He created an account and started on the profile. Who came up with these questions? His phone rang and he answered with one hand.
“Hello?”
“Hi, baby. Why are you answering your home phone on a Saturday night?”
His heart sank. Why hadn’t he checked the caller ID? “Hi, Mom. There wasn’t anything going on with anyone.”
“Nothing?”
“Well, a couple of guys were headed downtown, but you know I’m not into the club scene.” Which was an understatement. He enjoyed hanging out with his friends, and didn’t mind the music. But all the drinking? Even from people who normally didn’t drink much—there was something about being downtown at the hip spots that had them tossing back drinks and looking to hook up. They always regretted it in the morning. It got old being their weeping sounding board. And he couldn’t dance worth beans.
“That makes me happy. But why aren’t you out on a date? Ji said Jen is a sweet girl. You haven’t asked her out?”
He sighed. “We went out last night. It...wasn’t good. I don’t know if there’s anything there.”
“Have I told you about my first date with your father?”
“I think so. Didn’t you go to a church activity together?”
His mother laughed. “That was our second date. We’d gone out to dinner before. I ended up calling a taxi and wondering what I was thinking by agreeing to go out with him, by telling my parents that I would let them set me up.”
Really? That was...not the story he’d grown up with. “Why didn’t you ever say that before?”
“It’s not my happiest memory. When I showed up at that church activity, your father nearly left. He was so mad. The way I’d left the date wasn’t particularly kind. And his parents were blaming him for messing up, when it wasn’t anything he’d done.”
“What was it then?” Maybe his mom would have some insight. Even if it was sort of weird to be having this conversation with her.
“I don’t know. I spent months trying to figure it out. But over time, we became friends and, after a while, when he asked me out again, I knew it was going to be better.”
So. Not helpful after all. “I’m glad it worked out for you.”
“I hear the unsaid ‘even though it won’t for me’ on the end of your sentence. Don’t give up so quickly. Have you been praying about it?”
Pray about it. The same advice Jackson had given him this morning. He was praying about it. There just didn’t seem to be any answers coming. “Yeah. For all the good that does.”
“Give it time. There’s no hurry. Even if you feel like there is, there isn’t. Wait for God’s timing.”
“Sure. Okay. Thanks, Mom.”
“We’ll see you tomorrow.”
David winced. “Actually...I thought I’d try out another church tomorrow. I’m going with Jackson—you remember Jackson?”
“Of course I do. That’s good, baby. Maybe branching out is just what you need. Don’t stay up too late.”
He hung up and shook his head, turning back to the dating website. Branching out. Maybe that’s what he needed in all aspects of his life.
“So, what’d you think?” Jackson dropped into a chair next to David. The restaurant was crowded with families and a few scattered groups of young adults. And then there was the motley crew at their table. Jackson and Paige, Ben and Rebecca, and Sara. No Jen.
“I liked it. I’ll give it another shot next week, maybe hit up a small group.”
“Not too different?”
David shook his head. The songs were, mostly, the same. Just in English. The preaching was relevant and easy to follow. And best of all, he hadn’t felt like everyone was looking at him, wondering when he was going to find a nice girl and settle down. Maybe no one at his church really did that, but it felt like it. Especially with more and more focus on Soo-Yi’s upcoming marriage. Change was good. Still...where was Jen? He cleared his throat and aimed for casual. “Doesn’t Jen usually sit with you all?”
Jackson smirked.
Rebecca slapped her menu down on the table. “Usually. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her since Friday night. Have you, Sara?”
“Nope. And I was really hoping she’d want to hang out last night.” Sara turned to Jackson. “Do you have any idea when Luc will be back in the area?”
Jackson shrugged. “Not really, no. He’s in and out periodically, but you know he’s based out of Martinique, right? Though that’s a loose description anyway. He’s barely ever there—to hear him tell it, it’s just long enough to wash his clothes and kiss his mother. They keep him pretty busy.”
Sara frowned, her lower lip poking out.
