Let me finish. I have to buy a car. Then, starting tonight, I’ll be working for Doña Delfina again. I’ll live in one of the staff apartments over the restaurant, like I did before, but I’ll still come see you all the time, and you’ll come see me. Every day.”
“You’re going to be working at a nightclub? Interesting.” My mind’s eye flashed back to all the young, beautiful women I saw last night, and there was no doubt every one of them would want Rafa. Jealousy cracked through me like a whip, but as I went to get out of the chair, he held my arm tightly enough so that I couldn’t leave.
“Amada, I don’t want anyone else.”
“But why does it have to be there? You can work anywhere. Let me get you a job at the hospital. Kieran knows—”
“I promised Doña Delfina. She has metastatic breast cancer, and she needs me around until it’s time. I have to help her get her affairs in order.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling terribly guilty. “How long does she have?”
“It depends. She’s in pain and can barely get around anymore. She doesn’t trust doctors, so she wasn’t diagnosed until it was too late.” He sighed and looked back out over the water. “I remember so many older people in Cuba being the same way. Their logic is that if you see a doctor for something minor, you’re looking for problems where none exist, and then you’ll end up with a real problem. You go in with a sore elbow and come out with a brain tumor. My mother used to talk like that, too. She would say, “Careful with those doctors, they’ll end up killing you.” Cuidado con esos médicos, que al fin y al cabo te matan.
“Anyway, she’s refused any treatment but she doesn’t want to die in a hospital. It took a lot for her to come today, but she wants to make sure I’m alright once she’s gone, and she knows that involves you. She told me she chose you for me, whatever that means.” He started to choke up.
“I was so alone and scared in that hospital bed, Amada, and she was the only one who stepped in and took care of me until I was well. Do you realize she was dying while she was nursing me back to health? I have to be there for her now. You can understand that, can’t you?”
“Yes, I can.” I said softy, realizing how deeply connected they were. I went over to his chair and lay down on top of him, and once I buried my face in the nape of his neck, his body relaxed underneath me. Our breathing synchronized, and in minutes we were asleep.
Only about an hour had passed when Rafa began to run his rough, warm hands up and down my naked back, letting me know what was on his mind by gently pushing my pelvis down into his.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered. The sound of his voice in my ear always made me shiver, just like the first night we met.
“Out here?” I asked, already aroused. It didn’t take much when I was around Rafa. A look from him was enough.
“No, the sun.” His energy was quiet and intense, more so than usual, but even so he kissed me before sitting us both up and bundling me in his arms. Effortlessly he carried me upstairs to my room and set me down in the center of the bed. I was still groggy and relaxed from our time outside in the gentle warm breeze, and as my eyes and body adjusted to the cool darkness of the bedroom, I could see that Rafa was no longer the grief-stricken man from earlier. There had been a shift, and though he was impossible to read at times, it was clear that among other things, he was very hungry for me now.
I’d been lying naked with him for the last hour, but it was only at this moment, under his austere gaze, that I began to sense a power imbalance between us. It was clearly intentional on his part, and he sported such a strange expression that I didn’t know whether I should go to him or wait for him to come to me. He stared at me from the center of the room and it made me feel shy, so I curled up and waited. Then, he began.
“We have a few things to discuss first.” He took off his shoes and socks, and then unbuttoned his shirt at the wrists and down the center. Throwing it off, he stood before me arms crossed and half-naked, looking like a Greek statue. He was hard everywhere, even his face.
“Later, I plan to cook for you, help you straighten up the house, maybe give you a massage and probably take plenty of orders from you, because we both know you’ve got me wrapped around your finger. But I want you to remember one thing.” Slowly he unbuckled his belt and tossed it aside, then dropped his pants and stepped out of them. He was painfully erect, and judging by the way he unveiled himself, he wanted me to have a good look.
“You will not control me, Amada. I let you have your way because I choose to, not because you can force me. But it can’t be like that all the time.” He rested his hand on the base of his penis as if he were holding up an imaginary towel, which made it difficult for me to concentrate on what he was saying. “You can’t have this and call all the shots, because it doesn’t work that way in our bed. You will not have a tantrum or invent an emotionally draining argument every time we disagree. I cannot satisfy you as a man if I allow you to emasculate me. Do you understand that both things do not go together?” He let his hand drop to his side and walked toward the bed. “I’m talking to you, Amada. Are you listening or paying attention to something else? This is the last time I want to have this conversation.”
“I’m listening.”
“Look up here, then,” he said, tilting my chin upwards.
“I want you in my mouth.” I made a move in that direction, already anticipating the feel of him on my tongue, but he took a step back.
“I’m so sorry, but I’m not ready yet. You’re going to have to wait.” He raised his eyebrows and stared right back at me. I sat back on the bed, thrown for a loop. Not two feet away from me was something I wanted, and he wouldn’t let me have it. There had to be some truth to what he was saying, because I really was having trouble processing it.
“It looks like you’re starting to get it. Are you?” he asked, coming closer.
