by Beth Andrews
“No.” He couldn’t make himself get out of the truck. “I just wanted to drop off a few things.”
She flicked the heat up higher and held her hands out over the vents. “Like what?”
His cheeks warmed. He was too old and way too cynical to get embarrassed. He jerked a thumb to the bags on the seat in the extended cab behind him.
She grinned. “Dillon, are you playing Santa Claus?”
“Look, I saw something I thought Emma would like and I got it, okay?”
She widened her eyes and held up her hands. “Hey, it’s okay with me. You can buy her presents whenever you want.”
“Good,” he muttered.
“So, where’d you run off to after punching Trey Carlson?”
“I didn’t run anywhere.”
“Please,” she said with an exaggerated eye roll, “you were like one of those cartoon characters, you know when they take off so fast they leave puffs of smoke behind.”
“Where do you get this stuff?”
“Vivid imagination.” When he just shook his head, she grinned. “Hey, believe me, Jack appreciates how imaginative I can be.”
He dropped his head so that his forehead smacked against the steering wheel. “I’m in hell.”
And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“If you’re in hell, it’s certainly not because of me or my husband’s appreciation of my many talents. But, wherever you’ve been hiding yourself the past five days,” Kelsey said, “you missed all the excitement.”
He lifted his head. “I’ve had about all the excitement I can stand, thanks.”
“Well, yeah, punching a guy in front of a bunch of kids and their parents was pretty exciting, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” When he didn’t say anything she turned in her seat and bent one leg under the other. “Oh, don’t beg, I’ll tell you what happened. Seems Nina has filed for full custody of her kids. From the sounds of it, it’s going to be a nasty court battle.”
“What? Why would she do that now?”
“Probably because she’s accusing Trey of child abuse.”
Dillon went rigid. “Tell me everything you know.”
“Okay, but you have to remember I’m getting my information mostly from Hayley. Nina won’t talk about it even when I asked her outright.” She scratched her knee. “All I know is that Trey slapped Marcus for something minor, Nina found out and went ballistic. When she confronted Trey, he hit her—”
“I’ll kill him,” Dillon said.
“Not so fast. Nina handled it. With a little help from Kyle. See, after Trey hit Nina, Kyle came to her rescue, except then he needed rescuing so Nina ended up whacking her slimy ex with some sort of cookie tray.”
He almost smiled at the image. He wished he could’ve been there to see Nina and Kyle take that asshole down a couple of notches. “But they’re all okay, right? Nina and Kyle and Marcus?”
“No permanent damage done.” She studied him, her green eyes steady. “Although I’m not sure why you’d care if they were hurt. I mean, you were the one who took off.”
He slid her a narrow look. “Why don’t you leave the reverse psychology to me? You suck at it.”
“Fine. Then I’ll just straight out ask. What are you doing? Why are you throwing away this chance? It’s obvious Nina’s in love with you.”
Damn it, didn’t she think he knew that? Hadn’t he replayed Nina telling him she loved him a thousand times? Did she think he didn’t wish things could be different?
“It doesn’t matter. I’m no good for her. Even if you or she can’t see that, everyone else in town does.”
“What else do you expect from them when you glower at anyone who looks at you? The only reason people haven’t given you a chance is because you won’t let them.”
He wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t. Not when he knew she was right.
“You’d better get back inside,” he said, his throat tight, “get back to your family.”
“Argh!” She slapped his arm. “What is wrong with you? You’d rather hold on to your past than take a chance on loving someone as awesome as Nina? Aren’t Nina and her kids worth the risk? Aren’t you?” She fell back against her seat and crossed her arms. “You’re pretty dense, you know that? And that’s not reverse psychology, either. Just the God’s honest truth.”
He grit his teeth. “This really has nothing to do with you.”
“Bull. I’m your sister and I love you. And you love me, too, which is why you helped me face my fears about marrying Jack. About being Emma’s mother. Can’t you see you’re facing those same fears? But you’re letting them win. And that’s not the brother I knew growing up.”
“What if he’s gone?” Dillon asked quietly. “What if I’m never able to get back to the man I was? The man I want to be?”