David straightened his silverware. He hadn’t even tried to get in touch with Jen on Saturday. Even if the date hadn’t been a disaster, he probably wouldn’t have tried to get in touch the next day. Didn’t that reek of desperation? He’d been half counting on her being at church today so he could get a feel for what she was thinking. Now...should he text her?
“I’m sure she’s fine. You know she gets those moods, Sara. She probably saw you calling and knew you were going to try and get her to go do something downtown. That’s hard to manage on the best of days. If she’s cocooning, she just ignores the phone.” Rebecca smiled. “But I’ll text her this afternoon and set up a girls lunch later in the week.”
Girls lunch? Just what he didn’t need. She’d tell everyone what a horrible time they’d had and then there’d be no chance...of what? Wasn’t there already no chance? That’s why he’d gone ahead and paid his money to the online dating service last night. At least this one was, supposedly, just for Christians. David listened as the conversation swirled around him, moving away from Jen to the sermon and then plans for the week. He tried to smile at the right places and participate, but...was Jen okay?
After lunch, he hung back and snagged Rebecca as everyone was leaving. “You’re not worried about Jen?”
She shook her head. “Nah. The thing you need to know about Jen is that she makes a lot of introverts look extroverted. She puts on a good front at work and church, but it takes a lot out of her. So every now and then, she pulls back and stays in. Guarantee she’ll be fine at work tomorrow.”
“Would knowing our date was kind of a disaster change any of that?”
Rebecca laughed then paused. “You’re serious?”
David nodded.
“Hm. Let me have your number and if I get a hold of her this afternoon, I’ll let you know.”
He fished a business card out of his wallet and handed it to Rebecca. “Thanks.”
Jen glanced at her cell as it buzzed yet again. Why couldn’t people get the idea and leave her alone? She sighed and poked at the screen. Another text from Rebecca. Fine. She swiped the screen and punched a reply.
I’m fine. Let it go.
It wasn’t a total lie.
Okay, fine, it was. Didn’t mean Rebecca still shouldn’t let it go. It wasn’t as if there was anything wrong with taking a day, or two, to regroup.
She shouldn’t need to regroup. It was one bad date. She’d had them before. Would probably have them again. Not like she was all that worth dating in the first place. Some people just figured it out faster than others. She scrubbed her hands over her face as her cell buzzed again.
Do I need to be worried?
Jen shook her head and picked up the phone, tapping Rebecca’s photo and drumming her fingers on the table where the puzzle was just beginning to take shape.
“Hey.” Rebecca was perky, as usual. Perkier, actually, than Jen had heard in a while. Marriage probably did that. If you could find someone who’d have you. Her friend was lucky.
“No, you don’t need to worry.”
“So...church?”
Jen sighed. “I took a day off, okay? It’s not the end of the world.”
“David seemed disappointed that you weren’t there.”
David? “Why was he there? He doesn’t go there.”
“A
pparently he’s trying out new places, looking to branch out. He liked it. And oh-so-subtly asked where you were.”
Great. Perfect, in fact. Now she was going to have to find a new church. “I don’t believe this.”
“What do you mean? It’s good, right?”
“Did he say anything about our date?” A long silence stretched between them. “He did. He said it was awful, didn’t he?”
“He didn’t use the word ‘awful.’”
“Well, what word did he use?”
“Disaster?” Jen could hear the cringe in Rebecca’s voice even after she hurried on. “But look, he’s still asking about you, that’s a good thing. How many guys wonder where someone is if they’re not interested?”
“The ones who are making sure the nightmare they went out with isn’t going to show up when they least expect it?”
Rebecca snickered. “Don’t be an idiot. David’s a nice guy. And the two of you are cute together. Just because you had a bumpy first—”
“Disastrous. Not bumpy. He wasn’t wrong.”
“Fine, disastrous first date doesn’t mean it won’t end up being something you laugh about with your grandchildren.”