“I understand, Rafa, but the way you withhold things is so hard to tolerate sometimes.”
“You do the same. Look how much you know about me, Amada, and how little I know about you. Have I tried to force you to open up by getting angry or making you feel guilty?”
“No.” He had a point. He’d been very patient in that regard.
“That’s right. Because I’m waiting until you’re ready.” He sat on the edge of the bed.
“You can’t get angry with me because I won’t live with you in a house that isn’t mine, or take money from you that isn’t mine. I’m not really thrilled about making love on a bed that isn’t mine, either, but you indulged me today, so I’m going to make an exception. When I’m ready to buy a house in cash, which shouldn’t be too far off, then you can move in with me. Until then, you can’t try to control where I live and work because of petty jealousy.”
“It’s not petty!” I said, pulling the blanket over me, feeling the sudden need to be covered. “I know how women think. You should have heard the way Sharon talked about you, like you were a piece of meat, and that’s the type that’ll be around every night.”
He found this really funny and started laughing. “Amada, the difference is, I decide who I go with. Not them. If I say you have nothing to worry about, then you don’t. Otherwise, it would make me a liar, wouldn’t it?”
“That reminds me, what did you say to Sharon when you turned her down? She was furious when she figured out we’d been together.”
“I told her I wasn’t feeling well and said maybe tomorrow. When I’m not interested, I either say I’m sick or I’ve had too much to drink. Problem solved. I know what to do.”
“It’s not always that simple. Look at how much trouble that girl in Haiti caused you because she wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“That’s true. But she didn’t get her way, did she? Look, I can’t have an argument with you every time I have to go to work. What if I have to travel on Doña Delfina’s behalf like I’ve done before? Will you allow me to do that, or are we going to have a big fight about it? I want to indulge you, but you have to learn to be patient about certain things. You can’t go into a tailspin when I have to be away.” He slipped his hand under the blanket to caress the side of my breast. I closed my eyes and leaned in, my anger subsiding. Rafa always knew exactly how to touch me. It wasn’t fair; I was powerless when he used his hands on me.
“So, after we take care of your immediate needs, you’re going to prove to me that this won’t be a recurring issue by being very patient for a few days while I’m occupied at the restaurant.”
He paused to see if I would protest, but I said nothing—in spite of the fact that my heart fell. What the hell was he planning on doing without me? I closed my eyes and kept listening, just to see what more nonsense he was going to dream up.
“I’ll pick you up Tuesday night and bring you to the club, where Doña Delfina wants to do something special for us called a binding. If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. I’ll bring you up to my apartment and we’ll have a nice evening just the two of us. In the meantime, I’ll do everything I need to do for myself and Doña Delfina, and while I’m busy over there, I’m asking you not to drink alcohol or lie around in a dark house. I want you to spend time doing positive things that make you happy.”
“I have an idea of what to do.” I couldn’t believe how he thought he could just decide everything. It was inconceivable that he wanted to actually go out and find a place to live when I was literally begging him to stay with me. My apartment.
“Good. It should be easier now that Doña Delfina was here. I can feel a difference.”
“Really? The energy doesn’t feel that great to me.” Not nice, but I knew I was going to turn into a world class bitch in about half a second, and there was nothing I could do about it. At this point, I was a runaway train.
“It definitely is,” he said, and even though I know he noticed the change in my mood, he continued with his agenda anyway. “But this house is way too big. If you insist on staying here, you should remodel so that you have a normal size living area and then do something else with the rest of the square footage. You could live on the ground floor and build an incredible personal library upstairs. Then again, I’m sure your brother would have his own opinions, too. I don’t know,” he shrugged.
“Interesting idea, but I like big things,” I said crudely, totally dismissing him. I really didn’t process much after he said he was leaving, so I turned my attention to the only thing about him that wasn’t pissing me off, which was his erect penis. I was tired of playing stupid games, and I’ll be damned if he thought I was going to wait around for him like a dog he’d ordered to sit and stay. I might be impatient, but his arrogance was really remarkable. He was going out of his way to show me that he intended to come and go as he pleased.
“Amada, did you hear anything I said?” Of course I had, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him, either. In spite of myself I was highly aroused, and he did certainly love to show his body off. Rafa was many wonderful things, but he was also outrageously handsome, and he knew it. If I’ve never heard no, then he’s never heard it either, at least not from a woman. I had to shut this down. I was going to have him completely or not at all, and there was no way I was going to sit home and wonder how many women were crawling all over him every night. Time to play hard ball.
“I heard you, Rafa. You need space and time to yourself. Don’t worry, I have other options.” I crawled over to the edge of the bed and opened my nightstand drawer, revealing an arsenal of sex toys. “I’ll be fine.”
Rafa’s mouth fell open. He went straight to the drawer and started rifling through its contents. “Unbelievable,” he said. “What is all this shit?”