Kelsey squeezed his arm. “Maybe it’s time to let that man go. Yes, what happened to you, what you lived through changed you. It would change anyone. But deep inside you’re still the same guy who ate dry cereal so I’d have the last of the milk. The brother who took care of me and protected me. And I’ll always be grateful to the brother you were…but it’s the man you are today that I want a relationship with, that Nina wants in her life.”
“What if that man’s not enough?”
“What if he is,” she asked, “but you’re too scared to find out?”
He’d spent the past four nights in a dive motel about sixty miles down the interstate. Sure, he’d been eating and sleeping and breathing—but not really living. Just like when he’d been in prison and his main concern had been to just get through each day—and worse, the endless nights.
Now, he’d created his own prison by shutting out the people he cared about. Who cared about him.
He really was acting like a coward.
“Get the gifts and get out,” he said.
Kelsey’s face fell. Before she had a chance to move, he covered her hand with his and squeezed her fingers.
“I’ll stop by tomorrow to see Emma, but right now I need you to get out so I can go get my family.” He grinned at her. “I’m late for Christmas Eve dinner.”
NINA STOOD in her mother’s kitchen and spooned mashed potatoes into a serving bowl while her mom hurried out the door carrying a platter of sliced ham. The doorbell rang, and Nina glanced at Blaire. “Are we expecting anyone else?”
“Not that I know of.” Blaire took the pan of sweet potato casserole out of the oven. “Luke probably invited one of his friends and forgot to tell Mom.” Blaire grinned at her as she used her hip to shut the oven door. “Guess it runs in the family.”
“Hey, I told Mom I’d invited Kyle and Joe and Karen.” When she’d found out Joe and Karen had no other family, she’d gladly extended the invitation that they join her family for dinner. The more the merrier.
Especially since the more people around meant she kept busy pretending she didn’t care that Dillon was gone. Or that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep every night since he left.
“Do we have everything?” Blaire asked.
Nina picked up the bowl of potatoes and looked around the cluttered kitchen. “Yep. Let’s eat. I’m starved,” she said, forcing a smile.
“That smile is just pitiful and not fooling anyone. You sure you’re okay?”
“I will be.” She pursed her lips at Blaire’s disbelieving look. “Really. I mean, I don’t have any other choice, do I?”
“Hmm…I guess not. But you know, if you ever want to talk about it—”
“I know,” Nina said. The idea of discussing Dillon held about as much appeal as eating unsweetened baking chocolate. “Thanks. But I’m okay.”
Blaire nodded and went out the door. Nina’s shoulders sagged. Not that she didn’t appreciate her family’s concern because she did, but she wouldn’t mind if they’d give it a rest. At least for Christmas.
After she’d stood up to Trey, she’d finally found the courage to tell her family what her marriage had been lik
e. How Trey had treated her. They’d been hurt that she hadn’t come to them sooner, and while they weren’t quite ready to embrace her feelings for Dillon, they were willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. That she knew what she wanted and what was best for her and the kids.
And they’d promised to support her no matter what happened. Which was all she’d ever wanted. And what she’d need if she went after Dillon like she planned.
But she wasn’t going after him tonight. Right now, she just needed to get through the holiday. She took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face and walked out of the kitchen. And slammed to a stop when her mother led Dillon into the dining room.
His eyes immediately locked on hers and so many emotions crashed through her at once—joy, hope and lingering anger that he’d left in the first place—she swayed from the force of them.
“Breathe,” Blaire whispered as she came up beside her and took the bowl out of Nina’s hands.
She let out a shaky breath, her eyes still on Dillon’s. His coat was open and his T-shirt was wrinkled. He had a few days worth of dark stubble, his hair was mussed and dark smudges circled his eyes.
How she loved him.
For those few seconds, everyone seemed to freeze, but then Hayley gave a little cry of delight and launched herself at Dillon. Marcus followed suit, running over and hugging him around the waist while Blaire took her seat. Nina’s father got to his feet but her mother touched his arm. Their eyes met and something passed between them, something that needed no words. Hank’s shoulders relaxed and he slowly sat back down.
