Resuscitate (Annihilate #1)

by S. Morayla

  The more she talks, the angrier I become. I place my hands on either side of the doorframe as she speaks and squeeze the shite out of them until my knuckles turn white.

  “Wow, Lexi, you never cease to amaze me. How much lower you will stoop? The fact that these girls actually have hearts and don’t fuck every rich Tom, Dick, and Harry in sight might just be one of the reasons they are wanted. Or maybe it’s the fact that they don’t have to play games, lie, and cheat to keep a man who is only using them to pimp out to his buddies. Chance will never claim you, Lex.” I shake my head at her. “I feel sorry for you. You are always looking for the next man to take care of you instead of using the smarts you have to elevate yourself. That right there is another reason no man takes you seriously. Go out there and make a life for yourself instead of being this high-priced prostitute.” She stares at me, mouth agape. I walk away from her feeling like a real dick, but this girl has pushed me too far.

  Now that I know for a fact Chris paid Lexi to keep me away from Natalee, I’m more than determined to claim my girl once and for all.

  I’m a Mess

  Dry mouth.

  Lips cracked.

  Feel like puking.

  Check. Check. And check.

  My head pounds, all noise loud and intrusive.

  The sun is my worst enemy, bright and shiny promises of something new.

  Where are the clouds?

  I would like to wallow in despair for a bit longer, thank you. Memories rush my brain like a swift water current. I wish it were real, so I could drown the humiliation.

  Packing.

  Crying.

  Packing.

  Crying.

  Anguish.

  Pain.

  Love found and lost.

  Heart open then closed.

  All as the crowd watched.

  I remember calling Uncle Vic.

  He yelled orders, then tried to soothe the ache in my chest as best as he could.

  “Just pack your stuff and I will send a car. Be ready. Just go with the girls to my condo. I’ll make sure to tell security not to let anyone else up.”

  I stare at the wall,

  As I let the tears fall.

  The universe can be a cruel bitch.

  I never had a right nor a claim.

  For some reason, I truly believed he was the one. He saw what most look past.

  The hurt.

  The longing.

  The culpability.

  He still wanted more. He waited and I pushed and pushed, not ready to share my world. The secrets I harbor, leave me defeated.

  Discouraged.

  Lonely.

  I can’t blame him for walking away.

  I knew it was a possibility.

  But I wanted more.

  I was too late.

  What have you gained, Nat? What have you accomplished? Look back and see. This is a hiccup, life is full of them.

  The voice is back, encouraging me.

  Anger is all I see and feel.

  For the voice.

  For me.

  Look, Nat. Look and see, I’m right. Don’t give up. You make the world shine.

  Defeated, I close my eyes as I let the voice guide my memories.

  Me packing for college.

  Me afraid of being on my own.

  Making friends with Leslie and Adriana.

  Introducing the guys to biscuits and gravy.

  Harrison and I in the studio.

  Zayne and I eating at Muncher’s Diner.

  Zayne and I watching movies.

  Zayne holding me.

  Zayne’s eyes on me while he sings.

  Friends teaching me how to use Snapchat.

  Writing lyrics.

  Composing music.

  Laughing.

  Smiling.

  Loving.

  Do you see? You are more than this one moment. You are not the same, Natalee. You are stronger, wiser, and braver than you give yourself credit for. The world will always have its ups and downs, always have negatives, but if you learn from those experiences, then you are better than you were before the experience began.

  I do see.

  My heart still aches, but I have grown.

  A year ago, I was terrified of the world. Now, I have these people—these friends who have made themselves apart of me. Intertwined themselves into every facet of my life. Without Zayne even realizing, he has done what nobody else could. Brought me out of the darkness into the brilliant light.

  He has resuscitated me.

  I don’t know where the road will lead, but I know I can no longer wallow in self-pity. I need to live. I will never allow myself to beg a man, but I know Zayne cares for me.

