“Mom took that picture…”
“I remember,” he said, rubbing his hand over the small of her back. “And you were so excited that you got the hiccups.”
“That’s right—I did,” she smiled, her recollections filling her eyes once more with bittersweet tears.
“Hey, maybe you’ll get to work with him one day,” Ben suggested. “Now that you’re taking over the world of theatrical publicity…”
“Oh, stop!” she said, spinning around to face him. “I have many more years to go before I even get close…”
“Captain,” he said, wrapping his hands gently around her upper arms, “you’ve got the world by a string. Don’t lose sight of that. And remember, Judy would be so proud of you right now.”
“Ben…” she sobbed with a suddenness he hadn’t anticipated. “Oh, you were her favorite child…”
That was always the running joke between them—that Ben was the gay son that Judy always wanted—and she regarded him with just as much love as she did her own daughter. He was the first true friend Maxine ever made. Throughout grade school and on into high school, Maxine was often bullied—on the playground, in the lunchroom, then later online. She was too chubby. Too smart. A little too weird by the standards of most teenage girls. In truth, Maxine, an only child, much preferred the company of adults to those her own age. However, once she started college, she had truly come into her own, and Judy often credited Ben with giving her the confidence she needed to find her inner-strength.
From Ben’s point-of-view, Judy was the first adult in his life who didn’t care about his sexuality. A sense of humor, she’d always told Maxine, was the window to a person’s true character—revealing intelligence, boundaries and mindset. First and foremost, Ben made Judy laugh, sometimes so hard that her belly ached. He had a snarky comment for every situation, and he loved nothing more than to tease.
Yet his unwavering love and support for her daughter brought them close. Ben was always the one who helped Maxine to mend the pieces of her broken heart when her infatuations went awry. He was the first person to take to her defense every time she pissed some high-ranking university administrator off with an editorial in the campus newspaper. And he wiped her tears away when she discovered that her mother's cancer was terminal.
“I miss her, Captain,” he whispered into her hair as they both shared those tears of grief that were all too fresh. Perhaps, they would never recover fully, but their friendship, they vowed, would always remain. “Every single day…”
“You know how much she loved you, don’t you, Ben?” her voice nearly begged him.
“Of course, I do,” he said. “I just hope she knew that I loved her just the same.”
Batting her lashes to fight those tears, she hugged him tighter. “She did—and she still does.”
The tenderness between them, however, was brought to a quick halt when Ben’s phone began to ring. “Want to wager a guess as to who’s calling me?”
Maxine reached out and took Ben’s phone to answer. “Daddy…I miss you…”
“Max, why do you sound like you’re crying?” her father’s voice, overwhelmed with worry, boomed across the line. “Don’t tell me that you got robbed already…”
“Just talking about a lady named Judy, Tom,” Ben chimed in. “But Max is going to be just fine…”
Suddenly, her mind rushed back to that very morning when her father drove her to the bus. It was nearly an hour’s drive from their small town to downtown Pittsburgh, and every second that passed seemed as if hours had been taken from their lives together as father and daughter. However, Tom never stopped reminding her that she was indeed fulfilling every dream her mother wanted for her from the moment she was born. Maxine was about to begin her career—a big one, he was certain—and she had been afforded a chance that not many small-town girls would ever have. Her hard word had paid off so far and brought this new reality to fruition. He couldn’t imagine his daughter wasting away in a place that she loathed while she’d left her heart in Manhattan.
His thoughtful words of encouragement, however, didn’t erase his daughter’s guilt over leaving. In fact, as she replayed their conversations in her mind, she only missed him all the more.
“So my little girl made it back to the Big Apple,” he continued. “Everything alright, honey? That Ben’s treating you right?”
“Right now, I'm making her scrub the floor in my bathroom,” Ben chided. “I've got a whole list of chores for her to complete before she starts that other job.”
“You'll keep her busy,” Tom jumped to tease. “How was your trip, Princess? Everything smooth?”
“Aside from the fact that you weren’t with me,” Maxine began, “it was all just fine.”
“I will see you very soon.”
Tom Kirk was never one to break a promise—especially not to his daughter. While Ben had his doubts that her father would visit, Maxine knew for certain they’d be seeing him soon.
“Daddy?” Maxine whispered.
“Yes, sweetie…”
“Thank you…thank you for taking me today…and for…and for…seeing my dream through for me.”
All she had to go on at that moment were the sounds echoing over the line. She could hear him clear his throat, obviously choked with his emotions. His sharp intake of breath filtered through, and Maxine could just envision his nostrils flaring. Her father hated to show emotions, but lately, he couldn't help himself. After losing his beloved wife of over twenty years, and now with his daughter having left the nest, he was alone for the first time in his adult lifetime. Part of Maxine wanted to turn around and return home that second, but she knew he'd only pack her back into the car and drive her straight back to New York himself.
