The Sordid Promise

by Courtney Lane

  “I think that Estelle is your girlfriend. I don’t think much else.”

  “It’s not so simple,” he responded with fragility.

  “Nothing about you or me is simplistic. What I didn’t want is to be lied to. And what was she was going to say? Is it the details about your deal between you and my mother? And what was the deal with Preston? You almost looked like a drug dealer chastising his lackey.” The sinking feeling began to take over, making my lungs feel like they were filled with needles.

  “Nik, look at me.”

  “No,” I groaned through a sob as I weakly pushed his chest.

  “Nikki,” he demanded as he took my hands and pulled me to his body. “I love you. That’s genuine and as real as it can be. Nothing else matters. Nothing.”

  “Did you love Estelle at one point? What the hell is going on with that? I’ve never heard of too many boyfriends labeling their girlfriends as whores.” I weakly flexed my fingers, wanting him to let me go. He responded by tightly closing his fists around my hands. “I can’t make any sense out of a boyfriend lending his girlfriend out to other men. Then again, I can’t make sense out of you being with me like you were—like we are if—”

  “We lived a different life, but it’s done. The situation between her and me…I could explain it, but you wouldn’t understand. I’m trying to simplify it, by telling you how I feel about you. The only thing you need to know is that nothing else matters to me but you and me. We should focus on what’s important right now. Us. Can we do that, Nikki?”

  My head felt so heavily manipulated, I couldn’t find the right words to respond the way I should have. He was a drug that induced a willfully ignorant high.

  Eric is my highly exclusive prescription—and no replacements will do—but his side effects leave much to be desired. I need him. I need him so much, it doesn't make sense. It scared me to need someone as much as I’d grown to need Eric, but he gave me something I’d never had. He made me feel something I never thought I’d feel for anyone.

  “Nikki. Baby.” He used a tone that was deeply erotic and further served to mangle my head. When he lifted my chin to look into his eyes, I started to cry. He pulled me into his arms. “Nothing is going to hurt us. Nothing. I won’t let it. I won’t allow you to let it either.”

  I nodded into his chest. “Don’t let me go,” I sobbed.

  “If I had to give up everything to be with you, I would. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m never letting you go. It’s just you and me—the whole world can fucking fall away.” He lifted my chin and gently kissed my lips. “Forget what happened, because it doesn’t matter. Estelle is out of my life, has been for a while, and it’s just about us. Please…stop crying, baby. You’re tearing me apart.” He kissed me again.

  I brought myself down from my emotional cliff and clung to his waist.

  He brushed his hands against my hairline and lightly kissed the bridge of my nose. “Everything all right now?”

  “Yes,” I sniffled.

  He moved his lips to my ear, lightly biting it. “Are you sore?” The heat of his breath made me shudder underneath him. “Because I want to make you come so hard, you forget about the day—forget about everything but the man who’s making you scream.” He grabbed the crown of my hair, tilting my head back and sucked my chin, ending with a gentle bite. “Can we do that, my twisted angel?”

  “Yes,” I soughed weakly.

  “Good,” he purred. Slipping down to his knees, he lifted my shirt and separated my legs. As he looked up at me with amorousness, he latched his mouth onto my slit.

  Trying to gain some sense of normalcy back into my life, I attempted to take Maisha for a walk. I heard her call my name before I put my earbuds in, but I hoped by ignoring her, she would leave me alone.

  “Excuse me.” Mrs. Hobbins jumped in front of me, waving a pack of papers in her hand. “You might want to hear me out, missy.”

  I supposed it was far too much to hope Mrs. Hobbins would change her nature. I took out one ear bud. “What is it, Mrs. Hobbins?”

  “I know you’ve taken up with that criminal. I’ve watched you grow since you were about knee high to the grass. I thought I’d give you something to make you rethink your decision. Your boyfriend is a criminal. Get him out of your house, and help us get him out of this neighborhood.”

