by S. Morayla
“What?” I hate being stared at; it makes me feel nervous.
“I see all of that. I think it’s great. Zayne likes you.”
“Stop. We’re just friends.”
“That so? I’ve never looked at my friends like I wanted to lick their faces.”
My body flushes with heat. Am I seriously that transparent? I close my eyes, the smile playing at my lips ready to be unleashed.
Like a flash of lightning—Rhys.
My body instantly fills with agonizing pain.
“I can’t like him, Harrison. I can be his friend, but nothing more,” I whisper.
My eyes remain closed.
Fear.
It takes hold of my body.
Tears.
Threatening to break through.
Spear.
A thousand knives cutting into my soul.
“Why?”
I open my eyes and look directly at him. “Let’s just say, I’m not in a good place right now.”
He scans my face, nodding. “I get that, but just know, Zayne likes you. I’ve never seen my mate so…smitten.”
Wrinkling my nose, I ask, “Smitten? That word is old. Like, my grandparents use that word.”
“It popped into my head, I went with it.” He laughs.
I’m a bit uncomfortable talking about Zayne, so I think of the only subject that will distract him. “Can I ask what lyrics you’re working on?”
His eyes instantly light up.
“Do you want to see them? I’m a bit stuck,” he says, already pulling out a folded piece of paper and handing it to me. I straighten it out and read the lyrics.He hums the melody for me. “I’m just not sure what the next part should say.” I re-read the lyrics and hum the melody a few times.
“How about, ‘your love is taken, oh how I wish I was mistaken’.” I look up, passing the paper back to him as Zayne walks toward us.
“Whatcha got, Harrison?” he asks, sliding into the booth. Harrison ignores him as he sings the lyrics under his breath. He looks back up at me with a grin.
“That works perfect. I even know what to put next. Thank you, Nat. I’ve been trying to figure this out for a while now.”
“No problem. See? I am good for something.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t let it get to your head. It might blow up bigger than it already is.” He grabs a pen from his pocket and proceeds to scribble his thoughts onto the paper. Jealousy courses through me. Remembering when I used to have that drive and motivation. I would write and write with glee. My hunger and perfection drove me to frustration.
When I was writing, I felt free.
The way three cords can come together, moving a person to tears. Even elation. There are no boundaries; music makes your soul transparent, sharing your deep thoughts and emotions. Being able to capture those feelings and create a song is the best part.
I miss writing.
After Rhys left, I couldn’t bear to write.
Every now and then, I would pick up my composer book and jot feelings down, but not like it was when Rhys was around.
Inspiration.
Rhys was my muse. I would sit for hours admiring his charisma and wit, trying to capture it with words. He had a way of making me feel like I was the only person who mattered. I can’t understand what went wrong. He told me nothing could ever compare to me. Then he left me battered. I thought he was silly. We were young. Looking back, I guess at sixteen, those feelings were true and strong. Now at eighteen, I’m not so sure. It could just be that I’m jaded, shattered.
A warm hand covers my own; a zing rushes through my body. “Do you write, Shorty?”
Harrison looks up at me, both of them waiting for a response. I shake my head. “I used to play around, nothing special. My uncle likes to write lyrics and I help him out once in awhile. He says it’s because I understand verse.” I shrug. Harrison narrows his eyes. Can he see through the facade?
“You guys ready to go back? I have to get to work in a bit. Harris, are you scheduled today?”
Harrison looks over at Zayne and stares for a moment before nodding. Weird doesn’t begin to describe that exchange. It’s like these guys can have conversations without uttering a word.
Want to Want Me
Spending the morning with Shorty was a complete surprise—a good one—but I had to keep readjusting myself under the table. When she would stare into my eyes, I couldn't control my erection. My dick was having a moment. I kept visualizing her beneath me, looking at me with those starved, ravenous, yet seemingly innocent eyes. I was having a hard time keeping him in check. If Harrison hadn’t interrupted when he did, I’m really not so sure I would have been able to keep my hands or lips off her.