“Let’s see, which one reminds me most of you?” I pushed everything around until I found the biggest one, my favorite pink rabbit. “Oh yes, this one is great.” I held it up so that we could both admire it. “You don’t mind, do you?” I said. “Since I’m not really into this lecture, you can just run along to work now and I’ll get started.”
At first Rafa was aghast and stared at me like he couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. It was satisfying to get a rise out of him, but as the shock wore off, something darker emerged and the gloves came off.
“’Ladies don’t do that, huh?” He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, which went from me to the drawer and back again.
“Not in front of anyone,” I said, hoping I hadn’t blushed. The idea of touching ourselves in front of one another turned me on beyond belief, but I was too angry with him right now to let him know. Even so, I think he picked up on my thoughts.
“Well, I do mind. Put that stupid thing down, get on your knees, and take what you really want.”
“Oh, now I can have it? But I thought you said I have to learn to wait. What did you think I would be doing all alone then?” I brought the tip of the vibrator to my mouth and flicked my tongue at it in the most perverse way I could think of. I’d bet money he’d never seen a woman lick a sex toy, because he was speechless.
I could tell he was also livid. Even on a good day he’d hate anything designed to take his place, but in this context he was especially revolted. I made a mental note to relocate my stash soon or it’d be gone for sure. “I told you to put it away,” he continued, simmering with fury. “You have the real thing right in front of you, and I guarantee it’s a hell of a lot better.”
I looked down at him, shrugged my shoulders and made eye contact. Very slowly I brought the plastic phallus to my mouth, took it all the way in and sucked like it was the most delicious popsicle I’d ever tasted, making a nice show by adding plenty of sound effects to go along with it. Fanning my long, red fingernails along the shaft, I took it out and smiled sweetly at Rafa.
“The real thing is better,” I admitted, wistfully looking down at his erection. “Maybe while I’m waiting I can find some of that, too.”
That was it. That was the comment that enraged him like nothing I’ve ever seen before. He smacked the toy out of my hand and jumped on me, pinning me to the bed. Placing both of my arms above my head, he held them together with one hand and kept me in position as he used his own strong legs to keep me snugly beneath him. I struggled, but it was no use. He was far stronger and used it to his advantage.
“Easy,” he warned. We locked eyes, knowing it was the moment of truth. Either one of us could take it too far and that would be it. It would be interesting to see who’d back down first, because I wasn’t sure how this could possibly end well. We were both just too mad.
Given my behavior, I thought he might become even more hostile now that he had me completely at his mercy, but he didn’t. He could have done any number of things to really make me go ballistic, but instead he calmly watched the rise and fall of my breasts as I struggled to catch my breath and compose myself. I turned my head away, still unhappy and unwilling to engage on his terms, and then I closed my eyes because I had no idea what to do next. That was when he brought my arms down under his legs as he edged his way up my body, and at that point I probably could have pus
hed him off, but I had to admit that the way he had me pinned down was very erotic. I opened my eyes and saw that he’d arranged himself so that his knees were on either side of my arms and his testicles dangled over my chest.
He arched downward so that I could see his face, which I glad to note had softened, and as he weaved his hand through the hair at the top of my head and grabbed a handful, a glimmer of tenderness emerged. He gently tilted my head back so that my neck was fully extended and my nose and chin pointed upward. As he gazed down at me, in very measured increments he angled his pelvis in the direction of my mouth, and with his free hand, he took his penis and held it so that it was about an inch from my lips.
“Open.”
Rafa spoke with his usual authority, but I read in his eyes that it was a question. If I yielded, it represented more than a simple truce between us. It signified my acknowledgement of him as he was, dominant and stubborn, and his acceptance of me and all my girlish whims and insecurities. It meant that above all else, we would be there for one another no matter how much we quarreled. And for obvious reasons, it was also an expression of mutual trust.
I brought my hands up to his hard, round buttocks and traced his contours with my fingernails, then took a breath and parted my lips ever so slightly until there was enough space for him to fit. The truth was that I desired him more than I had even realized myself. I went crazy when he denied me, because I wanted him so desperately that it hurt. It was in that moment I realized I loved him.
“I know,” he said. “Show me,” he pleaded, as he placed the tip of his penis just beyond my lips. I flicked the head, using my tongue to consume the salty little bead of extract crowning the tip, savoring his taste. Emboldened, I maneuvered his pelvis toward me by guiding him from behind with my fingertips, essentially directing all of his power with the barest whisper of a touch. Little by little, I took every inch of him until he was up against the back of my throat. Surprisingly I didn’t gag, but my movements were so restricted that everything was in his control. He remained in place for a few seconds, savoring the view of himself buried in my mouth. Spellbound, he caressed the side of my face and traced the outline of my lips with his free hand. Finally satisfied, I pursed my lips and flattened my tongue against the underside of his shaft so that he felt strong pressure as he pulled out. He moaned my name in a way that I’d never heard before, a broken mix of longing and pain, and I waited for him to find my mouth again, but once was enough. Shaken, he climbed off and immediately put distance between us by sitting at the foot of the bed, with his back to me and his head in his hands.
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