I thought the love my mother had for my father was odd. Despite my father’s disloyal ways, she still loved him. She blamed herself for the decline of their marriage, when it was really my father’s fault.
“We don’t have to be here,” Eric said gently of my tears.
“I don’t want to be. I want to be home, walking Maisha, or doing something that’s less…this.” I looked around. “None of these people visited her in the hospital. They only cared about her when she could do something for them. And now, they’re being nice to me, because they think they’ll get a piece of what she left me. Reminds me of why I prefer animals over humans. I…I…” I lost my breath for a moment and had trouble finding it. I looked at the crowd, thinking it strangely increased in size.
Eric stood quickly to his feet and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the restaurant before a panic attack could take hold.
“Diouana?”
Alerted, I looked behind me. On the sidewalk, a tall woman in a navy blue pinstripe suit gave me a small smile. I knew her face, the eyes, and the chin. My maternal grandfather had similar features.
“Aunt Angie?”
“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
I gave her a short nod. She shifted, like she expected something more from me. I could barely regard the woman who disappeared from my life the day after my father died. For a while, she stopped existing. If she was here, it was because he wanted a piece of my mother.
“I was someplace remote, building schoolhouses for children in the Horn. I came when I could. I wanted to be close to you. I’m back in the country for the duration. My husband and I are staying at a hotel until we find a place to live. I know with you having no one—here’s my number. Give me a call so we can catch up.” She handed me her business card. “You look like your mother,” she added in an ungainly manner. “Well…” She looked at Eric, who remained still while scowling at her. “Call me when you can,” she said to me and went on her way.
“And so it fucking begins,” Eric snarled while his narrowed eyes followed my aunt’s path.
“Last I remembered, she got drunk at my father’s funeral and claimed his death was foul play.”
Eric glanced back at me with question. “Wasn’t it an accident?”
“Not if you believe what she believes.”
“Which would be?”
“That someone murdered him.”
Eric took me home, because I didn’t want to continue to posture in the limousine.
“I’m not good at this,” I whispered as I toyed with my hands while sitting in his car, staring at the front door to my mother’s home. “But…” I looked at him. “Thank you. I’m really glad you’re around.”
He gave me a modest smile. “I want to come inside, but I’m due at the hospital in an hour. I will, however, find the time to call you on the hour every hour to check up on you.”
I nodded as I placed my hand on the door handle.
Reaching across my lap, he grabbed my hand to halt me from leaving. Cupping my face, he placed a short, ardent kiss on my lips. “Every hour, Nik. Answer my calls.” I nodded again and ran through the rain to the front door.
Maisha greeted me at the front door, as if she’d been waiting for me all day long. With her tongue hanging out in the middle of her muzzle, it looked like she was smiling at me. She stirred when she saw me and shook her coat. While wagging her tail, she performed her ‘happy’ stomp.
I collapsed in the foyer and embraced her neck.
She let out a slight whine and a short bark. Grabbing her leash, I took her for the walk she demanded we have.
Halfway on the trail, I lost the energy to continue. I sat on the bench in front of the tree-line and looked up at the sky as the rain pounded my face, soaking my body. From underneath my dress, I fingered the raised jagged scars that ran along my inner thigh.
Down the pathway, as the rain began to come down harder, I spotted Eric. It seemed he never made it to work, because he was still in his dress shirt and slacks. He expanded the umbrella he was holding and held it over me as I stood to greet him. “I called in sick after you failed to pick up the first call.”
“I didn’t hear it,” I said dreamily as I looked down at my hand, realizing I left my phone at home.
He looked down at Maisha for a moment. “Talked to the neighbor that used to own her. He’s agreed to let you keep her. It’s official. She’s yours now.”
I nodded. “How did you know I’d be here?” I looked up at the massive black umbrella shielding us from the rain. “Are you secretly an assassin charged with killing me for my trust?”
“You really think that’s funny at this moment?”
