by B. B. Hamel
“Come here,” she says to me.
“No,” I say, recoiling away from her. “What happened, Laura?”
“He got in an accident last night,” she says. “A car accident late last night. He lost control and hit a tree going pretty fast.”
I stumble backwards, away from her, and the coffee mug in my hand slips from my fingers and smashes on the ground.
“Shit!” I curse, moving away from it. “Laura, is he okay?” I ask, staring at her, the color draining from my face. I grip the counter like I want to tear it to pieces.
“He’s alive,” she says. “But honey, he’s in bad shape.”
“I have to see him,” I say. “I have to go see him right now.”
“He’s at Mercy General,” she says. “You can go, but I don’t know if he’ll be awake.”
I want to throw up. How could this have happened? I run out to my car, not bothering to clean up my spill, not able to even think about anything but Lucas. I jump into my car, start the engine, and speed off toward the hospital.
It happened after he left my house. I know it. Maybe he had too much whisky, maybe he was drunk. I shouldn’t have let him drink. What the hell were we thinking? He was tired, maybe he fell asleep while driving home, or maybe he was just distracted.
Or maybe I’m not meant to be happy. That was the universe’s way of taking away the one thing that brought real joy into my life, all because I got too much happiness. I got that one night with him, and now it’s all gone, torn from me the moment he decided to leave.
I can’t think that way, I can’t let myself. It’ll be so easy to fall back into bad thoughts but I won’t let that consume me. I have to see him and find out how bad it is before I let myself drop into true despair.
He won’t leave me. I have to believe that. He won’t die and leave me here without him, because he promised he’d keep me safe.
The hospital is a ten-minute drive and it flies by as I go as fast as I can. I get there and practically run inside. The woman at the desk looks up at me as I stand in front of her, shaking and terrified.
“Can I help you, honey?”
“I’m looking for Lucas Hayes’s room,” I say to her.
She nods and types at her computer. “He’s in 301,” she says. “Elevator is around the corner, take it up, he’ll be one of the first rooms there on the left.”
“Thanks,” I say, and hurry to the elevator. I ride it up, shaking, and step off on the third floor. I walk forward, looking at the room numbers, barely able to think until I find his room. The door is partially shut.
I push it open a crack and step inside.
Alice is sitting at the bedside with Noah in her arms. She looks at me, a frown on her face.
“Mia,” she says.
I step toward the bed, eyes on Lucas.
He looks dead. He’s breathing, but his eyes are closed. There’s bruising all over his face, and his right arm is in a cast. I can only imagine what the rest of him looks like. I step to the side of the bed and drop to my knees next to him. I take his hand and stare into his eyes, and for a second I think he looks at me.
But he doesn’t, and I burst into tears.
“Oh, honey,” Alice says, and she’s suddenly next to me, holding my shoulders. I sob like an idiot, but I can’t stop myself. I can only imagine what she thinks right now. Little Noah makes some noises from the seat Alice put him into before coming over to comfort me.
“It’s okay,” she says. “There you go, let it out.”
Slowly, my crying subsides. She holds my hand, frowning at me, as I slowly get myself together.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what, sweetie?”
“Everything,” I say. “He was coming home from my house when… when it happened.” I bite my lower lip.
“I know, honey. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.”
“What happened?” I ask her, desperate for an explanation.
She sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t know much yet. Apparently, his truck was found by a trucker in the middle of the night. If that guy hadn’t found him, Lucas would be dead.”
“Is he going to live?” I ask her.
“It looks that way,” she says, and relief floods my body. “He hasn’t woken up from surgery yet. They had to fix a lot of his bones. But I think he’s going to live.”
I fight back tears again. “Do you know how it happened?” I ask her.
“Nobody knows,” she says. “There was a tiny bit of alcohol in his blood, but it was under the legal limit. Apparently there are some strange marks on his bumpers, and the police seem to think there may have been someone else involved, but they’re not sure. Right now, we won’t know until he wakes up.”
Cold fear runs through my veins, and I suddenly know what happened.
I can’t be sure, of course, but part of me feels like I just know. There’s a part of me that’s positive the Carters did this to him. I don’t know how, but deep inside of me, I just know.
Noah starts to get fussy so Alice stands and walks over to him. “I’ll leave you alone with him for a bit while I walk Noah around,” she says. “You okay with that?”
I nod to her. “Thank you.”
She picks up Noah. “Listen, honey. This isn’t your fault, okay? It really isn’t.”
I nod at her, not really listening. She touches my shoulder then heads out.
This is my fault. She doesn’t know it, but it is. If it weren’t for me getting involved with Caleb and Lucas at the same time, none of this would have happened. It’s my fault that I went between the two and thought I could get involved with a dangerous man like Caleb. It’s my fault that he was over my house, and now he’s paying the price for my stupid mistakes.
If Lucas dies or doesn’t fully recover, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll be a broken person for the rest of my life, and I deserve to be. I don’t deserve a man like Lucas, because I’m a bad person.