Jen scoffed. “That would imply he’ll ask me out again. I’ll bet you twenty bucks that doesn’t happen.”
“You’re on.”
Jen blinked. Seriously? She was taking the bet? Not that Jen hadn’t been serious, but it was unlike Rebecca to be willing to risk any amount of money, let alone twenty dollars. “Great, I’ll look forward to spending your money.”
“I’m using my winnings on your wedding present.” Rebecca paused and cleared her throat. “So you’re okay?”
Jen sighed. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Lunch on Wednesday?”
Wednesday. She could probably manage to look cheerful by then. “Sure. Usual place?”
“Yep. See you then.”
Jen hit end and dropped the phone back on the table. Tribble growled quietly and paced to the sliding door. Already? Hadn’t they just been out? She frowned at the time on her phone. How had it been three hours? “All right, Trib. Let’s go for a little walk.”
“Hey, some of the guys are going to lunch, you in?”
Jen looked up from her monitor and shook her head. “Not today, I brought something. I’ve been eating out a lot—too much—lately. Thanks though.”
Braedon, one of her favorite coworkers hesitated in the doorway.
“Yeah?”
He frowned. “Are you okay? You’ve been...a little off this week.”
Jen rubbed the back of her neck and forced a big smile. “I’m good. Just...life, you know? It’s nothing. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. We—I—just wanted to be sure you were all right.” Braedon knocked on the doorframe as he turned. “If you change your mind, we’ll be downstairs.”
Jen went back to work. She wasn’t changing her mind. Lunch with Rebecca and Sara was tomorrow, and that was going to take everything she had in her. Besides, if she worked through lunch she could leave sooner, maybe take Tribble to the dog park for a little run.
“Hey.”
She looked up, biting back a sigh when she saw David in her doorway. “Hi.”
“You’re a hard woman to find. Have time for lunch?”
“Sorry, no. I brought a sandwich.” Jen hesitated. He was making an effort. And they could be friends. Maybe. “Rain check?”
“How about I go downstairs and grab a sub and bring it up? You’ve got to take a minute to actually eat.”
Drat. She wasn’t planning on eating her lunch, if you could call it that. She clicked on her calendar and fought a grin. “I have a meeting in ten.”
David frowned. “Tomorrow?”
“Lunch with Rebecca.”
He groaned. “I have lunch meetings Thursday and Friday.”
“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Jen...I...”
The phone on her desk rang, cutting him off. “I should grab this. See you around?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Later.”
Jen grabbed the phone, her eyes following David as he turned down the hall. Why had he come? Did he really see any chance for them? Why hadn’t he tried to get in touch before today? “This is Jen.”
“Mom. What are you doing here?” Jen unlocked the door to her apartment and pushed it open for her mom. Tribble yipped from her crate. Jen dropped her bags by the door and headed into the kitchen to open the crate. Mom trailed behind her.
“Can’t I stop by to see you?”
Jen’s heart sank. “You can, of course, Mom, but you don’t as a rule.”
“You haven’t returned my texts. Or calls. So I was curious...what’s going on?”
“Come on, Trib.” Jen patted her leg and slid past her mom toward the back door. “Nothing’s going on. I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to tell me about your date?” Her mom glanced at the table as they walked past. “You’ve made a lot of progress.”
Jen unlocked the door and opened it for the dog, who was dancing in place. Tribble dashed out to the grass and sniffed around for a second before doing her business. “You know I like puzzles. Isn’t that why you bought it for me?”
Seconds ticked by. Jen avoided looking at her mom. Mom’d say her piece when she got to it and filling the silence only proved that there was something wrong. Words tugged at her tongue as jitters built in her belly. No. She wasn’t unleashing the dam. She’d been down that route before, to no avail. Tribble switched to bouncing around the grassy patch, sniffing all the new smells that had blown around during the day.
“Are you taking your medicine?”
Heaviness settled in her chest and tears burned the back of her eyes. As if tiny white pills fixed everything, one-hundred percent of the time. She didn’t bother to sigh. “Yes, Mom.”