“My mother would’ve laughed.” I fell sullen as I looked at my fingers. “She would’ve gotten it.”
Lifting my chin over his fingers, he searched my eyes. “Still okay with it?”
The cool air combined with my rain-soaked dress forced my body to repeatedly quake. “It’s what she wanted. It was…what was best.”
He clutched my shivering hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you back home.”
I stepped up to the front door, stopping short of turning the knob. Eric stood at a distance behind me on the cobblestone walk. “Well? Will you come in this time?”
His eyes drew void. “I don’t want to leave you here alone,” he rasped. “At the same time, I don’t know if I should stay. I know the moment I walk through that door, I’ll want to be selfish. I’m not sure that’s what you need right now.”
“It’s either you or my rabbit.”
His eyes lifted at me, but remained emotionless.
“Do you know what a rabbit is?”
“I do. That’s not what I’m silently questioning.” He took a step backwards. “An hour. If you don’t answer, I’ll come over.”
Through the dark of my room, I petted Maisha as she slept next to me on the bed. I slipped out of bed and moved to my bathroom. At the moment I opened the medicine cabinet, the blue and white box flew out and landed in the sink. I fiddled with the hem of my cutout-neck sweatshirt as I stared at the box.
I grabbed the single blade that slipped out of the box. Removing the cardboard protector, I thumbed the metal grip.
I…just wanted to feel something…something to take away the pain, the sadness, and the guilt. The pain spread like termites, weakening a rickety foundation, a foundation that was on the verge of falling into the earth.
The razor was nearly to my thigh when the doorbell chimed, channeling the ever annoying sample of Chopin. I thought to ignore it, but it suddenly went on a constant loop. “Eric,” I mumbled under my breath.
I slipped off the counter and stumbled down the stairs.
I opened the door, eyeing Eric on my doorstep. He’d changed into a pair of fleece pants and a clingy navy T-shirt. He was moderately soaked by the downpour. He regarded the space between us. Lazily, his eyes set on me from underneath his rain soaked lashes. “I said one hour,” he bellowed.
“I-I was busy.”
“Doing what?” he asked through a soft, hoarse tone.
I couldn’t answer, so I set my gaze beyond him.
“Yeah…that’s what I thought.” He pushed his way inside.
After closing the door behind him, I glanced down at his wet trainers, telling him without a word to take them off. He stood firmly on the rug and turned to me while deftly slipping them off his feet. It was hard to find comfort in the intensity of his stare. It was…different. It wasn’t off-putting per say, but it slightly unnerved me.
Stepping forward, he pushed his body towards my position until my back met the door. With one hand, he palmed the wall just beside my head. With the other, he fingered my jawline. Having no idea of his intentions, I was left feeling slightly anxious. My lip quivered in anticipation. His smoldering stare held me firm as his lids lowered. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against my ear. His heated breath served to worsen my tremors. “When,” he whispered.
One sim
ple word sent my body into a chaotic mix of fever and chill. I shuddered and swallowed hard. “W-what do you want me to do?”
“Take it off.” Looking down at my sweatshirt, he pulled at the hem. “Now.”
I felt on the spot in a bad way. I couldn’t do what he asked. This was a bad time to cash in on our deal. “I-I can’t.”
His other arm moved, joining his other to trap me between the door and his body. “Take it off, or I’ll rip it off. Got it?”
My eyes immediately watered as I crossed my arms and looked down the hall. “I-I can’t,” I sniffled.
“What did I just say, Nikki?” He shook his head, dropping his hands. He fingered the fabric for a moment, then roughly tore it at the seams, strongly shredding the stitches. The sweatshirt slipped off me here and there before it dropped to the ground. I crossed my arms over my naked breasts, feeling overexposed in just my underwear.
He clutched both of my wrists in one hand. Moving both arms high above my head, he pinned my wrists to the door with hard thud.
