Alberto shifted. “Why not?”
Dread coiled inside Huck and sealed his fate like the crack of a judge’s gavel. “I’ll never be good enough.”
Bellina nodded. “None of us will be. ‘For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.’”
Huck remembered hearing those verses at church. But that didn’t really mean all could be redeemed, did it? It couldn’t mean him. It meant people who used good to change the world, like Mother Teresa or the disciples.
Huck released Bellina’s hand and folded his together, returning his elbows to his knees. “If that verse is true and none of us are ever good enough, then what’s the point?”
She placed her hand on his back. “Jesus died for our sins on the cross. Those who accept him are covered by His blood. Goodness does not get us into heaven. Only through Jesus can we enter.”
This was the part that never made sense. Covered in blood? “How do we go through Jesus?”
Bellina splayed her hand over her chest. “You cry out to Him, ask for forgiveness of your sins, and ask Him into your heart.”
He’d felt this tug before, this connection to something unseen. Like he was missing a person he’d never met, or yearning for a food he’d never tried. But there it was—that longing for something bigger, better, something…more. Could what Bellina said be true—could it be as simple as that to make peace with God?
Alberto cleared his throat. “And then the real work begins: learning to trust Him.” His gaze drifted to his daughter’s grave. “Even when we do not understand. I am glad I am not required to be perfect, because I would fail.”
The pull grew stronger. Yesterday’s events, his lack of sleep, confusion—they all hit Huck at once, striking panic and bone-deep weariness. He’d come to make things right with Giada. But nothing could be right as long as the woman he loved sat by the bedside of the little girl he wanted for his own, waiting for her to die. He couldn’t let it happen.
Huck stood. “Again, I apologize. Giada was a sweet woman. I didn’t appreciate her near enough.”
Huck stalked to his truck. His boots rustled the dewy grass. If Emma survived, how would he ever move on with life knowing Arianne and the little girl he desperately wanted to raise as his own belonged to another man? If Emma didn’t, how would he live with himself knowing her death had been his fault?
~*~
Arianne clung to Missy. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Her sister’s arrival brought comfort amid this awful situation. Missy smelled like California sunshine and suntan lotion. Her skin glowed a beautiful bronze.
“How is she?”
Arianne pulled away, and they both looked at Emma’s pale body lying in the bed. Her eyelids fluttered in sleep. She’d woken for a few minutes that morning, looked at Arianne with glazed eyes, then fallen back asleep. “She’s holding on.”
How her body could produce any more tears Arianne didn’t know, but they rolled down her face all the same. “The stings caused toxic buildup in her kidneys. They have her on dialysis. Without it, her kidneys will fail. The doctor’s putting her on a donor list, but it could take months, even years. I’m not a match.”
Missy held her hand over her mouth, releasing air beneath it.
The gravity of it all made Arianne ill. “I’m her mother. How can I not match?”
Missy pulled her into another hug. “I’ll have them test me too.”
“I’ve already called our family doctor. You don’t have the right blood type. Neither does Jack.”
Her sister stepped back and gripped Arianne’s upper arms. “Why would Jack be willing to donate a kidney?”
Arianne searched Missy’s incredulous face. Jack had volunteered for testing, though Arianne detected his reluctance. She’d seen it on his face, a silent hopefulness when he’d added, “I doubt I’ll be a match.” She couldn’t blame him. Emma wasn’t his child. But wouldn’t a man who truly loved them, wanted to raise Emma as his own, be willing? She concentrated on her sister. There wasn’t time to analyze that right now. “He’s asked me to marry him.”
Missy dropped her arms. “What? When?”
Arianne brushed the tears from her cheeks. “A couple of weeks ago. I promised him I’d pray about it and let him know.”
Missy grabbed Arianne’s bare left hand and stared at it. “Did you accept?”
“I haven’t answered him yet. I need to get through this first. But I’m going to marry him.” There was that bowling ball in the pit of her stomach again.
