It takes some time, but Celia finally stops her battle against me. I don’t know if it because her adrenaline falls, if she actually heard what I’d said, or if she realizes Hayley isn’t getting up. Hell, she’s not even moving. Either way, Celia goes limp in my arms, her breathing heavy.
It’s been so long since I’ve been this close to her.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt her. Touched her. Smelled that sweet scent that is unique to her specifically. It’s been so long that my body can’t help but react to her proximity. I feel my dick harden, without prompt, for the first time in so long that I don’t even feel angry at its inconvenience. But I do make sure Celia doesn’t feel it. I don’t want her getting the wrong message. Whatever that may be.
“Are you good?”
She pulls out of my grasp, straightening her clothes and her hair as she looks down at her victim. I touch her shoulder and see her flinch at the contact. She steps away from me further, but doesn’t advance. “I’m fine. Never fucking better.”
TWENTY-SIX
I don’t know who calls for help for Hayley. I don’t see any phones pressed to ears, hear any panicked voices looking for emergency services to come help the wounded girl laying in the street. I just know it takes a long while before the sirens sound, bouncing off the buildings.
So there Hayley lies, in the street, her right arm bent at an odd angle, and parts of her face shattered, with a puddle of her blood growing with every second that passes. Those in attendance stand around, watching, murmuring, piling on to the already rampant rumour mill. Seriously, it’s worse than fucking high school. Even still. No one bothers to help her. And that has me both shaking my head and feeling like a fucking moron.
For all her bravado, for all her boisterous ego and belief she’d found a way in, that she’d somehow succeeded in whatever game she was trying to play, no one gives a damn about her.
While a part of me thinks I should feel some sort of pity for her, I mean the damage done is staggering, my anger, at not only her but myself as well, has overridden any other emotion. Besides, I have better things to focus on.
I stand off to the side with Cecelia, looking over her hands for wounds sustained from the connections her fists had made with various hard parts of Hayley’s body.
At first, she won’t let me touch her.
At first, she’s fire and rage and fury and is so stunning she is positively frightening.
I’ve never seen her look like this before – like that broken angel she carries on her back.
In all my time of knowing Cecelia Santos, she’s been shy, reserved, and then as time and distance progressed, she’s become more confident. She’s never taken shit from anyone – at least not really – and she’s become more vocal. Well, at least she had been the last time we’d really talked to one another.
So there we stand, me making sure her hands are okay so as to avoid any need for medical interference, and her doing everything in her power to avoid looking my way.
“I don’t think you broke anything,” I tell her as I examine her reddened right hand.
“I figured.” She pulls her hands from my grasp and tucks them into her pockets, not even bothering to notice the sting the small cuts had to have made.
With a sigh, I look toward where the crowd is still gathered around Hayley, not one of them even trying to see if they could help her themselves. “How’d you know?”
“She came to Coco tonight. Right as I was starting my shift.” Celia brings her eyes to her victim, no emotion on her face or in those light caramel eyes. Even the fire has gone out. “I overheard her telling Melody some bullshit that apparently was important enough for her to throw in my face.”
“What was that?”
“It was shit about what to do to get a man who belongs to someone else. Especially one daddy wouldn’t like because every poor little rich girl wants to slum it every now and then. I couldn’t really stick around and listen to what she had to say so when she got a minute, Melody filled me in.”
“And…what had she said?” I gulp, not wanting to know the answer all of a sudden.
“She said, first you gotta find one who is so obviously beneath you. Someone who will see your flashy clothes, your flashy life, and want that for themselves. Then she said you make sure they know you can make life better for them, mention how much money you have constantly because they’re gonna want that money and hopefully not to rob you of it. And you don’t want someone who has good confidence, because they will see through what you’re trying to do, they’ll see how you’re trying to use them.”
She shakes her head. “If that doesn’t work, or the guy isn’t that weak, you find someone who is struggling with what others are saying or thinking.” She laughs, low and bitter. I haven’t heard that sound from Celia since her father abandoned her. “The best part though is the part Melody said Hayley really thought I should hear since she accomplished her goal and all. I mean you walked away from me for her after all. She wasn’t wrong about that.”
“Celia-“
“Apparently, since the man you’re after already has someone, you get inside their head. You make him believe the woman he claims he cares about is creeping on him. You make him believe his woman doesn’t really care for him like she says because of little things that can be used against her.” She looks at me then and her eyes are no longer empty. The anguish floating through them makes my breath catch. “You make him believe your lies and manipulations so that once he leaves that other girl, accusing her of being a horrible person, you can claim your prize and parade your ‘wrong side of the tracks’ trophy for all your poor little rich friends to see. And you get to rub it in daddy’s face so he gives you what you want. I wonder how long before she tried to get you to meet daddy dearest. I wonder how long before she decided to ‘introduce’ you to her friends. I wonder how many times she’d played this game before. How many pathetic…fools fell for her tricks.”
She walks away from me then.
