He leaned across the table, roughly grabbed my hand to stand and pressed his position forward. “Leave the fucking table, Nikki.” The timbre of his voice startled me and quite a few other people around us.
I no longer had the energy to maintain my need to be a palpable pain. I left the table, taking my leather jacket with me.
He remained silent when we returned to the cabin. He continued to be silent as I went directly upstairs to the master bedroom. I slipped off my coat, leaving it on the floor and fell into bed with my booted feet dangling off the edge. I shut my eyes as the tears stung.
He whipped off his coat, throwing it across the room and took in a deep wavering breath. “You know why I don’t want to fulfill my more severe sexual needs with you?” Eric asked quietly. “I did it with a woman who wasn’t stable. Someone like you, who thought pain was going to cure her. It didn’t. It got to the point where she became so numb, the things I had to do to her where extreme. I degraded her on purpose. Truth is, it didn’t fix her—not that I wanted to. She wound up going off with a man who was brutally abusive to her. A man I lent her to, who wanted to punish her for choosing me over him—Preston. See, you can’t have instability in that type of relationship. To do it to someone who’s fucked up is a no-no.”
“Are you talking about Estelle?” I asked without moving.
“Yes,” he said quietly. “She didn’t make me this way. Long before her, I got off on making women do bad things for me, just for me. I know it’s sick to some. But to me…it was cathartic to watch someone being broken. It always has been. Didn’t care who I fucked over along the way, because it was about me. It was about what I wanted. It’s always about what I want.” He drew my interest immediately. I slipped up in bed and gave him my full attention. “Tamala was a traveling fucking doormat. When we got to Ohio she stopped being my entertainment. She fell in with a girl who gave her a voice. She started mouthing off to me in ways she never had before. I set up a situation in order to meet Tamala’s new friend Estelle. I fucked her in front of Tamala. I purposely did things with Estelle in front of Tamala to teach her a lesson. It became a fun little game until I found Estelle to be more interesting. Tamala couldn’t take the hint. What you saw on the DVD was the huge fucking hint she refused to heed.”
He turned from the window to regard me. “I…want you in a different way. Couldn’t explain why before. That nature…gets hard to fight. Sometimes I want you so much—with the combination of you pissing me off all the time—I purposely abandon my need to make you feel the things you need to feel. Always wanted to show you something else. Something gentler. I think with my cock instead, and it leads us to shitty places.”
“Why are you saying all of this?”
“I can’t have you be like them. You’re not one of them. My game with Estelle became more beyond making Tamala pay. I helped her get away from her parents. They wanted to throw her in a facility and take control of her money. In being with her, I got control. I didn’t do it to be nice. I did it because I wanted her to be my complete and total possession.
“Preston? Went to med school with him. He had every side business known to man. Spent a summer with him. When I knew he felt something for Estelle…I took it deeper with her, just to piss him off. I never felt anything real for her. She was really no different to me than Tamala was. She was just another fun game to play.
“I remember when I was a resident, watching people suffer. Sometimes you cure. Sometimes you don’t. As a doctor you’re supposed to be able to do more than that, but you can’t cure everything. It’s fucking frustrating. If I can’t cure, I should be able to do something else other than to write out prescriptions to manage the pain. I think people should get a choice in when they die. They should get a choice in how much they have to suffer. When my Uncle Howard….got sick,” he took a deep breath, “he asked me to take care of him. He asked that I be the one to do it. I did it…gladly.
“The Suicide Angels site belonged to one of Howard’s sons. My uncle used to dispense advice, while my cousin did the background work. After my uncle died, I got involved. My cousin and I became a little more active in the suicide assists. Thing about playing God; you can’t keep it up without getting caught. I’d be damned if I lost everything I’d worked twelve years for. Being a doctor makes me feel kind of normal. I fit there.”