Stunned, Missy shook her head, walked to the chair in the corner, and sat down. “Are you sure? Like, a hundred percent?”
“Yes.” More like eighty-five.
Missy rubbed her forehead, clinking her gold bracelets. “Arianne, it’s your life, but you haven’t known this guy very long. Are you really in love with him? I don’t want you reliving what you went through with Adam.”
“Jack is nothing like Adam.”
“I know.” Missy rubbed her forehead. “What about Huck?”
Hearing his name was like a metal bow on rusty violin strings. She gestured to Emma. “He’s the reason she’s in here. Huck is no longer in the picture. I don’t care what he does with his life.”
Which couldn’t be true since her heart ripped from her chest every time she remembered how upset he was about Emma and how devastated he looked over her announcement about Jack. How Huck’s EpiPen probably saved Emma’s life.
Missy turned her head and stared at Emma. “Promise me you’ll give this more thought before you answer Jack. Don’t let your emotions and circumstances cloud your head again.”
Her right-on-target words peeved. Arianne crossed her arms, forcing control over her rising temper. “It’s unlike you to play mother hen. Why the sudden role switch?”
Missy inhaled and leaned back in the chair. “I won’t be around to pick up the pieces this time. Come July, I’m leaving for Haiti. I’m going to minister to children orphaned by the earthquake.”
Now it was Arianne’s turn to sit down. Aggravation morphed into shock. She seized Missy’s arm. “When did you decide this?”
“Look, we can talk about this later.”
“No. I want to talk about it now.”
Missy took in a long, slow breath. “There’s a little church down the block from my apartment that I started attending not long after I moved in.” Missy’s eyes flickered to Emma then back to Arianne. “A missionary visited last week and spoke about his ministry in Haiti. They need volunteers to help. There are so many orphaned kids that need to know about Jesus.”
The shock fog Arianne had lived in the past two days grew thicker. “I still don’t understand.”
Missy grabbed her hand. “I never felt like I fit in with this family. And all this with Martin—I’m an orphan myself in a way. No mother, a father who could hardly look at me, one that denied me until his death. In my quest for answers, I discovered what I needed in that little church with that missionary. I’m going to love those children and teach them that God is the Father of the fatherless.”
What was Arianne supposed to say to that? She stared at Missy. Overnight, her little sister had grown up. After all these years of praying that her sister would heed the things of God, Missy finally had. It was bittersweet. She’d miss her sister terribly. Missy’s face glowed with a surety that only came from the Almighty. A part of Arianne was jealous. “I’m happy for you.”
“Hit me for this if you want to, but you’re good at jumping into things when the right solution isn’t clear. Please, please, make sure marrying Jack is the right thing before you do it.”
~*~
Huck opened the door and walked to his living room, exhausted. He shed his coat and tossed it on the couch next to Emma’s doll, the one he’d bought her for Christmas. Her gift. It reminded him of all the gifts he’d never been given by a mother who didn’t love him and a string of step-dads
who never cared. That tug he’d shoved away earlier set his heartbeat loose. How could he long for gifts he’d never gotten? A father he’d never known?
An eternity he wasn’t sure existed.
Just because he didn’t have a traditional, happy family didn’t mean there weren’t any. He’d seen examples from kids he’d gone to school with, families he’d recently attended church with. There were dads out there who trained their sons to be good men, even if he didn’t have one. Could he long for something like God and heaven even though he couldn’t see them? Could eternal life be as easy as accepting a gift?
He sank onto the couch and picked up the doll. He’d done all the work—hunted the toy down, forked out the cash, wrapped it. Just to see the smile on Emma’s face. All because he loved her. He didn’t expect anything back, only wanted his gesture to show he loved her in hopes she’d grow to love him in return.
Was that how this whole God/heaven thing worked?
