“What happened, man?” Brock asks as we maneuver through the late night Chicago traffic to get to Midway.
In the drive to the airport, I give Brock a brief rundown of my talk with my sister-in-law. By the time he’s pulling up to passenger drop-off, I’ve finished my story and he’s telling me he hopes my brother pulls through before bidding me goodbye.
I don’t remember checking in, going through security or boarding the plane. I don’t remember the flight or finding my way through George Bush Intercontinental Airport, but somehow I manage to get a cab to take me to the hospital.
I ignore the fact I’m walking into Houston Methodist, the hospital I was brought to that led to my stint in rehab. The same hospital my father works at.
I ignore everything but trying to find my way to my brother’s room.
I see Tandy pacing in front of a door as I round the corner of the third floor.
“Chace! Oh thank God you’re here,” she cries, pulling me into a hug and holding on tight. I feel her tears leak onto my shirt. “The doctor is in with him now, changing his bandages.”
“How is he?” I ask softly.
“He had surgery early this morning to fix his collapsed lung and they had to fix his left leg. It was shattered pretty badly in the accident.” Tandy pulls away as the door to Ben’s room opens. The doctor steps out and explains to her how Ben is doing, how he seems to be doing well and that they are going to start weaning him off the medications so he can wake up. They’d been initially worried about swelling on his brain, but apparently there doesn’t seem to be any and as it’s been a few hours since they last checked and no change has occurred, he seems to be doing good. All things considered.
I stay at the hospital for several days. I sponge bathe in the bathroom sink so I don’t smell too bad. By the third day though, I need a shower and to find a Laundromat to wash the clothes I’ve brought. I tell Tandy I’m going to leave to find a motel room and her face scrunches up like I just insulted her. She’s horrified by this and tells me I’ll stay at her and Ben’s house while I’m in town. I try to argue, try to explain how unnecessary that is, but she won’t hear of it.
“Chace, you are our family. Families help each other out.”
Tandy knows my history. So I don’t say that’s not how my family works. And I keep my eye roll to myself. I do give up though and allow her to drive me to her house so I can use the washer and dryer and take a real shower. Tandy takes the opportunity to clean up too. We’re both quick though. When we’d left, there were signs that Ben would be waking up soon and neither of us wants to miss it.
It takes under two hours before we’re both clean, my clothes washed and drying, and are on our way back to the hospital.
Of course being back in Houston, at the hospital my father works at no less, I shouldn’t have been surprised. I mean the odds were not in my favor. So when we walk back into Ben’s room, and see the older couple, dressed impeccably in pressed gray dress pants with a pressed white dress shirt for him, and a slick blue knee-length skirt with white silk dress shirt for her, standing beside the bed, I roll my eyes.
And then I try to bolt, but Tandy won’t let me.
My…parents hear our entrance and turn toward the door. It’s almost funny the way they smile politely at my brother’s wife before they notice my presence. Then, it’s almost as though they are two people.
“Talinda, we came as soon as we heard,” my mother coos at Ben’s wife as they stiffly embrace. She also addresses her by her birth name. I know Tandy would rather not be called Talinda, and the tight smile she offers to my mother in return proves it. But never would Estrella Delane say a name like Tandy.
“Yes, I left in the middle of my speech upon hearing the news,” my father chimes in as though this bit of news makes him fit for martyrdom.
I have to stop myself from laughing. They are both so full of bullshit. If they really had left immediately, it wouldn’t have taken them three days to show up. I keep my mouth closed though. I have yet to even be addressed.
“The doctors say he should wake up any moment now,” Tandy tells my parents as she moves to stand next to Ben’s bed. His coloring is better. And though he still looks horrible, he doesn’t look as bad as before.
“That’s good to hear.”
The mood is uncomfortable. Tense. I’ve never been around my parents and Tandy, since again, I was in rehab during the wedding and courtship, so I don’t know if this is normal or if it really is just my presence causing this discord. I have a strong feeling it’s me since I still have yet to be spoken to.