  Yes, I’m hurt that I put myself out there for him. Yes, I thought it would end differently. Life is not always going to hand you things on a platter, I know this, but I don’t know how to feel right now.

  “Holy shit, Natalee!” Adriana, Amaris, and Leslie barrel into the room. “Get up, girl. Get dressed.”

  Alarms.

  Big, red alarms go off in my head.

  “What’s the matter? What happened?” I say, panicking. The girls rush around the room, getting my clothes. I sit here watching with a pout on my lips. I just packed all that shit and they’re wildly throwing it around the room.

  “Here, go shower.” I shake my head at Adriana like an errant child.

  “No, not until you tell me what’s going on,” I say, my eyes scanning over all three girls.

  “If you get in the shower, we promise to fill you in, okay?” Adriana tells me, but my head is spinning way too fast. A sour taste fills my mouth, causing me to jump up.

  I barely make it to the bathroom before all the alcohol from last night rushes back out of me. “It’s okay, Nat, just let it all out,” Leslie says, holding my hair back. I feel another pair of hands soothing my back as I continue to violently heave into the toilet.

  I swear I was in here all night, but this is the price you pay when you drink as much as I did.

  Half an hour later, I lay under the shower, not wanting to move.

  “Nat, you’ve gotta hurry, sweetie,” Amaris tells me through the glass shower doors.

  “No, just leave me here to die,” I say.

  “Stop with the dramatics. Someone is here to see you.” Adriana’s singsong voice fills the bathroom. Ugh, how can they be all peppy and shit? Didn’t they drink, too?

  “Tell Harrison to go away,” I yell back, earning me a chuckle from whoever is out there. I seriously can’t open my eyes. The lights hurt my aching skull.

  “It’s not Har. Listen, Zayne is here to talk to you,” Leslie says.

  “Fuck him. He doesn’t even want me,” I cry into the cool water, the acoustics of the bathroom making my words echo.

  “I do want you, Natalee. Please, let me talk to you and explain my side before you write me off.”

  That can’t be right. I remember Uncle Vic saying security would only let up certain people. There is no way Zayne could be here. I crack open one eye. From this vantage point, all I can see is—shit, black Doc Martens

  This is a dream, right? It has to be.

  “No, it’s not a dream, Nat. I’m really here.”

  Oh shit, did I say that out loud?

  “Did I say that out loud?” I ask

  “Yeah, Shorty, you did.” Zayne’s warm accented voice responds.

  “Fuck, what do you want? Go back to Lexi.” Now, I’m angry. These damn bitches. I thought they were my friends. Why the hell would they allow Zayne up here? The universe hates me.

  “If you don’t come out so we can talk, I’m coming in to get you,” Zayne warns, his voice booming in command, making my nipples harden.

  Damn traitors.

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  The glass door slides along the track.

  My eyes snap open.

  Zayne, fully clothed, walks in, bends down, and scoops me up.

  I kick and flail to no avail
.

  It just makes my head hurt more.

  He sets me gently on the bed and grabs a robe, throwing it down next to me. He walks back into the bathroom and shuts off the water. When he reemerges, his gluttonous eyes devour the length of my body.

  “As much I love looking at that beautiful body, you’re making my dick hard and I need to talk to you. After we sort all this out, and you tell me you’re mine, I’m going to make love to you properly, Natalee Rodríguez, and then, I’m going to fuck you.” The glint in his eyes and the tone of his voice causes my heart to speed up. Flutters of butterflies erupt in my belly, my nipples tighten further, and a deep desire throbs between my legs. I swallow down the burning lust raging inside me.

  “You’re pretty sure of yourself,” I groan, flinging myself onto the mass of goose feather down pillows behind me. He chuckles at my antics. I grab the robe and throw it over my body like a blanket.

  “What if I just kick you in the balls, we call it even, and you go home with images of my naked body in your head while you jack off? How’s that for proper?” I ask, closing my eyes. “How did you even get in here? My uncle’s going to kill you, you know that, right?” I frown into the pillow, not willing to allow him to see my face.

