by Kaitlyn Hoyt
THINGS FROM THAT POINT ON are a little awkward. I talk to Colton in group settings, but avoid being around him alone. No one seems to really know what is going on besides Emma. We all train everyday and Conner, Natasha, Natalie, and Madison come over every night. After a couple of days, things start settling down. Natasha always finds a way to corner me and threaten me about Colton, because apparently I am standing in her way or something. She would mention all of the reasons why I’m not right for him. Colton stopped trying to get me alone to talk. I start to hang out with Liam more, while David and Emma are still in the flirty friendship stage.
It is Saturday night, and I am in the entertainment room with Liam and Logan. They’re both watching a movie. Leaning against the armrest of the couch with my legs in Liam’s lap, I’m doodling in my notebook when Colton comes in with a giggling Natasha. I don’t look up at either of them. Liam looks over at me, trying to decipher my reaction, but I keep my eyes glued on my notebook, drawing and detailing leaves on my flower.
“Colton, why are we in here? Let’s go somewhere more private.” She is practically growling at him. I grimace at the sound of her voice.
“I’d rather just watch a movie right now…if that’s okay with everyone.” Liam and Logan nod, both turning to look at me. I bite my lip before glancing over at Colton, and giving him a small smile. “That’s fine.”
Colton walks over to the seat at the end of the couch. Because of how I am sitting, I can see him clearly.
Natasha walks over, and stands in front of him. He looks at the chair next to him, indicating that she should sit there. With a huff, she sits down angrily, and crosses her arms. I bite my lip harder to try and hide the smile that threatens to break out.
“What are you drawing, Ryanne?” Natasha asks.
I glance up at her, but put my attention back into my drawing. “Umm, I’m sketching a butterfly on a flower right now. Drawing helps me clear my mind.”
“Oh. Cute,” she replies. Yeah, I can hear the sarcasm in her voice. The mean girl inside me really wants to come out, but I withhold it. I imagine myself turning animalistic and tackling her, like the cafeteria scene in Mean Girls. The look of surprise and fear on her face is priceless.
Mentally picturing that, I can’t stifle my giggle. All eyes in the room turn to me, causing me to laugh harder. Covering my mouth, I quiet my laughter. I manage to spit out an apology. “Sorry, just...thinking.”
“Ryanne, can I talk to you?” I look around and see Emma peeking through the door, frowning.
“Yeah, one second.” Turning back around, I close my notebook, and push my pencil through the metal spiral on the side.
“What’s that about?” asks Liam.
“I have no idea.” I get up and place my notebook on my seat. “I’ll be right back.” Walking out in the hallway, I find Emma pacing. “What’s wrong?” Grabbing my arm, she drags me down the hallway, toward our room. Opening our door, she looks down at me with huge eyes. What is going on? Gasping, I step in the room.
Our room is trashed. Clothes are thrown everywhere, and our dresser drawers are broken, with pieces of it lying all over the room. Cosmetics and makeup are wrecked and spilled on the floor. Magazine pages are ripped and thrown around. The glass on the only picture of my mom and me is shattered, and the picture is crumpled on my bed.
I walk across the room and pick up the broken frame from the ground. With tears in my eyes, I unwrinkle the photo. Creases mar our smiling faces. I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay. There has to be an explanation.
Something red catches my eye in the bathroom. I carefully walk over to the bathroom, avoiding pieces of wood on the floor. On the mirror, written in red lipstick are the words: GET OUT OF MY WAY. HE’S MINE.
“Natasha,” I whisper as I turn toward Emma again. “Natasha did this.”
“Are you serious?” she asks incredulously. “I know she doesn’t like you, but was all this really necessary?”
I storm past Emma, and run back into the entertainment room.
Natasha is staring at the door, smiling at me. “Did you get my message?”
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Emma runs into the room and slams into my back, knocking me into the couch. Steadying myself, I glare at Natasha. “You ruined the only picture I had of my mother.”
All the guys are looking between the three of us, confused. Natasha gets up from the couch, and walks over to me. “And now you’ll listen to my warning.”