Hours pass. Doctors, nurses, CNA’s all come and go, checking on my brother. We’re told he’ll probably wake up sometime in the next day or two. As the night draws near, and the end of visiting hours approach, I realize I need to leave. Waiting until my parents decide to step out for coffee, I bring the subject up to Tandy.
“It’s getting late,” I begin, feeling nervous. “I know what you said earlier, but it’s really not necessary. So I’m just gonna-“
“No. I told you. You are staying at our house.” Tandy is tired. I can see the purple under her eyes and see it in the way she’s holding herself. “Ben probably won’t wake up tonight. I don’t need to be here.” She wants to stay, of course she does. “I’ll take you home in a bit though, okay?”
I just nod at her, not wanting to add to her stress.
My parents return with disdainful looks on their faces, complaining about the lack of good coffee to be found in hospitals. We continue sit around in uncomfortable silence for another hour and a half before my parents decide they are heading home for the night. They promise Tandy they’ll be back first thing, and leave without even a glance my way.
It’s like I’m invisible.
“They notice you,” Tandy says to me and I don’t realize I’ve spoken aloud. “Trust me, they notice you.”
We go back to her and Ben’s house and I’m offered their guest room. When we’d come here earlier, I hadn’t really paid any attention to the way the house looks. But once we’ve parked, I look at how nice it is. Accountants, both of them, it’s very present in the home they keep. With four bedrooms, six bathrooms, and a pool in the back, the house is near identical to the one I grew up in. Only this one feels lived in. This one feels like a home.
The guest room is homey too. With its cream walls, pastel bedding and friendly paintings hanging on the walls, I feel at ease, even in a house I don’t feel I fit inside of anymore.
After bidding Tandy a good night, I try to sleep. But it’s allusive at best. I’ve been texting Celia on and off the last three days, but tonight I want to hear her voice.
“Hello? Chace?”
“Hey, baby,” I breathe out, relief seeping through my bones at just hearing Celia’s raspy tone. “Are you busy?”
I hear her sigh. “No, I just got off work. It was a long night. How are you? Your brother doing okay?”
“Doctors say he should be waking up soon. Tomorrow maybe.” I rub a hand over my face. I’m exhausted, but not only am I in a strange place, not only am I back in Houston, but I am missing Celia something fierce. “I think…well, I think once I know he’s okay, I’ll probably come home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I look around the warm room again. “I’m staying at Ben’s place. Tandy wouldn’t let me get a motel room. It’s this beautiful house and I feel like I’m sullying it for some reason. I feel like I’m sullying her somehow.”
“You saw your parents.” Cecelia doesn’t ask, just states.
“I did.”
“Oh Chace, I’m sorry they’re assholes to you.”
“Actually, they haven’t even spoken to me yet,” I laugh on a sob and that pisses me off. It’s been years since I’ve seen them, since they’ve seen me and all I get is…nothing. “I was in the same room as them for hours and not once did they even look in my direction.”
Celia and I talk for another hour before she tries covering a
yawn. I know she’s working extra, trying to save some money, so I tell her I’ll talk to her tomorrow. As I hang up, I pray my brother wakes soon. I also pray I’m able to get back to Chicago and Cecelia quickly.
SIXTEEN
I don’t find sleep. So when the light spills through the lace curtains letting me know morning has come, I’m already showered and dressed. I find Tandy standing in the kitchen, working on her second cup of coffee.
We don’t really talk, just offer tired smiles before heading for the hospital. To my surprise, my parents have beaten us to Ben’s room.
“Oh, you guys are here real early,” Tandy laughs uncomfortable upon seeing them.
“Yes, well, it’s hard to sleep when your child is in the hospital.”
