by Sophia Sharp
“My parents hired a moving truck to come this weekend. I’ll be gone by Monday.”
“But that’s so soon!” I protest.
“I know. We’ll stay in touch, though, won’t we?” Katy smiles through her own tears. “You’ll have to keep me updated on everything that happens between you and Spencer. I told you before, he’s not a bad guy. And I believe with all my heart that you are the right girl for him. The one he will change everything for.”
I look away. “You don’t know that.”
“I know you. And I know him. You both deserve to be happy. I don’t think anyone’s better suited to give you that than Spencer.” Katy takes my hands. “Look after yourself, Paige. You have a big heart. Don’t be too free with your emotions, but don’t lock them away, either. Even if I’m wrong about Spencer, you’ll find someone worthy of you, eventually. When you do, keep him close. Never let go.”
She sighs and stands up. “I know about how easy it is to lose someone you love.”
I rise with her. “Who?” I whisper.
Katy tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear then closes her jacket against the cold. “My first boyfriend. We dated for four years, all through high school. He proposed to me the night after prom. I loved him, but the commitment scared me. We were too young. I told him as much. He said I could wait until the end of summer to make my decision. We were both supposed to go to school here.”
Katy turns away. Her voice cracks. “In the end, I told him ‘no.’ It devastated him. He waited until the day of my flight to tell me he wasn’t coming to school with me.
“A few months later, he committed suicide by taking a lethal dose of meds.”
“…” I have no words.
“I’m okay now,” Katy continues. “But that’s why I left last year. Not because of problems with roommates. I couldn’t deal with the guilt or the grief.
“I went home for his funeral. I saw his parents. They told me it wasn’t my fault. They said it was the drugs the doctors gave him for his depression. Except, the pills made it worse.
“The advice they gave me next made me who I am today. They told me I should live my life without regret.” She tries to laugh. “I guess I took the advice kind of liberally.”
Without another word, she starts to walk away. “Where are you going?” I ask.
“This might be the last night I get this year to walk around campus,” she says over her shoulder. “I want a chance to say goodbye.”
I let her go. I can tell she needs to be alone. My vision is blurred by tears as I watch her shape get smaller and smaller before disappearing into the night.
Then, I drag myself up the seven flights of stairs, plod through the living room, and collapse into bed.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Pickles wakes me the next morning. He’s scratching the door to my bedroom, wanting his breakfast.
I sit up and look at the clock. It’s late. Katy’s not in her bunk. Neither is she in the extra bedroom down the hall, or on the living room sofa.
I wonder where she ended up last night. I can hardly believe she’s leaving. Right now, it almost feels like she’s already gone.
As I’m pouring myself a glass of OJ, I’m hit by an uncomfortable realization: With Katy gone, how am I going to afford board?
I feel guilty about thinking of that instead of the impending departure of my friend, but it’s something I will have to figure out. Soon.
I’m busy writing a text to the aquatics director when a knock on the door makes me turn my head. “Just a minute!” I call out.
I finish the text, explaining how I won’t be able to work this weekend because of Katy’s move, and cringe when I hit “send.” Between all my missed practices and work absences, I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed in the pool next time I show up.
The knock comes again. I grumble to myself, wishing I had the presence of mind to change into some real clothes when I got up. As it stands, all I’m wearing is a loose black tank top and Minnie Mouse pajama bottoms.
I peek through the eyehole before opening the door. My heart freezes.
It’s Andrew.
Andrew? What on earth is he doing here? I feel my pulse rise, and force myself to take slow, deep breaths. Stay calm, Paige, I think, giving myself an internal pep-talk. He’s probably here for Katy, anyway. Chances are we won’t even have to talk about what happened.
A third knock makes me jump. I felt the force of it through the wood.
I put my hands on the handle and take one last breath. Andrew’s not going to go away, and the sooner I deal with him, the better.
I open the door. “Hello.”
It’s hard to keep my voice even. Andrew is dressed to the nines in his usual preppy garb. His dark gold, slightly-curly hair is longer than when I first met him. I bet he hasn’t cut it since then.
My fingers itch to run through it, which is odd, because any leftover attraction I had for him disappeared last night.
“Hello, Paige,” Andrew smiles. Nothing about his demeanor gives any clue to the events of yesterday. “I was hoping I’d see you. Can I come in?”
I bar the entry with one arm. “Katy’s not here.”
He chuckles. “I’m not here for Katy. I’m here for you.”
I frown at him. “Why?”
“To explain myself. I didn’t like how we left things last night.”
“You mean, you don’t like how you got caught sneaking behind my back with my roommate,” I correct. Then, I shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I’m over you.”
Andrew flinches. “Paige. Please don’t say that. I know I screwed up. But I still have feelings for you.”
I laugh. “That’s funny. Is that what you told Katy before or after you had sex with her for the first time?”
The words roll off my tongue. I think I’m getting the hang of this whole talking-about-sex thing.
“Paige, I never—”
“Save it, Andrew. I was here, the first night you came back with her.” I point behind me. “Just down the hall, in my room. I saw your sneakers by the door.”