  I looked at the papers she was holding. It was something she never should’ve gotten a hold of, and I had no idea how she did. They were juvenile records. The crimes? Theft. Assault and Battery. Illegal possession of prescription drugs with intent to sell. Apart from the record copies; a news article about a teenager held on suspicion of multiple homicide, but the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. I remembered Tamala mentioned something about Eric being a bit of a troublemaker. I would’ve believed what Mrs. Hobbins showed me had it not been for the name on the papers. When I looked at the name of the guilty party, I questioned Mrs. Hobbins’s sanity. Ethan Brae.

  “How did you get this?”

  “I have an acquaintance in the justice department; that’s how I got his sealed juvenile record. They’re never really sealed anyhow. He changed his name, but it’s him all right.” She pointed a shaky finger at me. “I don’t know how he served such little time, but he did. And that isn’t all, missy.”

  “If he is Ethan Brae, he did these things when he was kid. So what? Doesn’t make him who he is now, does it? Because if I looked at your past and the fact you insist on everyone calling you Mrs. Hobbins, when your husband left you for your younger sister, I would say you were crazy. Why are you drudging up things? Why are you bothering at all? If he was Ethan Brae, obviously, he’s not anymore.”

  She waved her arms in controlled fashion between the two of us.

  “You’ve been wrong before. I saw his diplomas, Mrs. Hobbins. He’s an E.R. doc.”

  “Fakes. All fakes. Get that man out of your house, Diouana.”

  “I’ll consider it,” I said sardonically.

  She grabbed my arm roughly. “Criminals stay criminals for the rest of their lives. He grew up in the system. Likely knows how to work it now. How not to get caught.” She abruptly let me go as she looked over my shoulder. Eric stood on the curb, staring Mrs. Hobbins down. “I know who you really are! I know what you’ve done. I’m calling the authorities!” She retorted as she began to walk backward.

  “What was that about?” he asked as he eyed the papers in my hand.

  “Crazy lunatic with nothing else to do but meddle in other people’s affairs.” I crumbled the papers in my hand and threw them in the recycling bin on the curb. “Thanks for bringing the bins to the curb.”

  “I thought I’d join you on your walk, but—” He gazed at Mrs. Hobbins’s house. “—I was called in.”

  Perceptibly disappointed, I asked, “What happened to taking time off?”

  He kissed me briefly. “If you need me, call me. Until then, I’ll see you at dinner tonight. Enjoy your walk.” He slapped my behind and catcalled.

  I gave him a small smile. He gave me a wink and turned toward his house.

  I attached Maisha’s leash to a pillar and stepped inside the coffee shop. “Just plain black coffee,” I said to the barista. She gave me a look, because I’m sure she was use to the extreme orders that, in my opinion, ruined a good blend of Arabica coffee. I never used to think that, but the stranger swayed my view.

  I glanced around the shop as she prepared my order. I paused when I saw a familiar face glaring back at me from around the corner.

  Does he live here now? Hastily, I grabbed my coffee and tried to leave before he could talk to me.

  “There’s talk, you know,” Trent said to my back. “That you’re dating Dr. C.”

  I turned around on the sidewalk with Maisha’s leash in my hand. “What?”

  Trent looked at the dog with trepidation and slid his hands inside the pouch of his hoodie. “Can we talk? We need to talk. Let’s just fucking talk.”

  “Trent. There isn’
t an extreme version of the word no that I can give you. When I say I’m done, I mean it. I’m not going to give you money.”

  “I didn’t contact you before to mooch off your mother’s insurance money. I’m clean, though. I swear it. Honest.”

  “What?” I asked incredulously. “Did you do rapid detox? I don’t believe it.”

  As he chewed on his chipped black polished nails, his eyes narrowed, making his kohl lined green eyes even smaller. “I’m clean,” he said quickly.

  “But…you still hang out with people from Suicide Angels.”

  “Not all of us are druggies. You’re not.”

  “Just because I don’t snort it or smoke it, doesn’t mean I don’t have a bad habit. Don’t forget, my drugs are the legal kind.”

  “Tell me something I don’t fucking know. You’re a pain addict. Still probably are. That’s why you broke up with me, right? Because I wouldn’t rape you?”

  “That would be one of those severe words I would advise you to not so easily throw around. Consensual rough sex does not equal rape. Can you get to your point…about Dr. C.?”