Huck ran his finger along the doll’s crooked braid. He’d stopped by the hospital on his way home, but the nurses had refused to release any information about Emma. So he’d called Jude, knowing he and Sherry had planned to visit that morning. Jude confessed things didn’t look good. Huck’s grip on the doll tightened. He looked up at the ceiling. “God, please don’t let her die.”
Silence. If God was there, why didn’t He answer?
Pastor Dave had said that prayer was how we spoke to God, but the Bible was how God spoke to us. Maybe there was something in there that would explain how he could help Emma.
He put down the doll and went to his closet where he kept Uncle Marty’s Bible—the one he took to church then returned to the closet when service was over. He sat on his bed and flipped through the pages. A church bulletin fell to the floor. The cover had a Christmas tree with presents on the front and Romans 6:23 printed in the background. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Gift. Huck thumbed through the thin pages, seeking the verse Bellina had quoted earlier. He stumbled upon Romans 10:13 instead. “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Whosoever. Him.
The tug in his chest pulled so strong it made him weak, like he was swimming against a raging undertow. He couldn’t fight it anymore. There was nowhere left to hide.
Huck dropped his head, vulnerable, exposed. “All right, God,” he said aloud. “You’ve got me. I believe.” Heat enveloped him. “I believe. Please, forgive me.”
Emotions equal to those he’d experienced at the cemetery swallowed him. His body trembled. The heat disappeared, taking with it a massive weight from his shoulders he hadn’t known he’d carried. He finally calmed down enough to stand. For all his solid weight in height and muscle, he felt lighter than a helium balloon.
Clean.
His cellphone vibrated in his pocket. He didn’t recognize the number but answered anyway.
“It’s Missy,” she said.
As she explained the reason for her call, his heart twisted, and his stomach rolled.
“I’ll be right there.”
“…Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the Lord your God, which have separated you from other people.”
—Leviticus 20:24
36
Arianne lay next to her daughter, careful not to disturb any tubes connected to Emma’s body. Her little chest rose and fell in quiet breaths. Some of Emma’s color had come back, and almost all of the welts had vanished. What Arianne wouldn’t give to see her daughter running around, healthy, laughing.
She’d left Missy in charge while she’d gone home to shower and eat. Now she stretched out on the hospital bed, wrapped in her mother’s old sweater with Emma’s favorite book in her hands, reading Jonah and the Big Fish aloud. The sun’s evening rays poured through the window over a sleeping Jack, who was slouched in the chair in the corner, snoring softly.
Emma stared at the pictures as Arianne turned the pages. Occasionally, Emma would give a slight nod in response to her favorite parts. It reminded Arianne of the day when they went fishing with Huck on the footbridge. Emma had spoken openly to Huck about the importance of trusting God and the consequences of disobedience.
Oh, to have faith like a child. It was hard, during times like this, to trust that God would work things out for the best. Missy’s words tumbled through her brain. “You’re good at jumping into things when the solution isn’t clear.” What did Missy know?
Missy had never been abandoned by a husband who’d promised to love her forever. Never raised a child on her own, playing Mommy and Daddy. Never received eviction notices or felt the shame from not having enough money to pay her bills. Never had to live off Ramen noodles for days on end. Arianne wasn’t a reckless person. Every decision she’d made had been in her and Emma’s best interest.
Soon, the man sleeping across the room would help shoulder her burdens, fill those empty places. That solution was the best for everyone.
So, why did her chest squeeze every time she thought about it? Arianne closed the book.
“Again,” Emma croaked, and then coughed.
Arianne shoved the future away and turned back to the first page. She read how Jonah fled from God’s will. How he was afraid—of the future, the unknown. Afraid the task was too great. But his disobedience endangered not only his life but others. God blocked Jonah’s path and reminded Jonah that His plan was perfect, even if Jonah couldn’t see it.
Emma’s eyelids closed. Arianne lowered the book to her lap. Was this Arianne’s whale?