“Max, I…” His voice broke off, and she knew it wasn’t just his phone cutting out. “I wouldn’t be honoring your mother if I tried to convince you to stay. She…she gave up her dream to go to New York…I…I couldn’t do that to you, too…”
Judy had started dating Tom during her freshman year of art school. Three years her senior, he had been contracted to work on the restoration of one of the oldest buildings on campus. Tom was truly a man’s man, but his appreciation for true artistry—and his sense of humor—beckoned Judy to give him a chance. Before she knew it, they were dating exclusively. He’d wait for her at the end of every afternoon, just to grab a coffee and catch up on their days. Sometimes, Judy would make him dinner in the makeshift kitchen of her dorm. All the while, they’d share long conversations on their lives, their families and friends—and art.
Initially, Judy planned on pursuing a career in fashion. In fact, Maxine found her old portfolio of sketches not long after she’d passed away—she’d even brought a few with her to frame for her room. However, Judy’s plans to flee to New York from Pittsburgh came to a quick halt at the end of her sophomore year when she’d discovered that she was pregnant.
So many times over the years, Maxine wondered what would have happened to her parents’ relationship had things been different…had her mother finished her degree. There was certainly no way that Tom would have packed up and moved to the big city. Hell, he hated driving into Pittsburgh for a Penguins’ game—let alone the mere thought of moving to a metropolis the size of New York. And Maxine couldn’t help but to think that her mom and dad might have just split up once her mother finished college.
In spite of Judy's foiled plans, the Kirks were deliriously happy, and she loved nothing more than her tiny family. In fact, Judy discovered a new calling as wife and mother.
When Maxine came along, and as Judy often told her, she realized that she had to have a daughter to find her true best friend. Maxine knew there were some regrets that wore heavily upon her mother's conscience. There was always a sense that something was missing in Judy's seemingly full life.
However, she'd realized early on that her daughter inherited that same drive she'd once carried within her soul. Curiosity had always been her strongest asset and her
greatest downfall, and Maxine shared that ravenous, innate desire to explore the world beyond the borders of their tiny town.
While her dad never complained over his wife and daughter's trips to New York, Tom never had any inkling to travel with them. He just didn't like big cities—too much noise and filth and far too many people all vying for limited space. He worried like crazy and didn't get a wink of sleep while they traveled. Guilt prompted him, though, to bite his tongue and allow them their time for a little respite. He'd always felt that marriage and a baby robbed Judy of her true calling in life, even though she never complained, and he often blamed himself. Now that he’d lost her, he couldn’t possibly stop Maxine, and her mother’s dreams could live on through her. Judy would have been exceedingly proud of her baby girl.
“Dad,” Maxine’s voice carried over the line softly and sweetly as she attempted to assuage his regrets. “You two had a wonderful life together.”
“I only wanted her to be happy…” Now she wished more than anything that she could just teleport herself back home long enough to hug his sadness away. Even more, she hated the thought of him going to bed alone that night in that small house that was now suddenly too big. “She needed more…”
“Dad…Dad, please…” With Maxine gone, not even for a few hours at that point, he had far too much time to dwell. She’d anticipated—even expected—his sadness, but never such an emotional reaction as this. Turning to Ben, her eyes panicked.
The counselor in him had to say something. “Hey, Tom…” Ben cut in, but easily. “I know it hurts, and that will never go away. But Judy loved you. You were her soul mate. She wouldn’t have had her life any other way…”
“Just have to wonder, Ben,” Tom whispered. “I just wonder…”
“Don’t doubt yourself—and don’t you dare doubt my Momma Judy—for one second,” Ben said. “You guys did things I never saw my parents do—hold hands…laugh together…talk to each other. Don’t ever forget those things.”
Silence fell over the line, and when at last Tom’s voice broke through, all ears were upon him. “I won’t forget them,” he promised. “And maybe I’ll try that grief group you found for me…”
The semester following her mother’s funeral, Maxine commuted to school from home. Although it was her senior year and she had so much happening in her life on campus—from editing the university magazine to assisting the public relations director with an array of projects focused on alumni giving to volunteering at the theater department—she couldn’t imagine living in the dorms while she and her father were both so raw with grief.
Ben had spent most of his weekends at Maxine's house. He provided her and Tom with some much-needed comic relief. He also helped out with everything that Maxine simply couldn't take care of the other five days of the week—laundry, cleaning and whatever else she needed.
He'd managed to convince Maxine to join the Motherless Daughters group on campus, which helped her tremendously. The sessions allowed her one specific time every week to deal with Judy's death and to talk to others who had lost their moms far too soon. However, Tom remained staunchly reluctant to find some release of his own. Ben even found him a grief group run by one of his professors through a local hospital, but Tom refused to admit that he needed some help dealing with his all-encompassing emotions.
Now though, it was time for Ben to revisit the suggestion.
“Want me to give Dr. Abernathy a call?” Ben asked. “I’m sure she could fit you into the next meeting?”
“You know, Ben…”
Maxine held her breath with every pause her father made. So wrought with the pain she felt for him, she just wanted to fall back on the bed and cry. However, her mother would encourage her to rally—to gather up that Kirk inner-strength and carry on.