She walks away, no backwards glance my way let alone back toward where Hayley still lay bleeding.
It’s funny; I’d never imagined the pain that would come from watching her walk away.
I’d never imagined the overwhelming agony I would feel at seeing her refuse to even give me one last look as she walks away.
I’d never imagined any of it because it had never been something on my radar. Cecelia and I had had something good. Beautiful. Two broken souls banded together. Two broken hearts united against the struggles of abandonment and addiction.
And then…and then I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. Or even why.
Hayley told so many lies.
She’s clearly paid for that mistake. But is everything a lie? Or are there some parts truth? If everything she said is a lie, what about the guys? The things they’ve said to me, they things they’ve taunted, and the way Celia would speak with them? What about all of that? I’ve seen for myself the way she flirts. That’s not something I’m imagining here. I mean I know some of the guys are obviously full of bullshit. Celia wouldn’t give them the time of day. Especially since some she won’t even talk with, so does that mean that the shit they say to me, is equal to the shit others are saying?
Fuck!
“Hey, man. Is Cecelia okay?” Stretch walks over to me, concern etched across his face.
I shake my head, my eyes wide. “I don’t…I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Fuck that was a wicked take down.” He looks over toward where Hayley is, the group around her clearing out. Someone must have finally called for help. “I can’t believe you let yourself get caught up in that bullshit.”
I’m not listening to him. I’m still staring after where Celia has disappeared. I don’t know where she’s going. I don’t know if she has anywhere to go to. I don’t know if anyone will look after her, make sure her hands are truly okay, that she comes off the adrenaline rush safely. Fuck, I don’t know if she has plans to use or has b
een using again. I didn’t smell any alcohol on her but who knows if she was just waiting till later.
I don’t know anything.
“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”
I stop walking, startled to find I have actually taken several steps and am now far from Stretch. “Do what?”
“Go after her.”
“Why?”
He shakes his head, looks back toward Hayley before looking at me dead in the eye. “It’s pretty fucking obvious she’s hurt.” I know he’s not talking about Hayley here. “Her pride. Her heart. Probably her mind a little bit too, especially given what she said. And the last thing she probably wants, especially if she walked away just now, is to have you follow after her.”
“But don’t girls like it when you chase them? Isn’t that what you assholes all talk about?”
“Yeah, usually. Course, they tend to like it when they don’t have to deal with the guy walking away from them first.”
I stare at him a long time. I stare at him and hate that he’s right. I hate all of this.
I don’t tell him about Hayley’s accusation about him and Cecelia. I don’t mention it because I’m exhausted, for one thing. This whole night, dealing with all the lies Hayley told, watching as Cecelia practically destroyed her for them; they’ve exhausted me. I know it’s not true, that Celia never dogged me with Stretch. Hayley’s lie doesn’t even work since like I’d told her, I never lost. But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to know if sometime after that, if sometime recently, Celia and Stretch were together.
I don’t want to hear him tell me what Frankie told me. Even one time is too much now.
I don’t want any of it to be true.
I don’t hate Stretch. But I would want to destroy him too, if I found out he’d had the girl when she was supposed to have been mine.
So instead, I just stare off into the distance Cecelia disappeared into. I stare and wish this whole night is a dream I am going to wake up from. I stare and wish the last several months were nothing more than a nightmare I stumbled into and can escape upon opening my eyes.
It’s ridiculous to think, but I wonder what things would have been like if I’d never started fighting in the first place. I’d more than likely have been homeless and starving. If I hadn’t killed myself with bad choices before all that.
But I also wonder, and it guts me to do so, but I truly wonder what my life, my very existence would have been like if I’d never met Cecelia Santos. Wonder if perhaps my father was somehow right, that she really wasn’t worthy of me. Wonder if Chuck was right, and that Celia really is the bad seed.
I stop those thoughts though. For starters, I know the life Celia had. I know not everything is her fault. But more than that, I know that the guilt I feel for even thinking I would have ever been better off without ever knowing her is all encompassing. And then my heart does stop because it’s in that moment I realize I’ve had these thoughts before. More than that, I’ve vocalized them. And I did so to Celia. They were the last things I’d uttered to her before walking away from her.
I am such a goddamned fool. In so many twisted ways, it’s me. I’m the bad one, the wrong one. I am the bad seed and I realize it’s the other way around. It’s me they should have warned her about. Me, who is the fuck-up.
I have never been worthy of Cecelia.
Because I may not have ever told her, but the only girl I would have ever said I love you too, would have been her.
TWENTY-SEVEN
All of the groups have to change out locations several times after the situation with Hayley is exposed to police and paramedics. It isn’t safe for us to remain in the area with the possibility of a patrol car passing through at random. If a cop were to come upon a bunch of guys fighting in the street, well, let’s just say they’d probably figure that is how Hayley got to be the way she is.