He let out a long stream of air, his hands in prayer position across his face. “When Estelle and I became more involved, I withdrew from her completely. Alienation of affection was my greatest weapon. I doled out the punishment and let other men fuck her. Because Preston wanted her before I got to her, he pounced when he had the chance. Not because he was still in love with her. No. He wanted to punish her for being with me instead of him. She could never really have me the way she wanted me, so, she played her games. Every time she did, I’d show her who was in control by fucking with other woman until she came back to her senses. She would get so fucking jealous. Tamala became her punching bag. The altercations between those two, put both in the hospital on numerous occasions. Tamala just didn’t understand that she served as background noise to me. As much as she’s tried, she’ll never have me the way she wants me. We all run in a constant cycle.” He rolled his shoulders back as he stood tall. “Estelle will be back. She thinks she’s in love right now. Thing of it is, she can’t love anyone but me. She can only pretend to be in it for so long before she realizes it, over and over again. Same cycle. Different men. Mark my words, she’ll pop up, come back, and try to fuck over my life. It’s usually when I don’t care if she comes back. Not happening this time.”
“Why haven’t you filed a restraining order against Tamala if you don’t want her anymore?”
He ran his hands through his hair, roughing up the perfectly coifed and parted style. He dropped my gaze, physically shutting down. I surmised that he'd met his quota for what he was willing to share with me, and he wasn’t going to share much more.
“Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?” I asked quietly. “Take care of me? Being a caretaker to someone mentally unstable is draining. You’ll be a shell of skeleton and dead inside by the time you’ve made any leeway, if at all. So, why don’t you just go? Leave me here and just go. Find Estelle. Do whatever it is you do in your odd deal. This won’t have a happily ever after. It—”
He pulled my legs down until I fell back on the bed. Hovering over me, he covered my mouth. “Do you ever shut the fuck up with your stupid ‘woe is me the world sucks’ bullshit?” His eyes glared at me as his hand held strongly across my mouth. “What makes you think that’ll work? Nikki, I am the best fit for you. You’ll never find anyone like me who will understand you and love you the way I do.”
I tried to talk through his hand.
“I said…shut the fuck up.” His eyes pierced into mine, staring me down until I gave in. “When I take my hand away you aren’t going to say anything else unless you’re asked to. This is what you are going to do; you’re going to take off your clothes and stand by the bed. Finally, you’re going to get what you keep begging me for—the fluffy, soft kitten version. Nod your damn head, so I know you get me.”
With my heart suddenly palpitating at the prospect, I slowly nodded.
“Why do I have to be this way with you to get you to cooperate? I want to be nice to you. I don’t want to be the dick all the time. Not with you. Other women? Yeah. But not you. If you’re wondering why you’re getting the soft version, it’s because you’re too damn crazy to get the full throttle. Now, do what I told you to do.” He removed his hand and lifted off me.
I lazily stood, shuffling my feet. I roughly removed my boots and clothing, dropping each piece to the floor. Naked, I stood with my hands on my hips, for the first time, unafraid of my scars.
“Turn around and face the wall.” I turned on my heels and faced the wall. From behind me, his feet shuffled towards the end of the room. I heard something latch and the rustling of items. I kept my eyes on the wall, le
ft to wonder.
He came to me, pressing his body behind me. He pulled my hair up and around, tossing it down the front of my shoulder. He slid a hard leather collar around my neck and buckled it in the back. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” I said in breathless anticipation.
He spun me around to face him. He was wearing a black leather mask with lace over the eyes. He clutched the crown of my hair, grazing his lips against the end of my chin. I shuddered in his arms, feeling a mix of feelings I couldn’t directly identify. “Do you trust me even though you know I’m wicked?”
“I trust you,” I rasped.
His hold strengthened on my hair. Abruptly, he jerked my neck back, making me gasp. “Why do you trust me, Nik? I could degrade you. I could hurt you. I could do so many things to you that would scare you—things that would be worse than what you saw in the hotel room. Why would you trust me?”
The troubles in my mind fell away, and I stopped feeling the need for pretension. For a rare occasion, I willfully wanted to speak from the heart. “Because…I believe the man I saw in that photograph has a good heart. I believe he can be you again. Knowing that it was you who helped me in Pullman, I no longer doubt that you want to keep me safe.”