He fingered my collarbone as he gazed at my breasts. He pushed closer to me and gently swayed his lips against mine. His fingertips slipped down the cup of my breasts, while his thumb rocked across my nipples. I sputtered at the softness of his mouth. The sensation of his touch made my skin burn and perspire.
While licking the curve of my lip with the tip of his tongue, he palmed my breasts with a rough massaging motion. He harshly pinched my nipples, forcing a quiet whimper from my throat. My body trembled, barely able to hold the weight of his smoldering stare. His hand sunk lower and slid beneath my panties. I immediately jerked up in surprise. He pressed his body against my side, constraining my movement.
I wanted to feel something else in the bathroom moments ago. Now, I didn’t want him to stop whatever he was doing to me. His touch made my body feel an assortment of new sensations—it elicited a better feeling over the cut of a razor.
With soft teasing motions, he circled his fingers around my clit. I let out a soft moan as my legs buckled. His fingers stroked inside the wettest part of me, while his thumb circled around my sensitive nub.
The rush hit my spine painfully, shockingly. My shudders increased, rendering me barely able to stand. I squinted, falling back against the door as I felt on the verge of my peak.
He slipped his fingers from me and brought them to my lips. “Suck them dry.”
I opened my mouth as his fingers methodically thrust inside my mouth until my taste lingered faintly on his fingers. He withdrew his fingers from my mouth and slid my panties down. They slipped down my legs and pooled around my ankles. As his thumb hugged my clit, he slipped two fingers inside of me. His fingers curled inside my tightness and rubbed against a pleasure point I didn’t know I had.
The chilling rush reverberated up my spine and made me cry out.
“Make me think you need me to fuck you.” He moved forward, brushing his lips against my ear, forcing my tremors to worsen. “Make me believe you need it.” His fingers continued to manipulate my sex with deftness. My core was so overwrought with moisture, it made sloshing sounds as his fingers slammed inside me.
The driving chill turned into a burning fire. “Eric,” I gasped.
“You can do better than that, baby.” He bit the lobe of my ear, hard. “Tell me how dirty you are.”
My eyes watered as I tossed my head back. “I want you to fuck me. Please, Eric, fuck me. Please, please, fuck me.”
His eyes turned hard, slightly darker. “Keep begging for it. Don’t stop begging for it until I tell you stop. Because if you stop, so will I.” His mouth found mine as he sank his teeth into my bottom lip, making me moan in his mouth. “Convince me that you need my cock. Make it dirtier. Turn me on, baby.”
“Please, fuck me. I’m so…wet for you. I-I need you to fuck me with that huge cock…right now.” Methodically another finger slipped inside me, joining the others to manipulate me. His index and pinky surrounded my clit. “I want it…so fucking badly. I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me so hard, you break me. Please, Eric. I’m begging—unh.”
His fingers worked harder as an insidious smile spread across his face. It was clear he took pleasure in making me say things I’ve never said before. Things I never thought I’d say. “Very good, baby.” He swayed his lips against me, teasing me by restraining his kiss. “Now…I’m going to make you come so hard you’ll know why this pussy belongs to me.” His fingers manipulated me with heightened skill.
My legs shook as my eyes watered. The pressure burst and kept at a peak, rendering me aching and weak. “Fuck me…Eric. Oh…God!” I shuddered against the door as my eyes jammed tight. Like a rocket hitting my body, I thrashed back. The thrusting and circling of his fingers at my sex made it impossible to continue my pleas. “Please, don’t stop. I’m coming!” The sensation hit me hard. I convulsed, climaxing in a flurry of screams as thickness drizzled from my apex.
He let go of my arms, removing his other hand from its torment. I slid down on the floor, rendered a shuddering mess.
“Nik,” he cooed, bending down he lifted my chin to regard him. He slipped the fingers of his other hand inside his mouth, sucking them in a way that made me visibly and audibly swoon. “You taste so good, baby. It’s too bad you didn’t beg hard enough. I really wanted to taste your clit, and I really wanted to fuck your pussy until it was raw…and swollen.”