  “I called him earlier and explained what happened. Then, I called Harrison and the girls. You can call your uncle, he’ll just tell you to hear me out.”

  I scoff.

  Not likely.

  Arrogant ass.

  “Why would my uncle do that? All I know is my head hurts and you humiliated me by leaving with Lexi. So, again, why are you here?” My head is buried deep in the pillows, so I’m not even sure he can hear what I’m saying.

  I feel the bed dip beside me.

  My eyes shoot open.

  Holy Fuck.

  “Why are you naked?” My eyes rake over his long, lean body. Not too much muscle, but you can tell he works out. His six pack is evidence of that. His tattoos—my God, how I have missed his tattoos. I never thought tattoos could be sexy until Zayne.

  “I’m hardly naked. I have underwear on and since you won’t put the robe on or get dressed, I’m getting in bed with you so we can talk.” I try to shake my head, but fail miserably. It hurts like a bitch to even move it.

  “No, Zayne, I want you to go.” My voice cracks. The bubble of emotions is rising in me, making the burn from last night sear through my veins. My heart flings itself backward, clinging to my ribcage, fearing what other battering damage this man can drag it through.

  He doesn’t listen.

  Doesn’t care.

  He lays next to me anyway.

  “I didn’t know about what happened with Chris in the coffee shop, Shorty,” he whispers. His warm hands cup my cheeks and he gently maneuvers my face so I’m looking into his honey-dipped eyes.

  “I was there that day. I wanted to surprise you. I saw you two walk in, he had his arm around you, you were laughing and carefree, then he kissed you. I was confused. How could you kiss him after what we shared? But I had no right to be mad. You never said you were mine. I thought maybe he was the reason for that.”

  A gamut of emotions run through me.

  Surprise.

  Dismay.

  Stunned.

  Confusion.

  He was there that day and never said anything? Then why did he stop talking to me? Before I can vocalize any of this, he continues.

  “I stormed out of the shop before you slapped him. I wish I would have stayed a bit longer. Lexi was there in the shop, I guess. I didn’t see her, but she came after me, told me you and Chris had been messing around. I don’t know why I believed her, but she said things about Colorado, you and him, so I just thought…”

  I can’t believe what he’s saying. That fucking cunt Lexi.

  “I just backed away. I was hurt to think you could do me that way, the same way Lexi had. I didn’t tell the lads, I just figured it was for the best. Then, last night, Chris was behind me when you started singing. He said you were finally admitting the way you felt about him to everyone. I honestly had no idea that was for me until after. Nobody knew what I was going through. Then, Harrison came in ready to beat my ass and Paul called me saying Chris was paying Lexi to keep me away from you. I confronted Lexi, who said Chance and Chris paid her, and—”

  Reeling from all the information, I lift my hand, cutting him off.

  “Wait, Chance and Chris paid her? But why? Okay, can we back up for a minute?” I close my eyes, waiting for the nausea to roll through me.

  “You okay?”

  I lift a finger to his lips, slightly shaking my head. A nasty sour taste rears its ugly head once again. I throw off the robe and jump from the bed, making it to the bathroom in the nick of time again.

  Zayne pulls back my hair.

  Groan.

  Purge.

  Moan.

  Spew.

  I pray to God, promising I will never drink this much again if he will just stop the torment racking through my body.

  All I taste is bile.

  My throat raw.

  My eyes cry in misery.

  Zayne gets up and leaves, returning a moment later.

  I don’t turn around, I can’t.

  I hear the shower running.

  Warm hands lift me up.

  I close my eyes, my head pounding.

  Next thing I feel is cool tile under my ass.

  My back against Zayne’s chest, we sit under the warm water.

  “Why are you doing this?” I whisper.

  “You need me, Shorty, and I will never let my girl go through a wicked hangover alone,” he whispers back, turning and cradling me to his chest.

  The smell of my almond shower oil surrounds me. Delicate foam spreads over my body. I wish I was more coherent to enjoy his fingers massaging my skin. Instead, I let the exquisite smell and his touch lull me to sleep.