Her mom turned and held her gaze, eyes searching Jen’s face. Finally, she gave a short nod. “Should you go back—”
“Mom, I’m fine, okay?” Jen forced a smile, opening her eyes wide so the light could hit them and make them look brighter than they were. Her mom had to believe her. The last thing she needed was her mom worrying.
“I just think you ought to consider going back to Dr. Mancini.”
“Why, Mom? So he can tell me more about how I should cut you out of my life? That of course I’m depressed when I have a controlling and co-dependent mother? Or maybe that my father has improper feelings toward me and so my subconscious denial causes me to be unhappy? That’s going to help me somehow?” Jen closed the door as Trib pranced in, then stalked into the kitchen and filled a glass at the sink. Her hands were shaking, blood was thundering in her ears. The easy answer. Always the easy answer. Go back to the shrink. Get more meds.
Her mother followed her, stopping in the doorway and leaning against the wall. Her voice was quiet, patronizing. “Honey. I just want you to be happy.”
“I’m not unhappy.”
“Maybe happy’s the wrong word. Not depressed. Is that better?”
“I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. That doesn’t mean I need an intervention. Maybe it just means I wanted some space.”
Her mother’s eyebrows shot up. “Well. Excuse me. I’ll be going.”
Jen closed her eyes, the weight in her chest getting heavier by the second. She should call her back. Stop her from leaving. Even if it wasn’t wrong to need space, to feel sad. “Mom.”
The steps stopped. Jen set the glass of water down and laced her fingers together, squeezing them to stop their trembling. She went into the living room. Her mom had her hand on the door, a frown etched into her features.
“Thank you for caring. I promise I’m all right. I love you.”
“I love you, too. But I worry about you.” Her mother gave a long, searching look. “I’m sorry that makes you angry.”
Jen’s shoulders fell. “I’m not angry, Mom. I...you don’t need to worry.”
“It’s
my job.” Her mom pulled her into a hug. Jen forced her shoulders to relax like they normally would. No matter that the hug sent hot needles through her. “You’re sure?”
Jen nodded. “I’m sure.”
Her mother kissed Jen’s forehead. “Call me if you need me.”
“I will.” Jen locked the door behind her mother, flipped off the lights, and crawled into bed. Tribble jumped up next to her and licked her face. The darkness pressed in on her until it was almost suffocating. She closed her eyes against the tears that wouldn’t come.
David glanced at his phone. Jen was probably already gone, but there was no reason not to stop by on his way out and check. He hadn’t seen her since Tuesday, though he’d looked when he had time. Maybe their schedules were at odds. They’d gone for years working at the same company without running into each other, why would that change? There was no reason to assume she was avoiding him.
He gathered his laptop and headed for the elevator. His cell rang.
“Hello?”
“What are you up to tonight?”
David checked the caller id. “Colin? Hey man. I’m gonna grab some takeout and do more work.”
Colin chuckled. “You always were a workaholic. Got time for a friend?”
“You’re in town?”
“Yeah. I’m doing some consulting for a little startup in Tyson’s, remembered you’re in Tyson’s. The B&B is booked solid, so Rachel doesn’t have any spare time tonight anyway, thought I’d see if you wanted to grab dinner.”
It was better than a Friday night working. “Sounds good. Where?”
“You tell me.”
David pursed his lips then rattled off directions before he ended the call and dropped the phone back into his pocket as the elevator arrived. His finger hovered over Jen’s floor. She was probably already gone. The building emptied fast—and early—on Fridays. Maybe he’d see her at church on Sunday. He punched the button for the garage.
Even with Friday traffic, it didn’t take long to get to the small restaurant tucked into the back side of one of the many office buildings surrounding the mall. Colin was already waiting by the hostess stand. David grinned and extended his hand. “It’s good to see you. I keep meaning to get out to Annapolis but...”
A Handful of Hope Page 7