  “So it’s true?”

  “How do you know who he is?”

  “He…assisted with a friend’s friend. She came into town and saw him out somewhere. He was in a suit with a bunch of other suits. Said it was a meeting. Said they were talking about boring shit. Don’t know what. When he saw her, he said some things to her that shook her. Like, he didn’t want to be known or something. Said he was scary as fuck. Said…what he looked like. I knew. I fucking knew that it was the suit you brought around me.”

  “Anything else?”

  He shrugged. “I miss you…sometimes. Sometimes, I cry about how much I miss you.” He rolled up his sleeves, revealing a patch of new cuts that were likely done yesterday. “I can give you what you want. I think I can. I’m really fucking lonely.”

  “Trent. I can’t do it with you. I’m not sorry.”

  “I’ll help you catch him. I can get back on the forum and troll. I can get him to show you who he really is…or something.”

  “I…have your number.”

  “Okay,” he said in a small voice as he nodded repeatedly. “Okay. Guess I should…go.” He turned and started walking.

  I rolled my eyes, because that pestering empathy was tugging at me. “Trent?”

  “Yeah?” He turned on the heels of his Docs.

  I walked up to him and gave him a hug. He relaxed inside my brief embrace. “Are you doing okay?”

  “I’m alive, but the world still fucking sucks.”

  “I’m sure you know what my question meant.”

  He reached in his jeans and pulled out a packet of pills. “Don’t freak out on me. It’s prescription. What about you?”

  Being that Eric was my new medication, I couldn’t say that out loud. Normally, I would say things to get a rise out of him; this wasn’t one of those moments. It sounded slightly idiotic and irresponsible in my head—it would be worse if I said it aloud. “I’ll see you around, Trent. I mean it. We should…get together sometime.”

  His jaw unhinged. “Yeah, that would be fucking kickass, Nikki.”

  Eric cancelled dinner plans and said he would be home at eleven. It was now almost one in the morning. I needed him tonight more than I ever had. I needed to show him that he could take it as far as he wanted with me. I understood what went on with him and Estelle. Although I was oblivious to people, I wasn’t oblivious to his nature. I felt like we shared something. Something neither of us had talked about with one another yet. Someday, I hoped we would. Not that it needed to be said. It served as an invisible chain link that kept us together and tightened when someone tried to break the link.

  I wouldn’t let him hold back anymore. The limits needed to be lifted. I needed to feel the pain just a little more.

  The thought made my thigh burn. My flesh ached for a pinching slice of metal. Ached for the feeling that transformed the pain into something simpler.

  The door opened, revealing a very exhausted Eric.

  I put my glass of wine down and stood in front of the dining room table. In a black ruffled apron, heels, my hair styled down in big curls, my makeup smokey, and nothing else; I aimed to seduce him into filling my needs.

  Vacuous magazines were now my guilty pleasure. I picked one up during my stop at the grocery store. The magazines, I once thought contributed to the downfall of everything, were suddenly my guidebook. One particular article, in one particular magazine, said a vampy appearance and food would work to my advantage.

  He stopped short upon seeing my appearance and immediately smiled.

  “I made dinner,” I said with a smile I deemed sensuous. “It’s probably really cold by now. It’s my specialty. Roast pork and garlic mashed potatoes. Not exactly gourmet. I innovated a lot growing up. It’s probably not as good as your cooking, but—” I stopped, thinking I was talking too much. The magazine stated that I should keep pointless conversation to a minimum.

  “My cock is up, and I think I just woke up. Fuck actual food for dinner.” He closed in on me with his eyelashes darkening his eyes. “Because by dinner, you better—” His bottom lip disappeared as he spoke to me in a low quiet voice that was submerged in sensuality and made my knees knock. “—mean your pussy is the appetizer and fucking you is the main course.” He flipped my hair to one side of my neck and placed a tongue-tinged kiss on my neck.

  I quickly pep talked myself out of his seduction that neared success. I lifted his chin. “I mean actual food. I wanted to talk to you about something. Dinner is supposed to subdue you, so we can talk about what you don’t want to talk about—or so I read. Shit! Did I just ruin it by telling you my plan?”