  Dark Star

  Soft moonlight shines through the curtains. Cloaked in silence, the only sound is my beating heart. Letting out a quiet sigh, I reach over for my cell.

  7:45 p.m. That can’t be right, can it?

  Flashbacks slam into me.

  Zayne was here?

  He showered me?

  I was naked?

  I swallow, pulling back the comforter.

  Nope, not naked.

  How the hell did I get my Victoria’s Secret cami and shorts on? I don’t remember putting these on. I never wear these. I usually just don an old t-shirt and boxers to bed.

  Maybe it was all a dream?

  Yup, a dream. Had to be.

  Something is amiss. For my sanity, I need to find out what that is. I sit up slowly and slip out of my comfy confines to go seek answers.

  The bedroom door is open marginally. The TV in the living room is emanating a very low sound. I creep out into the hallway, making my way through the condo.

  Startled.

  I stare ahead.

  Okay, so it wasn’t a dream.

  The only thing I see is the back of his head.

  His long hair tied back, showing off his shaved sides. I blink a few times, willing my mind to work.

  “Are you going to come in here, Shorty, or should I carry you over?” His husky voice echos bouncing off the walls, leaving me breathless.

  Flustered.

  He didn’t even turn his face to me.

  How does he do that? Know when I’m near?

  I take a tentative step forward, collecting the bits of info I can from my flashbacks. Lexi, the cunt whore, is a lying, conniving bitch. Chris is a fucker who deserves a beat down. Chance is a bitch ass waste of space.

  The trinity of fucktards.

  Rounding the black Italian leather couch, I grab a throw pillow and hug it to me as I sit on the opposite end, away from Zayne.

  “Where is everyone?” I ask him, my voice coming out raspy from throwing up and dehydration. My eyes scan the room, looking for any signs of life besides the man sitting to my left.

 
“Amaris took Les back to her place for the night. Adriana went with Leif back to ours. They left us to chinwag and sort this clusterfuck of a mess out.” I swallow, looking into his golden eyes, wondering how I will ever survive him. Remembering the few details from earlier, I get the gist of what happened, but I only have one question. This will be the deal breaker.

  I know he’s been patient.

  He’s been understanding. He’s helped me grow in ways I never thought I could. I put myself out there. So I only have one question.

  “Why didn’t you just come talk to me?” Simple, right? If it were me, I would have talked to him.

  “I get we’re not together, but as a friend, I would have come to you, not ignore and push you away. I would’ve wanted to hear it from you. For you to trust the girl who wronged you and put me in that same category...” I close my eyes, gulping down the sting piercing my soul. “I…I don’t even know what to think or say.” I hug the pillow tighter to my chest, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

  “Fuck.” Leaning forward, his elbows rest on his knees, eyes downcast. My heart wobbles, anxiety exploding like a gunshot in the silent night.

  Breathe, Natalee. Trust in him. Let him explain before you throw it all away.

  When he raises his head, our eyes connect.

  Hurt.

  Agony.

  Torment.

  Heartache.

  All stir in his beautiful face.

  I want to reach out to him.

  Make all the hurt go away .

  “I was embarrassed, my pride took hold. I wanted to call you, but I was crushed. The way it looked when you two walked in the café…my heart felt trampled on. To see his lips on yours, I was so mad...then Lexi, she took the shreds and pulverized them. I couldn’t think straight. That kiss played over and over in my mind, driving me barmy. I didn’t know what to say to you. I…” his chest rises as he takes in a deep breath, his eyes sullen, “I couldn’t survive another day if your beautiful lips told me he was the reason you couldn’t be with me. Please, understand, when Lexi did that, it stung and I felt like a bloody plonker, but if you did that, I couldn’t bear it. Do you not realize how much you mean to me? Do you not see you are the only person who can wreck my entire existence?” I cover my mouth, the tears no longer threatening. They cascade down my face freely.