His touch wavered for a moment. “Why…didn’t you open your eyes, Nik? Why didn’t you want to see me?”
“I thought I would never see you again.”
“Did you think if you opened your eyes you would feel something?”
“Eric…I thought you were going to kill me. I wanted you to kill me. Then…you didn’t. Then you…touched me in a way I’d never been touched before. The way in which you held me made me think I was dreaming,” I whispered. “I thought if I opened my eyes, I would wake up from the dream and see that you never existed. When I finally allowed myself to see, I knew it was real. I cried because I didn’t want you to leave—but we can only dream for so long—so I made you leave. The coffee you left on my doorstep…made me smile for the first time in years. Then…” My lip quivered as my eyes watered. “I…became so upset, because I thought I screwed up my chance with someone who would make me feel like being with him was worth opening myself up to the things I tried to avoid.”
“Nikki,” he gasped and dropped his head. “Fuck, baby,” he choked. He took a moment to collect himself before he slowly lifted his head. “I’m glad you trust me. You’re good to trust me. I would never hurt you. The things I do for you, are only to make sure no one else hurts you. The things I do to you, are only to make you feel what I want you to feel. Sometimes I want you to come. Sometimes I want you to feel the pain you crave.” He slipped something from his back pocket and moved my hair off my shoulders. When I saw the chain link, I immediately craned my neck to him. My breathing fell shallowly as he connected the lead and tugged the end. The leather fit a little more snugly around my neck, nearly choking me. He cocked his head towards the bed. “Put them on.”
I walked over to the bed, finding a pair of satin gloves, fishnet thigh highs and a latex G-string and very high platform stilettos on the bed. I moved to do as told.
“Slower,” he barked from the corner of the room.
I nodded and complied. I placed the satin gloves on my hands tugging them to reach my elbows. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I placed each pair of thigh highs on my legs in a slow, seductive manner. I stood and slid my feet into the stilettos. Lastly, I slid the G-string up my legs to cover my apex.
He cocked his head, regarding me. Sauntering towards me, he bit into his lip in a way that made me swoon. Pressing his full clothed body against mine, he cupped my face and ardently kissed my lips.
Anticipation erected an overwhelming sensation that compelled my body to tremor. The heat fell stiflingly thick at my spine. He separated from our kiss and thumbed my chin for a moment. Hastily, he spun me, placing a thick leather strap around both of my wrists, binding them together and buckled it tightly behind my back.
He plodded to the bed and sat on the edge and tugged the end of the link. “Come here.” His hand slipped across the bed and gripped something out of my view.
I did as told, walking over to him, wobbling on the highest height of shoes I’ve ever worn. He patted his lap while fingering a black paddle in his hand. I awkwardly bent over. Taking me down across his lap, he directed me to lie across his lap. He tossed my hair over my shoulder and yanked the chain, forcing my neck to crane. He massaged my bottom with the ball of his hand in circular motions.
I pursed my lips together, stifling a pleasurable moan. His touch exacerbated a still burning fire at my spine. The paddle came abruptly down on my behind, smashing against it with a loud echo.
I jerked, biting my lip at the sudden movement. Slowly, the soreness began to take hold. He flogged me again in the same spot, over…and over again without pause. When I sucked my teeth in response to the pain, he stopped and massaged my behind with circular motions.
“No. More,” I groaned.
He flogged me so hard, I whimpered. “It’s my script, my movie. Who’s the director?”
“You are.”
“Say it again.”
“You’re running the show.”
He stood abruptly almost making me fall over. “On the bed. Head down.”
I clumsily moved over to the bed. He held the end of the chain taut, making sure I still felt his control. When I had maneuvered on the bed, he pushed my legs up, so I sat on my knees. He pushed down on my spine, forcing me to tip over until my cheek pressed against the softness of the duvet cover.