No one had been able to actually help the police when they were questioned on how Hayley had ended up so badly beaten. Though only a couple hung around, guys that hadn’t been picked to fight, and a couple girls dressed less like pros and more like party-goers, they were most unhelpful other than to say they’d stumbled upon the young woman in distress.
It’d needed to look like a very unfortunate incident for a pretty young woman to find herself in. It had worked too. The Southside can be a dangerous area. There are shootings constantly, sometimes daily. This level of violence, while unfortunate, is not unheard of.
Though the majority of the groupies in attendance loathed Celia for her association with me, and the guys, well, fuck them, no one was going to snitch on her. Personal feelings aside, turning on her turned on the group. We’d all be found out. And street fighting is not exactly legal so flipping on her helped no one.
I don’t show up to fight for two weeks. A part of me feels guilty for the situation. If not for me, for my part as the fool Cecelia described, Hayley never would have won. Celia never would have walked away from me without allowing us to actually clear the air and resolve who we’d been to each other as well as everything that had led us to this moment. And well, I wouldn’t be in this situation now.
I don’t think anyone missed me either.
If not for me, well, we wouldn’t have to scout out our locations now. We wouldn’t need someone watching each corner making sure no one was trying to sneak up on us. We could have been fighting, making money, solving grudges, and moving on to the next fight.
“How’s your bitch doing?” I look up from the bench I’m sitting on and see Stretch looking down at me. I haven’t seen him since the night Celia walked away from me. He may be a friend of sorts to me, but beyond this ring, we hold no connection, no loyalty. “By the way, I’m talking about Hayley.”
Shaking my head, I look away, watching more people arrive. “She’s not mine. Never was. Never wanted her to be either. And so I have no fucking clue how she is.” I’m defensive, I can’t help it. This whole fucked up situation has put me on edge. My thoughts are chaotic; one minute worried about Cecelia and the next, kicking myself because it’s possible she still played me, though I have no way to find out because one, I’m not asking these fuckers anything to give them more ammunition against me, and Celia, well, she’s completely fucking vanished. Even her douche roommate hasn’t seen or heard from her, and that fucker hates me so I know he’s worried if he bothered telling me.
“Hm. That’s some funny shit right there.”
“What does mean?”
“She ain’t yours, you don’t care about her, yet, you broke it off with Cecelia for her. That’s interesting to me.” Stretch looks at me with a look I can’t distinguish on his face. And it fucking pisses me off.
“I didn’t break it off with Cecelia for Hayley. Cecelia made choices that lead to our dissolving our connection.” Even as I say the words, I wonder how true all of it is. Hayley obviously lied, so what else isn’t true? Maybe none of it. Maybe all of it. “She made herself available. I’m not the type to share. Never have been, never will be.”
“Then you better hope you fucking wrapped it every time with Hayley because that bitch fucked damn near all the guys here. Some at the other locations too.” He’s laughing at me – not literally, but I can see he’s telling me the truth. The irony is so fucking thick my head spins. “Fife was the first. Though when you beat him that next time you all fought and he lost? Well, little Miss Princess didn’t want to be going home with a loser now. She played her act to everyone. Though, no one was dumb enough to let her hang around for as long as you did.”
“Do you have a point?” I ask and think about the fact I will need to get tested because God only knows what she might have given me during head. Thank God I had the foresight, even in anger, to grab a condom before I fucked her the one time.
“Yeah, since you and Cecelia aren’t together no more, don’t go getting your panties in a twist when one of us finally gets a claim on her.”
“Finally?”
“Rumours are a funny thing.
A lot of times they come from a place of jealousy. Or envy. However, sometimes they can be true. Don’t know that that’s the case this time around though,” he says cryptically, looking me dead in the eye. Stretch has always been a good guy to me since we met all those years ago. However, he’s never been this vague. I have a brief flash to Hayley’s lie about him and Celia, wondering if he’s had her too. But I push it away. It’s not worth it to think about. It’s not worth it to know at this point.
“What the hell are you trying to say?” I ask instead, standing and end up towering over him. I’m six-foot-two, he’s just under six. I’m also bigger in muscle than him.
“Look, I ain’t trying to say anything. I’m just letting you know, sometimes, everything is not what it seems and you need to know who you can really trust.” Stretch walks away whistling and I feel anger heat my blood.
I fight. I lose before the third round. I can’t focus. And even with Cecelia not coming to the matches anymore, even with Hayley gone for good, my opponents still talk shit.
“Seen Cecelia lately, Chacey-boy? Wonder what, or should I say, who she’s doing.”
“Cecelia needs a real winner, someone who can really satisfy her. If she’s doing anyone, it’ll be me later tonight. Your girl…or wait, I’m sorry, my bad. Your ex still working at that swanky place? After I kick this loser’s ass and win tonight, think I’ll pay her a visit before heading to the big round tomorrow.”
“Fuck that. Bet it’ll look real hot, my dick sliding between those big tits of Cecelia’s.”
The Bitter (Addiction #1) Page 20