“Ben…go ahead and give her a call…”
Shoulders heaving, Maxine suddenly felt a breath fill her lungs. A grief group could be good for him on more levels than he'd anticipated. In fact, she was hoping he might even make some new friends who truly understood his suffering. Most of Tom's close acquaintances felt his pain, but they'd never lost a spouse. They were all in their mid-forties, and with their children leaving home, too, they were just beginning to enjoy this next phase in their lives. He could turn to them for support but only to a limited extent.
“Dad, you always tell me how proud you are of me,” Maxine said, “but tonight I’m proud of you.”
“I love you, Princess,” he returned. “And I'm doing this for you—and your mom.”
“And we love you, too, Poppa Kirk,” Ben added. “I’ll shoot the good doc a note tonight and follow up with a phone call in the morning. I’ll make sure she has all of your contact info.”
Ever so thorough, Ben wasn't backing down. With Tom's permission at long last, he planned to ensure that his best friend's father found the help he needed to manage his grief. If he had to ask Dr. Abernathy to drive over to Tom's house herself and drag him to that group, Ben had no qualms about making that request.
“Dad, please get some sleep tonight,” Maxine begged him. “The Ambien from your doctor is in the cabinet in the—”
“I’ll get to sleep, Princess,” he said. “Just knowing you’re safe, and that Ben’s there with you, I’ll be able to rest.”
“I love you more than Snickers bars…” she said, her smile frozen as she waited for his response.
“And I love you more than ice cream…”
“Even more than chocolate chip cookie dough?”
“Maxie?”
“Yeah, Dad?”
“Sweet dreams…”
“And back to you.”
As Maxine fell against his chest once more, Ben hung up his phone, then wrapped his arms around her. “See…one good thing has already come out of your move to New York,” he said. “Your dad’s getting some help.” Next, he had to find some help for Maxine.
“You worked a miracle just now.”
“No, Max, I just struck while the iron was hot. He knows what he needs to do. He just needed a push.”
“I’m so worried about him that I could just throw up!”
“No!” Ben's voice shot up an octave, and he gave her a gentle shake. “Maxine Elizabeth Kirk, there's going to be none of that happening here…do you understand?”
She froze right there in her spot and didn't even dare to bat an eyelash. His eyes, now so dark and tense with worry, bore down upon her clouded gaze.
“I didn’t…I meant it as…I…”
“I’m sorry, Max,” he said, allowing her to take a step back from him. Hell, he didn’t blame her in the least. He was angry, and he’d frightened her. But that was all for the best. Perhaps a little trepidation and tough love would help her in the long run. “I’m sorry…I know you didn’t mean it…like that…”
“It’s…alright,” she finally said. “It’s coming from a place of concern…”
“And of deep love, Maxine,” he added. “I just worry about you.”
“I don’t want you to,” she hurried to say. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”
“Never, Captain,” he whispered. “Never…”
“Help me put my things away?” she asked, hoping to change the subject.
“If you’ll let me order a pizza first,” he stipulated. “There’s a great joint right around the corner. Best greasy pies in Manhattan.”
“Go for it…”
First, Maxine took care to unpack her brand-new suit, a navy blue short-waisted jacket and pencil skirt, which she’d spent too much of her graduation money on. But she was so proud to hang it up in the closet and couldn’t wait to wear it on her first day at the office. She knew things were much more casual in business attire these days, but she wanted one nice outfit to wear when the clients visited. As she continued to hang, fold and carefully find a place for everything, Ben chatted away, making plans and keeping her thoughts fully occupied.
They’d taken a short break and retreated to the living room
to eat. One slice, leaving the crust, and Maxine said she was full. And Ben wasn’t about to argue with her on that particular evening. He simply cracked open a couple of beers to toast her first official night as a New Yorker. That was an anniversary they would continue to celebrate year after year.
“So what’s on your agenda for tomorrow?” Ben asked. “You’re not starting for over a week. You have some time to play tourist.”
“You remember Jillian, one of the account supervisors at D & D? She invited me to an Equity Fights AIDS party tomorrow night, and I think I'd like to go,” she said with a triumphant smile. “Cocktails, I guess. Good networking opportunity.”
“I should be home from work around three-thirty if you need to go shopping for something new?”
“Nah, I thought I'd wear that outfit I wore to the honors convocation—the navy blue eyelet dress?”
“Perfect,” Ben smiled. “I was with you when you bought that hot little number. Our little road trip to downtown Pittsburgh…”
“That was a fun day!” she said, flopping back against the couch, prompting a squeak from the old springs and a pinch to her ass. They had to pay a visit to Ikea sooner rather than later. “And I remember…being in the city…it just made me miss New York all the more…”
“Spoken like a true Manhattanite,” he tapped his bottle to hers once more. “Seriously, though, you’ll look gorgeous tomorrow.”
“Maybe we could spend the day together Saturday?” she asked. “At least I was hoping…”
“Max...” He rolled his eyes as he lifted the bottle to his lips for one final swig. “Do you really think I'm going to let your first weekend in the city pass without some fun?”
“Well, surprise me on Saturday morning, OK?” she said as she pushed herself up from the couch. “But I think I need to finish up in that bedroom and get some sleep.”
WEAKENED: The Manhattan Bound Series Book One Page 3