That last bit is a total guess on my part, but the guilty look that crosses Andrew’s face tells me I hit my mark.
“Okay, so I came here with her,” Andrew admits, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “But we did not have sex. We talked.”
I roll my eyes. “Really? Really, Andrew? Of all the possible excuses, you come up with that one? You would have had better luck trying to convince me it wasn’t you.”
“It’s the truth,” Andrew insists. “Why would I lie?”
I scoff. “I can think of some pretty good reasons.”
He shakes his head. “Whatever you believe, I’m not like that.” He lowers his voice. “Can I come inside? I’m taking a big risk being here. Somebody might see.”
“I thought you forgot all about your ‘rules,’ after what you did with Katy,” I mutter. Still, for some reason, I step back and let him through.
It’s probably because I know he won’t leave me alone until we’ve had this talk.
“So this is what your place looks like during the day,” Andrew comments. “I’ve never been inside with the sun out. Except that day we moved in, but you hadn’t decorated yet”
“Don’t get too used to it.” I direct him to the couch. He sits on the edge. I remain standing.
“So?” I cross my arms. “You said you wanted to talk. Well, talk!”
Andrew rubs his hands together and brings them to his lips to exhale. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
“I don’t see why I should.”
“Okay.” Andrew looks around the room, hesitant. “Jordan misses you,” he says.
That hits me right in the gut. I like the little guy. Since our basketball victory, I haven’t found time to spend with him.
“You can tell him I miss him too, and that I haven’t forgotten our bet,” I say. I make a point of not looking at Andrew. “Next.”
&n
bsp; “He was really excited when I told him you’d be hanging out with us a lot more come winter,” Andrew says.
I grind my teeth. “Oh, no. You are not going to guilt me into anything. It’s your fault things blew up. Not mine.”
Okay, that might not be the whole truth, but I’m not about to go and point that out. Especially when I’m determined to stay mad at him.
Andrew narrows his eyes. “What about all the time you’ve been spending with Spencer?” he asks quietly.
“If that’s all you came here to say, you might as well leave,” I state, holding my ground. His objection doesn’t change the fact that I caught him sneaking around with my best friend.
Andrew gives no indication of moving. “Paige, please close the door. I’m sorry. All I meant was that I’m not the only guilty party here.”
“So you’re going to pin this on me,” I say flatly. “You’re going to blame me for what happened between you and Katy?”
“For the last time, nothing happened!” Andrew roars, surging to his feet.
The explosion makes me take a step back.
He starts pacing the living room. “Look. I came here to tell you what happened. To give you the full story. I know what it looked like from the side, especially to you. If you give me a chance to explain, maybe you can change your mind about us.”
“I doubt it,” I say.
“One chance, Paige,” Andrew says, holding up his forefinger. “Just give me one chance.”
“I let you in, didn’t I?” I sigh, closing the door. “You have your chance. Now hurry up and use it.”
“Okay.” Andrew nods. My consent seems to energize him. “Thank you, first of all. I wasn’t even sure if you were going to be willing to talk to me—”
“On with it, Andrew,” I say, my voice thin with impatience.
“Okay. Okay. Here’s the thing. I know what you saw last night. And I know what it looked like. But Katy and I have not had sex.”
“It’s your life,” I point out. “You can do whatever you want. Why should I care who you sleep with? It’s not like we’re in a relationship.”
“No, but we were going to be. I was going to wait for you, Paige.”
“Except you got impatient and decided to try your luck with my roommate,” I sneer. “Are we done? I have things to do that are more important than this.”
“It’s not like that,” Andrew grates. “Look. I’m older than most students here. How old do you think I am?”
“I don’t know. Twenty-one, twenty-two? Why does it matter?”
“I’m twenty-five,” Andrew stresses. “And Spencer’s a year older than me, if he hasn’t told you that.”
“So what?” I ask. It doesn’t really surprise me that Spencer is seven years my senior. It’s a little strange that he’s still an undergrad, I’ll admit, but like Katy said, some people just like the college scene. Spencer definitely strikes me as one of those. “How do you know Spencer’s age, anyway? What is it between the two of you?”
Andrew laughs. “You mean, he hasn’t told you?”
I shake my head. “He’s about as forthcoming as you are.”
“He’s my step brother.”
The room suddenly seems to darken. The walls spin, and I have to catch myself against the counter not to fall.
Andrew rushes a few steps toward me. I shake my head and hold out one hand to make him stop. “I’m okay.”
He looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure!” I snap. “I don’t like you always second guessing me! It’s presumptuous and pretentious, Andrew!”
“Sorry,” he winces. “I was just trying to look out for you.”
“Yeah, and look where that’s gotten you.” The news of Andrew and Spencer’s relationship comes as a shock, but my body’s reaction to it was completely disproportionate. So what if they have history? Knowing they’re family is only a minor revelation on the grand scale of things, and it doesn’t explain any of the issues between them.
“I’m not trying to upset you,” Andrew says cautiously. “I only want to explain myself.”
I lower myself onto a kitchen stool. “Okay. Go on.”