The lead slacked for a moment as I heard the rustling of clothes. I felt the pressure of him beside me as he pushed my thighs up until my knees were tucked underneath me. The paddle flogged me on the flesh he neglected earlier.
I bit into my lip, sucking my breath, feeling that mental orgasm take hold. He took a hold of the string of my panties and rocked the crotch portion of the latex against my slit.
A low, soft groan escaped my throat.
He rocked faster, holding it tightly to hug against my clit. My apex swelled and clenched as I became moister. Positioning himself behind me, his long thickness jerked against the inside of my thigh. He grabbed the end of the chain to pull my body up, and flogged me with his bare hand.
I jerked again, whimpering a soft cry of pleasure. He yanked down my panties, sliding them down my legs and tossed them to the side. The fullness of his erection lay between the separation of my behind. He rocked it there for a moment, teasing me, making me want before withdrawing. Opening me with his fingers, he dallied with my glistening open before sliding his fingers inside.
The sensation swept me quickly and unexpectedly. “Eric,” I moaned into the sheets. He arched his fingers, curling at the internal spot that made me tremble.
I bit into the sheets, restrained, unable to move my hands as they lay bound at the small of my back. At a methodic pace, his fingers dipped inside of me. I clutched my hands together and gasped. Nearing the verge of an orgasm, I slipped in my position and was met with a neat smack on my behind. He yanked my thighs, returning me back to my previous position. Pressing his groin against my apex, he allowed me to feel the jerking motions of his erection.
I didn’t want to wait anymore. I couldn’t wait anymore. I tried to lower my hips, but he shoved me back up. He continued to tease me with his cock as he angled my bound hands up to his mouth. He bit the tip of one of my gloved fingers before sliding it inside the warmth of his mouth.
I bit the sheets harder, wanting a different kind of release. I wanted the pleasure. I needed the pleasure.
With one hand gripping my hip, he slowly inched his way inside. I let out a soft moan as he thrust the full extent of his length inside me, pushing against my limit and slowly withdrew. He continued to hold my bound hands with his other hand as he erotically sucked my fingers through the gloves. Rocking me in a slow deep rhythm, he filled me and pushed at my end.
I quivered underneath him, tormented by the slow tease. “Eric…p
lease fuck me harder.”
He lightly smacked my behind, reminding me of who was in control again. I was so deeply submersed inside the slow pleasurable sensations that the pain barely served to fade a larger feeling. He continued his slow methodic pace, filling me and withdrawing. The fire burned me hotter and made me shudder violently.
I clenched around him, ready. He bit down hard on my finger and rocked me into my orgasm with his steady, deep strokes.
I cried into the sheets as my body tensed. I squinted hard at the rush that chilled ever single limb and made melt into the bed. I came in such a hard binding rush that I felt near to passing out.
After unbinding my hands, he strongly flipped me over to rest on my back. He spread my legs in the air, pushing my knees to bend and placed his mouth on my slit.
I quivered, unable to say anything coherent as the rush took me over. Glad to have my hands free, I moved to touch him. He reached around my legs and pulled my arms to rest at the sides of my body. He held me there while he worked me over with his tongue.
Swirling the tip of his tongue around my slit, he took intermittent breaks to tease my canal. When his lips hugged my slit while his tongue flittered around my nub, I was ready to come again.
I wanted to be stuck on logic, but fell into confusion. He was…changing me. Making me want the things I never had. The pleasure with him became better than pain at my own hand.
Euphoria shut my body down as it prepared for quiet before the mind-bending rush. The pressure burst, allowing the flood gates to open. I moaned. I screamed. I pleaded. He pulled down my thighs and tossed my body so my right leg rested over the left, my knee tucked to my chest, and my body remained flat on the bed. He slid inside me, riding me harder, faster than he had before. I moved my head, but he grabbed a hold of the chain, making me watch him.
As he worked me over, bringing me to the peak and back down again, his shoulders and torso began to glisten with perspiration. He bit into his lip, making me wish I could see his eyes. Making me wish I could connect and see if he felt everything I felt.
The Sordid Promise Page 24