I can’t help but choke at that remark. I had been in the hospital. I had been in this hospital for days before I saw my parents even though I knew they had been notified immediately of my admittance. And the moment they show up, I am berated, judged, and told I’m being shipped off to rehab. So I honestly can’t help but be insulted by the remark.
“I’m sure.” Tandy spares me a sympathetic look before moving toward Ben. She picks up his scratched up hand, caressing it gently, a small smile on her face. “I’m sure I’ll be worried sick about my children once Ben and I have our own.”
“Yes, well, when we got here we expected to see you but Dr. Patten informed us you had gone home for the night.” I can’t tell if my father’s words are accusatory, as though how dare Tandy take care of herself for the night, or merely an observation.
“Oh, yeah. Chace and I have been cooped up in this room for three days and rather than have him get a motel room, I told him he could stay in the guest room. It’s a perfectly good space after all,” Tandy replies, her blue eyes focusing on Ben’s breathing, which is steady. “There was some traffic coming in.”
It’s an innocent enough comment. Tandy has told the truth, hasn’t said anything that would bring about a problem. There is no sarcasm, no disrespect. But you wouldn’t think that by the way my parents are looking first at her, and then, finally, at last at me.
“You invited him to your home? Left him alone?” my mother all but screeches.
“Of course I did.”
My mother shakes her head. “Did you make sure to check that nothing was missing?
“Why would I do something like that?” Tandy asks, clearly confused as to this line of questioning.
“Talinda, you are quite new to this family,” my mother begins, ignoring the fact it’s been at least six years that Tandy has been a part of the family. “So I know you won’t know these things. But Chace is…a troubled young man. He was in rehab for drugs and alcohol as a teenager. He hung out with the wrong crowd, had parties that caused untold damage to our home on several occasions.”
It’s interesting to hear that. They are, or at least they were, friends with Nolan’s parents. That’s how he and I had met as young kids. I wonder offhandedly, what he’s up to, if he has a family, a future. I also wonder if he and his parents, knows he was considered a bad influence on my life. If they are aware at all that my parents think of him as a bad kid.
“Yes, I know all of this. Ben told me.”
“So you understand, given his past, it’s not that big of a stretch to imagine he hasn’t changed all that much. I’m sure he is friends with the boy driving drunk that put Ben in that bed,” my father speaks, and just like my mother, talks about me as if I’m not really there.
“What are you talking about?” Tandy demands, her voice no longer confused, but angry. “Chace had nothing to do with the kid who hit Ben. He doesn’t even live in Houston anymore!”
“Has Chace been alone with Ben at all while he’s been here?”
“Yes, what does that matter?”
“Ashton, call security,” my mother instructs and my father heads for the door. “And see if you can get him tested immediately.”
“What are you two talking about?” Tandy yells this time, and the volume of her voice halts my parents.
“Honey, we need to make sure Chace hasn’t tried to steal Ben’s medications. We also need to make sure he didn’t steal from you.” My mother’s voice is soothing, comforting against the harsh words she’s speaking. “You don’t know what Chace was like growing up. He was not a good child. He gave us more trouble that he-“
“Than I was what?” I ask, finding my voice finally after my mother cuts herself off. “Than I was worth? Is that what you were going to say, mother? Huh?”
“Chace, don’t be so dramatic,” my father scolds me.
“Dramatic? Are you serious?” I pull at my hair, longer than it’s been in a while and stare at my parents in complete astonishment. “First you completely ignore my very presence, and now you’re accusing me of stealing? Are you fucking serious?”
“Ashton, call security,” my mother instructs again. “I won’t have you speaking to us like that. We are to be respected.”
“Everyone stop!” Tandy yells. Looking at my parents, she is full of fury. “I cannot believe the two of you. Chace is your son. How can you treat him this way? He’s not a drug addict, stealing from his brother’s supply. Hell, it’s all liquid drip at this point and hooked up to machines to let the desk know if something has occurred. And he didn’t steal from us. He has no reason to.”
“Oh Talinda, you really don’t know, do you.”