“I told you my age so the rest of it makes sense,” Andrew begins. “I’m not like most kids here. And you’re not either, I don’t think. That’s why I was so drawn to you at first.”
“I don’t need your compliments, Andrew,” I say. “Actions speak louder than words.”
He flinches at my accusation. “I guess I deserved that. But I can’t help it. You’re so beautiful and independent. The moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you.”
I make a gagging sound in my throat to let him know what I think of all that.
He presses on. “The point is, I couldn’t start university until much later than everyone else.”
“What does this have to do with anything, Andrew? If I wanted your life story, I could have read your blog or something.” I know I sound bitter, but my patience is wearing thin.
“Please, let me finish,” Andrew urges. “I couldn’t go to university because I had to work and take care of Jordan. You know he’s fifteen years younger than me? That age difference is almost enough for a father and son.”
I give a tiny, inaudible gasp. I know all-too-well about that sort of thing. My mother is exactly fifteen years older than me.
Maybe I’ve been too quick to judge Andrew. All the damn uncertainty that’s been surrounding me is pressing on my nerves.
I squeeze my eyes shut and rub the bridge of my nose. When I look at Andrew again, I give a tight smile. “Okay. Continue.”
He senses my change in mood. His shoulders relax, and he gives a grateful sigh. “Jordan means the world to me. Everything I’ve done for the last seven years has been for him. I’ve made so many sacrifices. But I don’t regret any of them.”
“You must love him very much,” I say.
“I do,” Andrew agrees, smiling. “I’m not going to bore you with the full story. This is the quick version: My parents had an on-again, off-again relationship. They never married. I only found out when I was ten. One morning, after weeks of fighting, my dad just left.
“I asked my mom if it meant they were getting a divorce. She hugged me and told me the truth.”
“That must have been hard on you.”
“It was,” Andrew agrees. “For the longest time, I thought he’d come back. He left without saying goodbye. I made up this fantasy in my mind that he would show up on my birthday, and things would go back to the way they were. I waited and hoped for that for months.
“My birthday came and went. I didn’t even get a phone call. No problem, I thought. Maybe Christmas. Nope. New Year’s? Wrong again. It took me until my next birthday to understand he was gone for good.
“That’s when I started hating him for what he did. For the way he left. My mom and I had no money. But we had each other. We braved everything the world threw at us.”
Andrew pauses. “That is, until my dad returned. Almost four years to the day he left, he came back. And my mother welcomed him back as if nothing was wrong.” Andrew sighs. “It made me lose respect for her. How could she? It felt like being stabbed in the back. I grew distant from both of them.
“A few months later, they came to my room with a surprise. My mom was pregnant! I was going to be a brother!
“I resented both of them for expecting me to be happy. How could I, after all the turmoil they put me through? But, my mom talked to me over the next few weeks. She convinced me my dad had changed. She convinced me to give him another chance.
“So, I did. For her. And for the little brother or sister I was going to have. I decided to be the best older brother that I could be.
“Fast forward a few months. My mom gives birth. She and my dad bring Jordan home. I felt, for the first time in a long time, like we were a family again.” He snickers. “Of course, it didn’t last. True to his nature, my dad ditched us again. He claimed the stress of deal
ing with a baby was too much for him.”
“Jesus, Andrew. I had no idea.”
He gives a sly smile. “We’re not even at the climax yet. It gets better. Three years after the second time my dad left, my mom got sick. Some kind of rare bone disease. It took her quickly. She collapsed one night while doing laundry and never recovered.
“I watched her waste away in the hospital for fourteen grueling days. I tried calling my dad, tried searching for him. Nothing. He knew about what happened, I’m sure. But he didn’t even try to help.”
His story tears at my soul. Losing his mother and having an absent father? Nobody should go through that. My heart swells for the brave, terrified young boy that Andrew must have been.
“My mom died. And there I was all alone, suddenly in charge of a three-year-old boy. I had nobody to turn to. I tried to keep up with school, but it was impossible. I was a good student before, but I had to drop out. Jordan needed looking after.”
“And… your dad?” I ask.
Andrew scoffs. “The asshole of all assholes. He had the nerve to come to my mother’s funeral… with his other family.”
I gasp.
“It turns out,” Andrew continues, “that the whole time he’d been gone, he’d been living under one roof with another woman and her son.”
“Spencer?”
Andrew nods. “The one and only. The only bright spot in this whole mess is that Spencer wasn’t my dad’s. He was born before my dad met his mom. At the funeral, my dad invited me and Jordan to come live with him and his second family. I mean, what kind of twisted mind can even think of something like that after everything he’s put his real two sons through?”
Andrew shakes his head. “My gut told me not to go. But I was desperate. Jordan and I moved in. The experiment barely lasted twenty days.
“It was hell. Spencer and I hated each other from our first introduction. I hated my dad and his girlfriend. She was dismissive toward me, and cold toward Jordan. We couldn’t stay.
“So, on my eighteenth birthday, I took Jordan and moved out. He’d been through way too much in his young life. I had to get a crappy job at a gas station. There was only so much I could do without a high school diploma. But I protected Jordan through all of it, so he wouldn’t have to grow up the way I did.”