“What are you going to do for the rest of the day, Natalee?” Harrison asks, turning to face her in the back seat.
“I have a few assignments to do. Have you ever done a plot line dissection?”
“Do you have Benard for English?” I have no idea what they’re talking about.
“Yeah. Do you?” Harrison nods at her and they begin talking about English. I’m bored with the conversation. I reach over to turn up the radio a bit. Seconds later, Harrison turns it off.
“Fucker, why’d you turn it off?” I frown over at him.
“Aren’t you hot with that thing on your head?” He leans over and snatches my beanie as my hair is tugged from behind me. These bloody wankers are fucking with me. I reach over, inches away from my beanie, but Harrison throws it to Natalee.
“You idiot, Harrison,” I chuckle, giving him a side eye look. “You know I can’t grab it, I’m driving, but once I stop this car, I’m throwing your arse in the boot!”
“Did you just tell him you’re going to kick his ass?” Natalee’s sweet voice wafts up to me. I can’t help but laugh.
“No, Shorty. I told him I was going to throw his arse in the trunk.” Her delightful laugh fills the cab.
“I’d really like to witness that.”
“He’s talking bollocks. There is no way he’d get me in the boot. I’m stronger than he is,” Harrison says, reaching over, squeezing my bicep.
“Cheeky bastard,” I laugh out. “You wish you were stronger than me.” My eyes slide to the rearview so I can catch a glimpse of Shorty. Her smile is infectious. Suddenly, a song begins blaring.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Grey himself. Two calls in one day? I am starting to feel as though you might actually like me.” Her smile is big and bright when she answers her phone.
Who the hell is Mr. Grey? I look over to Harrison, who looks as lost as I do. I try not to eavesdrop, but that’s hard to do in the confines of a car. I look back in the rearview. Her face has gone pale, her eyes shifting around, looking for something. Then her face seems to go blank.
“I don’t have any way to do that,” she murmurs into her phone so low, it’s almost inaudible. Harrison’s gaze shifts back to her, and then to me. I finally make it back to the lot and pull into the first space I see. I don’t have a clue who she’s speaking with, but her body has gone rigid, the stress around her eyes is prominent. If I didn’t know better, I would think she’s not breathing.
“I, ah...I don’t want to get into that right now.” I can’t take my eyes off her and I don’t give a shite if she thinks it’s rude. Whomever she is speaking with is hurting her. My hands clench the steering wheel, turning my knuckles white.
She opens the door and steps out. I mimic her movements and walk around to her, but she sidesteps me, heading toward the sidewalk.
“I know, but it…it’s hard, ya know?” She shakes her head vigorously and my eyes never waver off her, even when she begins pacing and chewing on her thumbnail. I want to wrap her in my arms again and kiss the worries away, but I know that isn’t possible right now. She is like a fawn with a broken leg, skittish and scared. I have to have patience. Slowly help her see I’m not the bad guy, that I want what’s best for her. Even if we don’t end up together—I want her to see how str
ong she can be. She walks to a patch of grass, toeing the dirt with her shoe. “I can’t really promise anything. What if I can’t do it?” The hole she is inadvertently digging gets bigger.
“Yeah, yeah, I am.” A fissure in my heart cracks as a lone tear falls down her cheek. She wipes it away quickly.
Harrison walks over to my side “Should we interrupt this?” He motions toward her. As much as I want to grab the phone out of her hand and demand this person to stop hurting her, it's not my place. I’m her friend, not her boyfriend. Even as her boyfriend, I wouldn’t have that right. But there is a subtle rage burning in my limbs, wanting to escape my body. I hate seeing her this way.
“I want to, but don’t think it’s a good idea. She could be talking to her dad,” I tell him, my voice low and gruff.
“Or her pimp! Who is Mr. Grey?” Harrison asks me.