I take his hand, sitting there and watching him breathe, terrified that he’ll never wake up. If he doesn’t, that means I killed him. I got him killed. All because I’m a stupid, foolish girl.
I should never have brought him into this. I should have lived with my mistake with Caleb, or at least stood up to him myself. But because of my weakness, Lucas is lying in this hospital bed, maybe dying.
I don’t know how long I sit there for. Alice leaves and I’m alone with my thoughts, Lucas breathing slowly but surely. I don’t know if he’ll ever wake up, or if I’ll be alone here forever, a lost and destroyed person.
I can’t seem to see things straight. I cry again, though I’m not sure for how long. I’m in there, staring at Lucas, when a knock at the door pulls me out of my mind.
A nurse steps inside. “Are you Mia?” she asks me.
I stands up. “Yes,” I say. “Is everything okay?”
“A young man is looking for you,” she says. “He’s just out here.” The nurse smiles and disappears.
I frown, not sure what this is. Maybe it’s Josh, Lucas’s friend. I step outside, expecting to see him, but instead I’m confronted with Caleb Carter.
His face is a mess. Lucas really beat the hell out of him. Both of his eyes are black, and he has a bandage on his nose, more like a splint. But he’s conscious and standing here, looking at me, while Lucas is in there.
“How dare you come here,” I say to him.
“Hold on,” he answers. “Just hear me out, Mia.”
“You fucking bastard.” I step toward him, rage flowing through me. “You did this to him, didn’t you? You did this.”
He takes a step back, looking confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Lucas is in there, maybe dying. Someone ran his truck off the road. And I know it was you.”
Understanding blooms across his face. “Mia—“:
“No, you asshole. No. I’m done with you.”
“I never wanted it to come to this,” he says, and for
a second I believe him.
“Get out,” I say softly. “Go away and never come back.”
“Mia—“
“Get out!” I scream at him and hit his chest, shoving him away. He stumbles back, his eyes wide.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he says quickly. “Things got out of hand. I deserve what Lucas did to me, I’m so sorry—“
“Get out!” I scream again and shove him harder.
People are staring now, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me. The only thing I can think about is hurting Caleb and making him go away. I can’t stand to see him for another second, not when Lucas is lying so close, unconscious and maybe dying because of that bastard.
“Never come back!” I scream. I hit him, swinging wildly, and he stumbles back away from me, eyes wide.
People come at us, doctors and nurses. Someone grabs me, but I’m in a rage, and I can barely think. I’m pulled away from Caleb and he leaves as fast as he can, trailed by two nurses.
People are talking to me, calming me down, but I don’t hear anything. When they finally let me go, I just turn and go back into Lucas’s room. I sink down to my knees, take Lucas’s hand, and I wait.
He says he’ll protect me. I believe him. But now I’m going to protect him, too. I may be to blame for his accident, but I’m going to make it up to him somehow. I’m going to keep those bastard Carters away from him at the very least. If they ever come around here again, I’ll kill them.
I’ll kill them with my own bare hands.
25
Lucas
I don’t know where I am.
I hear metal crunching, glass breaking. I hear voices and engines. I hear machines, beeping, more voices, more engines, more beeping. For a while, it all goes quiet.
And then I hear Noah. He’s crying and Alice is there. She’s calming him down. I don’t know where I am. I hear voices, more voices, and more machines. I feel a hand, I hear Noah, I hear Mia. I hear Mia screaming. I feel another hand, more machines, hours must pass. I don’t know where I am.
And then slowly, the world comes back to me. I open my eyes and it feels blurry, like it’s filtered and warped. I blink and groan. My whole goddamn body is in pain. I feel like that time an IED went off near our convoy and my ass got blown halfway across fucking Syria.
I groan and try sitting up, but someone stops me. It takes a little while before I can focus enough to see Mia there, looking at me with this concerned expression.
“Hey,” I say to her. My voice sounds like I haven’t spoken in awhile.
“You’re awake.” She looks like she’s about to cry.
“Yeah. Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital,” she says. “Lucas, I’m so happy you’re awake.” She squeezes my hand and I squeeze back.
Everything hurts. I look around.
“Alice took Noah home for a nap,” Mia says. “She hasn’t left your side.”
“How long have I been here?”
“You’ve been asleep for almost a day,” she says. “What do you remember?”
“Leaving your place,” I say, trying to think. I can see walking to my truck, turning it on, and driving. Then things get hazy. I see headlights… big headlights… filling my rearview mirror.
“Someone was following me,” I say softly. “When I left your house. Someone was driving too close.”
“Who?” she asks, leaning toward me. “Who was it, Lucas?”
“I don’t know,” I say. There’s a gap in my memory, a blank. I just can’t see it.
She frowns, looking disappointed. She takes my hand. “I’m so sorry, Lucas.”
“For what?”
“This is my fault.”
I look at her and shake my head. “It’s not so bad. I’ve had worse.”
“You broke your arm. And some ribs. And you had some internal bleeding. You almost died.”
“My legs okay?” I ask her.
She pauses. “Yeah,” she says.