“I was never standing in your way! When will you get that through your thick skull? We’ve barely even talked lately. I’m not trying to take him from you.” My voice rises to a yell the closer she gets to me, stopping just inches in front of me; I tilt my head back and glare up at her. Natasha is a lot taller than me, but it doesn’t faze me.
“You don’t even have to try!” She pushes me backwards, causing me to fall to the ground. “You’ve got all these guys wrapped around your tiny little finger.” I feel the energy in me bubbling to the surface. Getting up, I push a small piece toward her, sending her flying into the wall.
“Ryanne!” Colton and Liam both simultaneously say. Natasha slumps to the ground before narrowing her eyes at me. She gets up and stalks toward me. When she is standing in front of me, she smiles wickedly, and places her hand on her hips.
Suddenly, I can’t breathe. There is no oxygen going into my lungs, so I slump to the ground, grabbing at my throat. It feels like ice is shooting through my veins, making me immobile. Blood vessels start to pop throughout my body, and black spots fill my vision. I’m on the verge of passing out, when Logan yells, “Natasha, stop! She can’t breathe!”
In the background, I hear someone scream followed by a loud thud. Air rushes into my lungs, and my body collapses in relief. While coughing, I try to stand back up. Halfway there, someone’s arms wrap around my waist, and they pull me the rest of the way up. I turn to see Liam holding me. Logan places his hands gently around my throat, and starts working his magic. David runs into the room and grabs Emma, who is fighting with Natasha. Wrapping an arm around her torso, he pulls her backwards, separating the two of them. She struggles in his arms, before finally calming down. Natasha pushes herself off the ground when no one comes to help her stand up.
“What the heck is going on?” yells David.
“Go look at our room,” Emma says, never taking her eyes from Natasha. David motions for Logan to go check it out. Logan leaves, and when I am finally able to breathe normally again, Liam releases me.
Logan rushes back into the room. “Their room is trashed. Everything is messed up. There is a message written in what looks like lipstick on the mirror that says ‘Get out of my way. He’s mine.’ I’m assuming that is referring to you Colton.”
Colton turns to Natasha, his expression unreadable. “Did you do that?”
“Yeah, she,” she glares at me, “needed to know that—”
“You should go,” Colton says.
She stares at him, eyes wide. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, please go.” The room is silent. When she doesn’t move, he speaks louder. “Now.” She stomps her foot on the ground like a toddler would when upset, and rushes out of the room, pushing me out of the way in the process. Liam reaches out to steady me again.
A couple seconds later, I step away from him and quietly leave the room as well, walking back to our bedroom to clean up. Colton kicked her out, yes, but that doesn’t really mean anything. I can’t let myself go there. I can’t let myself read into anything. It means nothing.
Once in the room, I start assessing all the damage. Ugh, where to start first? There is so much to do. Bending over, I start gathering up all the clothing, trying to avoid the broken pieces of glass and wood that’s haphazardly scattered on the floor. I begin separating Emma’s clothes from mine, and sorting them into piles. Soon, everyone else comes into the room, and starts helping. The guys clean up the glass and wood, while Emma and I work on the clothing and cosmetics.
Whi
le wiping up the spilled shampoo from the bathroom floor, I turn to Emma and whisper, “So, now I don’t just have to worry about Dravin and Adam, I have to worry about crazy ex-girlfriends too? I’m sorry some of your stuff got destroyed.”
Throwing the towels in the basket, we walk back into the room to see what else needs cleaned.
“Hey. Don’t apologize to me. I thoroughly enjoyed tackling that skinny girl. She’s been a complete jerk to you the past couple of days.”
“What do you mean she’s been a complete jerk to you?” asks Colton.
“Nothing.” I walk over to the folded photograph of my mom.
Emma looks at me and shakes her head. “Natasha has taken every free moment to make Ryanne feel like crap. Telling her that she’s not good enough for anyone, that she’ll end up getting everyone she loves killed. That she’s not worth all the trouble, and we’ll all abandon her like her family.”