“No clue,” I answer, shrugging. "And seriously, her pimp? You watch too much telly, mate. Not every girl in college has a pimp to help them pay for school. Come to think of it, they probably wouldn’t even be in school.” Since discovering Netflix, Harrison has been watching the weirdest movies about call girls and college.
Even though Natalee has her back to me, the slight tremble in her voice informs me she’s on the verge of tears.
“Love you, too.” I whip my head toward Shorty.
“Whoa!” Harrison whispers my sentiments. Is she talking to her ex? The one who made her cry? My head swirls with even more questions. It’s none of my business and I know that, but my feelings for her are unlike any I’ve felt before. It's a bit maddening. I take a deep breath to clear my head.
We hang back, waiting for her to get off her phone. I need to get on soon since my shift starts in about an hour, but I can’t just leave not knowing whether she’s okay. She turns back toward us, her eyes shining and expression sullen.
“You okay?” I ask, my voice a bit too anxious as I take a step toward her.
“Yeah, sorry. I have a few things I need to get ready for tomorrow. I’ll talk to you both later. Thanks for inviting me to breakfast.” She’s still chewing on her thumbnail, but her entire demeanor has changed.
Unable to bear the distance between us, I take a step toward her, but she’s already walking away. “You sure you don’t need me to walk you back?” I ask, hoping she says yes so I can spend a few more minutes with her. She turns around, walking backwards as she says, “No thanks, but I had a nice time. Thank you.” She smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Tough break, man,” Harrison says, throwing his arm over my shoulders and steering me back toward my car.
Once we get to the house, I’m in a mad rush to get ready for work. My mind continually wanders back to Natalee. I want to text or call her, but I don’t have her number. Frustrated, I walk out to the lounge looking for my keys.
“Morning,” Adriana says, grinning at me like the Cheshire cat.
My curiosity piques. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Where have you been this morning?”
I cock an eyebrow, still wondering what she’s getting at. “Breakfast?” I ask.
“Yeah, but with whom?” I look around the lounge, not finding Harrison anywhere in sight.
Damn him always telling Adriana things he shouldn’t. I love Ana, but when she thinks I have an interest in someone, she goes a bit crazy.
“You already know who,” I say, shaking my head, trying to hide my smile. I walk toward the kitchen to grab some water with Ana right on my heels.
“Oh, I know. I just wanted you to tell me. I heard you two were about to put on a live porn show.” I turn to see her eyes big with excitement. Leaning against the counter, crossing my ankles, I throw my head back in laughter.
“It wasn’t quite that intense,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest, shaking my head.
“Oh yeah it was, mate. Had I not interrupted, you two would have made babies right there on the table.” Harrison chimes in as he walks to the table, pulling out the chair and sitting down.
“How was Natalee looking at Zayne again?” Adriana asks, turning toward Harrison. Adriana and I laugh as Harrison stares at me with a dopey look on his face.
“What the bloody hell kind of a look is that?” Leif asks as he walks into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Adriana. “Do you have a man crush on Zayne now, Har? I can totally see you two as a couple. Your babies would be cute.”
“You would be jelly if that were the case Leif. Admit it, you love me more than Adriana,” Harrison throws back.
“Only if you give great head. Otherwise, he’ll never love you more than me,” Adriana tosses back to Harrison.
“You guys are all crazy,” Nick says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the chair across from Harrison.
“Whatever. Zayne was telling us about breakfast with Natalee. Oh, and she got you to eat biscuits and gravy?” Adriana says, her eyes twinkling with glee.
“Gross!” Leif and Nick exclaim at the same time. I smile, knowing what they are imagining. My amusement is apparent as Adriana and Harrison break it down for them.
“I’ve gotta get on to work,” I say as I walk out of the kitchen toward the front door, finding my keys on the side table. "Ana, could you do me a favor, though?”
“Yea—wait, what is it? If this has anything to do with Lexi, HELL NO!” I grimace at the name.
“No, it’s actually Natalee. Can you check on her or text her to see if she’s okay for me?”
“What did you do or say to her?” she asks, folding her arms and cocking a perfectly manicured brow at me.