“Then it’s fine. I’ll walk.”
She sighs. “Lucas, it was the Carters. I know it was them. And it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”
“Maybe,” I say slowly. “But I can’t remember.”
“The police suspect something bad happened. They said you might remember.”
I look at her and suddenly something comes back to me. It’s not about that night, but about my truck.
“There’s a camera,” I say.
She pauses. “What?”
“On my dashboard. Did the cops check my truck yet? Did they get a warrant?”
She frowns a little. “I don’t know,” she admits.”
“Find out,” I say. “If they didn’t, there might be a chance.”
“A chance for what?”
I grin at her. “To fucking nail those Carters.”
She looks at me, not totally understanding, but that’s okay.
I don’t know it was them. But if it was, I need to keep that camera out of the hands of the cops. If it’s only been a day, there still might be time. They might not have checked the truck over closely yet. If they only suspect foul play, they’re probably not in a big hurry to spend money and resources going over the vehicle in detail, at least until they talk to me first and confirm the theory.
I’ll have to stall them. If that dashboard camera shows the Carter boys running me off the road, it might get buried. I’m not naïve enough to think that the police would do the right thing and arrest those bastards. I’m sure that the cops are in the pocket of the Carters.
“What are you talking about?” she asks me after a moment. “Should I get a nurse?”
“No,” I say. “Well, yes, but wait. Listen. If the cops get that camera and it shows the Carters, they might try to bury it. You know they’re corrupt.”
She nods a little. “So what do we do?”
“Find my truck,” I say. “Find out what storage facility has it. Then bribe someone to go look in there. You can’t just go in since you’re not family. Tell them that I left something in there that you really need, I don’t know, think up something good. And then take that camera.”
“What will we do with it?” she asks. “The police can help us, Lucas.”
“Maybe,” I say. “First, we’ll make a copy. And then we’ll let them help us.”
She sighs and squeezes my hand. “Okay, whatever you want.”
She has a strange look on her face and I narrow my eyes are her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She looks away quickly.
“Mia. Is it my son, is my son okay?”
“He’s fine,” she says quickly, looking back, eyes wide. “He’s totally fine. He’s with Alice right now. They’re coming back soon.”
“Okay.” I let out a sigh and groan a little bit. Pain starts to eat in at the edges of my mind. “What’s wrong?”
Suddenly, she drops to her knees and buries her face in my arm. She starts crying, really sobbing, and I’m totally taken off guard.
“Whoa, Mia,” I say. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” I stroke her hair as best I can. She clings to my hand, her face buried against my side, and I have no clue what the hell she’s crying about.
Slowly, she lifts her face and looks at me, trying to get herself together. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I smile at her and touch her face gently, wiping away her tears. “You’re just stressed.”
“No. I mean, for everything. This is all my fault.”
I cock my head at her then laugh. “This isn’t your fault at all.”
“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“Not exactly.”
“Lucas.” She stares at me hard, clearly barely holding herself together. “If I hadn’t gotten involved with Caleb… if you had stayed away from me… you wouldn’t be here.”
I sigh, shaking my head, and wince at the pain. “Listen to me, this isn’t your fault. Do you hear? It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Mia. I slashed Dylan Carter’s tires, and when he came to my house to get revenge, I pulled a gun on him. Then I beat the fucking hell out of his brother. I brought this on myself.” He pauses and sighs. “Besides, we don’t even know if it was them.”
She stares at me for a second. “You slashed Dylan’s tires?”
“I know. It’s immature and stupid, but I was angry. I saw you with Caleb, and I couldn’t handle it. I had to get revenge on them. Unfortunately, I got revenge on the wrong Carter. But anyway, I got angry, and I’m working on that.”
“Still,” she says, chewing her lip. “You wouldn’t have done that if I just stayed away from the Carters like I wanted to.”
“I’m an adult, Mia. I make my own choices. I knew they were dangerous, but I didn’t care. Hey,” I take her hand and squeeze. “This isn’t your fault. If they did this to me, then I caused it, not you.”
“I know it was them.” She looks at the ground. “And I think it’s my fault.”
“What do you need to hear? That I forgive you? Because I do. There’s nothing to forgive, but I’ll forgive you anyway. It’s not your fault.”
“Lucas, you almost died.”
I laugh a little bit. “I’ve had worse. Come here.” I pull her hand and she comes down toward me. I kiss her softly on the lips, sitting up as much as I can before the pain stops me. She kisses me back softly before pushing me down against the bed.
“Stop trying to place blame on yourself,” I say to her softly. “You’re my girl now, right?”
She nods. “Yes, Daddy.”
I grin, joy spreading through my limbs, dulling the pain. “God, I love hearing you say that.”
She blushes and looks away. “I like saying it more than I thought I would.”
“Listen, get that camera. We can beat this and get away from those bastards, but we need that video. Okay?”
She nods at me, looking resolute. “Okay.”
“Go now. Right now.”
“I’ll tell Alice you’re awake and to bring Noah.”
I grin a little bit. “That’s okay, no need to tell them to rush.”