  “You can’t tease me looking like that. Nik,” he cooed. “Because right now I want to fuck you until you’re out cold.”

  “I-I guess I’ll cut to the chase,” I stammered weakly. “I don’t want you to just eat me…not unless I deserve it.”

  He searched my eyes in silence for an uncomfortably long time. He slowly shook his head. “I realize I’ve taken it there when I shouldn’t have a couple of times. Don’t take my lack of control as an invitation to think you can ask me for it…and get it.”

  “It…helped me. It’s been helping me.”

  “Has it?” The way he questioned me, I wasn’t sure I convinced him.

  “Eric, I know what was up with you and Estelle. I’m not mad about it anymore. I want to be…her for you.”

  He grabbed my head and nearly shook me. “No,” he said firmly with a throaty growl. “You could never fucking be her to me. And by the way, you really don’t know what was really up between us. It’s not your business either way. Only thing you need to know is that I would never treat you the way I treated her. You belong to me, and only me. I wouldn’t give you to someone else. Ever. They would have to kill me first. Remember what I said about someone else touching you? I was deadly fucking serious, Nikki.”

  “Make me think I’m yours. Take me like you did in my mother’s office, or the night you broke my other virginity. Maybe…make it hurt a little more.”

  “No,” he pressed angrily.

  I stepped back and pushed a dish from the table onto the floor, allowing it to shatter on the ground. If I couldn’t get him through my poor excuse for verbal seduction, I was going to get him through his need to keep a clean space.

  When I didn’t get a reaction, I dropped the next plate. Nothing. I grabbed a glass, ready to let it drop, too. He quickly grabbed my wrist, forcing me to place it on the table. He released his pinching grasp from my wrists and held up his hands.

  “I’m pretty much naked in sky high heels,” I whispered, “doesn’t this tell you that anything goes? I want this. It’s not going to fuck me up, because as I told you before, I’m way past being any clinical sort of fucked up.” I pushed my body against him, thumbing the stubble on his jawline. “Hurt me. Punish me. Fuck me.”

  Grabbing my hair, he leaned towards
me, and buried his nose in my hair. His hold on the back of my head tightened as he inhaled deeply. “If you wanted to piss me off, your plan worked.” He grabbed my neck and lifted me, thrusting me on top of table. With one sweep of his arm, he sent everything on top of the table to the ground. He harshly grabbed my face in both of his hands, stopping just short of a kiss. “You don’t get to say when it happens. When I’m ready, you will pay. Not now. Not today. Tonight, I’m going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. Until you’re so sore, you won’t want to see my cock for weeks.” He grabbed my bottom lip between his teeth. “Don’t ever ask for it again, or you’re going to get something you’re not going to be happy with.” He sank his teeth into my lip for a moment, breaking skin.

  “Aye,” I yelped.

  “Say to me that you understand, and you will never ask me to punish you again.”

  I said nothing.

  He yanked his teeth from my bottom lip, leaving it to burn. Slipping his hands around my neck, he dug the pads of his fingers into my flesh, restraining my swallow. “Say it,” he demanded throatily.

  “I’m sorry,” I strained. “I understand. I will never ask you to punish me again.”

  He disrupted me with a kiss tainted in ardent hunger. He unzipped, quickly taking his fingers inside his mouth to collect saliva and spread it on his erection. He entered me, slipping easily inside my moist core. “You’re so wet, baby,” he hissed in my ear. “Did you disobey me and touch yourself today?”

  My lids fell heavy as I met his eye contact. I wanted to be punished, even if I had to lie to receive what I wanted. Eric didn’t have to do much to make my apex ache. A simple few vulgar words, or a look was all it took. “Yes,” I lied.

  He clucked his tongue while shaking his head. “Very, very naughty.” He began to plunge inside me mercilessly, bottoming out at the full stretch of my core. Wrapping his arms around my body, he walked into the living room. He grabbed my thighs, moving me to rock hard against him in midair. “Fuck me harder, Nik,” he growled as he firmed his hold on my body.