“I didn’t. She was on the phone with someone, she got upset. I don’t know who it was or what they said, but she walked away not very happy,” I recount.
“Why didn’t you go after her?” she asks, her piercing eyes accusing me.
I run my fingers through my hair before answering, “I don’t even know if she has a boyfriend or what her deal is, and if she does, that’s his job.”
“Bullshit!” she practically yells, pointing a finger at my chest. “I know you, Zayne Morad, and I have never seen you act like you have been with this girl. Even if she had a boyfriend, which she does not, I know you wouldn’t let that stop you from being her friend and making sure she’s okay. If that were the case, your ass wouldn’t be asking me to check up on her. Stop being a pussy about this. You like her? Cool. Does she have issues? From what I can tell yes, but I also know you better than most people and if anyone can help her see what she needs in her life, it’s you. All of you have folded her into this group as easily as breathing. Nobody objected because we can all see Natalee has a bright spirit that shines beneath all that dark shit. You need to crack her shell, Zayne. Let her light shine. Now, why didn’t you go after her?” Well, shite! Adriana basically boiled down all my feelings for Nat in that little speech.
“I just don’t want to scare her off. She’s…I don’t know, so different. I want her to trust me and...I think she needed the space.” I shrug “I don’t want to come off too strong.”
“That makes more sense. I will check on her when I go check on Leslie.” Hearing her name, my eyes automatically seek out Harrison and find him walking out the front door. Even now, two years later, I know it’s not easy for him. Adriana lets out a huge breath, her eyes looking at the front door. “It kills me to see him like that.” Her voice is full of sorrow.
“I know it does, for all of us, but she’s your best friend. What can we do? We have to let them figure it out.” I run my hand down my face, recollecting my thoughts. “Text me after you find out about Natalee, yeah?” Adriana nods her head, frowning.
“Sure thing.”
“Thanks, Ana, I owe you.” I give her a quick hug before walking out the door. I have to leave now or I’ll be late for my shift.
The Climb
Getting back to my room, I expect to find Adriana, figuring she must know Les is back by now.
Dark.
Chilly.
Leslie is wrapped in her covers like a burrito. Exhausted from everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours, I change into my pajamas.
Les has the right idea; sleep is amazing and needs to be utilized more. I climb under my covers, but sleep doesn’t come easily. Thoughts of tomorrow plague me. I want to call him back and say I just can’t do it, but what does that make me? I also want to move forward.
I have to do that.
I can’t keep holding back.
I cannot allow my fears to overtake me.
I can do this.
My mind conjures up an image of Rhys, smiling at me with his arms open wide, telling me he’s so proud of me. I hug him, feeling safe in his arms. It feels so real. Comfort and love swarm me as I fall deeper into oblivion.
Waking up later in the day, I find Rhys’ jacket hugged close to my chest though I don’t remember grabbing it.
I check my phone for the time. 4:33 p.m. Nice. That is a great way to spend the day. A gasp escapes my lips when my eyes connect with Adriana, who’s staring at me from Les’ bed.
“Finally, sleeping beauty returns to the world.” She eyes the jacket, but doesn't mention it.
“Where’s Leslie?” I ask, rubbing my eyes and yawning.
“She left. Chance came and picked her up for the night. I was waiting for you to wake up.” Great. One day. Can I have one fucking day without drama?
“What’s up?” I ask, my voice thick with sleep.
“Heard you went to breakfast with Zayne and Harrison.” She waggles her brows at me.
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“I was with Leif at their house. The guys came home to change before work. Zayne looked, ah...anyway he told us you three went to breakfast and you made them eat biscuits and gravy. Nick and Leif thought it sounded disgusting.”
“What is it with these guys?” I ask, shaking my head.
“So, what happened? Zayne said you were sad when he left you. Did he say something stupid?”
“Ah, no. I got a phone call, just threw me off for a bit. Plus, I was just being a girl. Overreacting.” She eyes me warily.