Nina’s heart warmed as she looked at her parents. But Dillon didn’t seem to notice her family’s mini-drama. Instead, he closed his eyes and hugged Hayley close before shifting her to his hip so he could tousle Marcus’s hair. “Hey, you two,” he said gruffly. “I missed you.” His mouth turned up in a lopsided grin as he looked at Kyle and then met her eyes again. “All of you.”
“I thought you took off,” Kyle said, his old sneer back in his voice.
“I did, but now I’m back.”
“Nina,” her father said, “why don’t you take your…friend into the living room so you can talk?”
She wiped her hands down the side of her black suede skirt.
“That’s not necessary, sir,” Dillon said before she could move. “What I have to say, I can say in front of all of you.” He searched her face. “That is, if Nina doesn’t mind.”
She nodded, just the barest of movements but he seemed to understand. He seemed so nervous, so unsure that she wanted to tell him to never mind. That he didn’t have to tell her anything. That his being there, her daughter in his arms, his hand on her son’s head was enough.
“First,” he said to Marcus, “I want to apologize to you and your sister for not being around the past few days.”
“Why’d you go away?” Hayley asked. “Was it something we did?”
“No, absolutely not.” His mouth thinned. “The truth is, I was scared.”
“You’re not scared of anything,” Marcus declared. “I know it.”
“I was scared,” Dillon said softly. “You see, I wanted to be with you and your sister and mother so much but I was scared you wouldn’t want me. Scared I wasn’t good enough for you. And I was really afraid I’d do something to hurt you.” He inhaled deeply. “But if you all—” his gaze landed on Kyle and then on Nina “—give me another chance, I promise I’ll never leave you again.”
Everyone looked at her expectantly, but she still couldn’t speak. God, it took all she had just to keep breathing.
What if he hurt her again?
“You should give him another shot,” Kyle told her. He shrugged when all eyes went to him. “He promised. And Dillon always keeps his promises.”
“Right,” Hayley piped in. “Plus it’s Christmas and you should forgive, especially at Christmas.”
Dillon kissed Hayley’s cheek then set her down. Everyone followed his movements as he crossed the room to stand in front of Nina.
“I’ve been scared many times in my life,” he said quietly, “but nothing compares to the fear of losing you and the kids.” He reached out and touched her hair. Rubbed a curl between his fingers. “You were right the other night when you said I was hiding. But no more. You gave me hope.” His voice was low, sincere and full of emotion. “You’re brave and so much stronger than I am. And even though you don’t need me, I need you. Nina, I love you.”
Her heart swelled and soared. He loved her. He needed her. And he’d just declared his feelings for her in front of all the people she cared most about in the world.
She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect Christmas present.
Her mother cleared her throat. “Should we set another place at the table?”
“Could we hold off on that please,” Dillon asked, his eyes still on Nina’s, “until I’m sure I’m wanted there?” He looked at her, love, hope and uncertainty clear in his eyes. “What do you say, Nina? Am I wanted?”
Tears slid down Nina’s face even as she smiled. “Yes. Yes, I want you.”
He shut his eyes and pulled her into his arms. “Thank God,” he murmured before lifting her off her toes and kissing her.
A few people clapped, someone—Kyle, probably—let out a wolf whistle but still Dillon didn’t let go.
“Don’t make me bring out the hose,” Nina’s father warned, his voice half-exasperated, half-serious.
Dillon broke the kiss and set her back on her feet. “Sorry, sir.”
Hank nodded and then, after a moment reached over the table. Dillon looked at her father’s outstretched hand, then at her. She smiled encouragingly and he shook her father’s hand.
“What are we waiting for?” Hank asked as he set his napkin on his lap. “Dinner’s getting cold. Luke, go on and get another place setting. Blaire, make room for Dillon next to your sister.”
Dillon took his seat beside Nina but wouldn’t let go of her hand, not even when Hayley climbed onto his lap. “Santa’s coming tonight,” she told him.
He smiled. Nina knew she’d never get tired of seeing him smile. “I’ve heard that rumor,” he said.
“Did you ask him to bring you a present?”
Dillon squeezed Nina’s hand, their eyes met and held over Hayley’s head. “Looks like I didn’t have to. Old St. Nick knew just what I wanted.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-3171-3
A NOT-SO-PERFECT PAST
Copyright © 2009 by Beth Burgoon.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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