“Yes, actually I do. Ben told me everything,” Tandy argues back at my mother, who is stunned at being spoken to this way. “Ben told me how you treated Chace, how he wasn’t worth the shit on the bottom of your shoes. How nothing he did was ever good enough. Ben told me how instead of loving this miracle child you were gifted with after not believing you could have another, you treated him like a pariah.
“Chace is your son. He deserves your love, your affection. He does not deserve to be treated like a criminal.” Tandy takes a breath. She notices at the same time I do that my father is opening his mouth to contradict her words. “No. Don’t even try to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Chace made mistakes. And from what Ben told me, a lot of his mistakes were attempts to get attention because he didn’t have any from you two. So don’t even try to say anything. The only reason you’re in here right now is because you are Ben’s parents and I thought it was important for you to know one of your sons had been hurt. But let me just say this; if you weren’t, if you were random people on the street, acting this way, I’d walk right by you because neither of you is worth the shit on my shoe.”
Several things happen after Tandy’s gloriously heated diatribe at my parents. The first, they accuse her of falling for my lies and manipulations. They don’t apologize, don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong the entirety of my life. They do reiterate how much of a bad seed I am, how I am not to be trusted, how they gave me everything and I repaid them with hostility.
Then they walk out the door. They don’t offer any other words, other than to state they do not need to be in a place where they are so blatantly disrespected.
Good fucking riddance.
I don’t say it out loud, but I think it.
The last thing to happen is Ben wakes up.
He’s groggy. Hurts all over. The doctors say it’s to be expected. But he’s going to be fine. Considering the kid that hit him had been driving at a high rate of speed and completely smashed, Ben is lucky to be alive.
When he’s coherent enough, we make small talk. Well, it’s small for the time it takes to have the conversations. The actual subjects are not light.
“I can’t believe they said all those things,” Ben says shaking his head slowly.
“I can’t believe they still believe their own bullshit,” Tandy adds with a growl.
“Yeah well. It’s nothing I shouldn’t have expected.”
“But that’s just it. You shouldn’t expect your parents to treat you like that.” Tandy takes my hand and squeezes. “I’d heard the stories but I didn’t want
to believe they were true. After seeing that display?” She looks at Ben with a frown. “They’re not welcome in our home ever again. I won’t allow it. I can’t.”
My brother just nods. He may be tired, weak, but he knows. He’s always known. I wish he could have saved me, maybe a little, but it is what it is. Especially since I know if not for what I went through, I’d have never met Cecelia Santos. And I can’t imagine her not in my life.
“Chace, you are my brother. I love you. Don’t stay away too long.”
“Maybe let us know where you live so we can come visit you once Ben’s better. We’d love to meet your Celia.” Tandy smiles at me with tears in her eyes. I blush and she teases. “I overheard you talking to her last night before I went to bed. She sounds very special.”
“She is. And I’d like that.”
“Good.” We all look at one another, the words I don’t want to say hanging over us. “We know. We know you have to go.”
“Thank you for coming. I know it wasn’t easy,” Ben tells me and I feel like he must have heard his wife’s defense of me from the start of it.
“You’re my brother, too. Of course I was gonna come.”
I leave the hospital, my brother and his wife feeling lighter somehow. My parents have sealed away any possibility for a relationship with their words, their hatred of me. But thankfully, I still have some family left. And for that, I know I have something special.
As I reach the lobby, I hear my name called. Turning around, I notice a large imposing figure moving toward me. As the figure comes closer, I notice the mocha skin, the broad shoulders, and the warm smile on a face I haven’t seen in years.
“Marshall? That you man?”
“Course it is,” he says and we one-arm hug like guys do. “What are you doing here?”
“My brother was in a car accident. I was just with him, but’s he gonna be okay, so I’m heading out.”
“No shit. Well, I’m glad to hear he’s okay.”
The Bitter (Addiction #1) Page 13