“Emma, please stop. I don’t need to hear it all again.” I can feel the tears coming. Rain starts hitting the windows. Holding the photo, I walk out of the room, and slide down the wall in the hallway as the tears begin to fall, mimicking the rain outside. I need to let everything out. No one follows me.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I didn’t know anything was going on.”
“Because she asked me not to. She didn’t want to upset you, you big goof! She thought you were happy with that girl, and wanted you to be happy even if she wasn’t.”
“I was never interested in Natasha.”
“Yeah, it sure looked that way,” she sarcastically retorts.
“Ryanne’s the one that stopped talking to me. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t listen,” says Colton, his voice rising almost to the point of yelling.
“Because she’s convinced that no one would want her, and that she’s not good enough for anyone. She said that if there were other girls here, you would never be interested in her, and you kind of solidified that argument in her mind with Natasha.”
I suddenly feel claustrophobic. I don’t want to hear how the rest of the argument will play out. Feeling like the walls are caving in on me, I push myself up, and walk toward the backyard, leaving the photo on the floor. I need some fresh air.
“Ryanne, are you okay?” Claire calls out as I pass through the kitchen.
Wiping the tears from my face, I reply, “Yeah, I just need some air.”
Closing the back door, I sit on the bottom stone step, breathing deeply. It’s no longer raining as hard. Right now, it’s just a simple mist falling. Emma didn’t have to reveal all of that to everyone. If they didn’t already think that I was weak, they definitely do now. I’m insecure; I’m not a hopeless cause. I should keep everything to myself from now on, because I can’t hurt myself like others can.
I miss how things were before I got kidnapped, before everything started to change. When I woke up and trained for fun. When I knew that I was supposed to somehow help bring an end to a war, but I wasn’t really a part of it. Back when I didn’t worry about being kidnapped once I fell asleep, when I didn’t worry about everyone around me getting hurt. Now, I’m the girl that always needs protecting. I want to be strong and confident, but I always put myself in a situation where I’m proved to be the opposite.
I look up at the sky. Its vast openness is all I can see. Out of the billions of people in the world, why was I chosen for this? I’m not a leader. I’m a follower. It’s a lot easier to listen to what someone is saying than to be the one actually speaking. Leading takes guts…something I don’t have. I’m going to get swallowed up in this war, and probably not make it out alive. I’ve already had a couple close calls. When the fighting gets rough…well, the fighting will be rough. I’ve not been trained for years like everyone else has. I just started. I’m not prepared for anything major, and probably never will be.
Gazing up at the stars, I realize how small and insignificant I actually am. Similar to a star, I am just a piece in the larger constellation—a simple pawn in a bigger game of chess. Nothing too special, just a way to set things in motion.
Hearing footsteps on the stairs, I turn slightly to see who is coming toward me. Colton sits down on the bottom stair, and looks up at the stars with me. Neither one of us speaks for a while. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he opens his mouth to speak multiple times before deciding against it.
How did we get here? How is it that neither one of us can be in a room alone anymore without feeling awkward? I don’t understand how and why things have changed so much between us. Where’s the Colton that followed me to the gazebo to make sure that I was okay? I want that Colton to be here. Not the Colton that has Natasha following his every footstep.
After a few minutes, he sighs and says, “Did you know that most stars are over a billion years old?” I look over at him, watching the stars. Even his profile is swoon-worthy. Stupid Colton and his attractiveness.
“Look, Colton. I’m sorry I ignored you. It’s just that so much was changing so fast that I kind of freaked, and I took it out on you. I miss talking to, and being around, you. Can things go back to how they were before? I want us to be friends again.”
Bringing my attention back to the stars, I wait from his response. I feel him watching at me, but he doesn’t say anything. Oh dear, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. I’ve ruined it. I’m too much baggage, and he’d rather be with Natasha. He exhales, and I finally look over at him, searching for an answer.
“Just friends?” After thinking it over, he gives me a small smile and says, “I’d like that, Ry. I’ve missed you.” He hugs me and I let him, taking comfort in his embrace. I really have missed him. I try to hide my yawn but can’t. Laughing, he stands up, pulling me with him. “Come on. We finished cleaning your room. You need to go to bed.”