She’d opened the shop with the meager amount of her dad’s life insurance that was left after his funeral. She’d accepted Martin’s support, concocted the deal to help Huck in exchange for rent, dated Jack. Chose to marry Jack. Along with a million other decisions in between.
Sure, she’d prayed about those things, but looking back now, she hadn’t waited for God’s direction. She’d decided for herself what was best. Though she’d put her trust in God for salvation, she’d failed to put her trust in Him for everything else. Like Jonah, she’d been running in fear. Fear of the unknown. Afraid God’s will wouldn’t line up with hers.
So like the Israelites, freed from the bondage of slavery and led by Moses to the Promised Land. The land of milk and honey. Only because of their disobedience, their failure to trust God’s plan, they wondered the wilderness for forty years, unable to live the lives God intended for them.
Most times her life felt as barren as a wilderness. Perhaps the life she led wasn’t the one God intended. Either way, she realized that she hadn’t been seeking God with her whole heart or trusting that He knew best.
Her throat burned with emotion. Tears filled her eyes. I’m sorry, Lord. Please forgive me.
Jack stirred in the chair but remained asleep. She stared at his kind face, strong hands. Lord, why don’t I have peace about marrying Jack? He’s everything a woman could ask for.
Squeaky wheels on a dinner cart passing by filled the room. She reached over and held Emma’s little hand in hers. Jack isn’t what you have for us, is he?
No.
God’s answer was as clear as the shriek of that dinner cart. That’s why that thorn in her gut burrowed deeper every time she thought about spending forever with Jack. He wasn’t who God wanted for her life, even if it didn’t make sense. And if she were honest with herself, Jack wasn’t who she wanted to spend forever with, either. No matter how wonderful he was.
She blew out a shaky breath. What if God didn’t intend for her to have a husband at all?
As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall I rejoice over thee. I’m enough for you. The words poured into her and spoke softly in her soul. Not her own thoughts. And they brought her to her knees.
Lord, You are enough for me. Help me to trust You. Arianne lightly clasped Emma’s hand. Please, heal my baby girl. She means
more to me than a dozen proposals.
Arianne stood and kissed Emma’s tiny fingers. She leaned against the pillows, closed her eyes, and prayed for forgiveness, pleaded for her daughter’s life.
A door opened. Arianne jumped, glancing at the clock on the wall. She’d fallen asleep. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes and yawned as the doctor entered the room. Jack, too, stirred awake. He leaned forward in the chair and rested his elbows on his knees, yawning.
Doctor Blevins adjusted the stethoscope hanging around his neck. “Sorry to wake you, but I have good news. We’ve found a donor.”
Arianne shot out of the bed. “So soon? You said it could take months. It’s only been five days. How? Who?”
The doctor smiled and put his hands on his narrow hips. “Organ donors remain anonymous, and, yes, this is rare. Very. We’ll be using an adult kidney. Therefore, I’ll have to take a different approach to the procedure. I’d like to go over everything with you first thing in the morning for surgery at two o’clock. However, I wanted to stop in and tell you the good news. If Emma’s body accepts the kidney, she has an excellent chance of living a normal life.”
Arianne’s heart swelled to bursting. “Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much.”
Doctor Blevins nodded. “Goodnight.”
She cupped a hand over her mouth in disbelief and looked at Emma, still asleep. Someone had died so her daughter could live. Had it been a car accident? Did they have a spouse and children mourning them this very minute? She prayed for the donor’s family.
Warm hands turned her shoulders. Jack moved her against him and held her to his chest. “Praise God,” he whispered.
Arianne breathed in his masculine scent and shivered in his strong arms. God knew what He was doing. His plans were perfect. “Yes, praise God.”
A tear rolled down her cheek and absorbed into Jack’s shirt. Lord, I don’t deserve Your grace and mercy. You delight in giving your children the desires of their heart. Please, help my desires match yours.
Emma was getting a second chance, but that wouldn’t make turning Jack’s proposal down any easier.
How to Charm a Beekeeper's Heart Page 28