I whispered a curse, unable to move. And in that moment something changed that I couldn’t quite describe.
Reaching down, he scooped me up and cradled me in his arms.
He carried me up the stairs, taking me to my bedroom.
When we got there, he laid me in bed, pulled up my panties and tucked me in. His form pressed against my back. With his arm laced underneath my arm, he rested his palm across my sternum.
“Get some sleep,” he whispered from behind me.
He didn’t need to say it. I weakly succumbed to exhaustion seconds after my head hit the pillow.
The sound of my alarm pulled me to wake. Daybreak poured in from my open curtains. The smell of breakfast whirled around my nose. Looking at the other side of my bed, I took note that it was empty. I wandered into the bathroom to take a shower.
Something was different. Something was missing. When I searched the cabinets, my medication and straight edge razors weren’t there. A brand new pink electric razor sat on the edge of the counter. I opened the bathroom door, after I realized something else about the bathroom; it was clean. Padding out of the bathroom, I took in the sight of my bedroom. Everything was spotlessly clean. I moved back to the bathroom, left to wonder how he cleaned up so quickly and quietly.
With my shower complete, I threw on my crumpled up T-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans before traveling downstairs.
My pace slowed as I took in the newly tidied first level. The smell of lemons faintly intertwined with the smell of breakfast.
In the kitchen, Eric was at the stove dressed in the same thing he had on yesterday.
He greeted me with a brief kiss and took me by the hand to the kitchen table. He pulled out my chair for me. As I sat down, he set breakfast down in front of me. “I traded shifts, because I knew you had to go the lawyers today. It’s going to bite me in the ass later, but I didn’t want you to go it alone. The passing of my girlfriend’s mother garnered some sympathy. Got two days off.”
“G-girlfriend?”
He raised a brow with a frown. “Are you going to argue with me?”
I shook my head as I remembered our deal. I pushed the edge of my omelet around with my fork. “I’m not really hungry.”
“If you don’t eat something, my threats aren’t going to be threats anymore. You’re mine, and I can do what I want with you. Knowing that, do you really want to try my patience right now, Nik?”
Startled, I glanced up at him.
His smile immediately disappeared. “I said when….and I meant it.”
I picked up the fork and shoved a mouthfu
l egg inside. “Where’s Maisha?”
“Outside. Made an appointment for you at the hospital’s clinic. She’s a friend of mine, and I know she’ll do you well. She owed me a favor, so she penciled you in for this afternoon. I’ll take you after the meeting.”
“For what?”
“A clean bill of health, and to get you on the birth control I know you’re not on. In case you’re wondering…” He took a paper from the counter and slipped it next to my toast points. “I did my part.”
I glanced at the STD screening paperwork and up to him. “Why would I need to be on anything?”
“Because when I fuck you, I’m fucking you raw.” Unintentionally, I dropped my fork. He suddenly glared at me. I shifted in my seat and picked up my fork to commence eating. “Was it the birth control, or the fucking you raw part that got you?”
“Are you attempting to be funny?” I asked with an edge.
“What? Your morbid, dark humor is funny, but mine isn’t? Tough crowd.” He slid two pills next to my plate and took a seat across from me.
I gazed at the unfamiliar looking pills he set off to the side of my plate. “Those don’t look like my pills.”
“I changed your prescription.”
“You can do that?”
“I can. The particular SSRIs you were on have been known to cause side effects. Side effects I’d like you to avoid experiencing.” His expression softened. “How are you feeling?”
“It…comes and goes.” My hands shook as I tried to suppress the sadness. “It will probably hit me again, when I go into autopilot mode and wind up in her hospital room. Or times like this when I remember that my mother never once cooked breakfast for me. I don’t want to be like her—in my deathbed with so many regrets. I don’t know how to prevent it. Every day, I’m dying just a little slower than she is—was.”
“We’re working on it, aren’t we?”
“Are we? You don’t know what I want. We’re working on what you want.”
The Sordid Promise Page 9